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resident Javid takes
office
As many of my friends know all too well, I desperately and emphatically wish to
use the Daily editorial page as a stepping stone to achieve the presidency of the
United States of America. True, the chances of this actually occurring are enough to
nder the previous sentence utter bullshit. But, hey, who knows? Bill Clinton became
president, why can't I? Of course, President Javid would do a few things quite a bit
differently, and hence, this column.
If I were president, I would look up the word "principle" in the dictionary. You
know, that word that means something one stands by, the moral fabric of an individual.
This way I would know what everyone is talking about when I compromise on yet
another seemingly important personal issue. Better yet, maybe I would fight for what
I really believe in, and notletopinion polls and the opposition party (any guesses?)mrun
my life.
If I were president, I would count my blessings each and every hour that I was
arried to someone like Hillary Rodham. Heck, I'd campaign for her as president in
1996. She would probably do a better job than I, anyway.
Speaking of the First Family, I would try to spend as much time with Chelsea as
possible, and even attempt to gether betrothed to the Opinion Page Staffer of the Week.
If I were president, I would definitely not compromise on universal coverage in
health care reform. Pledging support for this in the State ofethe Union address is one
thing, but acking down from it in front of the nation's governors is another. I would
give a major nightly news-friendly speech every day from now until the final vote is
castin both Houses. Ineachspeech, I would say thatuniversalcoverage is one principle
ere's that word again) that I simply could not back down from. But - and here's
the difference - I would mean it. It wouldn't be a political ploy or a trial balloon to
influence the polls but the honest truth. And then I would let each and every member
of Congress know that this promise would not compromised; letters, personally signed
by the president, would be sent to each member's office. Most importantly, I would be
firm in speech and in writing. No weasel clauses, or back doors I can use if the going
gets rough.
And then, while I'm on a roll, I would take out a full page ad in The New York
Times and repeat my utmost support for universal coverage. There I'd be, President
Javid, on every major television news show, every major newspaper and every
ngressmember's deskshowcasing my veto power and my obligation to use it. There
would be no gray area, no second-guessing. I, President Javid, would vow to veto any
legislation that did not include universal coverage.
And, I bet, a bill with universal coverage would pass Congress with relative ease.
Now, on to a sound and successful foreign policy, that final frontier that Bill
Clinton will probably never achieve. IfI werepresident, Warren Christopher would be
no more than a lawyer out in California. Maybe I'd call him a few times in my term
and say "Hi," but I think we've have had enough of him for the time being.
Then, as president, I would CRISP all of my foreign policy staff - including the
ate Department, National Security Council, Defense Department and all advisers -
into Prof. Raymond Tanter's Political Science 472 course, International Security
Affairs,here at the University. Hopefully, my advisers would have already learned this
material, and wouldn't need a refresher course. But, as the Clinton foreign policy team
has proven, a good upper-levelundergraduate course at a prestigious university would
be just the thing for senior foreign policy officials in the U.S. government. One
requirement --no pass/fail allowed.
If I were president, the United States would have played a much wider role in the
crisis in Bosnia. To do this, however, I would need credibility as a leader, something
our current president only dreams of. Credibility entails following up on threats and
omises (sound familiar?), and this can be easily done. I would let all main parties in
Bosnia know thatif any U.N. order were violatedor any suppliesstolen, an immediate
military punishment would be inflicted. But when certain parties do not obey U.N.
guidelines and violate my criteria, I would actually follow through on my threat and
deliver the punishment. Pretty novel,eh? This logic would apply when peace plans are
on the table, or when ethnic violence continues to flare up.
This same strategy must be applied elsewhere, including Haiti and North Korea.
I would not back down from the threats I have announced, and soon, I would be a
president with credibility. That would make foreign policy a lot easier to formulate,
ouldn't it Bill? And remember, Warren would still be out in California.
Whew. Four years in 4,000 characters, quite the trip. In reality, Patrick Javid will
most likely never be president. Unfortunate, to say the least, but true. However, the
nation doesn't need me as much as it needs someone described here - a true leader,
not a true politician. Best of luck to President Clinton; I will be a tough act to follow.

