e Fourteen

THE M J CItGA N

DAIkLY

Monday, February 13, 1950

Mondy, Februory 1 ?41950

T i- E MICHIGAN DAILY

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THE UNEMPLOYED:
Lost Land Poses Problems
For Kingdomless Monarch
4 * * 1

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SMASH
POLIO!

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"It'stough," the King said,
"When you don't have a country."
This was the answer to a Daily
query of how it feels to be a King
given by Petonivitch, XIX, whose
country disappeared mysteriously
a few months ago.
* * *
THE KING, in search of clues
as to the whereabduts of his lost
land, stopped off in Ann Arbor on
his ccast-to-coast tour of the
United States-long enough to ad-
dress students at the IM Building.
"I choose this spot to talk be-
cause I love the masses," he de-
clared.
"Let's get back to your coun-
try," we suggested.
"I wish I could," the King res-
ponded with a far-away look in
his royal eyes.
WHAT DOES an unemployed
King do for a living, we wonder-
ed?
"Well," His Majesty asserted,
"I've iun into some legal techni-
calities," he explained.
"It seems," he added, "that
my application for unemploy-
ment insurance has been turned
down because I'm not a citizen.
"But," -he opined, raising his
fists, "Find me a country, and I'll
be a citizen!" the King responded.
* * *
"YOU KNOW," the King whis-
pered, drawing us closer, "All this
talk abcut. a suitable job. What
suitable job is there for a King!
except a Kingdom to rule," he
questioned.
"However," he warned as he
and his bodyguard entered a large,
black sedan, "Just wait. I'm be-
coming an international question,
and I'm thinking of turning my-
self over to the United Nations."
Designed to replace cigarette
lighters, a .New York firm has
come out with what it calls "magic
fire sticks."I

CET Files
Tuition Fee
Bill at OSA
The University has been forced
to take action on the recent rise
in non-resident tuitions because
of unprecedented student actions.
* * *
THE COMMITTEE to End Tui-
tion had filed a petition with the
Office of Student Affairs to the
effect that the University is dis-
criminating against out of state
students.
Never again will the name of
Michigan be smudged with the
adjective "apathetic," the CET
declared. "In the record time of
three weeks, two 25 name peti-
tions flooded the Administration
Building.
Dean of Students Erich A. Walt-
er was floored; never before had
student feeling risen to so high a
pitch. The Administration acted
in the speedy way they are now
famous for.
* *
THE PETITIONS were referred
to a committee on petitions which
referred them4to a sub-commit-
tee on emergency petitions, which
in turn referred them to a sub-
committee on emergency petitions
of an urgent nature. The latter
was so impressed with the import-
ance of the petition that they
tabled it for a special session.
The sub-committee on emer-
gency petitions of an urgent na-
ture was in complete agreement
with the CET. They found that
charging out of state students
$200 while only charging state
residents $75 was discriminatory
to non-residents.
"The mills of the Gods grind
slow, but they grind exceedingly
small," said Dean Walter, get-
ting up from the floor. "Next se-
mester everybody will pay $200."

"Of all the women I have seen
in the United States, the coeds at
Michigan are the most - what do
you say - piggish?" the Shah of
Irap was reported as saying after
completing a tour of the United
States which included many uni-
versities.
"I WOULDN'T even use them
on my fourth string harem," the
dark, handsome ruler commented,
smilingly.
"They protrude where they
should intrude, and intrude
where they should protrude," he

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"Ah
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13


MEDICAL -DEN

Shaw of Irap Call
Coeds America' s~

PUBLIC HEALTH

A dime from you

will help

ra w a" e

some poor victim of this devastating
disease walk and play again.

Students Flood
Hea Service
According to latest reports,
fourteen- University coeds have
been admitted to Health Service,
as a result of severe shock, fol-
lowing their first view of J-Hop's
underwater monster.
The creature stretched over the
dance floor, and the awesome sight
of his gruesome, waving tentacles,
proved too much for many of the
susceptible creawures who attend-
ed the dance.
As a result of his terrifying
principles, the creature has been
relegated to the Buildings and
Grounds committee who will be
forced to exterminate him at a
future date.

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