Monday, August 9, 1999 - The Michigan Daily - 5

VIWIIN


alkin 'bout my generation s Woodstock
We all remember the day pre-millennium jitters. dad did, th
first learned that our dads Then let's consider another ing tumul
ropped acid with the guy of society's ills: video media. weekend c
,ho did lights for Iron MTV's perpetual coverage of mactic clo
utterflv. An emotional the event made it just that: an ute to Jimi
odgepodge of veneration and event. Concerts with over restlessa
onfusion plagued our disqui- 100,000 fans are not that carousal.
ting contemplation of this uncommon (commotion of distortion
evelation as it first occurred this severity is, lending little SpangledB
o ts that we might be the first substance to the notion that, in tory's mos:
eneration to be less cool than a crowd of this magnitude, of nonviol
r parents. something bad was bound to ravaged rat
Thus, as I observed the happen), but the extensive an outbur
nfoldings of this year's attention paid to this one by absolutely1
ioodstock festival through television gave audience Regard]
Ehe New York Times, I con- rnembers and pcrformers the I have littl
:luded that the simplest expla- idea that they were participat- supposedg
tation for what happened two ing in something special. Or, ty crisis,i
veekends ago (disgruntled perhaps more significantly. that our g
:ollege-age fans ransacking that they should do something to fight fo
:ars and sound towers, batter- for the whole world to see just the origina
ng A.T.M. machines in hope how special they were. dees (sti
if free cash and igniting Something that might make senseless
merous fires with what had this festival even more memo- afraid nil
>een distributed as "peace rable than the original were far to
:andles") is that it was no Woodstock (which, of course, rabble.
tore than several hundred was in no way possible). And wh
nisguided individuals trying Whether it was the band Limp organizers
o outdo baby boomer revolu- Bizkit urging fans to throw lineage at
ion. Yet I feel the implica- heavy objects on stage, which some expet
ions of Woodstock '99 are far resulted in numerous injuries tic soda c
more dire than those normally and a delay in the music, or the weeke
attributed to a swaggering the hordes of onlookers and despite
-bautch for redemption. crowding pay phones after the the crowd
The roots of my uneasi- final chaos commenced, it minions w
tess can be found by cata- seemed people were using the thing inc
loguing who was at fault for circumstances to claim their time, the rt
his deluge. Many rioters, own chunk of fame. above the
ven as they plundered soft This imparted a decidedly belonged
pretzels and t-shirts, blamed un-Woodstock feel to alone. So,1
concert promoters, rationaliz- Woodstock '99. Indeed, the ply have sc
tng their pillage with coit- original assemblage's values fun, my get
plaints of overpriced conees- of sexual liberation, counter- statement,
sions and tickets. Inadequate cultural unity and peaceful nate one: t
security certainly contributed protest vere corrupted every- wallow in t
the melee, as the fires inex- where: from the numerous Want proo
cably could not be extin- accounts of rape, some report- whenever
uishe for nearly five hours. ed to have taken place inside the spirit
fhe capitalist ploy of pervert- the crowd's mosltpit, to those wvill be for
tng Woodstock's name to sell who thought it would be neat one?"
tckets wasn't so bright either. to get on T.V by rolling in the - Thin
But hlainig at riot on cons- mud (evets thtought it didn't iwritteti bi
mercialisn alone is as inane rain this year) and taking off John Uhl/..
ts attributsn the incident to their clothes like mom and ae-inail

rough the conclud-
t itself... As the
ame to an anti-cli-
se with a video trib-
Hendrix, fans grew
and began their
Hendrix's snarled
of "The Star
Banner," one of his-
s sublime instances
ent demonstration,
her than revered by
st that stood for
nothing.
less of the fact that
e sympathy for a
generational identi-
it is probably true
eneration has little
r in comparison to
1 Woodstock atten-
ili no excuse for
violence). Yet I'm
hilistic assertions
o profound for this
tile greedy concert
took the festival's
nd slapped it on
nsive souvenir plas-
ups to manipulate
nd into an event,
e the media turning
into starry-eyed
tilling to do any-
exchange for T.V.
esponsibility to rise
se circumstances
to the audience
by refusing to sim-
ome uncomplicated
meration did make a
and a most unfortu-
hat it is satisfied to
oday's degradation.
if? From now on,
anyone mentions
of Woodstock, we
rced to ask, "which
is vieiipioint was
Daiy Arts Writer
He can he reached
at juh/@1 vmichIedt.

