Monday, August 2, 1999 - The Michigan Daily - 11

rhe Thomas Crown
air
VIGM/UA
t Briarwood and Showcase on Friday
Remakes are always a risky movie
roposition. For every remake that is bet-
er than the original ("A Perfect Murder"
s better than "Dial M for Murder") there
100 remakes that are disasters
sycho," "The Haunting").
What's surprising about the second
'ersion of "The Thomas Crown Affair"
s how it's neither better than Norm
ewison's original vision, nor is it a dis-
ster. Rather, the film is a light-hearted,
it times very entertaining, action-
omance.
"The Thomas Crown Affair" is a
vatered down take on the much more
langerous and visually exciting original,
ut succeeds like its star Pierce Brosnan
on its merits but on its wit and
harm. Brosnan does light action better
han most, and this role is a good non-
lond vehicle for him. The more steady
tene Russo is much weaker in a terrible
ole as his nemesis/lover.
Brosnan plays Thomas Crown, a
ored billionaire who decides to steal a
ainting worth $100 million. Russo
lays the insurance investigator out to
Crown, but falls in love with him
Cad. Or does she?
"Thomas Crown" benefits from two
vell conceived action/burglary scenes,
ut has the life sucked out of it every
ime Russo is on screen.
Though not worth $8 at first run the-
ters, "The Thomas Crown Affair"
vould be a good waste of an afternoon at
ie dollar theaters or on video.
Ed Sholinsky
p Blue Sea
arner Brothers
t Briarwood and Showcase
kr**

"act" only belongs with the suffix "ion."
Or does he? Is that the biggest joke of
all?
Whatever the answer, "Deep Blue
Sea" is a smashing good time, the quin-
tessential wonderfully terrible summer
fun movie where every line is a clunker
like, "As a side effect, the sharks got
smarter." Every scene leads to bigger
and better death and destruction under
the sea that makes you want to get up out
of your seat and applaud the mayhem.
When the sea base, Aquatica, goes up in
an apocalyptic blaze of glory on the sur-
face of the ocean while being only horri-
bly damaged below, there's still a good
hour and a half of movie to go. You find
yourself wondering what they could pos-
sibly do to top that.
Think no more, because if you want a
thinking person's movie you're in the
wrong theatre. This is far more
"Anaconda" with sharks than "Jaws"
with computer graphics. And, surpris-
ingly, "Deep Blue Sea" is intensely
moral, with each character getting what
he or she deserves. That's all you need to
know regarding who lives, who dies and
who ends up on the inside track of a
shark intestine (there are only so many
ways to get killed by a shark, and "Sea"
uses all of them). There's little redeem-
ing about any of them except for our
chosen heroes, and there's little you need
to care about to enjoy what's on the

filled train wreck. First time director
Kinka Usher shouldn't owna camcorder
more or less direct a major motion pic-
ture. Not only can't he tell a story, but his
camera moves are unnecessary and con-
fusing.
"Mystery Men" is the story of a group
of wannabe superheros trying to rescue
Champion City from Dr. Casanova
Frankenstein (a disastrous performance
from Geoffrey Rush) after he captures it
hero Captain Amazing (Greg Kinnear).
Unfortunately for both Champion
City and audiences, the wannabes and
the script are both inept, and there isn't a
laugh in the entire first hour. The second
hour is an improvement, but by that time
the movie's a lost cause. Still, there is one
extremely funny scene when Mr. Furious
(Stiller), The Blue Raja (Azaria), The
Bowler (Garofalo), The Shoveler
(Macy), Invisible Boy (Kel Mitchell) and
The Spleen (Ruebens) attack
Frankenstein's car.
But one great scene and a less than
awful second half don't make up for
punishment that is "Mystery Men"
Ed Sholinsky
Dick
Columbia Tristar Pictures
At Showcase starting Wednesday

