16 - The Michigan Daily - Wednesday, June 15, 1994
United States vs. Switzerland: The Daily sports staff picks the final.
Managing Editor Ryan White:
As far as the rest of the world is
concerned, football is back in the
Silverdome. Unfortunately the
rest of the world doesn't really
play football - they play soccer.
The Americans will be too strong
on both sides of the ball, and it
will show. Expect a high scoring
game with Emmitt Smith rushing
for two late touchdowns,
U.S.A. 21, Switzerland 7
Editor Darren Everson:
The blackout has been lifted, as
the Silverdome will be full to the
brim with soccer fans. Trouble is,
many of 'em will be carrying
visas instead of Visas. Most folks
still don't know that the World
Cup's in town, and I don't think
the little signs on the interstates
are gonna make a difference. No
fan support, no chance.
Switzerland 4, U.S.A. 0
Staff writer Brent McIntosh:
The host country has never been
eliminated in the first round of
the World Cup, A World Cup
game has never been played
iodoors. The U.S. has never been
good at soccer. Switzerland has
never been better than the U.S. at
anything that mattered.- except
maybe cheese-making. Not this
U.S.A. 1, Switzerland 0
Staff writer Scott Burton:
I'm still bitter that Djibouti, my
personal favorite Third World
country, didn't qualify for the
I like Swiss cocoa. Goal for
Switzerland. I don't like Swiss
cheese. Goal for U.S. I love Heidi.
Goal for Switzerland. I hate
Mariah Carey. Goal for
Switzerland 3, U.S.A. 1
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Continued from page 13
only slightly better than the fact th
only 29 percent knew that the Cup
being played in the States this
The other 71 percent probably thoug
it was being held in the shark-infest
waters off the Australian coast.
Who are these guys?: Ame
cans hate being ignorant. America
are generally ignorant of socce
Therefore, Americans hate soccer.
The players are unknown to u
Who is Diego Maradona? Who
Jurgen Klinnsmann? I thought t
were foreign language curse wor
not the names of the world's be
Perhaps if Michael Jordan took up t
Perfect example: A friend told
that he would be glued to the tI
during the Cup, but he only wished
could have been around when Pe
was dominant. I said, yeah, Pele su
had a tough team back in the '5
Imagine my chagrin at finding out
Pele was a former star, not a tiny Sout
Whatever happened to having
last name anyway? I hate feeling i
* United States 1, Switzerlan
1: Americans hate ties. Remembe
Michigan football, circa 1992? Th
Wolverines finish undefeated, wit
three ties, and we call it a failure.
If ties are like kissing your siste
as Woody Hayes once proclaime
then soccer is the sport of inbreeder
It's the sports world's version of th
state of Mississippi.
SThe Sport of the Future: Fa
natics keep telling us dyed-in-the
wool gridiron fans that soccer is "spor
of the future," "the sport of tomor
row," "the sport of-"
When the future gets here, c
me. Until then, I'm going to take
* We already have a sport calle
"football": It would just be too con
fusing for our unsophisticated Yan
kee minds to have to discern whic
football the Europeans are discuss
ing. And, golldangit, we like our foot
ball. That other football just isn't bru
tat enough tor s. Plus...
* We suck: Americans don't li e
losing, but our soccer team seems to.
Either that, or they must just not be
good enough to beat the best teams in
the world. Accepting that would mean
acknowledging that there's something
the rest of the world does better than
us Americans, and Americans aren't
clear on accepting inferiority. And
why should we be: this is the best darn
country in the whole freakin' wor
So that's why soccer is so reviled
in America - seem like good rea-
sons, eh? All solid, factually based,
and rigorously researched...
All right, I admit it: I'm just bitter
because I can't get tickets to the U.S.-
Switzerland match Saturday.
Next Week, We're Going
. ,vE, '' .
London Records $11.99 each CD
See The Meices next Tues.
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_ ° , ", "each
° JULY 3, 1994
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