THE MICHIGAN DAILY

Friday, March 3 1944

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THE MICHIGAN DAILY



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V-BALL STAFF
CO-EDITORS
Stan Wallace, Jennie Fitch
BUSINESS MANAGER
Elizabeth Carpenter
CIRCULATION
Celia Elson
CONTRIBUTORS
Ray Dixon, Marj Borradaile,
Claire Sherman, Jane Farrant,
Dcna Guimaraes, Mary Strauss,
Doris Peterson
Vwtforv Ball1 has
After the ball is over,
Alter the break (f dawn
A-ter th :trangers leaving,
A'ter the ldancrs have gone.
Mans a heart is broken . . .
Cold we but count them all,
Many a hope has vanished
After the ball.
EFORE we break down into
maudlin tears and start re-
flecting upon how futile it all is--
Victory Ball has a giorious heri-
tage.
Victory Ball is glamorous, ro-
mantic, beautiful-soft light, sweet
music, lovely girls. -
.ctory Ball is THE event of the'
ea. Anybody who doesn't go is
a nobody. Everybody who does go
is somebody.
Hooray for Victory Ball. Three
cheers for Victory Ball.
Everyone has heard about the
gay, happy-go-lucky, don't-give-a-
damn college life. Well, that's
Victory Ball.
Ignore the stifling, muggy at-
mosphere, the crowded dance floor,

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I By Lichty

KNOW it's a little late to men-
tion it, and I wish I'd remember-
ed sooner . -. but such is my fate.
You see, one of the few times
when no girl is in a hurry and
when it is literally impossible to
fell'like a nobody . . . is the night
of V-Ball. I have plenty of time
to dress in a swooshy formal, to
put up my hair and forget my
specs. I do own a pair of dress
shoes, and can get flowers for
my hair. I can borrow some per-
fume. just a little, and perhaps
use an eyebrow pencil very lightly.
Perhaps it's best not to go into
details. but the result is that I
can look as sweet and innocent of
any sort of knowledge or social
conscience as the beautiful but
dumb blond on your arm.
But that's the trouble.
I 'admit the males have done
relatively well in forgetting about
the double standard. And many
men even admit that some women
can be good at something, like en-I
gineering or chemistry or law or
reporting. That is, a woman can
be successful at a career. But
that doesn't mean she can also
i dance, or ifdshe can, that she
loves to. It doesn't mean that she
likes to have doors held for her,
the couples that keep on bumping
into you, the merrymakers who
have had just a little too much to
drink, the sore feet and hangover
the next morning. These things
do not matter. Victory Ball has a
glorious heritage.
Long live Victory Ball!
A Cynic

even occasionally, or for her escort
to discuss anything less eternal
than time or less complex than
the international situation.
So occasionally she gets asked
somewhere, to a party or some-
thing, but just for the conversa-
tion. And somehow the people
who ask her always say "no" when
she says "can you dance." Or if
they can dance, it's either the
one-step or fox trot, and somehow
never the waltz, which I love.
And what can a poor girl doI
but just sit on her doorstep, and,
wait . . . and wait . . .
But what should she wait for?'
For the guy who likes to ride bi-
cycles down long hills in the fall!
and go appling in people's or-
chards? Or for the one who can
quote poetry and waltz forever?
Or perhaps for the guy who
scarcely knows she's a girl at all.
just someone with a pretty good
head . . . hoping she can educate'
him. after a long time, into notic-
ing her shoulders?
And coming to college doesn't
help any. It just emphasizes ther
fact that I forgot to powder my}
nose in the mornings, because I'm
in a hurry, and I seldom put up
my hair the night before because
it's already so late when I get to
bed that I don't even have time
to straighten out my mind neatly
before falling asleep. But if some-
body'd just ask me to, I'd take time
out and show them that it can
be done.
That's why I'm sorry I didn't
mention it earlier, because it-
might have helped me, just for to-
night. i3
A Somebody
With Plenty of Timee

