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THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Mondovy Februarv 12 .15

"age"Six HE MICHIANrDAILYMr c y, ytGI1 7J ,

Campus Cop Steps Down
To Hardy Cheers, Tears
After twenty years of service,
Patrolman Helmut Schiller, of the
University police force, went into
retirement yesterday.
Veteran campaigner in the"
toughest regiment this side ofx
Harvard," Schiller donned his full
uniform, pinned on his medals, and
strode out of his Administration,
Building office amid cheers, con-
gratulations and tears.
HE IS perhaps best known for
his part in the "Great Deke Raid"
of 1946, but has aided in nearly
every major action of the depart-
ment since 1935. Decorated ex-
tensively by the Administration
on several instances, Schiller ex-
plained that he wears his medals
continually "to show my unbend-
ing loyalty."
"My largest medal was given a
to me following the Deke raid," Patrolman elmut Schiller
Schiller explained. He blushed of the Unversity police force
as he quoted the citation: "For bows out after 20 distinguished
heroic delaying action in pro- years of service. Following the
tecting the outnumbered mem- ceremony Schiller was swamp-
bers of the raiding party." ed with offers from several of
the local junk dealers.
The row of five smaller medals
which he wears in a row on the Schiller says he expects to return
upper right side of his uniform to Ann Arbor for "autumnal co-
("over my heart") are relics of his ercive work" of some sort. While in
earlier days on the force, when his England, he will visit Old Bailey,
usual position was that of a look- Tyburn, and Newgate, with a view
out. toward establishing similar insti-
Since then, Schiller has risen to tutions in Ann Arbor.
the post of alternate raid marsk'aill
and is usually allowed to smash
the bottles.
SCHILLER'S testimony in the
recent Psi U case revealed some of
the most stellar police work of his
career. If he hadn't got stuck in
the chimney while entering the
house, the raid would have been
concluded some two hours earlier,
thereby saving countless hangov-
ers.
At a goingaway party in his
benefit, Schiller was presented
with a case of mineral water and
a message of congratulations from
President Alexander Ruthbone.
Following a trip to Oxford, "to
see how the 'big boys' do it,"
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AS THOUSANDS CHEERED:
Freddie, Ray Battle to Draw
By OSCAR PLOYP to death by a wandering .45, as male cast is so good that he added
"FLEXIBLE" FREDDY Martin was our fearless McKinley, attractions are not needed,
and "Versatile" Ray McKin- Again, while Martin's news ace This statement is fradulent.
ley squared off in their two-round offers "conclusive proof" that The all-male cast was his wife's
band battle this weekend and toot- "Flexible" Freddy's "sweet music idea, and Martin couldn't do
ed to a virtual draw before 4,500 and charming dignity are most anything about it but play "I've
dancing fans in the Intramural pleasing to those who prefer ho- Got a Lovely Bunch of Cocoa-
Building. tels for their dancing pleasure," nuts."
Although many observers ec- McKinley's agent pursues a much 0 0
statically termed the scuffle "in- more democratic argument, claim- THERE YOU HAVE it, nearly
ebriating," others called the whole ing that "Versatile" Ray is "an all the interesting facts which
thing a musical miscarriage, and outspoken advocate of music-for- could be conned by this reported
in the end both bands were ridden the-masses." from 35 pages of publicity mater-
out of town on New York Central * ial.
rails. GETTING TO THE more vital Oh yes, there was one more
If the contestants' press agents of the press agent's vital statis- item which will probably raise
are to be given credence, "Versa- tics, we find that Martin weighed some eyebrows in the Dean of
tile" Ray as the winner by a strong in at 165, towered five feet eight Women's office and open some
margin. His agent has a distinct inches from the floor and was an doors in the University matern-
edge in illiteracy and outrageous "active" 44 years old. ity ward some time in the fu-
fabrication, a quick rundown of He has two lungs, his reach ture.
each man's "press and explota- tends toward 38 inches and he For, according to Martin's
tion manual" reveals. plays his saxaphone with both agent, the singing saxaphoni
* hands. and his band are potent sex stim-
FOR EXAMPLE, Martin may be McKinley's boy Friday, wise ulators. Quote from page three
good at painting and model air- man that he is, does not divulge of Freddy's biography: "....tho -
plane building, but McKinley, his his client's measurements. Instead sands of couples romances have
sharp nosed agent informs us, has he magnanimously accepts the blossomed under the sensitive spell
four hobbies-tennis, swimming, verdict of several eminent doc- of the Martin baton."
books and guns, all of which are tors, who described both men 'as
undoubtedly valuable to his pro- having physiques. The finalnd en, muAb
* given to McKinley's pub man. And
fessional career.. IF McKINLEY'S victory does the real victor of the "Battle of
Further, Martin may well not yet seem obvious, your atten- the Bands," is "Versatile Ray M-
have spent 12 years of his child- tion should be called to a state- Kinley, not by the established two
hood in an orphanage, but he ment by Martin that he has never trombones and 4he tuba, but by
was never embroiled in a Chi- used a girl vocalist with his or- two adjectives to one, with the aid
cago gang war and nearly shot chestra simply because his all- of an enormous shovel,
iii

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