Wednesday, July 2, 1997 - The Michigan Daily - 5
NOTABLE QUOTABLE Where have all the good summer films gone?
nce upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, ice. Uma Thurman's lackluster conviction makes
"In the absence of evidence to the contrary, we 0 going to a movie theater was an enjoyable her character's effect roughly equivalent to that
presume that governmental regulation of the experience. Amidst overpriced popcorn and of a box of Nytol.
content of speech Is more likely to interfere with frigid air conditioning, movie theaters were a And I didn't pay $7 to see plastic molds of the
place where you can see a movie and stuff your superheros' buttcracks as part of their uniforms,
the free exchange of ideas than to encourage it."' face with butter substitute. As of late, however, thank you.
cottrt the good films that make or break the whole trip "Batman and Robin" is like the Spice Girls of
- US. Supreme Cowt Justice John Paul Stevens, in the have been few and far between. the film industry - everyone will watch
opinion striking down the Communications Decency Act The 1997 film season started out it but no one will be able to figure out
decent enough. Films like "Chasing what possessed them.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Amy" and "Grosse Pointe Blank" had Another of the summer's mind-numb-
_lots pond actors and actually had a ine flicks is "Men In Black" Rapper-
If Title IX is fundamentally closer to this ideal than we point. Holdovers from last year like turned-freshprince-turned-actortumed.
To t eoXnisndamhenvale yeverswerenowsdathare sjust "Slingblade" also made shelling out rapper Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones
reatens about recognizing the value ever were - now there is lust $7 almost worthwhile. will no doubt deliver a performance that
that each sex as in participat- better rhetoric and rationaza- But the film industry's output has will be forgotten by the time film audi-
rnen 's sports, it tions for inequalty, been going straight downhill since ences reach their cars.
has fallen short. As the Daily RANDALL ROTH early in the year. The only decent Hmm ... aliens invading the planet,
TO THE DAILY: mentioned in "Injustice or movie that came out in the spring was JACK big guns that make everything explode
It is ironic that in the quest insecurity?" (6/18/97), both UNIVERSITY ALUMNUS "subUrbia" - though its cast woeful- SCHILLACI and Smith screaming at just about any-
for altruistic equality in educa- men's soccer and men's crew ly underacted their roles. AC IN thing and everything: Sounds like
tion and sports, the application are not varsity sports while With the unending heat of the sum- THE PUPIT "Independence Day 2," not a spoof on
of Title IX's provisions does so their women's counterparts Bring back mer sun has come a flock of dull films some UFO-conspiracy buff's belief that
much politicize them. The core have varsity status. What . , that don't even deserve the title "eye candy." "the man" is out to hide the truth.
of the debate is divisive and makes men's soccer, crew or the Di ag MNV1 Thanks to directorial nitwit Joel Schumacher As for "Speed 2," Sandra Bullock really should
O es nothing to foster the volleyball any less deserving - the man who once professed his desire to go give up on trying to play the action hero/sexy
notion that equality has been of acknowledgement and TO THE DAILY: down in history as the man who put nipples on romantic. Her capacity to be sexually attractive
achieved, only that redistribu- recognition than the women's Sure, trash the block 'M' the batsuit - "Batman and Robin" succeeds only barely rivals that of Bea Arthur while most of the
tion has occurred. While advo- program? Politics perhaps, - where is the tradition? I in being an eternal bore to viewers. While the time the heroine screams in the face of danger
cates of Title IX feel vindicat- maybe quotas. Value is not saw it every day from other films in the series have required an accept- rather than doing anything constructive.
ed with the wave of advances accorded equally to both September until May. We used able suspension of belief in reality from their The summer film lineup is pathetic - the film
made by women's sports to sexes' endeavors and the way to step on it for good luck as audiences, Schumacher's most recent episode industry should get its act together and make
varsity status, they seem to the men's soccer, crew and vol- we walked to Saturday football calls for nothing less than a full bong before the movies that have plots and are more fun than a
feel no remorse that many leyball programs are treated by games. Many did the opposite multimillion-dollar atrocity becomes remotely trip to the dentist. A good way to start would be
men's programs have been the athletic department illus- - avoided it for fear it would feasible. to hire spend more money on people that write
ther left behind or cut alto- trates this point. bring bad luck. While 1 was in The casting also needs work. Alicia actual plots rather than expending their budgets
ther. Perhaps this is their You have not and will not, Ann Arbor, it was an icon not Silverstone is still clueless, but not as much as on having everything blowing up all over the
comeuppance. in the foreseeable future, see to be trifled with. first-billed Arnold Schwarzenegger - who, place.