top-notch across the board, with special
kudos to Hedaya for simultaneously
aping Nixon and making the character
his own. For a generation that has grown
up thinking that Watergate is just a place
where Monica Lewinsky spent some
time, "Dick" offers a sweetly comic per-
spective on the events of decades past.
"I love Dick!" say the girls at one
point. Doesn't everyone?
Erin Podolsky
The King of Masks
Samuel Goldwyn Pictures
At the Michigan Theater
Set in rural China, "The King of
Masks" is the epic journey of two indi-
viduals finding love and each other to
care for. The story takes place in Sichuan
early this century at a time of grave
poverty, when children were sold for
food and famine was rampant. The King
of Masks, Wang (Zhu Xu) an elderly
street performer, is the master of his art:
Mask changing. Wang is lonely and
desires a male heir so that he may pass
on his family magic. And a boy is what
Wang thinks he is getting when he enters
a baby market and hears "grandpa" ten-
derly uttered from a child. His heart
melts and buys the child for $10.
When Wang discovers soon after that
his grandson is in facta girl, he attempts
to send her away. Emotions peak as the
story unfolds young Doggie (Wang's
adopted grandchild) going to every
length to win over Wang's love and,
acceptance.
This new Chinese drama touches on

some of the most its/insate and tender
moments thl we ftd ourselves getting
emotionallv iivo i wtth on the big
screen. Dierectoi V ia ining does a ter-
rific job in h jnn ' ugh some awful,
yet hidden realiti.s that exist in humani-
ty. The scenery is exquisite including a
Buddha carved out of the side of a
mountain and small river boats with red
lanterns that capture a silent beauty
amidst so much sadness. Made in a
somewhat simplistic fashion, "The King
of Masks" has a rare quality that stirs
some very quiet emotions found in the
depths of the soul.
Neshe Sarkozy
reR
Nelebsoks,
Parts
Intel Pentiumll-
C366MHz Processor
12.1" SVGA Pisplay
32MB SPRAM
(U to 256MB)
40 ig Hard Drice
2xAGP AI Ragae Pro 3D
4MB SGRAM
24X CO ROM
3D Surround Sound
NIMH Battery
Microsoft Windows 95
with CD and Manual
Carrying Bag and
AC Adapter Included
1 Year Parts and
Labor Warranty
a12 i

screen. Just sit back, ogle:
at the kill-puns and give t
stereotypes.
Mystery Men
Universal Pictures
At Briarwood and Showcas
With a wonderful cast
tive concept, expectations
high for "Mystery Men.
goes to show that a cast m

a film as long as you've
Samuel L. Jackson didn't get the commercial director at th
nemo. awful screenplay at work.
Apparently director Renny Harlin for- "Mystery Men" really
ot to cc: Jackson on the note that said been a funny movie. It sh
Deep Blue Sea," a special effects-laden an opportunity for Ben
ami of a shark flick, was an $80 mil- Azaria, William H. Macy
on joke. Poor Sam proselytizes his way and Janeane Garofalo
trough the ocean deep, preaching here Instead, it features off
nd orating there about the evils of mances from all but Garo
enetic engineering and the ills of struc- But who can really b
ral engineering. Hq has no clue that when they've got materia
e's acting in a movie in which the word Cuthbert's script is a m

some skin, grin "Dick frightens me."
hree cheers for Yes, young whippersnappers, the
Watergate comedy "Dick" isn't for the
Erin Podolsky faint of double entendre heart. Peppered
throughout the script are various state-
ments about "Dick" (or is that "dick -"
we may never know), statements that
could be misconstrued as naive little
;e on Friday girls Arlene Lorenzo (Michelle
Williams) and Betsy Jobs (Kirsten
Dunst) making decidedly grown-up,
suggestive talk - which they aren't.
and a innova- Whether Betsy and Arlene are simply
are obviously innocents or just sublimely stupid is up
" But the film for grabs, but what's certain is that the
eans nothing in two, whom "Dick" constructs as the real
got an untested identity of Watergate informant Deep
e helm and an Throat, are hysterically funny and ulti-
mately well-meaning.
y should have The film is as well and it works hard
ould have been at making the early '70s, and the Nixon
Stiller, Hank administration in particular, fodder for
, Paul Reubens the comedy machine. For the most part,
to cut loose. it succeeds, skewering real-life figures
kilter perfor- such as G. Gordon Liddy (Harry
falo. Shearer) and Nixon himself (the always-
lame the cast brilliant Dan Hedaya) with fiction that
I this bad. Neil doesn't seem too far-fetched to hold at
essy, one-liner least a kernel of truth. Performances are
Hospital traaining in US, Eng land n o
asAmerica.C-raduiates eligibile to pratin
x 6"- US and abroav.d TransfEar students os
ered, c 4rsuips available All you need is
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