Page Six

THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Monday, February 9, 1953

Local Police Force Thinks

ParentalismSet
AsWatchword
By MIKE HIMMLER
"Our aim is to provide sanctuary for students in distress."
This is the guiding philosophy of Ann Arbor's friendly, high-
minded police department, according to Chief of olice Jasper Junkie.
"Parentalism is our watchword," the genial Junkie went on.
"When officers handle cases involving the cleancut youths of our
town's University they take special pains to contribute to tpeir
moral balance."
"We regard the alleviation of students' psychological diffi-
culties as one of our prime functions. The cleanest-cut of youth
encounters these under the O
stress of separation from moth- "A clear case of misplaced ag-
er," the Chief explained. gressisnh the Chief explained.
Ann Arbor policemen begin each "In routine eases like this we
day with a salute to the flag and i our choloika re
a pledge to be "big brothers" to utmentprogramfchologicnsecre,
wayward 'U' students. cleancutyouth. The University
EVEN punishment is designed leaves such matters to our well-
to be constructive. known discretion.'
"Why, only the other day we Chief Junkie handled this case
caught three young buckoes fitting personally, with characteristic
a detonator onto the Economics deftness. "Yeah," said he, "Can't
Bldg. - after an International tolerate misdirected aggression.
Trade final, it seems," Junkie re- Bought them kids a pistol, got the
vealed. professor's address, lent them a

Smut,'Song
Essential to -
Bacchanalia
"A bawdy song, two dirty jokes,
and a racey chorus line number,"
sums up the essentials for a good
all-sterile League Operetta, smil-
ing. Sikes Scorer, 'Life, said yes-
terday.
"Around these basic qualities a
good Operetta tale can be woven,"
Scorer continued. Known through-
out the nation as the downright
lewdest show on earth, the Oper-
etta has had such famous people
as Thomas E. Damp, Old Man
Ernest Andtpesea, and W. Wellset
Bored take part and write scripts
for past shows.
THIS YEAR'S extensive road-
show will include Ann Arbor,
Ypsilanti, Jackson, Detroit, Wil-
low Village and Casablanca, where
Scorer has a vested interest in a
harem.
"Every dyear we have a real
big contest to see who will write
the script for the show," the
smiling activities know-nothing
said. Last year's winner, "No-
where" Stanislavski, is now un-
der indictment by a federal
grand jury for failing to report
his share of the show's profits in
his income tax ? report.
Already entered in the contest
are such nifties as "Oklapanties,"
"Naughty Debhora," and "I Lost
My Rubber Teeth," Scorer con-
cluded.

RIOT-Efficient Ann Arbor gendarmes put down a riot outside
of South dorm which was staged early last night by starving
students who had been quartered temporarily in the stables.
The quick action characterizes Chief Junkie's snap outfit which
cracked more skulls last year than any other department of
its size in the county.

1
Fi
V
a
L

I

I

r

Lots of OPEN
BOWLING
Discount for groups
setting their own pins.
Students Wanted for
part-time pin setting
Michigan Recreation
Michigan Theatre Building
Phone 2-0730

Store Hours 8:30 A.M to 5:30 P M -- Mondays 'til 830 P M.
$ o95
toe
$1895


department car, and let those
three cleancut youths take it
from there."
"And, I am proud to report,"
Junkie said, with quiet pride,
"that the Economics Bldg. is
standing yet."
BUT THIS was one of those
unusual cases which spices up a
policeman's life, he noted. Rou-
tine cases are the rule and these
are handled with delicacy and
taste.
"We never reveal the name,
if she is a student," Junkie
pointed out.
Turning to less frequent offens-
es, the Police Chief related that
"student drinking habits are oc-
casionally the source of some dis-
turbance."
"In such rare cases we sim-
ply ask the impulsive, cleancut
youths to rest their drinks for a
moment and sign our WCTU
pledge book. Ordinarily the dis-
turbance ceases for as long as
forty minutes."
"The Honor System prevails in
Ann Arbor," he declared.
The interview was cut short at
this point with the entry of two
smartly-attired, high-minded of-
ficers who were helping a psycho-
logically upset, though cleancut,
University youth to acquire a bi-
cycle license.
"Throw the bugger in number
three-the one with the cleancut
mastiff," Junkie snapped.

r I

BOARD IN CO-OPS
$8 per week - three meals a day
at the following addresses:
FOR MEN: Nakamura Co-op, 807 S. State
Michigan Co-op, 315 N. State
Lester Co-op, 900 Oakland
WOMEN: Owen Co-op, 1017 Oakland
Stevens Co-op, 816 S. Forest
Osterweil Co-op, 338 E. Jefferson
Also, a few rooming vacancies $12 per week.
For information, call Luther Buchele 7211, 9-12 Noon.
Inter-Co-op Council, 1017 Oakland


Strange A nimals
Attract IBourbon
Dean of Everything But Women
Walter (Electric) Ray and As-
sistant Sleuth Bull Bourbon were
reported prowling the streets of
Ann Arbor last night hunting
mysterious animals.
"These damp, cold nights make'
good hunting," Bourbon confided.
Any creatures captured will be
confined in the ante-room to the
Union swimming pool.
The results of the hunt were
not disclosed.



FOR THE NEW SEMESTER!!
Stationery
Prints - Frames
Desk Blotters
Pin-Up Boards
Michigan Souvenirs
Desk Lamps
WAHR'S UNIVERSITY BOOKSTORE
.316 SOUTH STATE STREET

TAYLOR MADE SHOES
FOR MEN
They're shoes of custom character and
quality that you'd scarcely expect at such
moderate prices.
May we show them to you soon?
WANTY & REULE
DOWNTOWN - 210 SOUTH MAIN STREET