f' Page Twenty-Eight THE MICHIGAN DAILY Fridov. March 3 1944 Friday, March 3, 1944 THE MICHIGAN DAILY I Nazis Routed In Kpmnsvkr Basin Battle Soviet Communique States German Manpower Reaches Negative 4,000,000 Figure By PERCY McBEEBEE Disassoc. Press Correspondent (Special to The Daily) PSIAKTROUMOQNOVSKUVOS, March 3.-Red forces, sweeping through the Kpmnsvkr Basin to- ward the key city of Minskipitsk, Soviet rail center held by the Nazis since April 33, 1960, have forced back the troops of Marshal Stoutenhammer to the Slovest- skinkov River bend with an- nounced Russian casualties of 12. Estimate Impossible German casualties have reached an all-time high "impossible to estimate," according to the Soviet communique released by Gen. Ty-. monomomonnoovretskylov. The communique also stated: "The: question of Nazi manpower has become even more serious with these new losses. According to estimates by the Soviet Bureau of Enemy Populations, the male pop- ulation of the German Reich be- tween the ages of 14 and 66 has now reached the staggering figure of a negative 4,000,000. The fact that the German armies are still fighting is the most tremendous achievement of any modern na- tion." Further fighting in Kpmnsvkr Basin is expected to result shortly in the fall of Minskipitsk, thus driving the German Eighteenth Army to the village of Dksopomo- nv where the Red troops of Mar- shal Kizzeranleaversky are await- ing the Nazis with "open arms," according to the Soviet communi- que. 14,00 Prisoners Taken Skirmishes in the lower Potsky River Basin resulted in the fall of $8 villages to the Red Army, with no casualties announced. 14,00 German prisoners were taken, ac- cording to the communique. Marshal Joseph Stalin, reported by neutral sources to have ordered the name of his brand of tobacco changed from Stalingradstovski to Kpmnsvkrskovski, in honor of this new Red victory. CROWLEY STUDIO PORTRAITS A SPECIALTY HOME PORTRAITS BY APPOINTMENT Weddings - Gronps Graduation Application Photographs TELEPHONE 2-2220 321 SOUTH MAIN Knights Lay Down Armor for More F6 y . "v f : Vt- " itting V-Ball Attire Tuxedos, tails, white ties, stuffed shirts, all the soup and fish are scarce these days. That is what the well dressed BMOC has found in preparing for his big night- Victory Ball. But that hasn't stopped our two galavanting heroes. Faced with the problem of accu- mulating the proper attire for Directory Is More Than Just Names Believe It or Not, Spicy Stuff Dashes Through Erstwhile Lifeless Volume fAides Walk Out, F.DRfppoi Prof. Flawson's Prophecies Bode No Good Will for Students By PROF. CRESTON FLAWSON No V-Ball extra would be com- plete without predictions of the fates of the 8,000 odd students who at present are honoring the University with their presence. Mostcertain and most un- happy prediction: Exit, as of April 1, a goodly percentage of both the male and female popu- lation. ASTP is leaving, you know, and it would seem that the only way the obliging coed can keep up the morale of the armed forces is to follow her nman around. We're all for it, ourselves. And, of course, classes will con- tinue. No doubt there will be just as many people as usual grump- ling on to eight o'clocks, and cut- ting them when the effort to get out of bed is too much. To make these unfortunate souls feel a little better, we feel obliged to re- mind you that pretty soon the moon will have set before 8 a.m. * * * Another prediction that is ab- solutely definite and positively certain regards the weather. And if anyone is harboring any thoughts about ordinary spring, where it rains only 4 days out of five, he will soon change his tune. But then one can always say that even though the rain makes the coeds look even more like hags than usual since their hair is never up, that there is nothing better for a facial and soft sexy skin than constant fine mist on the face. Or is this why the Planned Parenthood Club of Ann Arbor always puts on a special membership drive in the spring. June will find another Ec 51 class with a mortality rate ap- proaching 95%. * * * ~ Another depression may hit Ann Arbor at which time.Univer- sity officials can be bribed to fal- sify ident cards. P-Bell here we come. Male students may soon be forced to keep hours. After the mass exodus of men from campus, it will be easier to keep track of the men left than of the girls, * * * Physics lectures may become so interesting that admittance is charged at the door. * * * It is also safe to predict that there will soon be extra rooms around town. We wouldn't dare promise lower rents though. According to present indica- tions so many students will pro- tect the discontinuance of Geol- ogy 65 that University authorities will be forced to have the course taught again next semester. Business in the arboretum will soon be resumed. But due to the present ratio, there will be no crowding. Students and professors may some day fill the roles they were intended for. Students, seeking knowledge, will ask questions of the profs. We wonder who would cram for bluebooks and finals. ** * It is even safe to wager that some day beer picnics will again be held in the Arboretum and illegal fraternity parties. At that same time there will be a shortage of GIRLS. Keep A-Headt Our military