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July 13, 1982 - Image 6

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Publication:
Michigan Daily, 1982-07-13

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Opinion

4

Page 6
The Michigan Daily
Vol. XCII, No. 38-S
Ninety-two Years of Editorial Freedom
Edited and managed by students
at the University of Michigan
Foolish pride
LTHOUGH THEY finally have agreed to
release the last Argentine prisoners from
the recapture of the Falklands, the British
government reinains intent on flag-waving, in-
stead of finding a long-term solution to the con-
flict.
Nearly 600 Argentine soldiers soon will head
for home on British ships, but they will do so
without assurances or even any slight in-
dication that the war has, in fact, ended and the
conflict has been resolved.
What stands in the way of a resolution is not
economic or even political interest, but merely
national pride. Britain,however, (as well as the
United States) has much more to gain from
negotiations than it does from jingoistic drum
beating.
The costs of maintaining a huge garrison on
the Falklands will be staggering, while
Britain's relations with Third World nations,
who generally sided with Argentina, will un-
doubtedly worsen.
A more troublesome result of British intran-
sigence, however, may be soured relations with
its closed ally, the United States. A large
Brisith military presence in the South Atlantic
will continue to be a thorn in U.S.-Latin
American relations. And Britain's military
commitment to the Falklands eventually will
strain its ability to contribute to NATO at the
same time some are calling for reduced U.S.
commitment to the Western alliance.
The British have fought Argentina's reckless
use of force and won, but now is the time for
another earnest try at the negotiating table for
a solution that will last.

Tuesday, July 13, 1982

The Michigan Daily

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Questionauthoriie

Questions I'd like to ask, and the
answers I wouldn't get:
MRS. SCHLAFLY, why was
the ERA defeated when it was
obviously favored by a majority
of Americans?
"Speaking as a Total Woman,
what do I care about majorities
as long as I get my way? I'm just
grateful the country was saved
from unisex toilets, female
marines with Father tattoos, and
political suffrage. We Total
Women deserve to suffer.
Besides, I was afraid that, if it
passed, my husband wouldn't
slap me around anymore."

y
0
r
o~ alt.
r
N 11 i " ...c
I AM IN COWROL. ±

wise God and the other's the
latest shaft by a prize broad."
MAYOR YOUNG, why are you
being indicted by the grand jury
probing the Magnum Oil scan-
dal?
"They've never seen a coleman
in the oil racket before."
How would you describe the
role of the Detroit City Council?
"As a desk set-a rubber stamp
and a blotter that soaks up nasty
oil spills. Frankly, I've been
thinking of sending them to Santa
Barbara.. There's a Liberian
tanker due there any time now."
COMMISSIONER Rozelle,
what do you think of cocaine use
among professional football
players?
"If it's good enough for
Congress, it's good enough for the
NFL."
MR. PRESIDENT, what were
the major accomplishments of
your summit trip last month?
"Well, I improved com-
munications with many
European leaders. I swapped
recipes with Francois Mit-
terrand, traded anecdotes with
Helmut Schmidt, sampled hair
dye with Margaret Thatcher, and
compared scars with the Pope."
Did you think the verdict in the
John Hinckley trial was just?
"Well, there's no doubt Hin-
ckley was crazy. I mean, he used
a .22 when he could've gotten a .44
for only a few dollars more."
Do you favor gun control as a
result?
"Well, no, but Ifavor goon con-

trol."
PRIME MINISTER Begin, why
did you tell the PLO to get out of
Beirut any way they could?
' "I'm a fair man. They've said
the same to me.
Then why haven't they left?
"It's not my fault if they're in-
timidated by a few little tanks
and jets and roadblocks and
things."
Why did you ask the U.S. to
send marines to Lebanon?
"'We thought they'd like the
chance to see how well their
bombs work, since they haven't
had a chance to try them out
themselves.",
GENERAL Galtieri, what was
the most devastating result of the
Falkland Islands war?
"Argentinian unemployment
went up by one."
SPARKY, when you took over
as manager of the Tigers four
years ago, didn't you promise
Detroit baseball fans a.pennant in
five years?
"Yes, but I didn't say which
five years."
Since the Tigers are out of it
this year, what do you expect
next year?
"Plenty of time to write my
memoirs."
D.B. Christy is a senior in
LSA. He .will be Not Funny
every Tuesday.

4

But isn't it true, Phyllis, that
the ERA was drubbed by a
powerful corporate lobby that
wanted to insure that they could
c6ntinue to pay women less for
the same work than men?
"Not at all. Exxon, General
Motors, and the textile industry
are far-sighted patriots who want
to keep America safe for meat
loaf, "General Hospital," and
valium."
What's the difference between
the atom bomb and the defeat of
the ERA?
"One's the greatest gift of a

I
4

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