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b0 v f TRbSn /arom , r m1lfEO 1e r ,....
Publisned every morning except Monday during the
University year and Summer Session by the Board in Con-
rol of Student Publications.
Member of the Western Conference Editorial Association
nd the Big Ten News Service.
MEMBER
sotittted (01tainte *re
0.bUI~tIP1S 0M
a 1934 lie ge 1935'e
MADSOe WISCOS
MEMBER OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
The Associated Press is exclusively entitled to the use
or republication of all news dispatches credited to it or
3t otherwise credited in this paper and the local news
Mblished herein. All rights of republication of special
lispatches are reserved.
Entered at the Post Office at Ann Arbor, Michigan, as
econd class matter. Special rate of postage granted by
rbird Assistant Postmaster-General.
Subscription during summer by carrier, $1.00; by mail,
1.50. During regular school year by carrier, $4.00; by mail,
;.50.
Offices: Student Publications Building, Maynard Street,
nn Arbor, Michigan. Phone: 2-1214.
Representatives: National Advertising Service, Inc., 420
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hicago, Il.
EDITORIAL STAFF
Telephone 4925
[ANAGING EDITOR ..............THOMAS H. KLEENE
SSOCIATE EDITOR...............THOMAS E. GROEHN
SSOCIATE EDITOR ...............JOHN J. FLAHERTY
PORTS EDITOR.....................WILLIAM R. REED
VOMEN'S EDITOR ...............JOSEPHINE T. McLEAN
[EMBERS OF THE BOARD OF EDITORS.
..........DOROTHY S. GIES, JOHN C. HEALEY
EDITORIAL ASSISTANTS
ews Editor...............................Elsie A. Pierce
ditorial Writers: Robert Cummins and Marshall D. Shul-
Inan,
ight Editors: Robert B. Brown, Clinton B. Conger, Rich-
ard 0. Hershey, Ralph W. Hurd, Fred Warner Neal, and
Bernard Weissman.
PORTS ASSISTANTS: George Andros, Fred Buesser, Fred
Delano, Robert J. Friedman, Raymond Goodman.
OMEN'S ASSISTANTS: Dorothy A. Briscoe, Florence H.
Davies, Olive E. Griffith, Marion T. Holden, Lois M.
King, Charlotte D. Rueger, Jewel W. Wuerfel.
,PORTERS: E. Bryce Apern, Leonard Bleyer, Jr., Wil-
iam A. Boles, Lester Brauser, Albert Carlisle, Rich -
ard Cohen, Arnold S. Daniels, William John DeLancey,
Warren Gladders, Robert Goldstine, John Hinckley,
S. Leonard Kasle, Richard LaMarca, Herbert W. Little,
Earle J. Luby, Joseph S. Mattes, Ernest L. McKenzie,
Arthur A. Miller, Stewart Orton, George S. Quick,
Robert D. Rogers, William Scholz, William E. Shackle-
