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6 - Tuesday, October 7, 2014

The Michigan Daily - michiganclaily.com I

A rtTh Mchga Dily-(icigndilco
COMMUNITY & CULTURE COLUMN MSCRVE
Tier: Weird
shaow, iarious m
an genius

was first introduced
to the world of Tinder
last winter, when one
of my best friends from high
school showed me the app
over Christ-
mas break.
After spend-
ing her first
semester of
college in
Chicago, she
explained
to me that KATHLEEN
Tinder was DAVIS
all the rage
in the city,
an easy way to meet new boys
and ultimately to hook up
with them. She let me take
the reigns of her account for a
few minutes, where I scrolled
through the profiles of seem-
ingly endless bros - some
fratty, some alt-looking, but a
lot of just normal, nice-look-
ing guys.
For anyone out there who
has been blissfully oblivious
to the dating lives of college
students, Tinder is an iPhone
and Android app that takes
basic information from your
Facebook page, your first
name and age, a few pictures,
and puts them on a basic pro-
file that says the last time you
were active on the app and
how many miles away you are
from the person checking you
out. Matches are based on
geographic proximity, and you
must either swipe left for no,
or right for yes to move onto
another profile. If you swipe
right for a person and that
person swipes right for you,
you've mach "match" and
you can now start a message,
conversation, where you can
decide if the person is cool,
weird or interesting enough
to meet in person. Tinder is
based on Grindr, a similar app

exclusively for gay, bisexual
or curious men that launched
in 2009, and Tinder's setting
can be changed depending on
your sexuality as well, so it's
not just exclusive to hetero-
sexuals.
Here's a disclaimer: I don't
personally have a Tinder. I've
been in a happy, monogamous
relationship for a year and a
half so my need for a hook-up
app is negligible. But I find
the whole process fascinat-
ing enough to check out my
friends' accounts when I see
they're swiping through din-
ner. It also fascinates me that
of all my single friends in Ann
Arbor, almost all of them have
experimented with Tinder in
some way. Love it or hate it, it's
everywhere.
The first time I was shown
the app, I was perplexed. My
friend moved at lightning
speed, swiping left or right
depending on how douchey the
guy looked, barely reading the
short bios these guys provided.
Shirtless in all the pictures?
Swipe left. Surrounded by a
large group of girls? Swipe left.
From my experience, the more
normal looking the pictures
are and the more creative the
few sentences of bio, the more
likely you'll get a swipe right.
It's weird, shallow and hilar-
ious. And what demographic
would embrace this more will-
ingly than horny college kids
with nothing to lose?
The truth is, Tinder is
genius. An app to quickly meet
up with single people near
you for whatever amount of
intimacy you seek works seam-
lessly in the, opstant shuffle
of college life, particularly in
high-stress schools like U-M.
We're a generation completely
used to instant gratification
thanks to growing up with the

rise of the internet. We don't
have the time for OKCupid or
Match.com, we want sex at the
touch of a button and in the
same amount of time it would
take to order Pizza House.
Millennials are constantly
scrutinized by older genera-
tions for our widely publicized
"hook-up culture," considered
a correlation to lack of scruples
and doomed adult relation-
ships. Tinder itself has been
hugely scrutinized for being
shallow, since almost all that
swipes depend on are the pic-
tures on a person's profile.
But the thing is, how.is
this process more vain than
approaching someone at a bar
or party? It's still a decision
based on how attractive you
find someone. I'd even argue
that Tinder is safer than a
night at Rick's, since conver-
sation can't even start until
both parties have confirmed
"yes" to the other person. You
exchange messages for a little
while, decide if you want to
meet for a date and if the date
goes well maybe both parties
can get what they want. Sure,
the date could be awkward
and you could go home disap-
pointed, but you could also
have a great time. I even have
friends who've started seeing
boys met on Tinder semi-regu-
larly. Just don't try to explain
that to your parents.
Tinder away, Ann Arborites.
You're young, fun and as long
as you've got the sense to stay
in your comfort zone, you
could end up meeting cool
new people and have stories
to tell your friends. You've got
the rest of yryur ljves to settle,,
down.
Davis is taken, hence not
on Tinder. To congratulate her,
e-mail katjacqu@umich.edu,'