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'U ' Fem ales After t h
Defy Analysis, rCnueM n:
There have been countless at-
tempts to analyze the Michigan
female-by some she is considered
to be glamorous, strictly neat and
utterly desirable, by others not so
very.
Many claim that the typical
Michigan coed is shrewd, crafty,
dangerous and should at all times
be made to wear a sign on her
back lettered. "Beware -- dyna
mite."
One connoissuer of the femin-.
ine species has put them into three
classes. "T'here are the intelli- '
gent, the beautiful and the rest,"'
he remarked sagely.
SThe abovi
Without venturing to say how
many belong in "the rest" group!i gal a evening
he presented some infallible cluesj
to help in the classification. prehend even ti
By checking with the following' of w omen, oure
simple list of traits, one can com- 1. She does

Man s

e Ball Ends, the Fun Begins

Po

pularity
Here's Why We LiI
Fellas: Coeds' Viev
A committee of three sociolo-
gists, all keen observers of the be- Birds ar
havior of homo sapiens, have re- now be r
cently conducted an extensive in- short con
vestigation into the question of a precis.
"Is the Michigan Man Popular Men Not
with the Michigan Coed and If So, 1. Coed
Why?" cause the
The investigation, which was the cont:
begun in October, 1940, (when will spar
there were still men on campus), beloved b
had hardly been going on a year Ihound b
when the eminent social scientists, Itchids, Et
having weighed carefully a great lieait.
volume of evidence, concluded that 2. The
the Michigan man WAS popular The
with Michigan coeds!. the most
Whys, Wherefores Probedev1W al
This startling conclusion was two feet.
the starting point for an even age heig
more thorough probe into thewvhys rival cvei
and wherefores. After reading 3. His
numerous volumes on the mores beer-drin
and customs of present day so- scholar.
ciety, the three who have request-! man tips
ad that their names be withheld, may hap

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'We got the song sensation of the year, maybe!
a steal and the words don't even begin to

... The music is
make sense!'


HEALTH ISSUE:
Institution of Finals Gets
Raking in Pre-V-Ball Hours

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ve picture is an illustration of the way full many a
ends on the University campus.
he most intelligent grades, but shows her superiority
expert says: to such petty things by saying
not care about that the system is a farce.
2. She abhors such a vulgar
thing as swing, but adores Beeth-
oven and Bach.
3. She would much rather sit
at home with a good book such as
"The Principles of Socialism" or
"The Philosophy of Seventh Cen-
tury Monks" than go to such a
boring event as a Victory Ball.
4. She refuses to drink beer be-

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HERE is a well-known institu-
tion at the University of Mich-
igan which comes under the gen-
eral category of "finals week." In
general, this means the week when
30 page term papers are concluded
in the wee small hours of the
morning and stuffed under a pro-
fessor's door by a friend on the

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Lovely slips and night-
goewins, for those of dis-
erininating taste.
We also carry a complete line of foun-
elation garments-girdles, corsets, and
brassieres . . . and our Kayser hose
has proven its worth time and time
again . . . For those who like to
spend the evenings at home, we have
beautiful lounging robes and pajamas.

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way to an eight o'clock final, the
week when sales of no-nod pillst
take a steep curve upward (as
learned in Ec. 51) and sleep is'
i among the war casualties along
with snap courses (ala Geology
163), and the week when students,
for better or worse, conclude four
months' play with seven days'
work.
Students in a pre-Victory Ball
gab session were heard discuss-
ing the pros and cons of finals.
The question evolved about the
issue: "Reselved, finals should
be eliminated from college cur-
ricula."
Obviously, the pros were in the
majority. They constitute the peo-
ple who, even at this late date,'
have yet to recuperate from bags
under the eyes and smoke-torn
lungs. Their argument is simple:
"Why wreck our health for
grades?" In evidence of the valid-!
ity of their argument, the pros
dragged out files from health ser-
vice.
(Although it is not our purpose
here to indulge in personalities,
and constitutions, it might be ap-
ropos to point out to our innocent
readers that the discrepancy in
attendance at health service be-
tween the good and the poor stu-
dents might well reflect the types
of ailments that inflict the two
.classes of students rather than
the number of students who apply
to University doctors for treat-
ment.)
On the other hand, the cons,
very decidedly in the minority,