ton, Richard Sidder, I. S. Silverman, William C. Spaller,
Tuure Tenander, and Robert Weeks.
Helen Louise Arner, Mary Campbell, Helen Douglas,
Beatrice Fisher, Mary E. Garvin, Betty J. Groomes,
Jeanne Johnson, Rosalie Kanners, Virginia Kenner,
Barbara Lovell, Marjorie Mackintosh, Louise Mars,
Roberta Jean Melin, Barbara Spencer Betty Strick-l
root, Theresa Swab, Peggy Swantz, and Elizabeth Whit-
ney.
BUSINESS STAFFi
Telephone 2-1214
USINESS MANAGER ........GEORGE H. ATHERTON
REDIT MANAGER....... ....JOSEPH. A. ROTHBARD
OMEN'S BUSINESS MANAGER ... .MARGARET COWIE]
OMEN'S ADVERTISING SERVICE MANAGER
ELIZABETH SIMONDS
EPARTMENTAL MANAGERS: Local advertising, William
Barndt; Service Department, Willis Tomlinson; Con-
tracts, Stanley Joffe; Accounts, Edward Wohlgemuth;
Circulation and National Advertising, John Park;
Classified Advertising and Publications, Lyman Bitt-
'JSINESS ASSISTANTS: Charles W. Barkdull, D. G. Bron-
son, Lewis E. Bulkeley, Richard L. Croushore, Herbert D.
Falender, Jack R. Gustafson, Ernest A. Jones, William C.
Knecht, William C. McHenry, John F. McLean, Jr., Law-s
rence M. Roth, John D. Staple, Lawrence A. Starsky,L
Norman B. Steinberg, Donald Wilsher.
OMEN'S BUSINESS STAFF: Betsy Baxter, Margarett
Bentley, Adelaine Callery, Elizabeth Davy, Catherine
Fecheimer, Vera Gray, Martha Hanky Mary MCord
Helen Neberle, Dorothy Novy, Adele Polier, Helen Purdy,
Virginia Snell.
OMEN'S ADVERTISING SERVICE STAFF: Ellen Brown,
Sheila Burgher, Nancy Cassidy, Ruth Clark, Phyllis
Elseman, Jean Keinath, Dorothy Ray, Alice Stebbins,
Peg Lou White.
NIGHT EDITOR: MARSHALL D. SHULMAN
layor Kelly's
,ensorship.
M AYOR EDWARD KELLY of Chicagot
has revoked the license of the Sel-]
yn Theater, which was showing Erskine Cald-.
ell's play "Tobacco Road," with the charge that
e production is a "mass of outrageous obscen-
y" and "an insult to decent people."'
He continues: "It has been argued that thisf
.ay is justified because it supposedly depicts
)nditions as they really are in a section of the
>untry. Without going into the question of thet
uth of the play, I do not see that this is an argu-L
ent for inflicting upon the people of Chicago,?
cluding impressionable young people, a concoc-
ton so disgusting in every respect."
Mayor Kellysvirtually admits that the conditions
rskine Caldwell depicts in "Tobacco Road" are
ue. To question their truth would be to question1
ie integrity of most reputable observers and in-
stigators. And their judgment has been that

