Monday. February 12 15
T HE M IC H IGA N D A ILY
.Page Eleven
THEMICHIGAN DAILYPacie Eleven
Cops Crack Rose Bowl Fix;
apl Bri e o row a me
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s t x '.s y' . f.
FRAUD-An exclusive Daily photograph shows how California "threw" the Rose Bowl game in the
second half. Here, a California player pretends to stumble and allows Michigan tack'ers to halt
him short of the goal line. Re was later removed from the game for trying too hard.
STRAIN TOO MUCH!
Athletic Supporter Snars
By city surveyors surveyed, turned DOCTOR BOB NOXON, the not-
BRADFORD SHELLSWORTHY out to be the more than 110 ed physician of the noted athletic
THE FOUNDATIONS of the Uni- yards which serves as the site supporter whose one distinction is
versity were rocked to their for what Stalin has described as that his name (entire) can be
foundations yesterday by a little bloody, murderous warfare - spelled backward - or forward
man, wizened and old, wrinkled Michigan football, without distinction, reported that
and gray, who momentarily made Gawd Chrysler died of a broken
a momentous announcement. . As Al Jackson sneers, with coke Gay changer.
The old geezer, Montag S. Fortz, in hand. n chae,.
disclosed in the momentous dis- Hobart -Orange (gawd) Chrys- And William hampton, AND
closure that he was in possession ler, noted (49-0 over Southern For Chrysler knew that without
of abron pice f paer. Cal) athletic supporter of the Uni-
versity, died when told of Fort' ' permission, no football
*ownershipcould be played in the Stadium.
ON THE brown piece of paper . Reporters disclosed that Fortz
were scrawled several words (in His last words, as reported by gave his assent but demanded
hieroglyphics of the Hittites) the athletic supporter's publi- .01 percent of the gate receipts.
which declared that the Family cist, Bessie Letter: Chrysler was astounded by the
Fortz were the true-owners of a "Re can't do this to Jock." (His ultimatum, saying,
piece of land. friends were known to have called "I, Hobart Orange (Gawd, heh,
The hunk of terrain, after him Jock.) heh) Chrysler, who never gave an
ultimatum to anyone, including
up-state bovines, have been ap-
Famous Wisert Dogs Lead c this insidious gopher.
It was discovered that ort lives
Bohemian style in a subterrean
S d a t Villa beneath the gridiron.)
'M Sled ieam to Vitory "It is ironic," Chrysler con-
tinued. "For I, who thought my
roots were too deep, now dis-
FAIRBN S, Aaska Just OOZ- summed up the situation in two cover that Fortz' roots are deep-
ing with the tradition that has words. "Oh Hell," he said. er.
made Michigan notorious in col- On the other hand Detroit Five- "I reiterate. It is a disgrace. For
lege athletic circles, a star-stud- Cent Press sports writer, Tommy Fortz' actions clearly indicate that
ded Wolverine dog sled team surg- Heavenly, was enthusiastic about it is money he is interested in."
ed from behind in the last 100 California's performance. When * * *
yards to nip California and win asked what he though of the Mi- AND AS HIS secretary, Miss
the North American dog sled chigan triumph, he said, "It must Betty Ham, brought in the receipts
championship race. have been luck." of the $25 per hour ping pong
Heroes of the Michigan surge * levy, Chrysler, often called the
were the Wolverines' famous Wis- ALL SCHOOLS in the Western master of the mad magicians,
tert dogs, Mush and Hush, the Conference were represented in the pulled a rose from beneath his
fourth and fifth members of the glacial spectacle with the excep- left end, clicked his money chang-
fabulous Wistert family at Michi- tion of Ohio State. OSU officials er twice, and expired
gan and All-Americans like their refused to send the Buckeye team They laid a fiddle and a Rolls
three football-playing predeces- when they heard that snow and Rycearo s chesthEvenwht
sors. the University of Michigan were confused the man who refused to
going to be on hand. allow the rain to fall before six
AS DID the other Wisterts, both In the Michigan igloo after (during the football season so his
wore the number 11 on their jer- the race the Wolverines' coach, (ridders could practice in com-
sies, the numeral "one" being re- Bernard Gabsalot, went over- fort) with the famous musician
versed on the different jersies in board in his praise of the Maize and the Empire Builder who built
order to differentiate between the and Blue dogs. "They ran well," the autos.
two stars. stated Gabsalot. e _au __s-_
It was a heart-warming experi- Today's victory coupled with Mi- BD
ence to the eleven spectators on chigan victories in pinball and Baseball Dull?
hand to see the Wolverine sled yo-yo competition gives the Wol- "Unhappy" Candler, baseball
overcome a 600 yard lead held verines a clean sweep of the na- czar, yesterday declared that the
throughout most of the gruelling tional winter sports titles. game of baseball was becoming
93% race by California's pride of Upon hearing the news of the dull. To liven the game up, he
the Pacific Coast Conference and Wolverine triumph, Michigan Ath- suggested that a land mine should
pre-race favorites to cop the title. letic Director Fritz Pontiac an- be hidden somewhere in the out-
Pacific Coast sports writers nounced that a gigantic arena with field, in a different position for
seemed a bit perturbed at the a 150,000 seating capacity would each game. This would add an
outcome. The correspondent for be built in Ann Arbor for Maize element of suspense to the game,
the Los Angeles Bald Eagle and Blue dog-sled enthusiasts. Candler claimed.