were holding out for dear life
against the pros. It was a
tough struggle for them to de-
fend the institutions of finals
since they were so outnumbered,
but they derived considerable
moral support from an unseen
flank-namely, the faculty. Typ-
ical of conservative -old die-
hards, the cons religiously and
even fanatically held that finals,
as an established test of know-
ledge, must never be abolished.
Radically opposed to change of
any sort, whether it promises
good for mankind or not, the
cons refused to let even open-
book finals enter into the pic-
ture, claiming that they dilute
the cause of good education, and
are not a true test of knowledge.
The pros at this point jumped
on the bandwagon for liberal edu-
cation, and, amid cries for recog-
nition of the civil rights as set
forth in the constitution, demand-
ed that a vote be held to deter-
mine whether or not the majority,
which supposedly rules in a dem-
ocracy, could be heard. The pros,
in believing that a vote against
finals would have any weight in
the University, were guilty here of
a fallacy that haunts democracies
everywhere. They did not recog-
nize that the bureaucrats, who so
insidiously creep into democratic
rule everywhere, are controlling
factors in universities when it
comes to the question of finals.
Consequently, the cons, who
realized that the students' view
of finals means absolutely noth-
ing, graciously permitted the
question to come to a vote at
the round-table discussion. The
group voted 20 pro and 3 con,
In the due course of parliamen-
tary and democratic procedure,
the results of the vote were for-
warded to the proper authorities
for action.
Irma McGurgle

cause it is plebeian, and will stoop
to nothing lower than a cocktail.
5. She hates small talk but pre-
fers to discuss the meaning of life
or the stupidity of convention.
6. She is a drip, a bore and an
intellectual snob.
On the other hand the beautiful
woman, our informer said with a
long, low whistle, always:
1. Is present at every campus
event of any importance at all.
2. Has a date every night and
in between times.
3. Has no comment to make ex-
cept, "Oh, I think that's just a
riot," or "Really?"
4. Is nice to look at.
5. Wears just the right shade of
lipstick, face powder, mascara,
with never a hair out of place.
6. Is beautiful.
As for the rest, they:
1. Sometimes look nice, some-
times don't.
2. Sometimes have dates, some-
times don't.
3. Sometimes appreciate the
"finer things of life," sometimes
don't. 40
4. Sometimes make good grades,
sometimes don't.
Well, it's as simple as that. Ten
yesses are a perfect score and in-
dicate something.E

had a brainstorm. They decided
to observe. Equipped with false
whiskers to avoid detection by1
wary students, they frequented7
the general library, the P-Bell, the
smoking room of Angell Hall and
other student hangouts for many
long arduous months.
Their findings, which have been
recorded in 15 volumes entitled,
"The Birds and the Bees, the
What's in a
Zoo After All,
Great problems concerning the
relationship of the earth in the
solar system, the sex processes of
lowly amoeba, juvenile delinquen-
cy among the protozoas and inter-
calated duct and its relation to
the collecting tubules in the hu-
man hepatic system-these and
many more hold nothing to the
important question-Why zoos?
Chafing under the weight of
the problem, Prof. Hoarce Gooch
announced his research project
into the question. He is trying to
prove the correlation of the pea-
nut eating child with the furious
lion. His cryptic comment, "Nuts."
"The zoo is the-ideal solution to
the problem of war working mo-
thers. If only lions could be in-
duced to eat littlechildren faster,
we would wipe out the delinquen-
cy problem," commented Dr. Ken-
neth Warren Harold Shortchange
Wilson III.
We have come to only one con-
clusion as the result of our inves-
tigation. If you are tired and
weary from studying and dancing
and eating and sleeping--

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6. His
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do with

Alen who wasear
STEIN BLOCH CLOTHES



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CARAMEL CORN
0 .. a delicious treat

are justly proud of their appear-
ance . .. It pays to huy this kind of
quality . . .ZWe would like you to
see these fine worsteds at ..
$40.00 to $75.00
a e S EE
310 SO. STATE STREET

621 E. LIBERTY

BETWEEN THE THEATRES

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COMPLETE V-BALL WEEK-END

SATURDAY

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flL VANBURENsAShad

Radio & Record Shop
Phone 3542... North End of Diagonal, 715 N. University
Authorized RCA-Victor Dealer

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dance to

MICHIGAN LEAGUE BALLROOM

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