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January 14, 1942 - Image 4

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The Michigan Daily, 1942-01-14

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Satirical Defense

For Settlement Of War By 9xis

To the Editor:
T HE OTHER DAY in The Daily I read a letter
to the editor which prompted the following

bit of dialogue to run through my mind:
PLAY: "Men of Reasonable Natures."
PLACE: Any "arbitrary" court.
CHARACTERS: Benny Mussolini, 'Addie
ler, Harry Cary Hito (Three wise
possessed of reasonable natures and


Nationa Advertising Service, Inc.
College Publishers Representative
Member, Associated Collegiate Press, 1941-42
Editorial Staff
Emile Geld . . . . Managing Editor
Alvin Dann . . . . . .Editorial Director
David Lach'tnbrUch . . City Editor
Jay McCormick . . . Associate Editor
Hal Wisn . . . . .. Sports Editor
Arthur Hill . . Assistant Sports Editor
Janet Hiatt . . . . . Women's Editor
Grace Miller . . . . Assistant Women's Editor
Virginia Mitchell . . . . Exchange Editor
Business Staff
Daniel H. Huyett . . . . Business Manager
James B. Collins . Associate Business Manager
Louise Carpenter . . Women's Advertising Manager
Evelyn Wright . . Women's Business Manager
The editorials published in The Michigan
Daily are written by members of The Daily
staff and represent the views of the writers
Support Russian
War Relief . .
qODAY, the Allied powers are trying
to form a close-knit united front.
To this end we are forking effectively with Brit-
ain and to some extent with China. Not only
has our government worked with these nations,
but we, as individuals, have done a great deal of
work in drives and organizations to help these
nations with food, clothes, medical supplies and
whatever is needed behind the "lines' to keep
them fighting. There is still a great need that
we can fulfill.
But, somehow, with our war in the Pacific we
forget the importance of the Western Front.
The simple fact that Hitler can and has existed
without the Japanese, but the Japanese mili-
tarists cannot exist without Hitler, must not be
neglected. Russia is the only nation that' has at
last dealt effective blows on the German army.
She can and will continue her drive into Ger-
many-if she is given adequate support without
delay. We are now, more than ever, in a position
to give a good part of this support.
Peoples all over the world have undergone un-
told suffering and from all appearances at home
we will know only a few inconveniences. We
have certainly suffered least of all the nations
at war and we still have a free hand to help our
Russia's "Scorched Earth" policy has dealt
what may be the fatal blow to Germany, doubly
so since the advent of winter, but it also brings
the same suffering to millions of Russians who
are left homeless in a foodless region during
the long months of sub-zero weather. Under
these conditions epidemics have broken out and
the suffering is hard to imagine.
The "Scorched Earth" policy creates a need
far beyond the facilities of the Red Cross, and
to meet this gap Russian War Relief, Inc. has
been organized by proninent people all over the
contry to supplement and work in complete
copperation with the Red Cross. The need is
immediate and tremendous and must not be lost
sight of in the present war fury.
WE ARE AT WAR. We cannot ignore it. The
Ann Arbor Committee for Medical Aid to
Russia offers an effective way of giving tangible
aid to Russia. It was started this semester by
prominent people in. Ann Arbor and the Univer-
sity and works in conjunction with Russian War
Relief Inc. These organizations were created to
send medical instruments and supplies, clothing
and other civilian aids to the Russian people.
The Russian government with the full coopera-
tion of the United States government shipping
authorities will provide the shipping facilities
to deliver what we can give.
All Ann Arbor can help 'immediately by join-
ing the movement and serving on any of the
smaller committees of the Ann Arbor Committee
for Medical Aid to Russia by giving financial aid
which is so badly needed, and by going to the

Committee's bazaar this Saturday. It will be
their first real drive for money. The knitting
committee will supply the yarn to anyone want-
ink to knit clothes for Russia. The medical sup-
plies committee is especially interested in get-
ting serums to combat the epidemics which will
become increasingly worse. If everyone does a
little, the result will be significant.
-Ruth Clark

