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June 18, 2001 - Image 5

Resource type:
Michigan Daily Summer Weekly, 2001-06-18

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

Monday, June 18, 2001- The Michigan Daily - 5


At long last the Daily has blessed
the community with an addition to
the editorial pages - a humor col-
umn. We speak, of course, of Amer
Zahr's column comparing Israel and
Afghanistan ("Israeli legacy in
Afghanistan," 6/11/01). While
columnists often stretch the truth to
fit their ideological spectrum, we
have never seen a column that was
so hyperbolized and divorced from
Initially, Zahr asserts, without
evidence, that Israel is a religious
state. Anyone who has studied Israel
should find this notion laughable.
The majority of Israelis are secular.
Israel is governed by secular law -
codified in the democratically elect-
ed parliament where all members,
Jews and Non-Jews, serve on an
equal plane. Afghanistan offers no
such thing as democracy, but rather
the Taliban's version of Shuria
which makes secular life a crime.
Zahr conveniently overlooks this
Zahr correctly states that Israel is
trying to maintain a Jewish state.
However Jewish is used here to
denote a nationality not simply a
religion. That is, Israel is trying to
maintain a Jewish state no more so
than France is trying to maintain a
French state or Germany a German
state. The reality is simply this: The
majorities of nation states in the 21st
century are nationalistic in origin
and strive to protect their national
heritage. Israel is no different than

these states andi
compare France
Taliban, a coml
the Taliban is asi
Zahr claims
to eradicate the
and ethnic min
another lie. In tI
there are 10Ara
with the rest of
bers. Those Ara
voting block at
influence on leg
ly, last week I
Mishlav was a
General, one of
the Israeli Defen
sound like thea
purging its mino
Mr. Zahr cL
ences presented
ply a matter of
views are indic
ture. However,:
nuances that a
fundamental d
Israel and the T
larger picture i
ing generalizati
of current even
off this distortio
uation "intellect
"intellectual" a
hyperboles rath
en factual uni
issue. If Mr. Z
look at interna
intellectual light
content and fac
tion and lies.

until the day that we
or Germany to the
parison of Israel to
that Israel attempts
country of religious
orities. This is yet

Media ignored
irony' of death

he Israeli Parliament To THE DAILY:
b-Israelis who serve It seems like everyone is talking
'the Knesset mem- about Timothy McVeigh: The ques-
ibs form a powerful tion people want answered is how the
nd have significant boy next door could commit such a
islation. Additional- horrendous crime against humanity.
sraeli-Arab Yusef However, often overlooked is the
ppointed a Major- fact that what McVeigh did was
the highest posts in nothing new for him and probably
ase Forces. Does this would not have been made possible
actions of a country had it not been for the U.S. govern-
rity population? ment itself. The same man that was
aims that the differ- executed last week for the murder of
out above are sim- 168 innocent people in Oklahoma in
nuance and his own 1995 was awarded medals just four
ative of a larger pic- years earlier for murdering countless
it is precisely these innocent people in Iraq during the
re indicative of the Gulf War. What stumps me is how
ifferences between media coverage of this event so clev-
aliban, while Zahr's erly avoided this irony. McVeigh was
s based on mislead- a murderer before Oklahoma, but
ons and a distortion back then he was honored forit. In
its. He tries to pass fact, MeVeigh was even quoted as
n as looking at a sit- saying that taking the life of another
tually.' In reality his human was hard until he was trained
analysis consists of to do so by the U.S. Army.
er than content-driv- Another double standard that is
derstanding of the rarely mentioned by media is if the
ahr truly wants to cold-blooded murder of innocent
tional affairs in an civilians is considered deserving of
t, he should focus on the ultimate punishment, then it
t rather than distor- should be declared that all those
guilty of the deaths of over half a
million innocent children due to
JmMY M. MEN sanctions imposed onIraqsince the
DAVID LivsHsz Gulf War face similar punishment
After all, it is only fair.

