8 Monday, May 23, 2011 The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com Stormy seas for 'Pirates' TVAnetworks prepare for another polar fall season By JAMIE BLOCK Read more previewson MichiganDaily.comR Daily Arts Writer Even the devilish Jack Sparrow can't save Disney's sinking ship By TIMOTHY RABB DailyArts Writer When contemplating Disney, one often visualizes the iconic Cin- derella castle, the Epcot Center's resemblance to a golf ball and Kodak moments with Mickey and Pirates of (an occasionally naughty) Donald the Carib- Duck. bean: On But more nota- ble than Disney's Stranger obsessive brand- ri es ing is its relent- less effort to At Quality 16 bastardize every and Rave idea the com-D.n pany has stowed Disney in its vaults. Step one, tell us an enchanting story; step two, keep milkinguntil there's nothing left; step three, milk some more. This week's "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" is no exception. Straight from the prolific yet uninspired Jerry Bruckheimer (who, in case you didn't know, is the Michael Bay of cop-themed TV shows and is now set on ruining pirate films), it's everything we've come to expect from the franchise since 2006's "Dead Man's Chest." The plot is shallow, the characters are flatter than flapjacks and the action is too COURTESY OF DISNEY Stay tuned for "Jack Sparrow and the Order of the Phoenix." frequent and hectic to make room for a good story. "Pirates" (which is adapted from Tim Powers' novel, "On Stranger Tides") finds the eccentric Jack Sparrow in London searching for his impersonator. The crook turns out to be Sparrow's former lover Angelica (Pendlope Cruz, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"). Together, the two find Angelica's father, the ruthless pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane, "Deadwood"). Beauti- ful though she may be, Cruz looks lost in her role, and her acting takes a deserved second place to Keira Knightley's career-making per- formance as Elizabeth in the first three "Pirates" films. Without Knightley and Orlando Bloom to start the film off on solid footing, the rest of it is a merry-go- round of pirate clichds, chandelier- swinging slapstick and of course, Johnny Depp, who was quite enter- taining ... the first time around. But even an industry darling like Depp can't stave off Sparrow's expiration date, now long past. Drunken emo pirate impressions can only amuse us for so long. What's to be said of the film's strengths? Though it's hardly a compliment, Disney earns a star for cuttingthe runtime down closer to two hours. It's hard to imagine how they could've added another half hour of nothing without incurring the ire of an angry movie mob. The other star is well-earned for excellent production value, the only real saving grace. The make-up, the attention to detail and choreogra- phy are, per usual, excellent. They should be, if a production budget of $250 million has anything to say about it. But the writers failed to borrow much of anything from an abundance of source material, save for a few character references. Though the built-in fan base of the first three "Pirates" films may ensure the box office success of "On Stranger Tides", it's clear that Disney has become its own worst enemy. Maybe they should let Pixar take the wheel from here on out. Originality is always better than lazy rehashing. If "National Treasure 3" is any indication, we're in for a lot more of the same from Disney Pictures. Last week shaped television forever - or at least for next fall - when the major networks held their annual upfronts, announcing their new fall schedules. Here is a spot- light on the upcoming shows that matter - either for looking particu- larly strong or particularly awful. THE STRONG NBC's "Awake" - This is shap- ing up to be best new series in a long time. Jason Isaacs, perhaps best known for portraying Lucius Malfoy in the "Harry Potter" films, takes the lead role in a series that is already earning comparisons to "Inception" for the way it plays with our conceptions of dreams and reality. The series follows a cop who gets into a car accident with his wife and son in the car. He wakes up into two different realities: one in which his son died in the crash, and one in which his wife died. He goes to sleep in one reality only to wake up in the other. But details from the realities begin to bleed over, as clues to a case in one reality spawn new leads in the other, and his two psychiatrists each attempt to con- vince him that the other reality is nothing but a dream. It's a dark, surreal yet ultimately relatable, tale of not wanting to let go. This awe- inspiring new series comes from the great mind of Kyle Killen, the creator of last fall's "Lone Star," which was also met with critical acclaim. Hopefully this time, audi- show. If the series is even close to as compelling as the trailer, they really should. NBC's "Free Agents" - It's nice to see some smart, dry com- edy on NBC, and even nicer to see Hank Azaria being lovably, miser- able. There's a genuine, pretty sad story lingering there behind all the laughs. While it's mostly a work- place comedy, this one's really about the characters. This is going to be one of those shows that, like "Com- munity," doesn't always have to be laugh out loud funny, because audi- ences will be invested in the story itself. The one bad thing about this show is that it's getting a bit of an experimental run on Wednesdays instead of the prominent Thursday- night block spot it deserves. CBS's "Person of Interest" - Michael Emerson ("Lost") is enough to make any new series seem appealing. He plays billion- aire Mr. Finch, who has a mysteri- ous list of people about to commit violent crimes, and hires vigilan- tes to prevent them from doing so. His newly hired vigilante is Reese, played by Jim Caviezel ("The Pris- oner"), a government agent turned depressed homeless person. While the show may not have a particular- ly exciting or new premise, it does seem to be a particularly strong take on the action drama, with strong performances and compel- ling mysteries surrounding its main characters. mm ME jr 7u 3 Free Bagel's No Purchase Necessary Limit One offer per customer with coupon. Not valid with any other offers. Valid at the Ann Arbor Location ONLY. Barry Bagels Westgate Shopping Center 2515 Jackson Ave, Ann Arbor, MI 48103 (734) 662-2435 www.barrybagels.com ! Expires: May 23, 2011 L. Jmmmm m = li m - = - 1111 ences will actually tune into his THE AWFUL NBC's "Whitney" - Whitney Cummings is a fine stand-up come- As University ofMichigan Alwnni, dienne. She should have stopped there. "Whitney" is full of the same We've been supporting the jokes over and over, and they're all UM Community since 1939... the same jokeswe've heard millions of times before about how often dif- DEISCOLE BIB RBERS ferent kinds of couples have sex or marriage or how crazy weddings are. They're not funny at all, and this show is stealing the spot on Thursday nights that "Free Agents" should have. ABC's "Work It" - Guys dress in drag to get jobs because women are controlling the working world. Then they have to keep it up for... ever. That's right. It's not just one episode about guys pretending to WWWDASCOLA .COM be women to achieve a goal - it's WALK4NS OME1 a whole series. And it's the least funny new comedy of the lot.