styles are design for victory. We are glad to victory possible. THE DASCOI tne big dance, Ezra nd eke Polk's city directory of Ann Ar- (pctured above) journeyed down bor contains a wealth of interest- to main street and visited ing and not so interesting facts. Claude Brown, whose hearty Just to acquaint the student with smile and sly manner has this amazing book, The Daily has become tradition with the undertaken a compilation of the well dressed Michigan more spicy items therein: man. He sells old As Is Athens clothes. "My heart is pure and I have the Slogan of this fair city, believe strength of ten," quoth Zeke, it or not, is "Athens of the West." "but I can't go dressed as a In addition, we learn that the knight in armor." principal manufactured products "My girl thinks I am a he man," of this thriving metropols are: yelped Ezra when the astute broaches and broaching machines Mr. Brown pulled out a baby (for breach of promise suits, per- costume. haps?); candy (to make the coeds Theyfouht nd fgurd ad Isweeter. you know) ; castings (get They fought and figured and thee behind me, Satan!); cigars guessed what would be fitting (anything to break that damn ufor Michigan's extravaganza. cigarette habit); commercial bal- We are breaking a confidence, but ers (out of the jug, no doubt), in the interests of ethical jour- doors and blinds (we always have nalism we feel we must di- held that they are mighty con- vulge the real names of the venient at times) high-speed steel two characters pictured. forgings (to put pressure on the It hurts, but they are profs?); furniture (the better to Dave Loewenberg, a soft-sofa you with, my dear); lit student from gasoline gauges (to measure the Chicago, and Stan gas appeal in these autoless Wallace, a lit student days); ice and ice cream (arbore- not from Chicago. tum cold shoulders must have had their fingers in tis business); pis- ton pins (sex, glamour and Die- y h m fortrich!); coiled and flat springs (take your pick, sister) and, to U W finish off, sashes, steel balls and pharmaceutical and toilet articles (everyone needs these). Learn To Swing and Sway Also, the University Library, as In the Arthur Murray Way of 1941, had 1,025,000 volumes. No wonder so many students wear Too many Michigan men think glasses. that the only aim in dancing is And, if you are interested, per- to see how many times you can haps the sanitary engineers wgill be, this "Athens of the West" has get around the room. Some aim 109.24 miles of sewers. only at mileage and others at Location Is Lovely breaking speed records also. How does the directory describe The pump handle type of dancer the location of Ann Arbor? We is another common type. He grabs feel that the following quotation your hand tight and moves it pis necessary to convincethose you had tghtandmovs i UPhomesick people from the rugged and down, up and down, up and beauty of New England and the down so that by the end of the warm scents of Florida that Ann evening you are sure that with Arbor really has its merits if only two more pumps your entire right one will look for them: "Ann Ar- half will give way. bor stands on a range of hills Even commoner is the fellow overlooking the beautiful valley of who uses the same step all eve- the Huron River, while all around ning or who spends the evening lies a sweep of rich, rolling farm explaining what a good dancer lands." (To be perfectly frank he used to be before he got out of with you, I haven't noticed this practice. "beauty" either.) On the basis of these sad facts All this, in addition to anybody it seems that a few dancing les- and everybody's address, includ- sons would be very appropriate. ing students. I'll bet you didn't Therefore, we will offer a five know you were in there, now, did minute course entitled "How To you? Imitate Arthur Murray" or "This Yup, as the directory states, in I Ain't Michigan." bold face caps, "THERE IS ONLY First, as regards the boys. Ap- ONE ANN ARBOR." Thank hea- proach the girl gently. She's just ven for some consideration of us as anxious to get in your arms as poor mortals. you are to get her there. After ' all there is a shortage of men you know so this may be something toI which she isn't quite accustomed. Now, put your arms around her, R D N but remember there are people THE VICTORY SPORT! looking. Her housemother might even be a chaperon. Get on your mark, listen for the beat, get set,! go. You'd better start going in < ' the other direction. Every other ; couple on the floor couldn't be wrong. Two steps one way and two the other. When you get tired just sit one out and watch the oth- er couples until you learn a news step. Girls, remember that your main job is to keep him off your toes and to tell him how well he's doing. Ride one of our fine horses, It'll be easy to convince him, but indoors or out according to just try to make yourself believe it. the weather. Beginning or advanced classes. Free Trans- of Your Hair 0i tation ed to your personal appearance, Fi serve the men who are makin S D E STABLES LA BARBERS Phone 2-3441 Our Public Wri~tesi - * Special to The Daily WASHINGTON, D. C., March 4. -As the President's head janitor carefully replaced the name tab1 on the door of the White House last night (the other had turned yellow