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Study Hard, Party Harder
Virginia Tech U.
Hope next year they'll come up with a better solution
to students' drinking problems. Or at least not follow
the example of Virginia Tech president Paul Torgersen.
When he discovered students were (gasp!) drinking
alcohol, he immediately took action. Torgersen circulat-
ed a memo to all faculty providing guidelines. The solu-
tion? Assign homework over the weekend. Sounds a lit-
tle dry to us.
U. of Illinois
He's every librarian's worst nightmare. Over the
course of two years, UI student Sean Harte managed to
accumulate 174 overdue library books, valued at
$10,000. That was before he was arrested, spent 43
days in the slammer for missing his first court date and
eventually pleaded guilty to charges of misdemeanor
theft. Part of his plea forbids Hart from returning to
campus. Consider this an APB to all public librarians.
the only ones mon-
keying around at
Tulane. Two dozen
broke out of the
Primate Center. But .
their taste of free-
dom was short-lived.
Within three days,
workers recaptured the primates and returned them to
their covered outdoor corral. Do you think they spanked
those naughty monkeys?
U. of Montana
After 10 years of negotiations, a hostage has been
returned. But this isn't your average hostage. It's a
1,000-pound brass bell that was smuggled back and
forth between UM's Sigma Chi and Lambda Chi frater-
naties for decades until 1978, when it disappeared from
campus. Ten years ago, the alumni association director
began negotiating with the hijackers for the bell's return.
It seems like kind of a big to-do for a bell, but names
have been witheld to protect the ding-dongs who stole it.
At most campuses, if you attend a particularly heat-
ed student association meeting you can normally
expect tempers to flare and angry words to fly.
But you rarely need to watch for flying staplers.
Which is why off-campus senator Matthew
Muterspaugh was taken aback when he was
struck in the ear with a stapler after appointing a
colleague to a new position. The stapler flinger
was hastily removed from the meeting.
Apparently, flying office supplies are not consid-
ered constructive criticism.
f , 1
No Moon Over Miami
Miami U. of Ohio
What do you think of when you hear "Miami" and
"thong" in the same sentence - your dream vacation?
That might change after you hear this one. At Miami U. of
Ohio, a music professor is suing the university because
it won't let him swim in the campus pool anymore. School
officials say professor G. Roger Davis' choice of
swimwear, a not-so subtle thong bikini, violates the
pool's dress code. The prof says the university is violating
his constiutional rights. We can only hope that if Davis
wins, it doesn't set a precedent for classroom attire.
Stick 'em Up!
U. of California, Santa Cruz
We agree that you should put
education first, but come on, guys!
After UC Santa Cruz freshman Emma
Freeman decided she didn't want to
be forced to get a job that would
interfere with school, she allegedly
teamed up with her boyfriend and his
roommate for two armed robberies.
The trio was accused of robbing a
hair salon and a Costco warehouse
in a span of five days, but had less
than $100, a boom box and a
portable radio to show for their
efforts. What's really unfortunate is
the attire Freeman is said to have worn during the heist
- a Spice Girls T-shirt.
U. of Alabama
Campus bars might want to start serving up the
Geritol alongside their Bud Light. U. of Alabama
recently became one of many universities sponsoring
retirement communities near campus. The idea is that
older alumni can come
back and enjoy the
cultural and sport-
ing events, as
well as univer- -.1
long it'll be
until we see
John Tesh and j
Yanni touring the';
campus circuit. h
Weird S ience
Students aren't the only pranksters at Harvard.
Apparently, physics profs join in the fun now and again.
Case in point: John Doyle, an associate professor of the
Natural Sciences, who thought it would be a real hoot
to pretend he had a colleague named "Ulf Fireloins."
Through Doyle's debauchery, the fictitious Fireloins
managed to operate a Web page, was quoted in the
Harvard Crimson, and sneaked his way into a draft of
the university's teacher evaluations guide before one of
the guide's editors caught on that Fireloins was a fake.
Choice of a U. Generation
Santa Fe Community College
What could be more refreshing than a dip in the
water and a nice, cold Pepsi? Well, if you were a
student at Central Michigan U. last fall, you could've
enjoy the best of both worlds, thanks to a campus
prankster. After a parked
Pepsi semi-truck rolled
headfirst into a cam-
pus pond, the driver
suspected foul play.
He says someone
pulled the air brakes
when he was inside
the student activity
center making a deliv-
ery. At least he didn't
catch the wave when
the truck went under.
Theology 101: Man-Hating
Feminists typically preach against sexual discrimi-
nation, not practice it. Exception to the rule: Mary
Daly, theology professor at BC. Daly, a radical feminist
who thinks women tend to defer to a man whenever
one is in the room, will not allow men to take her
courses. BC officials say they will not tolerate Daly's
rules and have given her the choice to admit men
or stop teaching. Daly took a leave of
absence this semester to think it
over, but what we want to know
if Dennis Rodman showed up for
class wearing a dress, would
M_ she let him stay?
4 www.unagazine..com April/May 1999
Illustrations by Paul Adam,
U. of Missouri