Ronald McDonald is a media whore
Lsee him staring it me from behind those up as a reminder of the new corporate state.
golden arches, hawking wares like the I understand being reminded to vote. That's
well-paid McDemon from hell he is. He easy to forget. But we don't need to be remind-
haunts dreams, poisons childhood, funds ed to eat. No one needs to see pictures of larg-
Ronald McDonald House and causes more er-than-life-hamburgers on the freeway just the
nightmares than Bozo doinga strip tease. way no one needs to see cigarettes being sold
By now you're wondering what by a vaguely middle-eastern pin-up
kind of traumatic clown experience I girl in Kamel ads. When one needs
had asa child. to be reminded of basic bodily func-
I liked Ronald. I liked Santa tions, it seems indicative of a cultural
Claus too, but at least your parents ncrisis.
eventually sit you down to tell you I would ask for consumer labels
they'd been lying about the whole on fast food. Warning: this product is
thing, from the elves on up to the known to cause heart disease, obesi-
jolly guy himself. McDonalds never ty, ravenous disregard for wellbeing,
tells you they've been attracting you drug-induced stupors and possibly
to their hamburger stand with myths gas.
even more thoroughly pervasive in JOSH I'm not only questioning busi-
our culture than Jolly Old St. Nick. WICKERHAM ness practices, but asking more
You might think I'm a vegetari- Sol IOF poignantly, does McDonald's even
an, but I'm not. I even eat at THE CITY have the right to exist? This corpora-
McDonalds. tion wastes the resources of the earth,
That's the problem. I don't want to eat at sells us food that makes us feel like drug
McDonalds. I don't think anyone does. So I addicts and pollutes our field of vision, insult-
want to ask seriously, did anyone ever "say ing our intelligence with obnoxious ads. But
McDonalds?" I know I never did. People say, McDonalds is not the only culprit. I wouldn't
"I'm hungry" or "I'm in a hurry." They don't want a business to be shut down completely,
get excited about getting fast food. Maybe it's but I do think we should demand that it be
because we're all comparably rich and compa- held socially responsible, like a cigarette com-
rably fat and too rushed to think about what pany being sued for knowingly hooking smok-
we're shoving down our throats. Or maybe it's ers. Fast food needs to take a cue from Ford,
that we know we'll get our arteries unclogged which last summer admitted the destructive
with the latest medical procedures when the qualities of SUVs. But Ford wrings its hands
times comes. Or maybe it's that we just don't at the thought that marketers had any say in
care. Only Americans would equate quantity creating the great 'demand for the tanks that
with quality and think that buying greasy food now roam our suburban landscape. McDon-
endorsed by a fascistic yellow clown can in ald's would probably do the same.
any way be a good value.
No one I know was ever tempted to order -Josh tfickerham's column runs every other
McFood without an invasive reminder through Monday He can be reached via
advertising or seeing the Golden Arches rising e-mail atjwickerh@umich.edu.
Dressed to kill: Ladies 'night at Game Works
rab your guns, girls: Sega GameWorks his life meter ran down the guy jumped out of
Auburn Hills, MI) lets ladies play free the booth. Ha. But here's the best part: When
on Thursday nights! According to the the guy bailed my friend Katy jumped in and
web site, "GameWorks is the premier enter- swiped her card and we beat the game! Sure, it
tainment destination where people of all ages took us about half an hour, but it's a hard
can eat, drink and gather together for a unique game.
social experience around games" After the dinosaur shooting I was
They remind you of this constantly too hungry to mess with anyone else,
This guy Mark Anthony walks so we hit the bar. GameWorks serves
around yelling: "GameWorks! The 44 A all kinds of weird gaming-themed
best place to drink, party and play!" drinks but I just got a Coke. We
Then he offers 2-hour game cards to ordered fries and got to pick two dif-
anyone who can beat him at Indy 500 ferent dipping -sauces. They had
racing. peanut oil, garlic aeoli, peppercorn
My own "unique social experi- ranch, hickory-smoked BBQ, spicy
ence around games" included having mayonnaise and, my favorite, ketchu-
two eighteen-year-old boys make fun peno (ketchup with jalpeio added).
of the way I drive a pod racer: "Look, KATIE Very chic, of course, but what if you
she's not even using the turbo boost." MULCRONE just want ketchup? (Please note:
I ignored the little geeks, but they did 1CTICA GameWorks does not have ketchup,
give me an idea for this week's JOKING not even greenketchup.)
prank. I loitered by the coveted After we ate we got in line for the
"Jurassic Park" games until a guy went in to Air Pirates game. This is a four player game
one of the booths alone. Jurassic Park is a two- where you get strapped into seats and then rise
player game, so the idea was to wait until he about twenty feet in the air in a virtual hot air
was doing well and then jump in as the second balloon. The object of the game is to puncture
player. When he got to stage two I flung the other players' balloons with spikes from
myself into the booth. "Hey, what's up?" I slid your own balloon. Kind of hard to explain,
my card through the reader and grabbed the really, but it's easily the best game in the place
second gun before he even had the chance to and the line is usually pretty long. The guy let
grunt in response. Then I fired five rounds into the four of us play for free since Katy's and my
the ground. ladies' night cards were expired: "I'll tell you.
"Whoa! Did you see that? I totally hit that I'm a nice guy. But I'm sick of all these drunk
big green one!" women screaming at me. Jack, Coke and Bai-
He didn't answer. The screen was urging ley's on the breath is not a good thing!"
me to reload, but I just randomly pointed the Although this could be seen as part of a
gun and fired instead. "I rule!" "unique gaming experience" we agreed in
"You have to reload! Reload!" Oh, he was principle. Also, he let us play for free.
not happy. There's a status bar for each player
at the top of the screen. My hits? Zero. But I -Katie Mulcones column runs every other
kept being really obnoxious. I think I might Monday. She can be reached via
have yelled "Boo ya!" at one point. As soon as e-mail at lnulcron@umich.edu.

LSA seniorsr
The letter writers arthe EducatioT/Pliti- HIBA GHAIsB
calAction Chair and Co-Chair respective- iS&tjunisr
ly, of theAmerican MovementforIsrael


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