Wednesday, July 28, 1993 - The Michigan Daily Summer Weekly-il Fear and lusting at the Four Seasons t :, p By DARCY LOCKMAN We reached our destination acci- We were somewhere around Chi- dent and overdose free. The Four Sea- cago in the left lane of the Kennedy sons Hotel, our home for the night. At expressway when reality began to take a loss as how to approach a gloved, hold. I remember saying something uniformed valet parker, I pulled hesi- like"250miles,"andmyeditorscream- tantlyintothehoteldrive.Noquestion, ing, "Holy Jesus, what are these I was out of my league. My editor was goddamn animals?" plain out of her mind. Then it was quiet again. Just like it We made it through the valet and had been when the phone call came, arrived unscathed at the front desk, but the phone call from my editor. She my editor proved unable to cope art- calledmelate,andIalwaysknowwhen fully with the registration procedure. I I get a late phone call from my editor. letherstruggle,whilemygazeranover Ijust know. our surroundings. Patterned marble, "HI," she screamed into the re- plush carpets, chandeliers, vase upon ceiver (she tends toward the cacopho- vase of fresh flowers. I knew we were nous when excited). "Get packed. being set up, or that someone had We're off. Chicago. Tomorrow. Four messed up. To such hotels The Michi- The cast of the Universal release " Seasons Hotel. Premiere of the new gan Daily Summer Weekly was not Robert Downey Jr. movie. Interview invited. found out who we really were and do RobertDowney.Free.CourtesyofUni- I pushed my editor out of the way wanted to send us back from whence ha versal Studios." before she had the chance to clear up we came. From OTL to OTL. Two wo I abruptly pulled the receiverback any of the mistakes that had become hundred fifty miles. Pe toward my ear and replied, "Sure," our fortune. I thought I could handle My editor began exploring the co before I set down the phone, still the desk clerk, but all my not-so-well- room, picking up the little scented soaps m vaguely unsure as to how much of rehearsed professional behavior fell in the Jacuzzi-centered bathroom, sit- Bu what kind of drugs she was up to this apart under her sharp gaze. "Hi there," ting on the high, king-sized bed, un- an week - the pressures of being Daily I said, no trace of manic. "My name locking thewell-stockedbarandplung- we Arts editor. is...ah...RaoulaDuke...yes,onthelist, ing in. "Get a grip," I screamed, but sot Then, the phone rang again. Noth- that's for sure." When it came to deal- that phrase means little to a woman ing short of an answering machine ing with the big wigs, it was all about with ahead full of mescaline and para- Lo wouldkillthismonster. Ifaceditlike a being on the list. OTL. noia. All decisions would fall on me. ne journalist, ear on. Butunfortunatey,Iwasoffthelist, A quick investigation of the tele- ed "HELLO," I screamed into the re- still OTL, but with a different inflec- phone helped me determine how to (q ceiver, strong in my determination to don. When itcomes to OTL and OTL, retrieve our message. Taking a deep Br fight high decibel with high decibel. it's all about inflection. Luckily, my breath, I picked up the phone (just as I lit "I was serious," she said with no editor was OTL and we were handed had on that fateful night when my re trace of manic in her low voice. our room keys. As we scurried off to editor first suggested this junket) and pr "THEN SO WAS I," I yelled. It is take the elevator to the 42nd floor, the decided we would simply make a run as necessary to maintain one's decibel suddenly-friendly clerk called out, for it if they knew anything. When I m decorum. It's all about consistency. "You have $125 credited to your room gave the hotel operator my secret code na Or it was at that particular moment account, courtesy of Universal."Won- number, she whispered, "Check into ea in time. But times change and consis- dering if Universal Studios was con- the Universal Hospitality Suite by U tency gets you nowhere fast on Inter- fusing my editor and I with the OTL 7:30." Hmm, rather cryptic. th state-94 west, and so right then, it was New York Times reporters, I turned Whilemyeditorsearchedtheroom w all about speed. Of which my editor my head to nod at the clerk, and tripped for traces of Robert Downey Jr., I took g had done a bit too much somewhere over my editor who was sprawled on aperfunctory showermanaging some- s between Ypsilanti and Climax. "Pay the floor, presumably trying to investi- how to avoid getting lost in the bath- no attention to these creatures," she gate the marble. room. Cleanliness accomplished on orderedme."Wemustbeprofessional." I pulled her up and we climbed the my part, my editor and I crept up the Ifollowedherordersandexitedthe stairs to the 42nd floor (somewhere stairs to Suite 4603. Dressed to the construction-struck freeway at Ohio between the marble and the elevator nines, stomachs burning with Chivas East. The city skyline loomed in the button it occurred to my editor that Regal, we were looking and feeling distance - favorite town of the Cubs, elevators wereunprofessional).Loand very 0TL. the Grateful Dead and John Hughes. behold, we got to our complimentary But you're only OTh until some- Americana etherized on a table. suite and found the message light on one gives you a teeny tiny shove. Following the directions given to the phone aflash. This was it, they had A Universal rep greeted us at the me per phone by the clerk at the Four Seasons Hotel (at least she claimed to be a clerk, and swore it was the Four Seasons - I had my doubts) I drove towardDelaware Street, past the Hard Rock Cafe, past Planet Hollywood. Since 198 1Ld FOR THE BEST: Crew Cuts-Flat Tops Princetons-Military THE DASCOLA Medium round or STYLISTS deep dish pizza 4 .297 Valid only at Packard/Hill 769-5555 Liberty off State 668932 w Maiden Lane 995-9101 er of s e3 with one topping. Limit one coupon per order. -50 years of service- Expires 8/15/93 ieart and Souls," frolic in the streets of San Francisco. or and told us to "come on in and ve a brownie." Was this the Holly- od equivalent of cookies and milk? rhaps our young skin hadblown our ver. "We've got to get out of here," y editor hissed atme under her breath. t we had reached the half-way mark td there would be no going back. We re reporters, damn it, and we had ime reporting to do. Suspiciously enough, Brandon witz, Universal wonder boy (the wJeff, ofJeff andSusan)spottedmy itor within seconds of our arrival suite cleverly, I managed to escape andon's sharp eye: my name was erally not on any lists, and in the a2m of the studio, with noname laser inted on that paper, I was as invisible Wonder Woman's jet). He handed y editora hat and a T-shirt with the ame of the movie emblazoned on ch and told her to go down to the niversal limo that would take her to e premier. I took it for granted that I ould accompany her. No list was oing to stop this Gonzojoumalist, and e was in no state to travel solo be- sides. "It's 990. My Probe will crash. Stop the ambush. Save the serial kill- ers," my editor screamed at the limo driver. I flashed himmy best journalist smile. He ignored us both and drove slowly to the theater. Thelightsinsidethe screening room dimmed and I felt my muscles tense up. There's something not quite right about the lights going down on a big Hollywood premiere. But I could not think of myself, I had to consider my editor. Ether effects everyone differ- ently, and it was making her terribly afraid of the dark. "Get a hold of your- self," I screamed. Throughoutthe film,Ifelttheinsis- tent tug of the impending doom that only aterribly amusing,insipidly sweet Movie can bring about. Or maybe it wasmy editor tugging onmy hair.One could not be sure. I could only be sure that it was Robert Downey Jr. whose blazerI brushed against as I walked up the aisle, that it was a bald Woody See FEa, Page 12 THESE ARE ALL YOU NEED TO ADVERTISE IN THE DAILY CLASSIFIEDS CALL 764-0557TO PLACE YOUR AD TODAY.