Frankie D., Wincy Churchill (Conspira-
tors trying to take unfair advantage of
our three heroes).
Judge-known only by the mysterious
pseudonym-Micromegas (Judge of hu-
man nature before whom the others are
Judge: The three complainants will please pre-
sent their case.
Three Heroes: We, your Honor, are a trium-'
virate known as the Axis. Just because we
have murdered, persecuted, aggressed, adul-
terated, and have committed several other
acts to which hardly anyone has objected,
these two villains are picking on us.
Two Villains: But, your Honor, we object of
the grounds that-
Judge: Objection overruled!
Three Heroes: Our peoples in other countries
were being tortured, and cried out for us to
come to their rescue. Their torturers (and
also some otherepeople wh awere cramping
our style) were disposed of adcording to the
decision of our highest courts of honor and
Two Villains: But, your Honor-
Judge: Objection overruled!
(At this point several cohorts of our three
heroes come up from behind and ad-
minister a rapid succession of rabbit
punch blitzes which leave the two vil-
i lains incapable of further speech.) This
bit of horseplay is unseen by all.)
Judge: We shall now hear from Frankie D. and
Wincy C.
0 Slap the Jap
with Ppocatepeti
USUALLY I am a tolerant ma. But some-
times I am irked. Little things irk me. Today,
I will take up the musical department of things
that irk me.
1. This war's crop of songs:
A. Remember Pearl Harbor is a trite composi-
tion with corny words set to a march tune that
has been misused ever since Sousa wrote t dec-
ades ago. Sammy Kaye is in on this somewhere,
B. Goodbye, Mama, I'm Off to Yokohama
fmight be a good pun if they let it go at that,
but to put words and music to it is hari kiri
for the band that records it (or should be).
C. Various others, titled as follows: We're
Gonna Find a Fellow Who is Yellow and Bea't
Him Red, White and Blue, You're a Sap, Mr.-
Jap, The Japs Haven't Got a Chinaman's Chance,
Oh, You Little Son of an Oriental, To Be Specific,
It's Our Paeifit, When Those Little Yellow Bel-
lies Meet the Cohens and the Kellys.
THESE SONGS are nogood. Theyhaven't got
a chance and you may quote me on that.
This slap-the-Jap business may go over for the
first month or two, but after that, sales will fall.
What war songs do you remember from the
first world war? Are they Bake the Hun into a
Hot Cross Bun, We'll Squash the Intestines out
of the Germans, whether they're Wilhelms or
Hermans or are they There's A Long, Long Trail
and Pack Up Your Troubles? Which type of song
do you think will do the most good? Be honest,
2. Musically speaking (if you can call it mus-
ic), there is a popular song I hate with a thriv-
ing, gnawing hate. In my opinion (libel hunters
please note) lynching would be too good-far
too good-for Bill Hampton and George Duning,
who wrote a song called Popocatapeti. In case
you haven't ever switched your radio off o this
engaging little tune, it's about a mountain in
South America or someplace, with which is con-
nected a legend. The words, invariably sung by
a male quartet (some delightful combination
like the Lombardo bys), go like this, approxi-
Popocatepetl, Popocatepetl,
Popocateptl, Popocatepetl,
Popocatepetl, Popocatepet!,
Popocatepet, sleeping flame o love.
Add a boop-boop-a-doop and six bottles of
bromo and go back to sleep. Oh, Popocatpetl!

ANYBODY can write lyrics better than Popo-
catepetl. For instance, me. I have a song I've
been trying to get published for some time now.
It's called Etaoin Shrdlu, and is based on fact:
(pronounced E-ta-oin Sh-rd-lu)
Etaoin Shrdlu, Etaoin Shrdlu,
What sort of significance have you?
Etaoin Shrdlu, Etaoin Shrdlu,
If you're lonely, I am too.
Etaoin Shrdlu, Etaoin Shrdlu,
I'm feeling terribly, awfully blue,
Etaoin Shrdlu, Etaoin Shrdlu,
I have no one with whom to coo.
That's just what I read on the linotype,
It kept on printing this awful tripe,
It went to my head
And said

