THE MICHIGAN DAILY
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
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somewhere to have put his hand up. X would then
have known his own circle was red and would have
put his hand down. Y could have followed the
same reasoning, and would have put his hand
down. As long as all the hands remain up all the
circles must be red. Of course, if any two circles
were blue, one hand would have not gone up in
the first place, while if all the circles were blue,
no hands would have gone up. Applying that
knowledge the wisest man knows all the circles
must be red and that his accordingly, must be red.
. ...All right, all right, you try writing it down
on paper.
Pubisled every morning except Monday during the
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trol of Student Publications.
Member of the Western Conference Editorial Association
and the Big Ten News Service.
MEMBER
ca~5ocidttcd allegiat4 rs
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MAMSON 'VVSCONSI
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MANAGING EDITOR.............WILLIAM G. FERRIS
CITY.EDITOR ............................JOHN HEALEY
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SPORTS EDITOR..................ARTHUR CARSTENS
WOMEN'S EDITOR...................EIANOR BLUM
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NIGHT EDITOR: THOMAS H. KLEENE
New And Old
Union Officials .. .
As Others See It_
Third-Party Jitters
(From the Baltimore Sun)
N O ONE CAN SAY with reasonable assurance
that a new party will not be organized; or,
if such a party is formed, that it will not raise
havoc with either or both of the major parties. It
would seem the better part of wisdom for the
latter, but especially the Democrats, who are
at the moment in power and so in a position to
get something done, to cease worrying about pos-
sible third-party opposition and begin working
on a program that will meet the needs of the peo-
ple. The party that does this need have little
to fear from a third-party threat.
The Mountain To Maho met
(From the.Brown Daily Herald)
AFAIR SAMPLE of fickle youth's interest in de-
bating was shown in the turnout of two men,
last Wednesday evening, to take part in the compe-
tition for places on the sophomore and junior
teams in the Hicks Prize Debate. The time was
when, according to the Harvard Crimson, "The
tricks and traps of the logicians were as keenly ap-
preciated as the generalship of an astute quarter-
back." Today even the bait of $50 in prizes can-
not lure the wary undergraduate, fearful for his
reputation as a man-about-town and socialite, out
of his lair of sophistication.
Truly as one person would have it, the radio
and the movies, and perhaps the blondes, have
driven out debating. Until another passing whim
shall again seize the undergraduate and debating
shall again become the fad of the cream of Brown
men, nothing can be done about it. All we can
do is sit back on our haunches and bewail at the
top of our lungs the days that used to be.
Harvard, among others, has tried to bring back
this past glory through the use of one of the ene-
my's weapons, radio. National and international
debates by means of this long-distance agency
have been held, and are becoming more and more
popular. More power to them.
America's Responsibilities
(From the Kansas City Star)
N THE WORLD as it is constituted today no
nation can achieve safety by burying its head
in the sand. The United States, it is true, cannot
afford to make commitments that would involve it
in "Europe's everlasting quarreling." But neither
can it afford not to recognize how some of its own
policies, such as high tariffs and the Silver Pur-
chase Act, have contributed to the present dis-
turbed condition of international relations; nor
can it afford to withhold enlightened cooperation
for peace, wherever that is possible without polit-
ical entanglements.
The University of Virginia recently announced
the organization of two divisions of a student po-
lice corps, one to protect students from theft and
one to protect University property. How about a
organization here to protect police property from
theft?
: COLLEGIATE
OBSERVER
By BUD BERNARD
A former college student obtained a job as
travelling salesman for a jewelry firm. 'He
visited a certain small town and sold the pro-
pritor of its general store an order of jewelry.
When the jewelry arrived it was not as repre-
sented and the merchant consequently re-
turned it.
But the wnolesale house nevertheless, at-
tempted to collect the bill, and drew a sight-
draft on the merchant through the local bank,
which returned the draft unhonored.
