FORUM
Page 8 Friday, July 25, 1986 The Michigan Daily
Current definitions of adulthood need to be revised
year olds are obviously not mature traditional lament about war is that minimum age to buy pornographic
enough to vote. They chose Reagan. young men are sent off to die. Well, materials -93.
The ideal voting age - 30. (Note: This that can be corrected. Just send old Averaging all these figures, we find
should stop a lot of pandering that men off to die. Average draft age - that the ideal age of majority is 53.
D OV politicians make to the 18-25 group. 70. The aforementioned rights are all to
Remember when Pres. Reagan made (Note: One considers a younger be granted on the recipient's 53rd bir-
Cohe n reference to Bruce Springsteen in his more effective draft age of, say, 55. thday, no sooner and no later.
speeches? Well, the 1988 election But that would tear the hell out of the But along with these rights, go
could be even worse. I personally am workforce. Best to keep the age at 70.) several other unwritten (until now)
not ready for George Bush in a .Right to buy pornographic rights. They deserve mention here:
Twisted Siter T-shirt.) materials - Plato or someone like The right to wear boxer shorts, the
A gross unfairness is being thrust children's menu at Big Boy's, 14 to ..Drinking - Survey Sunday mor- that said that the responsibility of right to refer to any group as "the
upon the American people. work, 8 to ride the roller coasters at ning dormitory bathrooms as fresh- political office is best not given to young people of America" or
Certain groups of people are given Cedar Point, and 21 to appear in most men pour their cookies into in- those who want it. Our own experien- despairingly as "the kids today," the
rights without responsibilities, yet hot porno films. stitutional, black-seat toilets. Notice ce tells us the right to outlandish free right to tell someone to wait until
others are given responsibilities What we need in this country is a the incredible attraction between un- speech is best not given to those who they're your age (apparently this
without rights. And as any reader of coherent policy concerning adulthood. derclassmen and $5.25-a-case will use it. And guns are best kept was in the original draft of the Bill of
George F. Will knows, that is unjust. Up until now we have simply relied Gobel Beer. Witness how many away from those who want them. Rights), and the right to use the ex-
Some age groups are given the on common law decisions. "I don't sophomores actually develop a taste Likewise, the right to buy and clamation "i."
duties of being adults, but denied the know what maturity is, but I know it for Strohs. For the sake of aesthetics, use(?) pornographic materials is best And there we have it: a clear, con-
privileges, when I see it," is a quote attributed at anyone drinking should be at least 23. granted to those who won't exercise sistent policy, setting the age of
Eighteen year olds are quick to various times to a Supreme Court -Driving - Anyone under 30 speeds. their right. majority squarely at 53.
point out that they are free to vote, Justice and Linda Lovelace. Everyone over 30 says they're "too We should sell pornography only to Sexagenarians of the world, unite!
drive, and even die for their country. It is time we come up with a unified, old/set in their ways for seat belts." those whose libidos have dried up. The
But they cannot drink. consistent policy, defining the child- Face it, gang, you just haven't earned
And twelve year olds complain that adult dividing line. Previously the the right to drive. The safest travelers
they must pay adult ticket prices at "magic ages" - 19, 21, 18, 17 - were are over 65. Driving age - 65 with
the movies, yet are too old to eat off pretty much picked out of a hat, with learners permits given at 64.
the children's menu at Danny's. no scientific consideration given to 'Admittance to R-rated movies -
The injustice of these situations the merits of the number. Are kids ready to see senseless acts of
results from the inconsistency of the My suggestion for the adult-child violence, nudity, and cussing? Of
law. One is considered an adult in dividing line has been arrived at course. Basically, these things are
some cases, but not in others. scientifically. I have scrupulously and nothing the average 8 year old can't
One must be 16 to drive, 18 to vote, objectively calculated the age at see at home, on TV, or in the Sears &
21 to drink, 12 to pay adult ticket which persons are best able to handle Roebuck catalog.
prices, 13 to be condoned for admit- the rights and responsibilities of -Working - Most college students
tance to PG-13 movies, 11 to eat off the adulthood. bitch about 40-50 hour work weeks.
That age is 53. But, when Warren Burger resigned,
That figure was derived from he said he was working 108 hours a
rigorous, scientific analysis. I thought week. They say Lee Icoca, Bob
SHORT OR LONG up the key rights of adulthood, Hope, and Jimmy Carter are
Hartlsfr calcula h pia g at whic workaholics. It seems we get a lot of ~ -
Men and Women these rights should be given, and then productivity out of our senior citizens.
averaged these ages (adding up the The older generation is fond of
DASCOLA STYLISTS ages and dividing by the number of telling us how it was in the "good old
rights). days," when they went to school,
Liberty off State .. 668-9329 Here are some of the rights I took worked 40 hours a week, captained the
PVoting - Anyone who looked at the scriptions on the side.
'84 election results knows that 18 to 25 Hell, if those were the "good old
days," I say we let them relive 'em.
Working age under new child labor
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