'obacco Road" is not only truth - it is a com-
aratively mild picture of the truth. Those who
re not willing to blind their eyes to conditionsj
i the south know that things are happening there
lat are more shameful and horrible than anything!
aldwell tells of in "Tobacco Road."
For example, Alabama sharecroppers, white and
egro, are paid 40 cents a day for wage labor,
nd 40 cents for picking one hundred pounds of
>tton. They are expected to live on these earn-
gs. But they must buy their food at the plan-'
tion store, where exorbitant prices are charged.'
lmost always in debt to this store, they are un-
Ale to leave the land.
Faced with the alternative of cori.nuing to live
ader these miserable conditions or starving, these
orkers, white and black fovmed the Sharecrop-
ers' Union and struck.
There has followed a wave of brutality and ter-
>r on the part of Alabama landlords and sheriff's'
ficers that has not stopped at murder. If these'
estial measures had not been so openly taken,
they had not been so universally known (the
enchings were reported in Alabama newspapers),
they had not been sworn to in affidavits by
eeing sharecroppers, they would not be believable.
Arkansas workers met similar brutality when
iey organized. Recent investigations have re-

reason for "inflicting upon the people . . ,. a con-
coction so disgusting in every respect" as "Tobac-
co Road." We see one very good reason. The
sooner people throughout the country realize what
conditions for a great mass of Southern "citizens,"
are, the sooner something is going to be done by
American people to put an end to these condi-
tions. They are a national, not a local, disgrace.
Journalist Still
The Fourth Estate ...
EWS THAT the American News-
paper Guild voted, in their recent
referendum, not to affiliate itself with the Amer-
ican Federation of Labor should be welcomed by
both journalists and the public.
Whether the guild itself is a desirable organiza-
tion is debatable, but it should be obvious that
affiliation with the A.F.L., or any group, would
be a constant handicap. News stories should be
objective, although few of them are, and anything
that would tend to destroy what objectivity tlere
is should not be tolerated by newspapermen.
Journalism is a profession, not a trade or craft.
The traditional "fourth estate" status of jour-
nalists is an assurance to the American public
that news reports will be as free from propaganda
or bias as possible. Movements that would destroy
this "class apart" position, such as the affiliation
movement, should be resisted by both the news-
papermen and the public.
TIIE FORUM
Letters published in this column should not be
construed as expressing the editorial opinion of The
Daily. Anonymous contributions will be disregarded.
The names of communicants will, however, be regarded
as confidential upon request. Contributors are asked
to be brief, the editors reserving the right to condense
all letters of over 300 words and to accept or reject
letters upon the criteria of general editorial importance
and interest to the campus.
More Handbills
To the Editor:
The editorial entitled "Handbill Passing Vs.
College Education," which appeared in The Mich-
igan Dalily of Saturday, October 19, seems to be
characterized throughout by a kind of perverted
logic. The positivism expressed in it so flagrantly
denies the possible existence of ideals that it
arrests on involuntarily. "After all, it takes no
Socrates to figure out that a diploma from this
University is more priceless than anything the
local National Student League has to offer." But
what execrable taste is displayed by the writer
when he employs metaphorically, in such a con-
text, the name of Socrates, the Greek philosopher
who drank hemlock rather than foreswear his
ideals. Plato reports that Socrates drank the
poison as quietly as if it had been wine. At the
last, when all his disciples supposed the hemlock
had taken effect, Socrates called to one of his
young followers: "Crito, we owe a cock to Aesculu-
pius; pay it, therefore, and do not neglect it."
(Aesculupius was the god to whom a ;nan who
was grateful for his recovery from illness made
a sacrifice.) Socrates, it seems, was so sure of a
nobler, happier life to come that he felt in sur-
rendering his life on earth he was only passing
from sickness to health. And who would reproach
Socrates because he had the temerity to "die" for
a cause? Perhaps not even an editorial writer on
the staff of The Michigan Daily?
-Pauline E. Schnwila.
As Others See It
No Longer A Picnic1
(From the New York Herald-Tribune)
TARNINGS THAT the United States is rapidly
becoming a country of oldsters have lost some-
thing of their terror since the depression. The
latest, from the National Resources Committee.
predicts a stable population by 1960, with twice as
many members over sixty years of age as there
are now, and half as many under twenty. The

prospect sounds lugubrious, but it also suggests cer-
tain advantages.
For instance, there will be a change in occupa-
tional characteristics, the committee believes, and
"as the mechanization of agriculture and indus-
try increases, opportunities for employment in
such fields as education, conservation, recreation
and service occupations will increase." Here is a
ray of hope. Another appears in the belief ex-
pressed by the New York State Planning Board
of the committee that the state will be able to
plan more wisely, that public improvement and
development will suffer less from real-estate spec-
ulation and that the state, presumably attuned
to a wiser electorate, will utilize its natural and
financial resources to better purpose.
There will be disadvantages, of course, the basic
one being the loss of that youthfulness of spirit
which has always characterized America in com-
parison with the older, stabilized peoples of Europe
from which it sprang. Some English observer once
said of America that it was not a country; it was
a picnic. It will no longer be a picnic, but then,
it is not one now, so perhaps it will find an older,
soberer population an improvement.
For its picnic grounds are gone. We refer to the
vast public lands which for the better part of three
centuries beckoned the pioneer to a fresh start
and filled the national imagination with visions of
adventure, riches and independence. These were
all pre-empted and fenced in before that shot at
Serajevo dissolved a civilization. But in our pre-
occupation with the war and subsequently with the
wild speculation of the '20s we failed to realize what
had happened to us. Only with the onset of the
depression did we wake up to it, Then, as employ-
ment shrank and as our youngsters, pouring by the
million from schools and colleges, began clamoring
for non-existent jobs, we knew for the first time
what the frontier had really meant, and we bitterly
mourned its passing.

