lIon day
uly 25, 2005
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abe Wtdlian Bad

9

PARADISE
LOST
QuAsI-POicAL PLOT BLOWN OUT OF THECS

By Jeffrey Bloomer
Daily Arts Editor
Huh. In MichaelfBay's futuristic-sci-fi-melodra-
ma-allegory-chase movie-whatever the hell "The
Island," Ewan McGregor
and Scarlett Johansson play The Island
Lincoln Six-Echo and Jordan
Two-Delta, named that way At the Showcasel
probably because it sounds and Quality16j
cool. At first they seem wamer Bros.
human, then we learn they're
human clones, but, wait, they are actually human
because of their brain activity, no, they're not, we
just created them a few years ago, but, hold on,
they can fall in love - you get the idea. The entire
film hinges on the fundamental question of the
status of these characters - so are they human?
Or are they scientific collateral engineered with
human qualities? That's hard to say. The film is
such a muddle that none of the bigger questions
it raises are ever resolved on any level except the
usual plot contrivances and chase sequences that

end with an overwrought payoff and, if we're
lucky, a cheeky one-liner.
But then we remember: In a Michael Bay
movie, the narrative isn't so much an experience
as an ordeal we must endure to get from one
digital orgy to the next. Bay, the man behind,
let's see, a war epic that thinks Pearl Harbor
was 40 minutes of shoot-'em-up bombast and an
apocalyptic thriller about Ben Affleck making
animal crackers climb across Liv Tyler's chest,
hasn't the faintest interest in storytelling, and
why would he? His wayward glance focuses
instead on the action sequences that he's famous
for, in all their frantic, shifty, cheerfully inco-
herent glory. His directorial signature is more a
loud, obtrusive interruption than a stylistic flair;
you have to wonder what his films would be like
if all the scenes weren't cut like an iMovie zealot
on a particularly brutal acid trip.
As the film opens, our heroes are in some kind
of enclosure supposedly created to protect them
from a worldwide viral infection, where they
await their departure to "the island," a screen-
saver paradise regulated by a lottery that chooses
new citizens to leave each day. They have never

We want a Scarlett Johansson clone.
read "The Lottery," see, and do not understand
that these things are no good unless you buy a
ticket. They soon discover a sinister plot of the
usual sort, jump ship to Los Angeles and attempt
to find their genetic counterparts. All this leads
to that blissful "I'm him! ... No, I'm him!" clon-
ing-movie moment and possibly the first-ever
ready-made product placement written into a
film's screenplay, in the form of Johansson's
omnipresent Calvin Klein ads.
"The Island" is sweetly good-looking and, in
its own way, clumsily entertaining, but it never
overcomes the burden of its helmer's jarring sig-
nature. To be fair, it's Bay's best film in a decade
(and, mercifully, his shortest, at a still-trying 136
minutes), but when you come off "Bad Boys II"
and "Pearl Harbor," that just isn't saying much.
The film plays like the most laborious parts of

three oversaturated genres - science fiction, the
chase movie, the fish-out-of-water romance - all
busily thrown around the screen.
Yet even amidst the narrative carnage, there's
still some fun to be had. Johansson, the casually
stunning art-house princess from"Lost in Transla-
tion,"andMcGregor,the mischievously handsome
Scot who stole scenes in another blockbuster ear-
lier this summer, sit back and make a romp out of
their roles. When their characters finally discover
sex, and McGregor - who has slept with half of
Hollywood on screen and embraces nude scenes
with an unabashed glee - innocently replies to
Johansson, "that tongue thing is cool," it's a self-
referential moment to cherish. The sex scene itself
is a wash - unless, of course, you count the way
that Bay fucks over hopeful audiences once again.
That's quite a trick.

ActrsAlkflmgiDe troit

y imran Syed
aily Arts Writer
With the Detroit Pistons going to
e NBA Finals twice and the MLB
All-Star Game last week, Detroit
's getting loving attention it hasn't
een in years.
Well, throw this one on the list:
much of director Michael Bay's latest
action flick "The Island" was filmed
in Detroit, and from what two of the
film's stars, Academy-Award nomi-
nees Michael Clarke Duncan and Dji-
mon Hounsou have said, Motown is
improving and ready for the world's
attention during next February's
Super Bowl.
"I didn't like the cold at all, but you
know, I loved the time that I spent here,
certainly with the food and all that, it
was amazing," said Hounsou, a native
of the West-African nation of Benin.
The prolific character actor, whose
m credits also include "Amistad"
and "Constantine," said the cuisine
was actually the highlight of his visit.
"The food was delicious ... definitely
better than L.A., it's just easier to find
good restaurants in Detroit than L.A. I
mean, the food is very rich."
Better food than L.A.? It's safe
osay Mr. Hounsou was limited to
just the Greektown-Hard Rock Cafe-
Whitney triangle.
His co-star Michael Clarke Duncan,

who was recently in the screen adap-
tation of Frank Miller's "Sin City,"
regretted that he was not able to come
to Detroit. "No, I wasn't in Detroit;
that was Djimon and everybody else.
I only did my part in L.A., but I wish
I had been here ... you got all the cars
here ... yeah, we needed Detroit."
While discussing the film, both
actors suggested that its premise is
more science and less fiction. The
movie follows "agnates," or human
clones created as insurance policies,
and implies that such a possibility
might not be far off in the future.
"I believe in the future ... if the
government can make money off of it,
I think that they'll approve something
like that. I mean, this company, Mer-
rick, is a big conglomerate and it makes
tons of money; it charges $5 million a
head. If you think the government has
to get some of that money, then they're
... cool with it," Duncan said.
Asked how he feels of the possibil-
ity, Duncan had mixed feelings.
"I don't know if it's a person's right.
If somebody is really sick, like say your
mother has this degenerative heart dis-
ease and her clone can save her, I mean
then you want to do that because you
want your mother to live. But you know
there's going to be somebody else out
there doing something else with it. Some-
body will just be like 'cool, I'm going to
clone myself and make this race of super

humans,' and that's when the idiots come
out of the box."
For Hounsou, the idea of using a
clone is laughable - he's even reluc-
tant employ stunt doubles.
"(I did) all of the action scenes, all of
it. I don't understand the stunt double,
unless I have to be flying like superman,
I don't need a stunt double ... you know,
I'm fit, so why am I going to have some-
one running for me? What's the point?"
On the same note, Duncan explained
his averseness to using technological
advancements to enhance his body.
"I'm, like. old school; if God wants
you to have it, you'll have it, and all the
enhancements, I don't really think..."
Duncan said. Before finishing the thought
he added, with a booming laugh,"I mean,
it looks good on the females though. I'm
just saying, enhancements on a female,
that's a good thing, but I don't think on

It looks like "The Green Mile" just got a lot more kinky.
men it's really ... next question!" game ... I really wanted ... to be here and
So is Detroit ready to replace la-la-land see a game in Detroit.Iunderstand that the
as the place for movies, their stars and fans are some of the best fans, just some
their clones? Probably not. But at least we of the craziest out there." In the finished
know Hounsou will return. film, a Steve Yzerman jersey is visible in
"What I really wanted was a Detroit the futuristic city's backdrops - perhaps
Red Wings jersey. Hockey is my favorite left in at the Hounsou's request.
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