with age), the whole nation awaited by their firesides for the presidential comment on the fiery4 havoc resulting from the resigna- tion of all ten cabinet members. Shortly after midnight the much-expected news issued from the White House broadcasting4 room. Unable to find ten mem- bers outside his immediate kin to, fill the posts, the President made the following appointments: Eleanor Qualifies The Secretary of State is to be Anna Eleanor Roosevelt (Mrs. Franklin D. Roosevelt) 'whom the President feels is most qualified for the position in view of her in- ternational connections. "Al- though I have not been in close enough contact with Mrs. Roose- velt in the last two years to dis- cuss with her personally, her ac- tivity in educational, sociological and political lines, new reports have portrayed her work as very constant, complete, trans-contin- - BULLETIN - WASHINGTON, D. C.; March 4.--Newly-reelected President of the United States Franklin De- lano Roosevelt announced to- night the appointees to the ten cabinet positions of the Execu- tive Department of the United States government. The depart- ment posts, recently vacated by the third-term members, are to be filled by Mrs. Roosevelt, the four Roosevelt sons, President and Mrs. Roosevelt's daughter, two Roosevelt grandchildren, the Roosevelt son-in-law and Fala. ental and international in nature.} I have heard from authoritative sources that there is no spot in the world which Mrs. Roosevelt or Prime Minister Churchill has not visited. On these bases I feel that( she is qualified to steer our nation in its foreign entanglements," the President said. To the important post of Post- master-General, the President ap- pointed Fala (who needs no in- troduction to readers). "Fala, I i- a it t ( I i t C t I t s C t c ;e sl a it d b Sirs:< Most honorable McCormick is my man. It would make me velly happy to find the flower of Ameri- can manhood occupy the most honorable position of chief execu- tioner. Hirohito * * * Sirs: Me want Henry Wallace for President, great and good United States. Me-want more milk. Sav- vy?- Mumdago Tchambuli King of Hottentots Sirs : Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the man of the year, the man of the century, the man of all ages! Need I say more. Alben W. Barkley Another dark horse.-Ed. * * * Sirs : I have no statement to make. Thomas E. Dewey No comment.-Ed. * * * Sirs: I have been much alarmed re- cently by the Dewey-for-President clique. Although I realize that{ this is only a passing fancy on the part of our intelligent and en- lightened voters, it still illustrates a dangerous tendency. The point is simply this: Dewey has a mustache. A fine mustache, I must admit-one which prob- ably required years of painstaking care and treatment. But the editors of The Daily will undoubtedly agree with me when I point out the fact that it is un- American and contrary to the freedom loving spirit of our fore- fathers. I suggest that the Dies Commit- tee start an investigation imme- diately. No man with a mustache shall ever have the presidency of the United States. D. Walter Sptslk Probably just jealous.-Ed. Typewriter; in a Jam? we'll fix it OFFICE EQUIPMENT SERVICE CO,- 207 S. Main Ph. 2-1213 Sirs: Washington is such a strain on my nerves after a heavy con- gressional winter. When little things started to annoy me at the office, Franklin suggested I come to Ye Michigan Campus for ,a rest. I have found com- plete relaxation and especially love your Ann Arbor trees. Fala Arf, arf!--Ed. Sirs: Having long been a reader and admirer of your fine paper, I choose this method of enlisting the support of the Michiganmcam- pus in my forthcoming campaign for the presidential nomination on the socialist ticket. My all-inclusive four-point plat- form can, I think, hardly fail to call forth your enthusiastic coop- eration: 1. When elected I shall im- mediately see that elevators are installed in Angell Hall. These elevators will be the most up-to- date elevators ever seen in any building on the Michigan cam- pus, guaranteed not to shoot through the roof, stop between floors or drop suddenly through the basement. 2. With the support of the Board of Regents, the President of the University and the state legisla- ture, I shall plant petunias along all the sidewalks. 3. I guarantee all A's to every student enrolled in this great insti- tution of learning. 4. There shall be two chickens in every pot and a Cadillac con- vertible in every garage. J. Edgar Percy Twiffleham (right and honorable) Man, you're cooking with gas now.-Ed. SCARCE - Exceptional op- portunity. A limited supply of Genuine FRENCH AN- GORA. Also fine quality Botany yarn for your sweat- ers, sox, scarfs or mittens. VAN AKKEREN KNIT SHOP Cabinet Is Filled with F Fala Gets Post as Old-T '"""""' {. _ FASHION FRESF SHOW OFF CO] for your Spring Ward, . . MAGIC COLOR SWEATER AND SKIRT-excitin your winter-weary wardrobe. Here and ready now a and Skirt bar in easy-to-wear and care-for cuddly early, be the first to make your selection from the looking spring partners. Y = --- B. E. MUEHLIC DRY GOODS, 1t Haindrnade ANGORAS from 17.95 All Wool SWEATERS from 5.00 QUALITY - SERVICE - COURTESY 126 South Main Street -- Phone 2-31384 I I I I ,I CO L L N... Liberty I_ I ,, 11