1 952
Page Ten
T HE M IC H IGA N D A ILY
Molnday. February 1l] .
Page Tn THE MICH1AN DAIY IVln1,i , r r . 1
Opera Loses Tragedy
Legs; Goes
OnfAnyway By ELI CAPUCHIN
r Way dFor many years, inaugurations
have been a big thing at Michigan.
They have assumed, in fact, the
Tryouts Will Be Held proportions of a tradition. The
Throughout the Week dear, colorful thing began nearly
a hundred fifty years ago, and
just recently ended.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: warning! This One day in June, 1817, a young
is a half-way serious story.) Potawatomie named AlIf walked
An outbreak of leg thefts has briskly up State Street. Arriving
caused local police to suspect a at the corner of North University,
new way for students to satisfy he spun on his heel, faced the
their sex drives. rising sun, and blew three cere-
Some time during registraiton monial gusts of smoke in the di-
three huge posters, decorated with rection of Hill Auditorium.
theery hug-ze oer, erted ith At this precise juncture, a port-
nearly life-size leg art, were stolen ly gentleman with a red cloak and
from Waterman Gymnasium. Of- yellow spats was approaching, and
ficials of the University Crime received the three gusts of smoke
Service are sure that the legs full in the face. "Phooo" he said,
"couldn't have just walked away," with emotion. "What can be ail-
The posters had been placed in ing that savage?"
the gymnasium to remind students * * *
that this year's Union Opera, BEFORE HE had time to draw
"Never Too Late," will hold tryouts his small Derringer, however, Alf
from Ito 5 p.m. Tuesday through had run him through with the
Friday in Rm. 3G of the Union. sharp en dof the ceremonial pipe,
. * .* .appropriated the Derringer, the
UNION OPERA general chair- scarlet cloak, and the yellow spats,
man Feeling Lost, '58, issued a and had proceeded on his brisk!
timely reminder to all men on walk toward his mud hut at the
campus as he bemoaned the loss foot of Depot Street.
of his three precious legs. Alf had not walked more than
a few steps, however, hen he
"It's never too late to catch the heard a loud noise behin hi,.
culprit who snitched our posters Turning calmly-it is an old
and find out what beautiful coed Potawatomie h a b i t, turning
owns those legs, just like it's nev- calmly-he espied a large light
er too late to try out for this year's blue hayrake drawn by four t
Opera-until next Friday," he Percherons thundering around b
said. the corner. On top of the hay- t
Lost promised overnight fame to rake in a careful row, sat the c
anyone who can answer any or all solemn regents of the University.1
of these questions: In a trice, Alf was cornered, i
"Do guys whistle at your legs bound with velvet cords, and dec- t
as you tramp down the Quad orated with bay leaves.
corridor to the shower? When "You, sir," said a regent in a
you sing, does it come out fal- sepulchral tone, "have been chosen
setto? Do you twitch automa- president of the University of t
tically when your hear music? Michigan. Kindly say a few a
Are you an extrovert? An in- words." p
trovert? A man?" Overcome with turpitude, Alf
blubbered out as much as he could
According to Lost, anyone with remember of the Potawatomie Bi-
any of these attributes is a po- ble, than ran hell-bent for his mud
tential Union Opera star, and hut. It was forty years before the
should show up next week for a regents had occasion to pick a'
tryout before Director Fred Evans new president.
and his committee of judges. * *
m* BY THIS TIME, the University
WHILE LOST was sobbing con- had g r o w n considerably. It
vulsively in his Union cafeteria sprawled carelessly over two hun- w
milk shake, an investigation was dred square feet of good black Ann t
launched by the Opera Executive Arbor loam, and was on the brink f
committee and the Ann Arbor po- of instituting a department of f
lice to discover the leg-snitching forestry in order to clear away the B
culprit. trees.a
Of the three students enrolled, v
One Committee member sug- one was a diletante Magyar who y
geste dthat the thief might have had attended the Sorbonne, be- s
been a Men's Glee Club member, come thoroughly Frenchified, o
working off a frustration complex and resembled nothing so much t
after returning from an unsuc- as a large polyp. He had regis-
cessful tour between semesters. tered under the nom de nom t
Although the Opera executives Emile Extase. s
were deeply saddened by the loss Extase, who majored in classi- d
of their legs, they still hoped for cal archeology, was digging in an w
a bright future. Mark Background, old Indian mound at the foot of b
'52 (Part Time), Promotions Chair- Depot Street one day in June, ~
man, promised that there will be 1857, when he found a pair of
plenty of legs for all when the mouldering yellow spats and a red
Opera invades the Michigan Thea- cloak. While in Paris, he had
tre March 28, 27 and 28. gathered a taste for medieval
Background added, "If nobody dress, so he promptly donned the
shows up for tryouts, we'll extend spats and cloak, and strutted
the deadline to next June.' proudly up to campus.
Carried to Glad End
DEXTER FIREMEN CLEAN UP DEBRIS AFTER HISTORIC CANOPY CAVES IN ON HISTORIC
PROCESSION.
This time, the light blue hayrake
ore up four hundred feet of cob-
lestones before coming to a
hunderous halt. Before Exase
ould get "Sacre bleu" past his
Hungarian accent, he was wrapped
n a clean towel and dropped into
he living room of the president's
esidence.
Outside, eight solemn, top-hat-
d regents drove off in the direr-
tion of Ypsil.ati, quietly chanting
.n Agnus Dei and sprinkling rose
etals on the road.
Suddenly, it was 1951. Thse
regents were riding again. Into
town they thundered, the hay-
rake making great furrows in
the macadam. Solemnly, one by
one, they turned their eyes up-
ward to the inscription on the
facade of Angell Hall. It glowed
with happiness.
A frightening rumble began far
nderground. One hundred fifty
thousand scholars stopped dead in
heir tracks. There was a blinding
lash of light, the Administration
Building crumbled, into dust, and
thuge oak tree rose out of the
weckage.kA portly gentlemanin
ellow spats and a scarlet cloak
tood in the topmost branches, in
ne hand a smoking Derringer, in
he other-an Ohio State pennant.
"A mere formality," he said,
earing the cloak and spats into
hreds. "I should like to be presi-
ent of this institution." Forth-
ith he was, is now, and ever shall
e, Amen.
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