The University's athletic any University men's club Yeah, we tried to move the despite having only one real line, fails to be con- - Jack Schillaci is at Hollywood Video
department should take time out sport garner a cent of official anchors and paint the rock. I'm vincing. He also vomits up dozens of cliche say- lookingfor a copy of Ghost Dad," but you
from patting itself on the back acknowledgement or recogni- all for tidying up the Diag, but ings dealing with ice; no, Arnold, you kiss my can still reach him firstname.lastname@example.org.
for how well it has managed the tion for competing on behalf don't end the tradition that
application of Title IX. Since of the University. There are no began in 1953. 1 bring my fami- Roswell shows the public distrust of the government
1992, it has been forced to cut varsity letters, Big Ten ly back to see the block 'M'
the men's gymnastics program awards, or any of the perks when we get the chance. It pro- fifty years ago, something crash-landed near zie, 80 percent of the public believes the gov-
to make up for a quota shortfall that go along with a varsity duced a miracle against Virginia Roswell, N.M. The only question now is ement is hiding what it knows about aliens, In
of athletes on the women's side, program yet they still compete whenthe entire country thought exactlyesvhat it was. what may be an unprecedented event, a majority
Oly to reverse itself amidst and that should be recognized. the opposite would happen. I After years of denials, the govemnment has of the population believes the govemment is
muy proeesansetfenmpsocl ndmthaismighnotmdtbertogze. the canppstewndhapeihap- finally acknowledged that something was recov- lying, and is willing to say so. Roswell encapsu-
much protest and then proclaim This might not matter to the can utderstand change will hap- ered from the New Mexican desert; the official lates our darkly growing mistrust of government.
victory after reinstatitng the pro- atlslete interested its competi- pen but some things remain tr sta twsamltryts ln.TeWsnwtomuh ev ie hog er
gram. The University has failed tion for competition s sake, sacred and near to all our story is that it was a military test plane. The We know too much. We've lived through years
to come up with imaginative but inasmuch as Title IX is hearts. The block 'M' must "bodies" found near the craft weren't of news reports about Watergate, the
solutions - like tiering sports about politics it is about remain at the center of the dead aliens but only hairless, thpe- Iran-Contra scandal at d CIA covert
tthe zero-sum dilemma opportuiity -tens pro- Uiersiys campus. foot-tall crash test dummies. ' operations alt over the world. We kow
-hto z ilem ropp otrtyv- m er Many people will tell you otherwise. too much, but we also know too little.
poses. Even so, the Universi g'dueThis is what the r equal CHRIS HANEY They swear that an alien spaceship - There is no reason to believe that these
problems stem from the quota- pay for equal swork" slogan is UNIVERSITY ALUMNUS one of many that have visited the earth government scandals are the only ones
over the centuries - crashed near that have ever occurred. There are still
* * p *Y K G OU D ER , Roswell, leaving behind alien corpses ,, doors left unopened and stones left
(or, in some stories, critically injured l untued and Roswellamight well be
but living beings). In this version of the N such a case.
Roswell story, the government engi- I spent last week in Washington, D.C.
neered a cover-up, covertly transport- LIZ LUCAS Every street seemed to be lined with
ing the aliens and their vehicle to Area COUNTRY classical marble buildings, temples to
51, a top-secret government facility in FEEDSACK those American deities Liberty, Truth
Nevada. and Justice. One street corner, however,
It sounds like an episode of "The X-Files" but was dominated by the J. Edgar Hoover FBI
it's real life. And the Roswell incident perfectly Building. There were a few doors on its stark,
captures the strange, wary relationship between closed-off facade, but every one of them was
late-1990s Americans and their government. guarded by an FBI agent with a revolver.
The Roswell story was known to only a hand- Although I finally found the visitors' entrance
ful of people until the mid-1970s. Since then sev- and joined a tour, I only saw afew carefully cho-
eral books have been written about Roswell, and sen rooms in the entire vast, multistoried build-
- as movies like "Independence Day" and the ing.
"Alien" trilogy attest - public interest in Liberty and concealment. It was a revealing
/p -_extraterrestrial life has reached a peak. But not juxtaposition.
everyone takes the topic seriously. At one time, I will resist the temptation to conclude with
people who believed in aliens were probably the "Trust no one" or "The truth is out there." The
same people who believed in far-reaching gov- moral of this story, rather, is that truth and lies
ernment conspiracies and the continued exis- get mixed up pretty easily. Don't laugh too hard
tence of Elvis. at the UFO enthusiasts on the news this week.
Times have changed. Thousands of people are We might find out someday that they were on the
0,' ® expected to come to Roswell this week for a right track all along.
k VA.-v"- 50th-anniversary celebration, and they aren't just - Liz Lucas can be reached over
conspiracy theoristsAccording to Time maga- e-mail at email@example.com.