The Conning Tower
"THAT DID IN LUVE SO LIVELY WRITE"
When that our English tongue
Was newer,
Singers then were young,
And fewer.
They sang to sweetest tunes,
The morning;
In their fresh forenoons
No warning
Came, to mar delight,
That golden
Youth must soon the night
Beholden.
Of day's eyes, and cuckoos;
Of fowls;
Of meadows, lambs and ewes;
Of owls;
Of maids with cherry lips;
Of flowers;
Of lads' romantic quips
In bowers;
They sang because they must
No duty
Was in their lyric lust
Of beauty.
As birdsong in the spring
Updwelling,
They cared not anything
For spelling.
From virgin springs their love
Was fed;
Book fonts they knew not of,
Nor read.
No Milton yet has come
To awe them,
Nor Johnson's heavy thumb
To paw them.
Alas the day that min-
Nesingers
Were coerced by the guin-
Ea-flingers.
From shaping songs to fit
The heart,
To molding them to meet
The mart!
For I their lays do love
To hear,
To charm the portals of
Mine ear.
Ah, for the dewy old-
En times.
When songsters shook out gold-
En rhymes,

A Washingtoa
BYSTANDER.
By KIRKE SIMPSON
WASHINGTON - The Republican
intra-party debate, aided here
and there by such Democrats as
Lewis Douglas, over issues for the
next campaign, goes on apace. Yet,
it is very much a matter of exchanges
of ideas among leaders at this stage.
If there is any considerable popular
response, it is not audible.
As a matter of fact, inquiry among
the government's watchdogs of whatj
the papers are saying discloses that'
only the Townsend planners, out in
various far western states, are very
active among the people. Nothing of'
that appears in the big eastern pa-'
pers. It is just a news note here or1
there among the smaller western
papers of Townsend plan mass meet-
ings and estimates of the numbers
present.1
Otherwise the country at large
seems to be taking a sort of political
breathing spell on its own hook. It
no doubt is listening to all the radio
arguments, reading Messrs. Borah,
Robinson, Young Teddy Roosevelt,
Speaker Byrns, Hoover, Ogden Mills1
and all the rest; but saying very little.
** * *
THAT is the trouble about trying
to work up campaign issues so farl
in advance. There rarely is any way
of testing their popular appeal. The
next opportunity to do that on any
great scale will come as the party 1
primaries get going next year. That
is a long drawn-out affair.
Between now and the great major-t
ity of state primaries may come sev-
eral things which might completely,
alter the issue situation.
One is the action of the Supremet
Court on Triple A or on TVA or ont
other constitutional attacks on "newE
deal" recovery or reform measures.t
A real change-the-constitution move
might come out of that. It could all1
but sweep other issues into the dis-
card for '36.t
Another matter is the outcome of
the huge work relief employment
drive during this winter. Every sug-
gestion of a breathing spell next ses-
sion, of a strictly routine meeting of
Congress, hurried through to release
all hands for the primaries, is based1
on success of that effort. Suppose it
should fail? The next session would
be a stormy and probably greatly pro-
longed one. Resistance to new ad-t
ministration proposals by either Re-
publicans or opposing Democrats
would be redoubled due to the near-l
ness of the presidential election.
* * * *,
ND there also is the European
A a
crisis to consider. If that evolves
into a new European war - some of
the highest placed central figures in
Europe are represented as believing
that it might at any time - the next
session of Congress will have to face
the task of protecting American in-
terests.
No matter how zealously President
Roosevelt clings to the good neighbor
policy of keeping out of the struggle
at all costs which he has voiced, it will
take legislation of sorts not now to
be forecast. The session certainly
will have emergency work to do and
brand new '36 issue material would
be available.
Ten Years Ago
From The Daily Files
Of Oct. 22, 1925
The Varsity Band numbering 75
men entrained for Champaign where
they will present a lavish demon-

