Quick on the'Draw
By Mike McGraw

The Michigan Daily - fuesday; June 19, 1984- Page 15
Bad stuff 'bout the Tigs...
... the other side of the story

O KAY, SO the Tigers are off to a good start this
season and could very well be on their way to
their first division crown since 1972. Detroit
baseball fans understandably should be excited
about their team, but the situation is beginning to
get out of control.
I've been hearing for three years about how great
the Tiger tradition is and I think it's about time
someone stood up and shed some reality on the fan-
tasy world in which Tiger supporters exist.
Especially now, while the fans are going completely
out of their minds due to the current first-place
standing of their beloved squad.
One warning, though: If you fall into the category
of extremely obnoxious Tiger fan, you may not want
to read on. Because the following paragraphs con-
tain bad stuff about the Motor Citiers. I repeat:
THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS BAD THINGS
ABOUT THE TIGERS. STOP READING NOW IF
YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT.
First of all, the Tigers possess the pansiest battle
cry I've ever heard. If Detroit was my favorite
team, I would cringe in embarrassment anytime I
heard the phrase, "Bless you boys". Especially
when channel 4 sportscaster Al Ackerman says it.
Al also has been telling us, "This IS the year!" I
hope he means this is the year he gets out of
television. Now Ackerman is saying the latest thing .
is "Bless you boys Fever". I am really sick of
hearing it, but I sure don't have bless-you-boys
fever. Anyway, how can you take anything seriously
from a station that refuses to show Late Night with
David Letterman.
Everytime I remark to a Tiger die-hard how

stupid that saying is, they reply, "Well in 1968 it was
appropriate because the city was having all those
riots and the"Tigers gave the city something to rally
behind when they won the World Series." Great. But
why didn't they just say, "Thanks team. You really
saved the city." And if it was an appropriate phrase
in '68, why are people saying it now?
Another tradition the Tigers need to end is the
George Kell era. I remember listening to George in
1972 when I lived in Detroit and he's just as boring
now as he was then. Luckily for the city there is
colorful Al Kaline to back him up. Kaline has some
good insight into baseball. Too bad he can't seem to
express it.
Thesbiggest problem the fans should be aware of
is the ballpark. Sure Tiger Stadium is nice to look at
because it's old. But how many stadiums offer the
luxury of having about 2,000 good seats in a place
which has 55,000? Is it true that in the old days, they
used to construct a new pole after every Tiger vic-
tory? There sure are enough of them. Every fan
seems to have one of his very own, blocking the
view.
Ever tried enjoying a contest from the lower-deck
bleachers? If you do venture into that area, you'd
better have good eyes. Because not only is it 600 feet
to home plate, you have to look through one of the
many cages that have been installed around the
stadium to keep the inmates from escaping.
Of course, Tiger fans love their hot dogs - but I
can't imagine why. What are these people used to
eating? I wouldn't feed those wieners to my dog.
Everytime I see one, I wonder if it contains any
meat and what gives it that putrid aroma. I'd

hate to have to sell those things.
And why not get a beer with your dog? Sure you
have to get up and get it yourself, but so what it you
miss a few innings. You can't beat the value of a
Tiger Stadium beer - only $1.75 for 12 ounces (50¢
less in the bleachers for a dixie-cup full).
You also can't beat Tiger Stadium for its non-
baseball entertainment. Its great that the team has
a famous groundskeeper in Herbie Redmond, but
how did this guy get famous in the first place? All he
does is stop before sweeping the dirt around first
base and then wave to the crowd. What's the big
deal? Maybe I just catch him on his off nights.
Other problems: Thank God I'm A Country
Boy for five years. Come on, we're not living in
Iowa. The scoreboard is too small and doesn't say
anything worth reading anyway. My recommen-
dation to those who'd like to experiencea good place
to watch a baseball game: try Milwaukee's County
Stadium.
As for the team on the field, they look pretty good,
except, of course, for Kirk Gibson. The Tigers
should have traded him two years ago when they
could have gotten something for him. The guy can't
catch and no one in baseball looks worse against
left-handed pitching. Not hard to tell where he went
to school, is it?
Now I'd like to see Detroit in the World Series, but
there's a long way to go in the season. Not to men-
tion a long way to go in order to make rooting for the
team more enjoyable. Next year should be made a
rebuilding year for the Tigers - off the field, that is:


Fuzzy takes Open

MAMARONECK, N.Y. (AP) - The playoff for the
Unied States Open Golf Championship lasted three
hours, 15 minutes yesterday.
But it was over in 23 minutes.
Fuzzy Zoeller made himself the beneficiary of a
three-stroke swing on the second hole at Winged
Foot, applied unrelenting pressure to struggling Greg
Norman and scored a record-breaking, eight-shot
triumph in the American national championship.
"I DIDN'T WANT to leave any doors unlocked,"
Fuzzy said. He had a five-shot lead at the turn and
never let up.
Zoeller, a happy-go-lucky sort who frequently
whistles while he works, subdued the tough old course
in the northern suburbs of New York with a 3-under-
par 67 against Norman's playoff round of 75.
On a course that is considered possibly the
toughest that is played in the Open, Zoeller shot the
lowest score ever recorded in a playoff for the
American championship.
"I BEAT IT," he said. Maybe tomorrow I go out
and it eats my lunch. But for five days I beat Winged
Foot."
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He also beat Norman by the largest margin ever
recorded in an 18-hole Open Playoff, and by the
largest margin of any 18-hole playoff in any of golf's
recognized four major championships, which in-
cludes the Masters, British Open and PGA.
"I feel hollow, disappointed and hollow," said
Norman. "To come so close and in the end be so far
away..."
HE LET THE SENTENCE trail off unfinished.'
"I gave it my best shot but my best shot wasn't
good enough. Now, I'll try to come back and win the
British Open.
"I'm going to come out of this with a positive at-
titude. I learned something. I learned I tried too hard,
and you can't do that.
"The next time, maybe I can turn it into victory.
"I thinkI can win a major championship. And I think
it will happen in the not-too-distant future," said the
long-hitting Australian who is known as the "Great
White Shark."
But he was a toothless shark this dreary, drizzly
day - a shark that was speared by weapon of his own
- the cross-country putt.

rom staff reports
Michigan Wolverines and a
NBA stars that could include
mas will be in the lineups when
eam Sandy Sanders Summer
1 League gets under way this
nes will be held at Concordia
ocated at 4090 Geddes Road
23. Tripleheaders are held
day and Saturday night for
even weeks, starting at 6:00
e is no admission cost.
CHIGAN players that will be
ng are Butch Wade, Roy
Rich Rellford, Antoine
RobHenderson and 6-10
ve Stoyko from Bay Village,
yers that have indicated they
include former Wolverines

Phil Hubbard and Mike McGee, MSU
grad Greg Kelser, and Pistons John
Long and Thomas. League boss San-
ders expects Thomas to play in around
four of the season's seven weekends.
"We have a phenomenal group of
players," said Sanders. "This is our
third year and we have more great
players this year than I ever thought
we'd have."
Other college stars to watch out for in
the league are eight members of the
Michigan State team, including Sam
Vincent, Kevin Willis, Darryl Johnson
and Larry Polec; recent Western
Michigan transfer Patrick Ford;
DePaul center and, Flint Central
graduate Marty Embry; along with
much of the roster from Eastern
Michigan, University of Detroit and
Johnny Orr-coached Iowa State.

Zoeller
... drowns the Shark
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