10- The Michigan Daily Sumner Weeky-Wednesday, July 21, 1993
BOOKS

The Book of the
SubGenius
The SubGenius Foundation
Simon & Schuster
By OLIVER GIANCOLA
Would you like to practice a reli-
gionthatencouragessexualpromiscu-
ity? Would you like to make lots of
money without even trying? Would
you like to start your own industrial-
strength church? Well, friends, "The
Book of the SubGenius"can help you
do these very things and it may even
save your life, all for only $12.95.
"The Book" is the 200-page bible
of The Church of SubGenius, "the

world's first industrial church, the
prophesied End Times cult of scream-
ers and laughers, scoffers, blasphem-
ers, mockers, sinners and the last true
holymen in America today." The
Church is the religion for the anti-
religious, for the true "SubGenius."
How can you recognize a
"SubGenius"? A SubGenius has a cer-
tain attitude. Being a SubGenius "has
nothing to do with intelligence," but it
does involve sense, "Common Sense,
Sense of Humor, Dollars and Cents."
A SubGenius is a cynical individualist
who rejects conformity of any kind-
political, racial, social or sexual. To
refer to SubGeniuses as a group is a

mistake sincenotwoSubGeniusesare
alike. They congregate only to share a
vague sense of spiritual community
with their telepathicleader,J.R."Bob"
Dobbs, founder of the Church.
"Bob" is amysterious figure. He is
usually known by his "Dobbshead," a
picture of "Bob" clenching a pipe.
Whether his father was a Spanish
Mayan or a wandering milkman is
uncertain, but "Bob" was endowed
with powers that enable him to com-
municate with JHVH-1, orJehovah- 1.
Over time, "Bob" has discovered
that JHVH-1 controls everything in
our universe through the SKOR, the
cosmic "script" upon which our desti-

nies are written. According to the
SKOR, aliens (called "XISTS") will
come to Earth on July 5, 1998. On that
day, JHVH-1 will judge humanity.
"Bob" will protect SubGeniuses to
ensure that they are transformed into
OverMen and Women.
How can you avoid certain death
five years from now? "Repent! Quit
your job! SLACK OFF!" Slack is the
key to your survival. Let the tides of
life carry you to your destination, and
then you'll really be Slacking.
Unfortunatelythe Anti-Slack Con-
spiracy limits your ability to Slack.
Face it: school, work, government and
institutionalized religion deny you

Slack. Is it just coincidence that all
these organizations produce the same
Anti-Slackstate?Ask"Bob." He fights
the Conspiracy on yourbehalf, so you
can achieve Slack. Whether you take
advantage of that freedom by Slacking
is up to you, but without Slack it is
impossible to become a SubGenius
and, ultimately, an OverPerson.
If saving your life isn't enough
incentive toread"The Book,"themind-
bending collages are worth a look,
especially if you're ahard-core po-mo
fiend. Overall, "The Book" contains
insight worth reading. It shows us that
"Fuck'EmIfThey Can'tTakeAJoke"
is not just a slogan, buta way of life.

- - High culture in Cleveland?
Ohio's leading orchestra offers a promising new season
Sine 19o By KIRK WETTERS nately, many Americans incorrectly ing under the inept ba
For the majority of the 20th cen- assume that Cleveland's orchestra is Barenboim and theNew
tury, the ClevelandOrchestrahas been like its baseball team - not always monic suffers from thexd
held in the highest esteem by classical terrible, but rarely a contender. inconsistent Kurt Masu
music fans world-wide. But because In fact, Cleveland has a long tradi- on the other hand, hasI
Round, deep Cleveland's reputation as a cultural tionofexcellenceandiscelebratingits momentum in the lastI
(['11 (center is less than that of Chicago or 75th anniversary in its'93-94 concert since the selection ofC
dish, or one of 1 ~ New YorkCity, theClevelandOrches- season. Today, Cleveland has few DohnAnyi as Music Dir
each, with one aidon lPace/95 55 trahas lacked widespread recognition equals among American Orchestras. Under Dohnsnyi,C
topping each (plus tax) Lim one coupon per order among the American public. Unfortu- The Chicago Symphony is languish- become themost recorde
tspires 7/31/93 America. The final cone
r auabeCuCpn Expires July 25, 1993 . ('93 season, which feat
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* yeast infections recur and on new bylves, Rugglesand i
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: FOR SUMMER Provided are free visits for vaginitis, mance of Wagner's
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" 0 11

ton of Daniel
YorkPhilhar-
irection of the
ur. Cleveland,
been building
10 years, ever
Christoph von
ector in 1982.
Cleveland has
ed orchestrain
cert of the '92-
ared a superb
a's Symphony
reland is great
lso in concert.
h a distinctive
qualityamong
erely anothe
s subtle phras-
hythmic accu-
ding of music's
ce him among
he world today.
cribed the rea-
hin Cleveland.
"he said."I've
nd haven't had
avery intimate
we have aprob-
ent,humanand
we go out and
ndonandcom-
al market."
lity is demon-
fmusic he will
-'94 season. In
wn works of
t, Dohndnyi is
mericanworks
rtwistle. Anton
No. 8, Mahler's
concert perfor-
opera "Das
y enjoy superb
ous guest con-
ar in Cleveland
out as the most
orandconduc-
will direct and
athew Passion."
runsfrom Sep-
Cal 1-800-686-