(There is no response from this latter
Judge: Since you have nothing to say for your-
self, my decision is in favor of the trium-
virate, Mussolini, Hitler and Hito, on the
grounds that the Meek shall inherit the Earth.
WITH all due apology to Micromegas for the
exaggerated form which my brainstorm
took, I must, nevertheless, wince a little at the
naivete which he expresses: that the post-war
settlement will have to be in the form of a
Christian peace, without any suggestion of ef-
fective police power. I am sure it is the wish of
every decent person that such a peace might be
obtained, but I am afraid it is highly inappli-
cable to this chaos which we call our world. Can
you picture a game of basketball or football
being played between two teams of Americans
(who supposedly do have Christian ideals) but
without the use of referees? Let them play ac-
cording to their own sense of fair play, and see
what happens. Why therefore, should we think
that any teams who have shown anything but
honor and fair play will overnight be converted
after they have once been licked. Quite on the
contrary, I assure you.
Micromegad says: Everyone on his honor;
while Mr. Conant says: Uphold peace by means
of police power (America). Both agree that the
institution of a world federation of nations is
the most likely solution. Then Micromegas ad-
mits "some exercise of 'police power' might
thereby be involved for a short time." Exactly
how short is a "short time?" A pretty damned
long time to straighten things in this world, if
you ask me. But I am sure Mr. Conant did not
mean this police force to continue throughout
future ages, but only until the world situation
warrants its removal. Nor are we led to believe
that such a police force will be so. tyrannical
and un-Christian as to enslave the world. My
conception of it is this: It will have representa-
tives, from each world state; it will be the ra-
tional element to suppress any fanatic attempts
on the part of minorities to rule the world by
force and despotism.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I cannot agree with
Mr. Conant when he takes the self-righteous
attitude and presents Ameria as the moral
champion of the world. "America will com
through-spreading her creed throughout the
earth, but defending it where need be with the
sword." But perhaps Mr. Conant was carried
away by the strong emotional impact of his
previous patriotic thoughts (for which we could
hardly blame him now, could we?).
My last words to Micromas: Did you say a
Christian peace, sir? How about letting me have
a drag on that reefer before you throw it away!
- David Protetch
Drew Peisos
Robert S.Alest
RIO DE JANEIRO-The Pan American Con-
ference convening here tomorrow will be the
first in history ever held during a major war. It
also is going to be the toughest and the most im-
Pan American conferences were postponed
during the first World War, also during the de-
pression. The diplomats figured that they might
be embarrassed by too many complicated prob-
lems. So they side-stepped them, and continued
their safe and insipid Pan American policy of
distributing stereopticon slides of the Andes to
women's clubs and sending red and green par-
rots to adorn the patio of the Pan American
Union in Washington. This was about as far as
anyone wanted to go with Pan Americanism.
But this time, the Pan American nations have
jumped into the middle of a question never faced
before-namely, is the Western Hemisphere

going to stick together as bonafide Good Neigh-
bors against Hitler and Hirohito?
THE MAN who will have a great deal of respon-
sibility for the success of this conference is
Undersecretary Sumner Welles, a straight-talk-
ing hombre who has lived with and bled for
Latin Americans ever since he was out of college.
But even more responsible is the man who is
host at this conference, Foreign Minister Aranha
of Brazil, a mixture of toughness, charm, and
graciousness, who is as hard a rooter for U.S.A.
friendship as anyone below the Rio Grande.
They will be supported by a lot of other able
foreign ministers, ardently for, action against
the Axis-especially those representing the Car-
ibbean countries and Central. America.
Aftermath Of Pearl Harbor
BUT JUST THE SAME, the job of getting a
united front even against the very real threat
of invasion is not going to be easy. Reason for
this is that a new story has developed in Latin
America since December 7. It is the story of
fear. And it has increased since the fall of
The average Latin American, like the average
North American, always looked upon the Japs
as clever little people, but nevertheless little
people. One Argentine or one Brazilian, they
figured, could lick six Japs with both hands
tied behind his back. So now it is not easy to
estimhate the damage done to our prestige by

(Continued from Page 2)
ary 16, at 4:15 p.m., in Room 348
West Engineering Building.
A. H. Lovell, Secretary
Student Loans: All men students
desiring loans for the second semes-
ter should file their- applications at
the Dean of Students Office, (Room
2, University Hall, at once.
Office of the Dean of Students
To All Preforestry Students: There
will be a meeting of all preforestry
students on Thursday, January 15,
7:00-8:00 p.m., in Room 319 at the
Michigan Union.
Professor Robert Craig, Jr., Mr.
Frank Murray, and Professor L. J.
Young will attend, and some of the
interesting things about sophomore
summer camp will be taken up. Also,
if time permits, questions concerning
choice between enlistment in armed
forces and continuing in school will
be considered. The meeting should
not last more than an hour. Come if
you can.
S. T. Dana, Dean
All Students, Registration for Sec-
ond Semester. Each student should
plan to register for himself during
the appointed hours. Registration by
proxy will not be accepted.
Robert L. Williams,
Assistant Registrar
Registration; Material: School of
Music, School of Education, School
of Public Health, College of Litera-
ture, Science, and the Arts: Students
should call for second semester reg-.
istration materials at Room 4, Uni-
versity Hall, as soon as possible.
Please see your adviser and" secure
all necessary signatures.
Robt. L. Williams,
Assistant Registrar


"My success in labor disputes are due to methods adopted from my
wife!-when she makes a compromise settlement, she always gets
exaitly what she wanted!"