a

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Rivers cuomo as cyclops from X-Men.
Evr ytin WillBe'
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Weezer releases tude and Hurley has flooded
the band's catalog so signifi-
an uninspired cantly that a Weezer-themed
playlist shuffle is nearly
collection of songs impossible: a never-ending,
depressing series of pressing
By ALEC STERN next before abandoning the
Senior Arts Editor exercise and going directly
for "Buddy Holly," which is
My musical taste has always probably what I was looking
been linked to my Dad's: for in the first place.
mornings after mornings While Weezer has been on
of walking the downswing for almost
downstairs C10 years, Everything Will Be
to the sounds Alright In The End is differ-
of his vast Everything ent. The band's previous two
CD collec- offerings were unsuccessful
tion echoing Will Be because they were trying ,to
through all Alright In break new ground - the Lil
corners of the Wayne assisted "Can't Stop
house. That's The End Partying," the sitar-infused
why in second Weezer "Love is the Answer," the
grade I hailed R . bouncy "Trainwrecks." But
Radiohead as Republc Everything Will Be Alright
my favorite In The End is unsuccessful
band. It's why the first con- because it's clear Weezer is
cert Lv ,.went to was a Regl str.ivi g,tehe the band it once
Hot Chili Peppers show. And was. You can hear it in Cuo-
it's also the reason I always mo's voice. In every guitar
have - and probably always shred. In every lyric.
will - love Weezer. On the album's first single,
When I was eight years old, "Back to the Shack," the cho-
I heard loud music coming rus dreams of better days:
from outside. When I went to "Take me back / Back to the
the door, I saw my Dad, sit- shack / Back to the strat with
ting with one leg hanging out the lightning strap / Kick in
of the open car door blast- the door / more hardcore /
ing "Island in the Sun." "I Rockin' out like it's '94." Not
love this album," he shouted coincidentally, 1994 marked
at me over the music, seam- the release of the band's
lessly transitioning back into most adored release, The Blue
the lyrics with "it makes me Album,
feel so fine, I can't control On another track, the apt-
my brain." When I was 15, I ly-titled "Eulogy for a Rock
saw the band live for the first Band," Cuomo laments: "Adios
time, except now I was the one rock band that we loved the
singing along; Dad and broth- most / This is a toast to what
er beside me. Now, at 21, I'm you did / And all that you
challenged with reconciling were fighting for."
Weezer's storied past with its On the one hand, Every-
newest offering, Everything thing Will Be Alright In The
Will Be Alright In The End. End is hardly as messy as
Relesed Tusday, ,very- Raditude orHurley, uniform'n
thing Will Be Alright In The its sound and confident in its
End marks the second lon- identity. The album is meticu-
gest break between Weezer lously packaged, evident in
albums ever, and it couldn't its smooth transitions and
have come at a more pertinent the mostly-instrumental final
time. From 2008 to 2010, the three tracks. And one song,
band released one album per "I've Had it Up to Here," even
year, each less impactful than gets a passing grade, if nar-
the one that came before it. rowly, for offering a glimpse
Contrary to popular opinion, of what a good Weezer album
I regard Make Believe as the could potentially sound like if
band's last solid release. But the band grew up and evolved
the frantic onslaught of Radi- its sound for a new decade and

a new generation. But holisti-
cally, the album is devoid of
highlights, featuring neither
one song you could proudly
blast at a party nor even one
you could privately indulge in.
Andthen there arethe tracks
that are better left completely
ignored, which seems to be
the common thread that ties
together all of Weezer's recent
releasesi On Raditude, skip
right over "The Girl Got Hot.".
For Hurley, forget "Where's
My Sex?". Finally, on Every-
thing Will Be Alright In The
End, "Da Vinci," "The British
Are Coming" and "Cleopatra"
are the most egregious low
points. The former asserts:
"Even Da Vinci couldn't paint
you / Stephen Hawking can't
explain you / Rosetta Stone
could not translate you / I'm at
a loss for words." As am I ...
If Everything Will Be Alright
IA The End wer p besummed
up in one word, it would be
morbid. Yes, the band has
made a name on the backs of
its self-deprecating lyrics, but
at this point, when the young-
est member of the group is
Cuomo at 44 years old, it's less
self-deprecating than it is sad.
The album's first track, "Ain't
Got Nobody," declares again
and again that the singer, in
fact, ain't got nobody. And fol-
lowing two of the aforemen-
tioned songs, which gloomily
fantasize about better days,
the album fills out with the
deceivingly-upbeat "Lonely
Girl" and the cringe-worthy,
as-angsty-as-it-sounds duet
with Best Coast's Bethany
Cosentino "Go Away."
In the end, Weezer's newest
album will most likely have no
impact on my Weezer fandom.
Whereas Raditude and Hurley
actively diminished my opin-
ion of the group, Everything
Will Be Alright In The End
doesn't do much at all; it might
be the most innocuous album
I've ever heard. But isn't that
even worse? In the future,
I'll shrug it off, choosing to
remember Weezer as the band
my Dad used to unabashedly
sing in the car rather than the
one responsible for this whol-
ly uninspired, uninteresting
collection.

Rivers Cuomo as Rivers Cuomo from Weezer.

REPUBLIC


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