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THF MICHIGAN DAILY

SoturcnvMarch 10. 194

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Miss Fit's Olde
Agony Column

What's Wrong
With Me? Is
It Contagious?

Your Problems Shall Be Answered People don't appreciate me. I
wake them up at night, and I
Or You Won't Know the Reason W hy make sure that they get to classes'
on time. I serenade them at the
.>_ --------- ---twilight hour with music that is
Editor's neta: Miss Fit is sev so out of this world that no earth-
enytreaIla enca-loualy at the happy peonle on theI
enty-three an has been cheas- outide, just ope that window ly beings can fully realize the in-'
ing men for aseenty-fur yearshigh, and DUCK, because I'll be tenaily, the volume cntrol, and
ksne was always a bit fast for coming through. Yeah Man!! the rich fullness, which every one
her age); although she was un- gof my carolings embodies.
successful in her pursuits, she Signed
Miss Agnes Fit People don't appreciate me.
has always been quite happy to First year freshman scoff at me,
pass on the knowledge. which and make ribald jokes about my
she acquired through her own Dear Miss Fit, name and what I do all the time.
experience, to people needy of I am undoubtedly the most Why am I treated like this?
that knowledge. We beg to problematic case you have ever What is there in my make-up that
warn, however, that this column encountered in your long career of allows people to take so many
should not be read by those settling other peoples' misfortunes. advantages of my feminine frailty
weak in heart, knees, or arches. It wasn't too bad that I was born and good nature? I know that I
Miss Fit really pulls no punches. with green skin, speckled here and am a strong character, because I
there with lavender crescents. I remember distinctly the very in-
Dear Miss Fit, always could- have got a job in a gredients from which my soul,
Eighteen years ago my husband burlesque show as a strip-teaser heart, and sinews were made.
went down to the corner to get me v-ho mystifies as she discloses. I Is there anything mentally
could have stood, nourishing an wrong with me? On this accountj
some Rinso for my undies. He appetite that longed only for I would bet any money that good
said that he'd be right back, but "Keep Off the Grass" signs, and old Carolyn Towers is as sound of
as yet he hasn't returned. I have regurgitated everything else. I mind as is anyone who is now
nine children who depend on me admit that it would have been a reading, this article. In fact, and
for my salary as a sand-hog, Do sacrifice, but nonetheless it was a this is solely my own opinion, I
surmountable one. However ;in think that you, reader, must beC
you think he's coming back, and my fourteenth year of life, when off your nut to have read so far.
if not what should I do? I suddenly developed two extra - - -----
Signed heads (two over and above the
Perplexed three that I hadat birth)k Iwas Scond Sem
Dear Perplexed, stumped, Whenever I took theSe o d en
Dear Perplexed, liberty of walking down the street,
You really have a problem on people turned to stare at me as
your hands. Nowadays, what with though I was a freak or some-
the way laundries have been run- thing. This was too much for my
ning, a lot of neople have the l already overtaxed sensibilities and
same problem, but in your cas feelings, Camdat my wits' end.
IWhat ought C do??
being a sand-hog and all, you are ' Signed
in an awful fix. My advice to you A Character
is to buy your own Rinso, and Dear Character,
clean up those undies. Until then, My advice to you is one which I
I don't think your husband could reached after only the longest de-
come bask to you even if he want- liberation. I have at my disposal
(for such cases as yours), the
ed.
name of a certain reliable drug- HII

Harmon Not
Found in
Siberia Yet
PETNOPAVLOVSK-Marchs8.-
Andrei Miknaiseov, Petrcpavlov-
skian mayor for dhe past three
Five Year Plans, today announced
that the Petropavlovskian Council -
for the Betterment of Petropav-
lovsk, had claimed the title of the
only city in the world where Tom
Harmon, former University of
Michigan gridaser. had not been
found.
Harmon, who since the start of
the war has turned up safe in the
savage hinterlands of inmost Chi-
na, in the unchartered jungles of
darkest South America, and
throughout his death-defying ca-
reer in the sky, said today that he
would take steps to remedy the
situation.
Harmon attributes his knack of
getting out of tough places to two
different sets of training. He ad-
mits that the rigorous practice
and discipline of collegiate foot-
ball is a major factor, but he also
stresses a hitherto hidden reason.
He asserts that anyone who can
get through the mob of people
surrounding the counter, of the
P-Bell on a Saturday night, should
have no trouble with jungles.

HARMON-NOT FOUND AGAIN

iester Economy at FOLLETT'S

BARGAINS in


ft n P% o%,ir

Signed gist, who I'm sure would at your
Miss Agnes Fit behest, concoct a quart of prussic
acid. After disposing of said acid
Dear Miss Fit, in the manner for which it was
I ao a young girl of seventeen intended, I am fully confident
attending the University of Michi- that you will no longer be troubled
by any more earthly worries.
gan. The other night I was out Signed
for a walk alone, and in front of Signed
the WAB, a Navy V-12 student Miss Agnes Fit
stopped me and started to talk to -- ---
sue. He said he would teach me Dear Miss Fit,
about botany and geology (2 sub- I am a soldier overseas fighting
jects which I am now flunking), the war. In our latest advance in
and he brought me to the Arbore- France we captured a small village
tum, for what he called 'field named Armentieres. While brows-
work'. We were there for about ing through the village in search
two hours, because of which I am of some post-cards, (to write home
writing you. What 'should I do??? of course), I met a very voluptu-
Signed ous lady who said that she was
Frantic the Mademoiselle after whom the

Dear Frantic,
Your problem is quite an easy
one and should cause you no trou-
ble at all. Simply get your camp-
ing clothes together, and pitch a
tent in front of the WAB. Re-
member my motto, "Once you get
your hocks in a man, NEVER let
him go.
Signed
Miss Agnes Fit

town was named. One thing led
to another, and before I knew it
I was up in her room, looking
over her etchings. I do not speak
French very well, and because of
this I was unable to answer what
seems to be questions that she
was asking me in a very sultry
and come-hither tone. Miss Fit,
what's the score?
Signed
G. . Joseph
hni l T _nn l

lit
FppE
f

or NE i you prefer
CSH EXCHANGE y
Your Old Books are as at FOLLETT'S where
goodas Csh Eyou will find bette r
facilities for
Bring them in. trading.

Dear G. .Josep n,
Dear Miss Fit', -You need know only one thing,
I am a lonely man. I am fifty- Joseph, and that is oui, oui, Oui,
seven, well-preserved for my age OUT. After that let Nature take
(people say), moderately well-to- its course, and as the song goes
do, and have a charming person- you will probably end up with a
ality. I teach Political Science at Liberty magazine.
a well-known midwestern college, Signed
but for some reason. I have prac- Miss Agnes Fit
tically no friends. Sometimes I
stand at my window looking outa
at the happy carousing college
students, and at moments like eW ar .
these, I feel like committing sui-
cide. Is there no road to happi- Last year while walking down
ness for the likes of me?? State Street near Kresge Corner,
Signed I dropped a new one hundred dol-
Despondent lar bill. I always had a tremen-
Dear Despondent, douse sentimental value for this
Of course there is a road to bill, and I have been feeling quite
happiness for you, and there is a depressed since its loss. Would
road to happiness for everyone, no some kind person, who could vis-
matter what his or her particular ualize my plight please help me
problem may be. Your case pre- out. The address is Cell No.
sents absolutely no difficulties to 58364, Jackson Prison. Oh yes,-
me. When you go home, and it's the first hundred dollar bill
stand by the window gazing jea- I ever made.


11MICHIGAN BOOKSTORE

State Street at N. University

Phone 6363

_ j