The wholesaler then wrote to a law firm in
the village and asked about the financial
standing of the merchant and the firm replied
that it was O.K. By return mail the whole-
sale dealer requested the firm through its
attorney to collect the bill, and they received
the following reply:
"The undersigned is the merchant on whom
you attempted to palm off your worthless
goods. The undersigned is presidest and
owner of the bank to which you sent the sight
draft.
I "The undersigned is the owner of the law
firm to whom you wrote, and the undersigned
is the lawyer whose services you sought to ob-
tain for your nefarious business. If the under-
signed were not also pastor of the church at
this place, he would tell you to go to h-."
*..
Given: Two Southern California students, a vio-
lated speeding ordinance, 1,000 pennies, $10 fine,
one police officer.
Results: Said police officer in one highly per-
iturbed state of mind.
Student number one was arrested, called for
fine money from his fraternity brother, who ap-
peared with a cigar box containing the 1,000 pen-
nies. The copper accepted the coppers for the fine
with numerous uncomplimentary and sultry re-
marks about the juvenile humor of college stu-
dents.
* * . * . .
A sophomore on this campus and inciden-
tally a member of The Daily sport staff was
financially embarrassed last Sunday, Mother's
Day, and wanting to send a wire, seit the fol-
lowing telegram collect:
"Greetings on Mother's Day. This costs me
nothing, Dad will pay."
He received the following reply from his
Dad: "Your Mother's Day greetings received
in-rhyme. Left me with only one thin dime.
The next time you send a wire collect, it will
receive a round trip you can expect."
* * * *
Not that it's important, but girls at the Uni-
versity of Washington affirm that men look
better smoking pipes than cigarettes. Since girls
have now taken up cigarettes, men no longer'
appear very masculinecsmoking them, they have
decided. One of the. co-eds declared that the rea-
son men look more masculine with pipes is that
they have to thrust out their jaws to hold on to
them.
A Latin profdssor at Indiana University
came into his classroom and made the fol-
lowing statement: "Open your text, gentlemen.
Line four inmy book and line eight in most of
yours.-
It must have been a thrill - in fact we are posi -
tive it was a most overwhelming sensation when
two co-eds at Syracuse University tripped along
the corridors of the anthropology department and
smacked up against a five-foot alligator which had
escaped from its cage.
II .
Just Before Exams
Are lIniDemand
In the next few weeks, hundreds of students will
be completing hundreds of theses in that charac-
teristic last-nute rush. Why not extend a help-
ing hand to your fellow student and at the same
time increase your earnings as a typist. Through
the medium of The Michigan Daily Classified
Column you will find ready businiess. Special
weekly rates for "Typing Wanted" acts and dis-
count for cash payments. Stop at 420 Maynard
Street today or call 2-1214 for further particulars.
Student Publications Building
The Mich igan Daily
T HE APPOINTMENT of two new ex-
ecutive officers for the Union marks
the end of the terms of a president and recording
secretary who, because of their uninterrupted
devotion to their tasks, have done much to further
the aims for which the Union was first founded.
They have planned and carried out a program
of student activities which has interested under-
graduates and also encouraged their active par-
ticipation.
Next Monday night at the annual Installation
Banquet, the two retiring officers, Allen D. Mc-
Combs, '35, president, and Douglas R. Welch, '35,
recording secretary, will be formally replaced by
Wencel A. Neumann, '36E, and John C. McCarthy,
'36, respectively.
In a University as large as the University of
Michigan, the task of maintaining an organiza-
tion that represents all the men students on the
campus in the real sense of the word is difficult.
It is to be hoped that the incoming officials will
carry on this responsibility as well as their prede-
cessors.
It's The Best
We Can Do...
CHAIN LETTER FEVER of one sort
or another has too strong a grip on
the public just now to be dissipated by any other
fad. Nevertheless, partially verified rumors are
abroad to the effect that a certain problem labeled
"Brain Teaser," published in the As Others See It
column of this paper Sunday morning, has started
a wave of thinking on the campus.
Lest another extra-curricular activity, inad-
vertently launched by the editors in a dull moment,
absorb too much of the time of the student body,
The Daily hastens to make known the solution of
the poser. Sad to say, no written exposition (lack-
ing the clarity of gestures) can be so completely
satisfactory as to save thought on the reader's part
entirely.
