Monday, July 6, 1998 - The Michigan Daily - 15
ruckhiier can't ve up to past i Ad
Gabe Smith should fail. He pressed the right buttons to create
ly Arts Writer success with "The Rock" and "Con Air."
t was logical to assume that there would be "Armaggedon" should be
ther Jerry Bruckheimer film out this summer. able to break even by this
t summer was "Con Air" and the summer week, even after the disap-
ore, "The Rock." pointment of the other
this summer Bruckheimer has released the major $100 million movie
y anticipated "Armaggedon,"- "Deep Armageddon of the summer, "Godzilla".
pact" only with a giant meteor instead of a Here, at the very least,
net. there are human heroes.
ruckheimer's recipe for success is simple. At Showcase Bruce Willis plays oil
e average people and place them in a har- and Briarwood drilling genius Harry
ing situation in which they are asked to Stamper who, with his team,
e the day. Ninety-nine percent of the time, is hired by the United States
day is saved, and movie-goers are left feel- government to save the
all warm and fuzzy inside. world from a 22,000 ton
There's absolutely no reason why Bruckheimer asteroid the size of Texas
that will obliterate the Earth
in 18 days.
1Fearing mass panic, NASA director Truman
(Billy Bob Thonton) and the United States govern-
ment deem the discovery of this asteroid top-secret.
; The big problem lies in the fact that in the first
10 minutes of the 2 1/2 hour movie, a huge mete-
or shower levels Manhattan. Ted Koppel must
have slept through all of that.
Meanwhile, Willis and company are given two
weeks of space training, and then they shuttle up
to drill an 800-foot hole in the meteor and dump a
nuclear bomb in it.
Willis' motley crew includes a degenerate
dad (Will Patton), a strip joint regular (Steve
Buscemi) and a proteg (an overrated Ben
Affleck), who has the hots for Harry's daugh-
ter (Liv Tyler).
Tyler ends up spending a good portion of this
movie in mission control, crying unmercifully at
television monitors.
Buscemi's performance as the witty Rockhound
manages to upstage all the high-profile actors,
including Willis, who didn't have much to go on
courtesy oTo cues with a poor script that created cardboard cut-outs
Tyler looks pretty cute in this picture. and inspired lifeless performances from quality
fortunately, looking cute and worrying about her actors and actresses.
ave, planet-saving boyfriend was about all she did Director Michael Bay has taken his previous
the summer disappointment "Armageddon." experiences as a music video director and translat-
ame waste of time
ichael Galloway zling resident of Hickston, Ark., who
Arts Editor has just joyridden with his brother,
It may come as shock. After shelling Bubba, on a UFO and crash-landed in
ut $49,95 and returning home ready the desert, right near Area 69.
install the video game sequel The goal is to find Bubba (who you
R e d n e c k smack in the head with a crowbar to
ampage Rides finish each level) and get back to
gain," the Hickston. On the way, you fight ATE
stall window agents, cheerleader clones, some anti-
ppears with an Redneck social rednecks and various aliens try- coort
dmittedly hilar- Rampage ing to take over Earth. At your dispos- Even a crossbow firi
us "Yeehaw." *k at is .454 handgun, a sling blade, a dynamite can't save
oen you click Interplay crowbar and whatever else you can Goldeneye, you play
e he "Install" co-ROM for win 95, find, such as dynamite, an alien arm but unlike those gr
utton, and the wit 98 gun or a chicken crossbow - a cross- no hand on the trigg
omputer says it bow that fires a chicken with dynamite reloading or cocking
oesn't have 220 shoved up its tuckus (in polite redneck The playing con
7b available on vernacular). Doom or Quake,
e hard drive. This all sounds fun, but the game inexplicably awk'
Now, many doesn't really present any of these Leonard can jum
eople probably do have the nearly things in a comical light. The Jack stands up to his ch
uarter gig of hard drive space available o'lopes (based on the old redneck nov- wall. This leads to t
n their systems, but there's no reason elty of an antlered rabbit head placed ming trick of cren
lino uch space should be used unless on the wall to amuse the kin) are chew- vast landscape to w
>e aps you're making your own PC ing on you by the time you realize the restricting the plays
ame. Moreover, RRRA doesn't give joke, and all the characters look a trifle paths.
you a lot of bang for the bits or the more pitiable than laughable in the Having never p1
>ucks it uses up.- game. one hopes that "
In this video game sequel, you're Moreover, the game play is not all Rides Again" excee
Leonard, a lanky, farting, beer-guz- that great. Like Doom, Quake or in only one thing: thi
e~t) '
A group of roughneck oil drillers gets ready to destroy an asteroid the size of Texas that could wipe out
civilization as we know it in "Armageddon."
ed them into his movies. But his style isn't as wonderful special effects, a huge budget ($140
effective as in his two previous films ("Bad Boys" million) and shallow depth.
and "The Rock"). Many of the characters in Armaggedon cannot
Bay's 360-degree camera pans and choppy 30- be sympathized with, as there is no emotion, the
second increment directing become tiresome in dialogue is extremely hokey and the scenarios
this film. become increasingly more implausible.
The mark of a good director is the ability to take Whether it is terrorists holding hostages on
his or her trademarks and adapt them well to a Alcatraz or a hijacked cargo plane carrying lifers,
given story. Such has been the way with many Bruckheimer has proven that he is capable of cre-
great directors, such as Steven Spielberg. Bay has ating good films.
a long way to go. "Top Gun" is a classic and "Dangerous Minds"
Once again, the driving soundtrack of Hans was a good movie. But "Armaggedon," unfortu-
Zimmer along with Bruckheimer's choppy editing nately, just doesn't cut it. Don't worry about mete-
take center stage. ors, just save yourself from this incoming summer
This is just another example of a movie with blockbuster failure.
ig a chicken full of
"Rampage."
y in the first person,
reat games, there's
er, nor is there any
g of the gun.
trols are also like
but the aiming is
ward, and while
p, anything that
est is effectively a
he cheap program-
sting a seemingly
talk around in, but
er to the proscribed
layed the original,
Redneck Rampage
eds its predecessor
ie hard drive space.
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