The University of Michid
T he University might as well become a
publicly traded corporation.
I know this sounds far-fetched, but we
would be better off than we are now.
A public offering of Wolverine stock would
help cure the University business side's multi-
ple personalities disorder.
On one hand, you've got the far-
left, spend-like-there's-no-tomor-
row mega bureaucracy. We are all
familiar with this side of the
University.
This is the endless chain of 'K.
bureaucrats who you have to speak .,
to just to register for classes. This is
the network of associate assistant
deans. This is the organization that
is more top-heavy than the KGB.
Yeah, we all hate that part of the E
University's personality. That type KC
of ultra bureaucratic nonsense can WELT, i
only be seen in the public sector,
where waste has never been a true
concern.
But there are benefits to having an eco-
nomic system that rivals the early writings of
Karl Marx. You can get a job in a University
office or library doing barely anything and get
paid the same as someone busting their butt at
a bar or grocery store. You also expect a lot of
freebies from sueh a system.
Sure, this progressive, socialist regime is
bound to trickle the wealth down to the peons.
But wait - just when you think the
University is a welfare state, think again. As
you hold your hand out for some free stuff,
you are introduced to the laissez faire side of
the University. \
We've all seen this creature. This capitalist
personality within the University's psyche sent
me a pamphlet from Career Planning and

;an Inc.


Placement last week, asking $55 for a job
search seminar. My parents and I have spent
more than $100,000 on an unmarketable
degree. The least they can do is show me how
to get a job at Kinko's. But that fee covers a
"continental breakfast & lunch" (read: stale
bagels and cold casserole from Markley's res-
idence hall cafeteria).
Thus, the University has an inter-
nal battle similar to a mud wrestling
match between Josef Stalin and Adam
Smith. My solution - an initial pub-
lic offering. Since the University is
worth billions of dollars, I bet it could
manage an IPO of about $50 or $60.
Once our esteemed school is in the
hands of the shareholders, things
would change. Costs would be cut
FFREY faster than you can say "wasteful lib-
)SSEFF eral autocracy."
is w You would no longer have to wait
TYLE' on a long line to speak to a bureaucrat.
Bureaucrats cost money, and share-
holders don't like that.
The University also would stop all these
extra charges for CP&P seminars and sporting
events. As a for-profit institution, the corpora-
tion will want to please the customer by offer-
ing an all-in-one package. For-profits have a
beautiful motto: "The customer is always
right."
As a state institution, the University has
never had that motto. We aren't customers -
we're lowly students. And when was the last
time a bureaucrat told you that you were right?
Once the University's stock goes public,
things will start to change for the better. Let's
just make sure Eddie Martin doesn't become
CEO.
- Jeffrey Kosseff can be reached via e-mail
atjkosseff@smich.edu.

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Hillary should sign the divorce papers today
D espite relentless pressure from the media, attempt to make excuses and apologize for her
Hillary Clinton was able to keep quiet for husband's behavior. Bill cheats on her because
months when the Monica Lewinsky scandal his mother didn't get along with his grand-
took over the country this past year. Her sup- mother when he was four? Did Hillary really
porters praised her for having the courage to think the country would buy that?
stand by her man, despite everything he had A wise psychologist enlightened Hillary
put her through. by explaining to her that when his mother and
I always thought Clinton came off grandmother fought, Bill, being
as pretty pathetic. If she really was caught in the middle, felt a need to
courageous, she would have had the please both women. Therefore, it is
guts to leave Bill as soon as she only logical that as an adult he nose
found out about his relationship with feels the need to please every woman
Lewinsky. he can get his hands on.
But maybe she thought that would Uillary went on to say that her
be an unintelligent political move, or husband is really a "very, very good
maybe she just didn't want to cause man." Come on' He outright lied to
anviore turmoil. Maybe she actually his entire country about his extramar-
loves he husband. M ital affairs and sas too much of a
Whatever the reason, after AMY coward to admit it. He actually cties-
months of controvcrsv, the Clintons BARBER tioned what the definition of "is" is.
finally got what they wanted most Maybe he's a good president. He
out oif the scandal - the got it to misght even be a good cigarsalesman.
end. People forgot about the lies the But a "very, very good man?" He's
trial and the dress. The incident had finally not even a decent man.
drifted out of the nation's collective subcon- Defending Bill Clinton now can only hurt
sciouss Hillary politically. The smartest move for
So just what was Iillary thinking when Hillary would be to get a divorce tow. It
she decided to discuss her husband's infideli- alight be different if there Was actually love in
is'wsth "Tlk Magazine" this week? the marriage But the Clintons' relationship

She obi-
'Cause she f
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the interviet st'arted out as a 1olitical unionanl d it might as
get her feelings xell end for a similar cause.
If that was her Titse is still a chance iihat i iillary can lose
d months ago, the o o itteof the weak, apoogetic wife and
conv incu the country that she is strong and
anation is that independent.
ousd help her But telling a hip new a in that her
s. Bit if that is husband is unfaithflt becasse 5 ii .motion-
mplish Hillar ally abusive childhood simply will not get the
ian as Bili is a job done.
- Amy Barber can he reach.d Ou e-miai/
is'' but a sorry at abar/isserist icht/u.

must be as hotrrit'
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