Wednesday, August 10, 1994 - The Michigan Dailv -5

Change the rules of
our man-made world
So they want to shave Shannon Faulkner's head. "They" being the administration
at the Citadel, formerly an all-male military college in South Carolina; Shannon
Faulkner being the reason the school is no longer all-male.
As a senior in high school, Faulkner had allreferences to her gender removed from
r high-school transcript, applied and was admitted to the Citadel, only to be rejected
w en the school discovered that she is, indeed, a woman.
Last year Faulkner attended the Citadel as a day student, taking classes but not
living on the premises, while her case went through the court system. In July, after
hinting at what his decision would probably be and criticizing the Citadel for wasting
time and money on the case, a federal district court judge ruled that as a state-funded
school offering opportunities unavailable elsewhere, the Citadel is obligated to offer
Faulkner a full place within the corps.
So now, with glimmers in their eyes and fancy speeches on unity and "the Citadel
experience,"the administrators say they mustashave Faulkner's head as they would any
other cadet's, and the judge is going to let them.
Thinking of my own hair and the trouble I have convincing myself to even get it
trimmed every few months, the thought of being shaved bald absolutely horrifies me.
I know some women opt for the look - hey, Sinead doesn't look too bad - but
personally I prefer my hair, and Faulkner must feel the same way or she wouldn't have
been in court fighting to keep hers.
Of course, the 2,000men who attend the Citadel all get their heads shaved the first
year. Many of them probably don't like it either, but it's part of the Citadel process.
Surely Faulkner knew what the school was like when she had her transcript changed
two years ago. If not, she definitely has had time to figure it out since then. An honor
system that requires no locked doors, a code of behavior calling for submission and
unity, shaved heads - it's all about being a Citadel cadet, a Citadel man.
Problem is, Shannion Faulkner is no man. That's where the big picture comes in.
Underneath the Citadel's obvious spitefulness in insisting on shaving Faulkner's head,
is the "you asked to play with the boys, you better be ready to act like one" attitude.
Faulkner asked-no, demanded -to attend a good, state-funded school to which
she had been admitted on her own merits and was denied access to solely -precisely
- because she is a woman. She did not ask to be a man; there's a big difference.
Equal doesnotnecessarily mean the same, particularly when themrules have already
been stacked one way. The questionable validity of the Citadel's definition of a man
e, making Faulkner do everything as it has always been done in this formerly all-
male school does not make sense. Clearly they are trying to deter other women from
applying, but what will they do when the entering class is 10 percent female? Are they
going to shave 50 women's heads? Military women do not shave off their hair-they
wear it short or up, but not bald. Perhaps that's a better solution.
There's also the question of Faulkner, who has received death threats, living alone
in a unlocked room on a campus of 2,000 men. Yes, codes of honor and trust are nice
ideas, but perhaps not realistic or safe in this circumstance.
Ultimately, shaving Faulkner's head will be no greatstragedy. Maybe the look will
,ed up working for her, and if not, the hair will always grow back. What will be tragic,
hiswever, is if the Citadel is permitted to continue to force her and other women to
follow their man-made rules.
Merely allowing a woman into a man's world is not good enough. Changing that
world is what's required.
Lawyers can be present at code
hearings
the Daily:
I have just finished reading the Summer Orientation, 1994, edition of the
Daily. I found it to be a very informative and helpful issue; however, I wish
to call your attention to an error which appeared on the editorial page in the
editorial titled "Beware of the code." In this editorial you state that
"[situdents brought up under the code do not even have the luxury of having
an attorney present during the hearing process..." That is not correct.
Attorneys are allowed to be present during any hearing. Section C of the
Statement of Student Rights and Responsibilities specifically states that
t )sttudents, under this policy, have the right to:... 7. be advised by an
advisor or an attorney for consultation purposed during the hearing." In fact,
attorneys have been present at a number of SSRR hearings.
Mary Louise Antieau
Judicial Advisor

A voodoo s
Psst! Hey you! Yeah, you, the
loyal American who's been wonder-
ing just who's running things in this
country. Well, it's not Bill Clinton.
Ssh! It's not her, either. I mean, the
man we think is Bill Clinton, isn't
really him. Keep it down! Talk like
this could get me a one-way ticket to
Haiti.
Speaking of which, sit down and
I'll tell you a little story. A few
months back, the real Bill Clinton
took a secret trip to the sunny side of
Haiti for some well-earned vacation
time. His host, an eminent Haitian
national, also happened to be a
voodoo priest. One night, after a few
too many margaritas, Clinton was
talked into participating in a voodoo
ritual. Maybe he wanted Bob Dole
incapacitated, or maybe he just
wanted a chance to poke a pin in
Rush Limbaugh's fat neck; what-
ever his drunken intention was,
things didn't quite go as planned.
All he had to do, as guest
ritualist, was sacrifice a live
chicken, and dance around a bit. It
seemed simple enough, but midway
through, Clinton's stomach began
rumbling and scared away half the

... . . j r .... ...

,inn A RAT

I

pell cast on Clinton
islanders who thought it was a antagonisms toward the media
volcano. Then, because he was so threaten to expand into full-blown
hungry, he ate the chicken, and then paranoia ("You won't have Dick, I
had the nerve to ask the priest for mean Bill, Clinton to kick around
barbecue sauce. This didn't sit well anymore"). Or, how about the
with the priest (just as the raw Whitewater hearings? Granted,
chicken probably didn't sit well with they're not as important as


Bill). Anyway, the next day, Clinton
went back to the States, leaving his
favorite jogging shorts (you know
the ones: size extra-small) behind in
the fog of a serious hangover. In
voodoo, a personal item is all that's
needed to cast a powerful spell, and
the host/priest, who was severely
embarrassed by Clinton's behavior,
seized this opportunity for revenge.
What's that? You say you know
that Clinton is a markedly changed
man, but you don't believe in
voodoo? Fine. I've got another
theory for you, and this one's as
American as a McDonald's apple
pie.
It's a well-known fact in tight
Washington circles that, after his
death, the ghost of Richard Nixon
returned to the Oval Office. Call it
coincidence, but ever since, Clinton
has exhibited several Nixonian
tendencies. First of all, his recent

Watergate, or even the O.J. trial, but
a few afternoon channel surfers are
watching. And don't tell me that
those who questioned the Clinton
administration's renewal of most
favored trade status with China have
forgotten that Nixon's greatest
achievement (and pet panda project)
was forging a friendship with China.
You want more? It's awful
funny that we haven't heard much
from or about the first lady in recent
months. Could it be that Nixon, I
mean Clinton, has silenced Pat, I
mean Hillary? Wait! Don't go, I was
just getting to the jowls, and where I
think those missing tapes are stored.
Aw, screw it. Hey, is anybody out
there interested in a cheap "clipper
chip" conspiracy? It's only got
(information) highway miles on it.
Get away from me, you mutt, before
I shove a computer identification
chip in you. Ow, that smarts!

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