stration to the spectators of the Illi-
nois-Michigan football game tomor-
row. Each member of the Band was
required to promise absolute quiet in
the pullman cars after 10:30 p.m.
Campus rumors that the gigantic
giid-graph, installed in Hill Auditor-
ium to graphically picture the away-
from-home football games of the
football team, was inaccurate were
definitely refuted. Bennie Friedman,
Michigan's star, and Red Grange of
Illini fame were to be represented on
the grid-graph with red bulbs, in
contrast to the white bulbs used for
other members of the teams.
The newspaper offices of Chicago
were beseiged for confirmation of re-
ports that Red Grange had broken
one of his legs in practice yesterday
afternoon and would not be in the
line-up of the Michigan-Illinois game
tomorrow. "While these reports were
flying around the country that fam-
ous young man was very active on his
two perfectly good legs," 'the Daily
said. No one knew how the story was
started.
Three University students left Wy-
andotte this morning in a huge maize
and blue colored balloon for Urbana.
The balloon was owned by the engi-
neering college, the demonstration
being a means to further the prac-
ticability of travel by balloon.
Tom Edwards, veteran tackle of
Coach Yost's team, suffered a should-
er injury which was to keep him out
of the Illinois game.

DAILY OFFICIAL E

JL

L~J~i1'NII

I

Publication in the Bulletin is constructive notice to all members of the
University. Copy received at the office of the Assistant to the President
until 3:30; 11:00 a.m. on Saturday.

Like bells, in showers of mel-
Low shards -
Them were the days, my fel-
Low bards!

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 23, 1935
VOL. XLVI No. 19l
Notices
To Department Heads and Others
Concerned: All hourly time slips must
be in tlie Business Office on the 23rd
of the month to be included in the1
monthly payroll._
Edna G. Miller, Payroll Clerk.
Rhodes Scholarships: Candidatest
for the Rhodes Scholarships should
see the Secretary of the History De-
partment on or before October 28 in
order to secure a time for conferring
with the Committee. No conferences1
will be allowed with students who
have not made an appointment.
A. L. Cross.
Graduate Students: The Michigan1
League invites graduate students to
an informal reception and dance on
Wednesday evening, October 23, inf
the ballroom of the Michigan League)
Building from eight until eleven
o'clock Mrs. Ruthven, Dean andt
Mrs. Yoakum and Assistant Dean and1
Mrs. Okkelberg will receive. Thet
wives and husbands of graduate stu-t
dents are included in this invitation.-
College of Literature, Science, and
the Arts; School of Music; and School
of Education: All students, now in,
residence, who received marks of In-
complete or X at the close of their1
last term of attendance (i.e., semester
or summer session), must complete
work in such courses by the end of
the first month of the present semes-
ter, October 30. Where illness or
other unavoidable circumstances
make this impossible, a limited ex-
tension of time may be granted by
the Administrative Board of the Lit-
erary College, the Administrative
Committee of the School of Educa-
tion, or the Director of the School oft
Music, provided a written request,
with the approved and signature of
the instructor concerned is presentedt
at the Registrar's Office, Room 4,
University Hall.
In cases where no supplementary
grade is received and no request for
additional time has been filed, these
marks shall be considered as having
lapsed into E grades.7
Training Course for Child Guidance
Workers: The second meeting of the
training course will be held in room
1022 University High School Building,
from 7:00 to 9:00 Wednesday evening.,
Mr. Elmer Mitchell, director of the
Intramural Department, will give an
illustrated lecture on his study of the
earlier interests of new University
students, and their implications for
a child guidance program. There will
be a forum discussion afterwards. The
meeting is open to those interested in
child guidance, social work with chil-
dren, education, and camping.
Sign-out Slips: All sign-out slips
from sorority houses and League
houses are to be turned into the Un-
dergraduate Office by 4:00 p.m. each
Monday. Separate slips are not re-
quired for each day. Attached to the
sign-out slips must be a Judiciary
Council Report blank obtainable in
Miss McCormick's Office and all of
the Late Permission Slips from the
Dean of Women's Office.
Sophomore Cabaret Petitions: Pe-
titions for positions on the commit-
tees for the Sophomore Cabaret are
available in the Undergraduate Of-
fice through Thursday, October 24.
The committees will consist of Fi-
nance, Entertainment, Dance, Social,
Publicity, Decoration; chairmanships
and memberships are open. There are
also the positions of chairman and
assistant chairman for the Cabaret.
Interviews for women applying for
any chairmanship are to be held on
Friday, October 25, from 3:00to 6:00.
At this interview, each of these wom-
en must turn in a health certificate
from the Health Service.