School of Education, Graduate
School, School of 'Public Health:
Those students expecting certificates
in Public Health Nursing in Febru-
ary should file such applications not
later than January 17 in Room 41
U.H. The Registrar's Office cant
assume no responsibility for con-
ferring certificates if applications areI
filed after this date.
Robert L. Williams,
Assistant Registrar
Registration Material, College of
Architecture. Students should call for
second semester material at Room
4, University Hall at once. The Col-
lege of Architecture will post an an-
nouncement in the near future giving
the time of conferences with your
classifier: Please wait for this noticef
before seeing your classifier.
Robert L. Williams,1
Assistant Registrar
College of Engineering: Seniors
who expect to graduate in February,
1942, should fill out the proper blank
for diploma application in the Sec-
retary's Office, Room 263 West En-
gineering Building, not later than1
January 24.
A. H. Lovell, Secretary
Notice to Men Students: Studentst
living in approved rooming houses,
who intend to move to different
quarters for the second semester,
must give notice in writing to' the
Dean of Students before 4:00 on
Thursday, January 22, 1942. Forms]
for this purpose may be secured at
Room 2, University Hall. Students
should also notify their householders
verbally before this date. Permission9
to move will be given only to students
complying with this requirement.
All Women students are reminded
that they must register any change
of residence for the second semester
in the Office of the Dean of Women
by 1oon of January 19. They must
also inform their houseicad of their
intention by that date.
Candidates for the Teacher's Cer-'
tificate, June 1942: Before making
elections for the second semester,
each candidate should check the re-
quirements in the major and minor
teaching fields, as outlined in the
School of Education announcement, .
page 32 and following.
Senior Engineers: Representatives
of the American Steel & Wire Com-
pany, Cleveland, Ohio, will visit the
Engineering College on Thursday and
Friday, January 15 and 16, to inter-
view senior students in Aeronautical,
Civil, Chemical, Metallurgical, Elec-
trical and Mechanical Engineering.
Students may sign interview sched-
ules at the Office of Chemical'Engin-
eering, 2028 E. Eng. Bldg. or on the
Bulletin Board of the Mechanical
Engineering Department.
Application blanks should be filled
out and returned to each department
Summer Jobs: Registration is be-
ing held this week of students inter-
ested in working next summer in
camps, in resorts, in industry, or in
various other types of jobs. In order
that the Bureau may be of the most
service, it is urged that all students
interested register now. The blank
may be obtained at the Bureau of
Appointments and Occupational In-
formation. 201 Mason Ha, hours
9-12 and 2-4.
l1,tirmritv F-tily t 0apnitments

Thursday, January 15. Refund of a
fifth of the season ticket price wil r
be made to those who have seen thet
Academic Notices
Chemistry Colloquium will meet
today at 4:15 p.m. in hoom 303 Chem-t
istry Building. Professor Roger H.
Gillette will speak on "Resonance in
Some Organic Compounds Contain-
ing Nitrogen."
Economics 147, Latin-American
Economic Problems, which was orig-
inally scheduled for the first semes-r
ter, will be offered during the second
semester and will be conducted by
Professor D. M.,Phelps of the School
of Business Administration.
Intensive Japanese Course: Stu-
dents seeking information about this
course to be offered in the secondY
semester are asked to meet at 2029l
Angell Hall on Thursday, Jan. 15, atc
4.00 p.m.1
Recreational Leadership for Wo-1
men: Students planning to registert
for this course as a part of their
Physical Education for the second
semester should file an application
blank in Office 15, Barbour Gym-
nasium, by January 24.1
Te Concerts
The Wednesday Afternoon Organ
Recital by Palmer Christian, origin-
ally scheduled for today has been,
cancelled due to preparations for
the Oratorical Lecture to be givenl
that evening.
The organ recitals will be resumed
on Wednesday, January 21, at 4:15F
p.m. in Hill Auditorium.-
Exhibition, Collegd*of Architecture
and Design: A display of work by
members of Alpha Alpha Gamma,'
national honorary society for women
in architecture aid the allied arts, is
being shown in the ground floor
cases, Architecture Building, from
January 13 through January 21. Open
daily 9 to 5 except Sunday. The pub-
hic is invited.
University Lecture Miss Margaret
Bondfield, former member of the Bri-
tish Cabinet, will lecture on the sub-
ject, "How Labor Fights," at 4:15
p.m., Tuesday, January 20, in Rack-
ham Auditorium, unpr the auspices
of the Department of Economics.
The public is cordially invited.
a "India": Colored motion picture lec-
ture will be presented by the noted
world traveler, Lawrence Thaw, to-
night at 8:15 in Hill Auditorium. The
Oratorical Association offers this
,timely lecture as the fifth number
on the current lecture series. Tickets
may be purchased today 'from 10:00
a.m. until 8:15 pm. at the box office,
Hill Auditorium.
Lecture: Dr. Gregory Vlastos, Pro-
fessor of Philosophy at Queen's Uni-
versity in Ontario, will be the last
speaker on the series on "The Fail-
ure of Skepticism?"' sponsored by
The Newman Club, The B'nai B'rith
Hillel Foundation, and Inter-Guild,
at the Rackham Lecture Hall on
Sunday, January 18, at 8:15 p.m.
Events Today
American Institute of Electrical
Engineers will meet tonight at 8:00
at the Michigan Union. Refresh-
ments. The speaker will be Mr. Jack
Cline, a graduate student in the
Electrical Engineering Dept. He will
talk' on "Radio Uses in Air Naviga-
(am11; i te ntgns HI Seeh, he