This is the sticker: The king wishes to choose
the wisest man from among three of his sub-
jects, He tells them that he is going to blind-
fold them and paint one circle in red or blue
on each of their foreheads. When the blindfolds
are removed, each man who sees a red circle on
the forehead of either of the others is to raise his
right hand. When any one of them figures out the
color of his own circle he is to lower his hand. The
An Editor Goes On A Crying Jag
Ghosts At Hard-Hearted Frank's Bedside Move Writer To Sobs
By WILLIAM ALLEN WHITE
in the Emporia Gazette
T MIGHT INFLICT a hardship, but to our
notion all editorial writers should be compelled
to read the newspapers. No man should be a slave
to facts - there are limits within which fancy
should be allowed to play - but an occasional fact,
properly handled, never hurt any editorial.
For instance, an editorial writer for the Topeka
State Journal, urging pre-payment of the soldiers'
bonus, spreads his verbal wings and soars aloft
as follows:
"The demands for immediate payment of the
bonus contributed its share to the election of Mr.
Roosevelt. If any ghost troubles the slumbers
of the smiling man in the White House, it must
be that of the man in uniform in desperate finan-
cial straits, calling for help."
Our emotions are pretty unstable these days.
We cry easily. Ever since 1929, just let someone
start talking about his wrongs and our chest be-
gins to heave, our nose to run, our eyes to fill
to their brims and in a minute we are off, crying
as though our little heart would break, our head
buried in our arms and our slight frame wracked
with tremulous sob after big tremulous sob.
But before we let ourselves go this time and
have a good cry, we would like to finish what we
started out to say about how editorial writers ought
to read the news columns now and then. If the
Topeka State Journal's editorialist had bothered
to read his own paper, he would remember that
during the campaign of 1932, considerable head
was turned on Candidate Roosevelt on this point.
His Republican critics charged that, by his silence,
he was getting votes under false pretenses, by
letting people assume he was for the bonus.
So Candidate Roosevelt broke that silence. He
came out against the bonus, said he wasn't in
favor of paying it out of an empty treasury. This
made big headlines in every paper in the country.
* * * *
It seems the fellows left behind in France have
only themselves to blame, for if they had only
kept their heads down in the trenches, or crouched
lower in the shell holes, or wrangled a job driving
a truck in the S. O. S., then they, too, would be
eligible for a bonus.
So the ones who came through alive are provid-
ing all the ghosts. (Just a minute, our tears have
smeared up our typewriter ribbon). It's all worked
out by a system. Eighteen hours a day, sleek, well-
paid lobbyists for the veterans' organizations work
on Congressmen and bother the President. Then
during the remaining six hours, the ghosts come
on their trick.
They punch the time clock, file through the
Lincoln Study and up to the East Room, climb
on the foot-rail of the big four-poster bed, and
begin to make it hot for Hard-Hearted Frank
with their big pathetic eyes. What with the lobby-
ists by day and the ghosts by night, things begin
to look pretty well set for the boys back home
who have been sending the telegrams, paying the
lobbyists and furnishing the ghosts with whatever
it takes in the way of mileage and expenses to
maintain a ghost in Washington.
The trouble is that the President clings to some
dumb idea about the Forgotten Man. He thinks
that any money we can borrow should go to ending
unemployment, for old-age pensions and the social
security program. He stubbornly insists that the
jobless and the aged should come first.
He has even had the insolence to ask those poor,
poor fellows, the able bodies ex-service men, to
remember their obligations to citizenship, not to
embarrass their country by demanding pre-pay-
ment of a debt 10 years before it is due - but there
- we can't go on - tears have wilted our collar
and spoted our tie - we keep seeing those sad-
eyed ghosts of able-bodied ex-service men perched
on the walnut foot rail of that four-poster bed
looking pathetic because the Old Meanie won't take
two billion dollars away from the old people and
COMING OUT SOON!
/-
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