Academic Notices
Botany I, Make-up Examination
will be held Saturday, October 26, at
9 o'clock in room 2003 Natural Science
Bldg.
History Make-up Examinations.
The make-up examinations in all his-
tory courses will be given on Satur-
day a.m., 9-12, October 26, in Room
C. Haven Hall.
Zoology 32 (Heredity): An exami-
nation for those who were absent
from the June Final will be held in
Room 3089 N.S. on Saturday, Octob-
er 26, beginning at 8 a.m.
Events Of Today
Orientation Lecture: Prof. Earl V.
Moore will speak on "Music" at the
lecture to be held from 5:00 to 5:30
o'clock on Wednesday, October 23,
Lydia Mendelssohn Theatre. This is
the first in a series of three lectures
on the cultural opportunities afforded
at Michigan.
Chemical and Metallurgical Engi-
neers: Mr. William J. Nolan will speak
at the Seminar for graduate students
in Chemical and Metallurgical Engi-
neering at 4 o'clock, room 3201 E.
Eng. Bldg., on the subject "The Me-
chanism of the Soda Pulping Pro-
cess."

I I1

All persons voting will be required to
present their identification cards. No
other means of identfication will be
accepted.
Freshman Medics: Elections for the
officers of the Class of 1939 will be
held in the Pathology Amphitheatre
of the West Medical Building between
4:30 and 5:30 p.m. this evening. All
persons voting will be required to pre-
sent their identification cards. No
other means of identification will be
accepted.
Luncheon for Graduate Students
in the Russian tearoom, Michigan
League Building. Cafeteria service.
Carry trays across the hall. Profes-
sor Jesse Reeves, Chairman of the
Department of Political Science, will
speak informally on "Graduate Study
Forty Years Ago."
Forestry Club: Our annual Camp-
fire will be held tonight at Saginaw
Forest. Freshmen and sophomore
Pre-Forestry students may obtain
tickets from Miss Wallace, Room 2052
N.S. Bldg. Price 50c. Trucks will leave
the front of the N.S. Building be-
tween 5:00 and 5:30 p.m. Wear your
field clothes.
Scabbard and Blade:Regular
meeting at 7:30 p.m. in the Union,
room posted, uniform required. T.
Hawley Tapping will present some
motion pictures.
Pi Lambda Theta Tea at the Uni-
versity Elementary School Library,
from four to five-thirty o'clock.
Stanley Chorus: The regular re-
hearsal of Stanley Chorus will be held
at 7:15 p.m. at the Union, third floor.
Those interested in trying out for the
chorus may attend at this time or at
the close of rehearsal.
Contemporary: Luncheon meeting
today at the Haunted Tavern at
11:45. All staff members are urged
to attend.
Rendezvous Club: Meeting in the
Auditorium of Lane Hall at 8:00 p.
m. Election of officers; planning of
program, including social and recre-
ational activities; and preparations
for Black Friday will be the main
features of the evening.
All Rendezvous men who are un-
able to attend the meeting should
leave word at Lane Hall.
League Merit System Committee:
All Imembers must be present at a
meeting at 4:00 o'clock in the League
Undergraduate Office. If unable to
attend call Ruth Sonnanstine, 22281.
All men interested in archery meet
at 4:15 p.m., Intramural Sports Build-
ing.
Sophomore Men and ,Women inter-
ested in trying out for the Michi-
ganensian report at 4 o'clock to the
Student Publeation Bldg., Maynard
St.
National Student League meets at
the Union at 7:30 p.m. Prof. Morris of
the English Department, will speak.
Everyone is welcome to attend.
Womens' Swimming Club: Short
meeting 4:15 p.m. at the Womens'
Athletic Building. All members asked
to be present.
Hillel Foundation: There will be
a meeting of the Jewish Graduate
Group at 8 p.m., Hillel Foundation.
Senior women are cordially invited to
attend.
Coming Events
Observatory Journal Club will meet
in the class room Thursday October
24, 4:15 p.m. Dr. R. C. Williams
will speak on "The Spectroscopic De-
termination of e/m." Tea will be
served at 4:00 p.m.