Dublin, Italy and the World Cup
By Jef f Keating
DUBLIN, Ireland - It's odd, but train, so we had some peace being won the whole Cup, there would be
I think I hear more Italian on the relegated to the rear cars. no sleep. We just didn't want to deal
streets of Dublin than English. To our pleasure, everything went with it. So, we went for Brazil. As
Everywhere, droves of high-school relatively smoothly. With amazingly you probably know, they won.
age Italian youths, all wearing eye- little contact with our foreign Double fortune for us and a good
jarring neon backpacks, surround counterparts, we toured the islands' night's sleep.
you. After fighting my way through breathtaking scenery and enjoyed Later the next day, I made
one such boisterous pack, I headed what was guaranteed to be the another visit to the pub - I'm trying
into a pub for a bit of refreshment. sunniest day of the entire Irish my damndest to be a local. The
"Hey," I asked the bartender, "is season. It was only until we were bartender pushed a strong-smelling
it always like this? I mean, what's waiting to depart that we again met drink under my nose.
with all these kids running around the up with the school group. Right on Recoiling, I snorted, "What is
place?" the ferry dock, they were barking out that?"
With a cynical smirk, "Ah yea. some rendition of an Italian song. We "What's the matter? It's Jack
Every summer it's like this. Tourism quickly figured out that the World Daniels, can't you tell? Should be
ya know." He proceeded to explain Cup finals were that same night in like water to you Americans."
how Italian school groups travel to Pasadena, Calif. Brazil vs. Italy - "Ah, no thanks... just gimme a
Ireland to learn English. Ireland is a no wonder. I imagine that screaming pint of Guiness."
friendly place for foreigners, song was just showing the excite- With a twist and a grin, he
especially young ones: It's crime-free ment of the final game. OK, we winked, "You Yanks need to lighten
and modest in vice. Parents can send could understand that. No reason for up. It's the World Cup after all!"
little Roberto off to learn English free us to douse their fun, as long as they Hmmmm ... well maybe.
of the normal and annoying parental didn't get too violent. Gritting our "Hey, in America, where do you
worrying. There's not too much he teeth, we survived the trip back to keep your machine gun?"
can mess around with - or get Dublin. That's it. I need to find a new
messed up by. He continued, "I got By 8:30 the game was on. By pub.
nothing against Italians, I just can't coincidence, there were a few Keating is a member of the Daily
take these huge groups of obnoxious Italians, a few Irish, a few Americans opinion staff and an avid drinker.
teen-agers." and a couple of other nationalities in
"Yeah, ditto! If it's one thing I the room, so it was a good interna-
hate, it's tourists. Big noisy obnox- tional mix. Of course, we desperately
ious tourists!" wanted the Brazilians to win as we
"Funny things to say seeing that dreaded the response an Italian p e t-
you're a tourist," the bartender victory would produce. Two days
grinned. earlier, when Italy defeated Bulgaria
"I'm not a tourist. I'm a citizen of to advance to the finals, the scene
the world." was chaotic. A mass of honking cars
The bartender, hearing this with jubilant flag-waving Italians out
proclamation, gave me a stupid look of each window permeated the city
and quickly left to claim the sobriety until 4:00 in the morning. If Italy9 0- 6
of another patron. A citizen of the
world. I can't believe I said that.
What did he serve me?
Most big international Western
cities are more or less the same.
Getting around the nice local
oddities, cosmopolitan sophistication
manages to de-nationalize most
things. I was enjoying Dublin, but I
really hoped to get out and see the
more traditional areas in the west of
Ireland. These are the Gaelic-
speaking counties that W. B. Yeats
depicted so many times in his poems.
The "terrible beauty" of the Irish
coast always manages to leave a deep
imprint on those that visit. For a
quick weekend trip, the Aran Islands
off Galway seemed ideal. Nothing
was going to spoil this trip.
As my friends and I neared the
train station for our departure, my r adi ion,
worst fear was realized. A coach The freshly remodeled Original Cottage Inn inow open, with more
pulled up and coughed out 40 or 50 dining selections, including a new gourmet pizza menu. Stop bytoday.
kids sporting the neon backpacks. For the hottest Italian food in town, you're always within reach of
Groan. They managed to push and
shove their way to the front of the