OF - -

Monday, February 11, 1952

T HE MI CH IGA N D A ILY

Page Seven


,Mndy Feray1.1 H IHGNDIYPg ee

AGGIES WRECK MPLAN
RA3 SE EE APHISCRY

" s

By BERYL FRISKEY, JR.
An insidious ring of agents from a mid-state agricultural college has completely un-
lermined the entire Intra-mural athletic program here and caused a ringing cry for deem
;hasis of non-varsity sports.
The ring, headed by IM Czar Beryl Friskey, has been planted in the IM building for
several years supposedly directing a program of physical education but their actual purpose; it
became known last week was to nurture prospective athletes for their green and white clad

UY FR DEu-EMPrHASIS MAY LEAD OTHE ND o ALT ISi
nvestl atinof Buxr
D Uy U %4eginS
By GIMMY NICHOLS
Special to The Dily
WASHINGTON-Subsidization of buxom beauty con-
test winners at Rives Junction, Mich., football school was
4barged yesterday by a key witness in hearings before the
Figuson Pigskin Committee.
Elsie "Miss X" Boredom, a 1937 graduate of Pisano
State Farm, testified she entered PSF on a scholarship granted
for "exceptional measurements' -
below and beyond the call of nor- vert the committee from probing
malcy." PSF's allegedactivities, Hamma
told Figuson in the Senate cloak- I
MISS X, who nervously sippcd room, "I'll give you free rein on
on canned milk throughout the this, Omar, if you don't take it."
s6ven-hour proceedings, cuffed .
PSF head foreman Jon "Greasy tFiuson told The Dait i ua
Toe" Manna for "monetary en- 'ar last ngt that "thers ud
tiement of both bovine and hu- der pashurs needin' rakin' far
man females to attend the institu mres hi dear o's testimony f
tion for publicity and other pur- ossed a frnic,'seek-tony, f-fa-
posesto-tua search to locate the pit-
Pressed by Sen. Omar Finson otal vwitness. Her closest friend,
IS, Hrdlu) for explanation of Minnie the Hootcher, had told
the "other purposes," Miss ore- Washington newsmen, "What Et-
dom yawned and whispered rasp- sic's got to say has got to be good."
ily into the microphone, "A
football team travels on its FOLLOWING the heralded ap-
stomach." pearance of Miss X on the stand,
Later in the day, Hamma, who a shy, slender housewife, identified
rode all the way from Rives to as "Miss Gridiron," told the com-
alswer the accusations, told re- mittee, "If it wasn't fr my schol-
porter's, "This is a lot of bull. I arship, d never got a eddication."
resent Elsie's horning in on affairs The pert blonde, clad in a pnk
of college. She ought to mend her mink coat, said she was approach-
own fences first." ed by a PSF scout shortly after
* * *winning the Miss Mermaid award
IN AN APPARENT move to di- at an aquarium in Muncie, Ind.
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favorites.
THIS was the reason that IM"
sports have become such an im-
portant factor in campus life.
THIS is the reason that Spartan
athletic teams have increased their
dominance over the Wolverines in
recent years.
THE AWESOME plot was bared
when Sid Simished, a lanky pole
vaulter f r o m Twin Lavaliers,
Minn., became despondent over his
athletic progress. His faulty vi-
sion had consistently caused him
to miss the cup with his pole, and
often found himself on his back in
the sawdust extracting long splint.-
ers of bamboo or aluminum. This
was painful.
Sid's despondency and newly
revived interest in the Uis c -
sitY, due to a buxom coed named
ltolky from Toledo, caused him
to report the whole mess to the
athletic baard. Friskey was im-
mediat summoned and when
eunfronted vwith the evidence,
shakily contfesse d.
His story was a mixture of loy-;
alty to the alma mater that taughtj
hin to make his fortune repairing
part number 45637 of the Inter-
state Harvester tractor FF No. 6,
end of sabotage to a school that
symbolized victory of the intelet
over brute foirce such as his osn.
AFTER GRA'UATION, and a
six months apprenticeship at an
Ioew a farm commune riskey was
adnmittcd to the 4-HI Club. From
hec the step to prorinence was
short. Reyl ,as on the inside
and nothitg could stop him, well
at least so long as nn one else knew
as much about part number 45037.
Beryl's new interest in the

alma mater brought him to Ann
Arbor, where his knowledge of
folk dancing, gained at the com-
mune, got him a job with the
Women's Association. His switch
to the other sex's athletic plant
was quick though veiled. He
immediately began to seek out
potentially good athletes, who
had not showed an interest in
varsity competition. His pecuni-
ary offers brought him success
and scores of athletes were
scho oled in Spartan system,
wilhi the shadows of Ferry
Field. After a year of this work,

done completely at Friskey's ex-
pense, the athletes dropped out
of the University and applied to
the agricultural school.
Admission is relatively easy.
It is expected that Friskey and
his staff will be demoted and pos-
sibly dropped from the faculty.
To minimize the effect of the quiet
and inactivity of the building,
University officials decided to have
a dance there this past weekend.
Michigan State must shoulder full
responsibility for the Michigan J-
Hop.

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77