Kappa Tau Alpha: Initiation meet-
ing Thursday, 7:45, as Professor
Brumm's house, 1916 Cambridge Rd.
Meet at Haven Hall for transporta-
tion. Women are asked to arrange
for late permission.
Weekly Reading Hour: Thursday,
October 24, 4 p.m., Room 205 Mason
Hall. The following members of the
Interpretive Arts Society will furnish
the program: Mildred Goldberg, Rob-
ert Reinhart, Jean Greenwald, Rob-
ert Uslan, Janet Brackett, Richard
Shappell, Wilma Rattenbury, and
Grace Gray.
The public is cordially invited.
Modern Dance Club: The Modern
Dance Club has changed the time of
its meetings. It will now meet regu-
larly in Sarah Caswell Angell Hall,
Barbour Gymnasium on Thursday
evenings from 7:30 to 9:00 and Fri-
day afternoons from 4:00 to 5:30 un-
der the direction of Miss Ruth Bloom-
er. For further information, call
Julia Anne Wilson, 8153.
Presbyterian Students are invited
to anafternoon and evening outing
at Sylvan Estates Country Club on
Saturday, October 26. Afternoon ac-
tivities, dinner, and a dance in the
evening will be provided. Transpor-
tation has been arranged for and all
those attending must be at the Ma-

-G.A.

Research conducted wholly by ourself reveals the
fact that Irving Berlin, author and composer of
"All Alone by the Telephone," was also those of
"Call Me Up Some Rainy Afternoon." Our detec-
tive bureau is working on the clue that Irving
always has had a lot of Am Tel & Tel stock.
There are Style Books in newspapers' offices,
and most of them tell you that numerals under
100 are to be written out. This column is su-
perior to office rules; it has been under a dicta-
torship for - a long time. We can get away with
"1,000,000s for defense, but not le for tribute."
Historians' Peekly-Weekly
All Late! All Late! Wha' d'ya read? All Late!
ITALIANS capture Adigrat, Adowa, and Aksum
-but not until they take Addis Ababa can we
be sure that Mussolini has definitely decided
to conquer Ethiopia alphabetically.
GREAT BRITAIN, France and Italy toss 22 lateral
ultimatums for a net gain of no and no/100ths
yards - while all three bands form a huge
PH-F-F-F-T!, and a group of calisthenicising
cheer leaders call for the All-European alma
mater song, "All Noisy on the Western Front."
"THE LAST DAYS OF POMPEII," said to be an
inspiring movie, fails to give the Sixth Avenue
El, hard by, any new ideas.
"BREVOORTS may come and Brevoorts may go,"
quotes an I.R.T. official as he reads the news
that the 81-year-old hotel is to be torn down,
"but the indestructible, super-eternal Sixth
Avenue El will probably win the standing-
still jump at the 1P96 Olympics."
U. S. ACQUIRES three new islands in Pacific
Ocean - and as soon as we can pick up an-
other pair somewhere the new acquisitions will
all be moved to the Smithsonian Institution
and re-named Marie, Annette, Cecile, Emilie
and Yvonne.
PEACE NEWS : Our Holland correspondent
cables that Dr. Alexander Alekhine and Dr.
Max Euwe have been battling quietly - even
noiselessly - for the chess championship of
the world. At the moment of filing the dis-
patch, Dr. Euwe had just taken Dr. Alekhine's
queen- and was about to checkmate his dic-
tator, a chap named Benito something, when
the latter broke the match's seven-day silence,
loudly proclaiming- that the entire world of
pawns, castles, knights, bishops and katydids
was unfairly arrayed against him, forcing him
to attack Canarsie. On cross-examination, he
said he had never heard of any one named
Hohenzollern. The match was finally turned
over to the H. G. Wells Prognostication Lab-
oratories, which forecast occasional showers
for tomorrow, followed by occasional sunshine.
So w-t the hell?
YE OULDE AL GRAHAM.