T HE MIC H IGA N DA IL Y
MVondav Februnrv 7 19S5
PagVTwly, TEMCHIyNDIY7 , 1
igns American Puckster
By NANOOK OF THE NORTH
Michigan hockey coach Vic Hoo-
ligan rocked the sporting world
late last night when he announced
that the Wolverines had signed
their first American icer of all
He is Amos Basoon, a 39 year
old grad student who played on an
industrial team for many years.
The team represented a large
manure plant some 60 miles
northwest of Ann Arbor.<
Hooligan said that Hasoon, who
wears a pert smile on his wizened
face, inked a pact that gives him
a per annum salary of 20,000
bucks-plus a nickel for each goal
and 7%/ cents for every stitch he
causes in an opponents face.
Comments on the deal ranged
from deleriously happy to down-
right sore. Daily Sports Editor
Dave Dyingstone, reached at his
Van Wart, Ohio, home said "So
what?" AMOS BASSON (second from left) bursts happily upon the Mi
Daily Associate sports editors Wolverine American puckster of all time. Meanwhile Coach Vic H
Hamey Gurn and Worry Worth- slice turkey to celebrate.
less smiled blandly when toldtof "a great international goodwill enthusiastic. The Canadian gov-
the news and Daily Hockey editor gesture. Daily Managing Editor ernment said in an official state-
Seblepalong Ductless couldn't beI Gene Harttoupee said breathless-
reached for comment, as he was ly do a profile somebodys- ment "This will hurt our emigra-
reported missing since Michigan quick'm tion timetable to Ann Arbor." The
lost their seventh in a row last United Nations offered to sponsor
week. Hooligan himself was pleased- an "I am an erican Hockey
M i c h i g a n Athletic Director "taint hockey without Americans" player at Michigan Day."
"Fritz" Cadillac called the move -said he ... Others were not so Michigan hockey players were
The latest recruiting trip of the
Michigan Athletic coaches pro-
duced some of the most unusual
stars ever to be seen in the annals
of the sports world.
The most unusual of the unus-
ual stars is Einno Flickenenen,
a product of the sand dunes of
Upper Slobovia, as contrasted to
Lower Georgia's salt flats. Flicken"
enen is a two-headed track star,
complete with two noses, four eyes
(when not wearing glasses), and
Michigan track mentor, Dan
Canbacon, predicts that the flying
Sloblovian will run the mile in
less than two minutes and with
soepracti ight nossibl apt
chigan hockey scene--the first
Hooligan (far left) and his friends
tr'~nf"csc O-' ~G5"ZZ5~ I.~O'GO"cQg Itecv"ccvo Le v' ~~-c2.vI tca'k7s'cLso ~ - cgt'cyg ot"''ovo Gf"
also varying in their comments. under
Jerry Pinkcarp could only emit a While cruising aroung Yost
low whistle between his missing Field House, this reporter noted
molars-off key at that. Captain that Flickenenen uses his head
Shrill MacShortland gasped "Gee-
Whiz." Grizzled icer Joy Ghoul
muttered "leapin bone chips." Bat-
tIe-scarred Boob Skuller gurgled
"Well, call me bloody and stitch
Yes, it was a big night at the
old Coliseum down on Hill Street.
The whole team stood there in the
dressing room, just spellbound
with awe. "Should do us good" re-
marked Barnie Hanna&Hoog. The
Hotcannon brothers. Nail and
Make, barked-"Shuud strentin
da definse ... eh."
Even little Dud Dunninninninn- .
gun and the legendary Tommy
Bendel, a first cousin of Inez Pilk,
were happy. Both shouted from
the shower-"awk awk-gurgle." .
Basoon is on his way by Milk
Train to the Ann Arbor campus.
President Scratcher will meet the
train and lead a parade up State
Basoon has sent ahead a highly
literate, mimeographed copy of his EINNO FLICKENENEN
speech, to be made from the tower ... twice as good
of the Romance Language Build- while running, or perhaps we
ing tomorrow. should say both of them. When
The complete ,text follows: he's pressed by an opponent run-
"'GOD SAVE PRESIDENT EIS- ning close behind him, he tends
ENHOWER AND THE MICHIGAN to stretch one neck out to block
HOCKEY TEAM." the lane of the other runner.
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