Tuesday, July 5, 2011 The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com 'Moon' misses mark Cinema dilluted Effects can't save third installment of 'Transformers' By DAVID TAO Daily Flm Editor The latest entry in the "Trans- formers" franchise can be viewed in a variety of ways. It's revo- lutionary. It's trendsetting. It's visionary. It's supremely Trsform- in tune with the current cultural ers Dark of zeitgeist. And it's the Mo also a steaming pile of crap. At Quality16 Before we go and Rave any further, in Paramount the interests of journalistic eth- ics, there are a few redeeming qualities about "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" that should be mentioned. From a purely technical standpoint, it's genius. The visual effects are (ini- tially) stunning and the 3-D is the best since "Avatar." Since 3-D cam- eras are heavier than normal cam- eras, director Michael Bay ("Pearl Harbor") couldn't rely on the shaky-cam thing he usually does. And Megan Fox's replacement, newcomer and Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-White- ley, is absolutely gorgeous. Fox was shamelessly sexualized for Bay's amusement. Huntington-Whitely is shamelessly sexualized, but she COURTESY OF PARAMOUNT "No! Don't make me star in the fourth one can also sort of deliver her lines in a (somewhat) realistic fashion. To a certain extent, these things all set "Dark of the Moon" a small step above its predecessor, the uni- versally abhorred "Revenge of the Fallen," mainly because you can watch without developing nausea. But the film also inherits most of the second installment's problems: shamelessly explicit product place- ment, government computers, vid- eoconferencing and transforming cars. There are endless plugs for the military, shameless war movie cliches, and of course, toilet humor and the casual racism. That doesn't even touch on the disjointed, paper-thin plot. Pro- tagonist Sam Witwicky (an incred- ibly bitchy Shia LaBeouf, "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps"), is unhappily working the mail room. Meanwhile, Optimus Prime and the other Autobots, who stand for freedom and justice, find some sort of sci-fi MacGuffin that can some- how save their old planet, Cyber- tron. The Decepticons - the evil enemy robots from the last two movies - naturally start shooting each other. Witwicky manages to involve himself because he's a big boy now and he deserves to do big boy things with the other big boys - LaBeouf, full of self-righteous angst, says words to this effect throughout the movie. Just as Swiss cheese needs a certain number of holes to be considered Swiss and a Michael Bay-directed film needs a certain number of holes to be considered authentic, "Dark of the Moon," with its multitude of unnecessary scenes and unresolved character arcs, doesn't disappoint. As in most of Bay's films, the script is an after- thought, simply an excuse to light the entire Chicago skyline on fire. The performances are painful to watch, too. Veterans like John Turturro ("Do The Right Thing") and John Malkovich ("Burn After Reading") remind us through their See'MOON', Page 9 By MATTHEW KANE For the Daily The first film I remember see- ing is "Jurassic Park" on opening weekend during the summer of 1993, and it remains one of my most cherished memories. From the back seat of an early '90s Honda parked at a drive-in theater on a rainy night, I watched a Tyran- nosaurus smash through cars much sturdier than my own. The film was set to a backdrop of trees swaying in the wind - or were they swaying from a massive prehistoric lizard pushing its way through the suburban sprawl of Dayton, Ohio? In what may have been the birth of my love for film, the horror of the scene took a backseat to the maj- esty of the moment, the serenity of becoming lost in the monumental potential of movies. Skip ahead 18 years and I could watch "Jurassic Park" at any time, in any place. I could - and often do - fire up my video iPod to watch "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" in an I-94 traffic jam. I've watched "Machete" at the gym, "Drag Me to Hell" in retail backrooms, and "Up" while walking to German class. And each time, I feel a little guilty for it - this isn't how movies are meant to be seen. I was eager to adopt the same iPod mentality for film that I have for music. It's such a nice idea to have the "Lord of the Rings" tril- ogy around at all times, the same way it's nice to have every song by your favorite band at your disposal for instant gratification. But film doesn't translate. A song can give your day a soundtrack, especially as we're becoming more "on-the- go" daily. But films? They can't make the transition from the silver screen to your iPod for jogging, for background noise, or for class-to- class travel. They demand your attention visually, audibly and nar- ratively. I won't knock Netflix - the most direct, appropriate equivalent of iTunes to film and television - but torrenting websites have also devalued cinema's shimmer to the status of cold productup for instant evaluation. I know, Hollywood makes products, Hollywood sells us products, everyone goes about living. But when a film is truly done well, like J.J. Abrams's "Super 8," which delivers a potent rush of cin- ematic awe, how do you expect to experience the same effect on a tiny laptop screen with tinny audio? The huge screen, the crisp projec- tion and the room illuminated only by dim exit signsis all necessaryfor appreciating film as an event over a file you can swipe online. Hello iPods, 3-D. Goodbye film. 0 -,n r- ----- -- ---- -------- ---- -------------- -- ----- Buy 1 Sandwich and Receive | a 2nd Sandwich of Equal or ' 1 1 - Lesser Value FREE I ' "Limit One offer per customer with coupon. 1 Q,9"' Cannot be combined with any other offer Valid at Barry Bagels Ann Arbor location ONLY 1 1 Barry Bagels SWestgare Shopyp Center 2515 Jackson Ave, Ann Arbor, MI 48103 (734) 662-2435 www.barrybagels.com Expires: July 11, 2011 --------------------------------------- ---------- I The inauthentic direction cin- ema is heading is only perpetuated by Hollywood's gimmicks. The 3-D boom of the post-"Avatar" cinema has been an attempt to cram the idea of "the event film" down the throats of moviegoers. It's been successful thus far, giving both a new reason to buy a ticket at the theaters and making an excuse to charge more for it. Some of the success has been alarming, with such popularity that deliciously stupid films like "Piranha 3D" are getting not only sequels, but rip- offs in "Shark Night 3D" and "Bait 3D," both horrifying omens of the 4 holographic shark from "Jaws 19" in "Back to the Future: Part Two." 3-D was supposed to be the next generation in filmmaking, and while 3-D films keep on com- ing, it's often nothing more than a cheap gimmick that ends up not 4 being so cheap for audiences. The same thing goes for D-BOX seat- ing, which provides motion simu- lation for action films. I personally prefer it to 3-D cinema, as one can See CINEMA, Page 9