The German Round Table will
meet tonight at 9:00 in Room 23 at
the International Center. Mrs. Ruth
L. Wendt will be in charge of the
meeting and Lettie Dresden will sing
German Folksongs.
The Slavic Society will meet at
the International Center -tonight at
Athena Members: Pledging tonight
at the League at 7:30. Please be on
Scabbard and Blade meeting to-
night at 8:00 at the Michigan Union.
Uniforms required.
Interviews for students wishing to
enter co-operative houses next sem-
ester will be held today starting at
7:06 p.m. in Room 306- of the Union.
Call Owen Schwam, 2-2143, to ar-
range for appointment. Rooming-
house members whTo desire to enter a
co-op should be sure to be inter-
viewed today, as they must notify
their landladies by Jan. 22 if they
plan to move from their house next
Course in the 'Mules of Parliamen-
tary Procedure will be given by Mor-
tar Board for all women on campus.
First session will meet today at 4:15.
p.m.; second and third sessions on
Thursday and Friday at 4:15 p.m.
at the Michigan League.
The Freshman and Association Dis-
cussion Groups, sponsored by, the
Student Religious Association, will
have a joint meeting on the criterion
for ethical judgments as a basis for
their future study of a just and dur-
able peace, at Lane Hall tonight at
Beta Kappa Rho, organization for
Working girls, will meet tonight at
8:00 in the Legue. All girls who
are interested are Invited.
Wesley Foundation: Student Tea
and Open House today, 4:00-5:30
p.m., in the Wesley Foundation
The Garden Section of the Fculty
Women's r~lub will meet this' after-
noon at 2:30 in the Garden Room of
the League.
Coming Events
Psychological Journal Club will
meet on Thursday, Jan. 15, at 7:30
p.m. in the East Conference Room of
the Rackham Building. I. A. Berg,
D. Roberts, and R. Weisman will dis-
cuss some aspects of the goal-gradi-
ent hypothesis. The meeting will be
followed by a social hour and refresh-
ments. All who are interested are
cordially invited.
Beta Chapter, Iota Alpha: The ini-
tiation banquet will be held Monday,
January 19, at 6:15 p.m. in the Mich-
igan Union. Dean Ivan C. Crawford
will speak on "The Place of the En-
gineering Graduates in Our War
Effort." Place reservations with Leo
B. Bicher, Jr., 2028 E. Engineering
Zoological Movies will be shown in
the Nat. Sci. Aud. on Thursday,
Jan. 15, at :10 p.m. ,The program
includes: "Invertebrates of the
Maine yoast," Dr. J. A. Miller; "Ech-
inodermata;" Dr. F. E. Eggleton; "Re-
production in Mammals," and "Her-
edity," both sound films. Open to all
La Sociedad Hispanica will meet
Thum'sday at 8:00 p.m. in the Michi-
gan League. An interesting program
has been arranged and everyone is
cordially invited. See - Bulletin in
League for room number.
Senior Ball Central Committee

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