The sports world was rocked to its very roots today by
the disclosure that the Rose Bowl, grand daddy of all bowl
games, was "fixed" so that Michigan could win.
The case was cracked wide open early this morning by
the ever-vigilant Los Angeles police department, which has
been working around the clock for the past month following
up hints dropped by Pacific Coast sports columnists that
California had thrown the game.
According to police officials, Mighty Michigan's sensa-
tional second-half triumph was a fraud, perpetrated by the
University of Michigan on thousands of spectators and fans.
PRESIDENT Alexander V.
Ruthbone. commenting on the
University's drastic action, ex-
plained that it was done to help
the Phoenix Project, peace time '
atom research program. "Many
wealthy alumni were in the stands
that day. After that first-half per-
formance, the scowls on their
jowls made it plain that their do-
nation were going to be sub-
stantially reduced.
The Phoenix Project must go
on," he emphasized.
At halftime, with Michigan
trailing, 6-0, the Board of Re-
gents was called into emergency
session under the stands by '
Rubone. Savaely tearing at
their hot dogs, the members
were in gloomy but resolute uni-
son that the game must be won
at any costs.
The good offices of Benneth
(Bug) Filson, Big Ten Commis-
sioner were enlisted as a go-be-
tween. Filson, anxious to see the Shown above is Coach Bob
Big Ten maintain its spotless Rose Voigts of Northwestern who
Bowl record, talked to California played no part in the fix, but
coach Sin (Daddy) Astoria in the whose picture we are running
Bear's dressing room, reminding because we don't have a cut of
the former Northwestern mentor California's Daddy Astoria.
that he had gotten his start in the * *F
big time in the Big Ten. bone for the last time, I'm not go-
So oing to give a cent."
IN ADDITION to sentimental THE MENTION of Ruthbone's
considerations, he informed As- name led the ambitious young
toria that Michigan was prepared Sherlock to call the University
to buy a round trip ticket to Ham-
tramek for a California football president. The detective, acting
recruiting sargeant, and to under- wild hunch, accused Ruthbo
write California's winter sports of fixing the game.
payroll. The guilty educator, thinking
the jig- was up, confessed that
Astoria consented, and gave he had had a hand in it.
his team a stiff lecture just be- From then on, it was just a
fore they went on the field, matter of putting together all the
warning them that a repeti- other shreds of evidence and the
tion of the first half could not case was solved.
be tolerated. a * * a
After explaining to the literate THE PARTIES to the fix all
team members the advantages seemed quite unrepentent. Astoria.
which would accrue from throwing commented drily, "A little fix is
the game, he exhorted his charges good for the game every now and
to go out and "lose this one for then. Keeps people on their toes."
dear old Cal." Ruthbone, pressed by report-
The team carried out his orders ers, glowered back "I'd do it
to the letter, as the Wolverines, again. The end justified the
sometimes seeming reluctant to means."
score the winning touchdowns,
stumbled to two last period scores California players, sulking in
and won, 14-6. their ranch-style bungalows, ap-
o a *peared somewhat more conscious
THE CLUE which finally led of their wrongdoing, and feared
detectives to a solution of the case the conseuences of their misad-
was a dead rat in the California venture.
dressing room. The mutilated Johnny Olzewki, slippery half-
body, discovered by a janitor two back, mourned that he would prob-
weeks later, had been trampled by ably lose one, if not both, of his
the players charging back onto the custom-built Cadillacs.
field, frenzied with the desire to Jim Monachino, slashing full-
lose. back, predicted dejectedly that
The kindly janitor, who was the University would take back
an anti-vivisectionist and a de- his wife.
voted animal lover, immediately And Pete Schabarum, elusive
reported the murder to police. wingback, was shivering discon-
This proved to be the first break solately at the thought that his
in the case. While searching the school might well foreclose the
scene of the crime for more mortgage on his mother.
clues, the investigating officers . .
discovered a Phoenix pledge WOLVERINE gridders, on the
card lying in a corner, other hand, were unperturbed by
A detective went to question the news of the fix.
Astoria about the Phoenix card. As signal-caller Bill Rutich put
Astoria became violently angry it, "They got their money, Ruth-
when he found the reason for the bone's got his Phoenix Project,
call. "I don't want to hear any Bennie his got his victory and his
more about this Phoenix busi- job, and I'm captain next year. So
ness," he yelled. "I've told Ruth- everybody's happy."