Satu rdav, March 10, 1945

THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Page Th;,ty-One

Saturday. March 10. 1945 THE MICHIGAN DAILY Paae Thirty-One

Tale of Woe:
Why We Lost
To Buckteeth
Mighty Mites of Michigan
Couldn't Cope With
Unfavorable Weather
When you, dear reader, have
finished this magnificent tome,
you shall know the full story of
why we, The mighty Wolverines,
succumbed to 'dem bums' of Ohio
State. It is one of the most orn-
ery, deceitful episodes in the an-
pals of Michigan history.
Raining Like Mad
The mighty mites of Michigan
took to the field of the Buckteeth
on a cold damp day in November.
It was raining like mad (even the
weather had been fixed for this
game) and all the people in the
stands were anxious to see what
they have always called a football
game. This is an exercise where
twenty odd (you knaw- queer)
men run out on the field and then
proceed to bash one another's
brains out. To this reporter it
was all very silly, and as it was I
was waiting for the 6:11 train.
But nonetheless, them Buckteeth
beat us; I don't know what the
r score was, but I do know that the
referee must have been on their
side.
It was a very inciting game the
man next to me kept telling me.
He would 'intersperse his loud
yells with flailing arms and hearty
snorts until I was quite discon-
certed. The Crosseyes had a guy
named Hornuts or some such
name, and every few minutes I
would hear a loud yell from the
crowd and look up from my Es-
quire to see this Warpath going
down the field. It was very silly
because no one was near him and
there wasn't anything to be afraid
of, but he was a coward and kept
running.
Dirty Playing
Anyway, these guys won the
game and we all went home. The
dopes across the field were yelling
something about sending some
boys across the field, come on
Ohio State. It all was very foolish
because the (field was a sea of mud
and everyone would have gotten
very wet if they had gone on the
field.
. The Buckteeth appeared very.
happy and our boys were all for-
lorn. What confuses me is why
the referee kept wiping the ball
with a dirty towel and putting it
down in the mud again.
(If an Ohio State man who's
bigger than we are reads this, we
r were only kidding.)

More Guest
N ames Added
For V-BaI
Navy, Marines, Sigro Alpha
Mu Dates Continuec F!om
List On Page Twent-ne
NAVY V-12: Gloria S soller,
Kalamazoo. Mich.; Ger s ar-
ley, Kalamazoo, Mich. :-othy
Rimert, Jackson, Mich. , ona
Wilson, Plymouth, Mic 2.j'iflyn
Blake, Audrey Johns. . nncy
Marsh, Bowling Green. C irley
Dorf. Detroit; Lois Held-' b, East
Lansing; Peggy Pastor ' 4rOit:
Nancy Hubbard, Marie ,i ,hir-
ley Daiton, Dearborn; C. .eine
Verschoor, Lois Bockstad* . char-
lotte Anne Mueller, E En-
sing, Kalamazoo, Mich.: .5 Alice
Seguare, Evelyn Luh - '.nice
,Whittengton, Detroit: Say-
Cor, Detroit; Join Scho Bevy
Chase, Md.; Pat Blake, ....rng-
ham, Mich.; Shirlee A 0 ens-
berg, Dorothy Nan Pe elen
Smith, Miriam Clingma rnnie
Nester, Barbara Jean L Very
onica Bezenavh, Deti - " 'elen
Englebrett, Nebraska; sS1 mn B
Pecsenye, Susanna Peirsc Vivian
Haplan, Shirley Troyan, Pat. Brez
ner, Phyllis Babcock, barna
Mac ssac, Detroit; Mike l izer,
Marilyn Rock, Phyllis M O De-
troit.

NATIVE RUBBER BOUNCE - Papuan natives on a New Guinea rubber plantation now under
Australian army control carry buckets of liquid latex to factory for processing. The latex goes to
mahe rubber boats to carry 'em to V-BalI. Next year. Maybe. The group models the formal attire
they will wear for this year's After-the-Rubber-Harvest Ball.
By HANK MANTIO
Daily Sports Editor

I

"Names, Numbers, and salaries Harvard, Yale and Princeton of
of all players!" That's what the the Ivy League, leaves me in
football hawker screams in the doubt as to the merits of such a
stands nowadays. Gridiron sub- practice since the aforementioned
sidy has far exceeded the point teams' grid fortunes have sim-
of notoriety and has now become mered down -considerably. How-
so prevalent, that a young toddler ever, Bernie Bierman, head foot-
lists his.ambitions for later life in ball coach at the University of
this order: fireman, policeman, Minnesota, has just returned to
soldier, cowboy, and a "$1,00 a his alma mater from the Marine,
game" football player. Corps. At Minnesota, Bierman
Up until this point the subject turned in five national champion-
of subsidy has been hushed up ship teams and also produced six
and spoken of only in the yellow Big Ten championships, and the
tabloids, and from behind locked size of his players on these chain-
doors. However, since the war pionship outfits brought out the
has taken most of the available old question of subsidization on
talent and provided such indi- many occasions.
viduals with a place of employ- It has been stated that when
ment for the duration, subsidiza- the old maestro ran short of ex-
tion of any and all persons with perienced players, he would tour
robust figures has been the case some of the adjacent farms, and
rather than the exception. on the pretext of looking for some
We, here in the Mid-West destination nearby, he-would ask
(with the exception of two Big the biggest farm boys to point
Ten teams, Ohio State and Min- out said place. If these farm boys
nesota), are absolutely free from would inadvertently pick up the
the so-called football scholar- plow and point out their direction
ships, but in the East, especially to Bierman, the "Silver Fox"
hi the aristocratic Ivy League, would turn away in disgust. How-
even the football coaches them- ever, if the farm boys would pick
selves are paid. up the plow and horses at the
This new innovation of paying same time, while they were busily
their coaches by such teams as engaged in an explanation of the
ther cachs b suh tamsasdirections, Bierman would sign
them on the spot.
Then there is the subtle form
of subsidization used by Bier-
man, who would so tire out his
star players that they could
hardly move. Whereupon, he
would approach them and make
a small wager of $500 that they
couldn't muster up enough ener-
gy to jump over one of the white
markers on the football field.
Much to the amazement of Bier-
man, he always managed to lose
IN ALL TYPES these wagers, but to showhat
a good sport le was, he never
failed to have the money with
him and would fork it over im-
OF ANCNGmediamly
The catch to this type of psy-
chology would be Milan Lazetich,
All-American tackle from Michi-

gan last fall, who, when he had SIGMA ALPHA MU- Shirley
expended all of his energy in a Gowritz '44, Lynn Sp eri '47,
rough scrimmage, could not be Shirley Levin '45, Edith Bauter
induced to move a muscle for love '45, Joy Altman '46, Betty Grable
or money. '49, Louise Rosensweig '46, Bonnie
The recent use of helicopters in Hiller '45, Nina Kalfus '41, Ellen
planting fish in puddles inacces- Arden, Detroit, Margy Lou Office
sible to tank, wagon and airplane, '48, Mary Fisher '46, Molly Wino-
and descend within a few feet of kur '44.
likely waterfalls and pools for the
gentle release of a tubful or two
of speckled beauties, leads me to
believe that Bierman could make
use of such a device to explore
the wilds of Minnesota, and in
this manner, he could not only
bring back the brawny farm boys,
but their plows and all other ac-
couterments necessary.
* ~,

tvl '-

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