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2B Wednesday, September 24,2f14 The Statement

-Wednesday, September, 24 2014// The Statementi7

V ann arbor affairs: me and my big bossy heart by carlinaduan

At a recent dinner, I was asked
to describe myself in three words
to a circle of friends. Outside, the
moon pouted, and we spooned
chili into our mouths, puckering
lips at the strange and salty heat. "I
think I'm funny," said one friend,
as I watched a piece of diced zuc-
chini swim through his bowl. "I'd
say I'm aloof," said another. When
it became my turn, I balked. My
friend struck his lighter, and the
flame rose, tenderly, to meet the
slow lip of the candle. "I think... I
think I have a bossy heart," I said,
surprising myself. "Like, my heart
owns me in a way... but maybe it's
just that I'm always in love."
When I got my heart kicked in
high school after a bad -breakup,
I walked around shiny-eyed -
wanting to touch and torch every-
thing. I painted my nails on the
porch, and the sharp, waxy scent
of polish rammed through the air.
When I clenched and unclenched
my fist, my fingernails glinted a
wicked red. I felt strangely pow-
erful. I couldn't get my heart to
shut up. While friends peppered
me with advice on how to quell an
achy heart, I spent
late nights
awake in
bed, blasting
electro-pop -
and drink-
ing galaxy
after galaxy
of skim milk.
My heart was
noisy - told
me to suck it up.
Years later, walk-
ing through the
Diag one morning, I
watched a boy with a cigarette
nested behind his ear; I watched a
woman flashing her arms in silver
rain. In the bathroom, my room-
mate called his boyfriend's name,
said, "I love you," softly, into the
wet sink. And his boyfriend said
it back.

In college, my
heart cracked when I
recognized the kid I
loved wasn't going to
say it back. At least,
not like that. I loved
him, but we were
friends, and when
we passed each other
on the street, we fist
bumped - his rocky
hand pulsing against
mine. Some nights we
would eat takeout on
the floor of my room,
amid black hairs pat-
terned on the floor-
boards like wires.
"Hey," he'd say, look-
ing up. "You want a
bite?"

ILLUSKAIUNS BY MEtAN MULHULLANL

When I say my heart's
bossy, I mean it's oversaturated
at times, with all the joy, all the
angst, memories of river walks
and collared shirts, all the love
I have for dozens and dozens of
people, dozens and dozens of plac-
es. Watery muscles. Heart seeped
with everybody I try
to love at all the
"right" times -
in all the "right"
ways.
In allowing
my heart to take
over my body, I
forget. The love
grows famil-
iar, feels dumbly
immovable. But it's
not. When I was in ele-
mentary school, my
sister ate strips of
salmon from a glass
container and talked about loneli-
ness on the swings, and my heart
hissed. The love rushed. So often,
my love for everybody sprawls
through windows. Whether I love
others as friends, sisters, dance
partners, strangers wearing pur-
ple scarves - it still surprises me
how over time, the love changes

shape. I start off loving somebody
as X, and as we both grow, it shifts.
Suddenly, I'm loving them as Y.
The love shimmies and evolves.
And sometimes, that feels bad. But
most of the times, it feels impor-
tant: unlearning a specific kind of
love I've had for somebody. Grow-
ing new love on top of it: thicker,
callused love.
Activist and writer Audre
Lorde notes, "Love is a movement.
Actually, love is the movement.
It is that which moves each of us
toward one another ... Indeed, the
radical potential in love is its abil-
ity to destroy the walls, fortifica-
tions, edges, spaces, which work
to separate us." What strikes me
about Lorde's observation is that
love not only moves and builds -
it also deconstructs. Whenever
my heart starts beeping inside my
body, I think about all its "abil-
ity to destroy the walls," but also
how necessary it is, sometimes, for
the heart to learn how to stretch.
When I say my heart is bossy, I
mean that my love stomps and
struts, and it's not shy about it. It
crashes often, it changes shape,
and by doing so, it grows.

FOOTBALL SATURDA

MANAGING SPORTS EDITOR

historical high.
That doesn't include the hun-
dreds of dollars fans pay for a Pre-
ferred Seat Donation Program to
maintain the same seating location
every year.
The frat houses lining State
Street rope off their property as if
they're enclosing themselves from
the outside. But they blare their
music as if they're holding a wager..
There are empty cans of beer
crushed on the sidewalk, girls
wearing fanny packs and guys
wearing sleeveless shirts. There's
dancing, there's smoking, there's
drinking. But nowadays, there isn't
always football.
Football Saturday means some-
thing different for younger fans
- the ones who haven't grown up
with Michigan football.
According to Lochmann, this
year's student season tickets hold-
ers decreased by 40 percent from
last year, during which a general-
admission policy that upset upper-
classmen was implemented and
recalled.

It was enough for the Athletic validation cost for student tickets.
Department to extend the dead- In fact, just Monday, the Athletic
line for purchasing tickets twice, Department teamed up with Coca
We don't need a scoreboard to
tell us when to say 'Go Blue' -
we do that together. That is a
place that doesn't need to be
programmed."
-John U. Bacon, University
lecturer
change the ticket policy for older Cola to give away two tickets with
students to sit closer and offer the purchase of two Coke products.
other incentives such as waving the "This has been a challenging

year," Lochmann said. "A lot has
been written about our student
ticket situation and while we are
pleased with our new policies
and working closely with student
groups (Central Student Govern-
ment and the Football Advisory
Council), a 40 percent decrease in
our student season ticket number
put us in a hole we are still climb-
ing out of."
Students like LSA senior Lauren
Kettle and LSA sophomore Alex
Herzog both had tickets last year,
but this year, only Herzog pur-
chased them.
For Kettle, the decision is one
she's been satisfied with, "With
the schedule, and it being out of
the budget, I just decided not to get
them," she said.
Herzog says she regrets pur-
chasing student tickets.
"I kind of felt like it was some-
thing you have to do," Herzog said.
"I feel like I should have gotten
some individual games, because I
feel that I'm not going to go to all
of them."
Their friends didn't get tickets
and the friends of their friends
didn't get tickets for the same rea-
son: if the tradition of Michigan
football isn't engrained, the value

Y s . to watch medio-
cre program
does not live up to
the cost.-
"As a sports
marketer, one of the first things
you learn is you can't affect what
happens on the field, court, etc.,"
Lochmann said. "So you need to
be prepared off the field, court, et
cetera."
With that comes added pressure
of having to filla stadium with over
100,000 people for every game.
Michigan currently holds a 254-
game streak of having more than
100,000 tickets sold. But losses like
last week's don't make maintaining
the streak any easier.
It isn't easy to have a profitable
program without upsetting fans
deeply rooted in tradition. Athletic
administrators such as Athletic
Director Dave Brandon and Loch-
mann and have learned that the
hard way.
Over the last few years, they've
partnered with sponsors like
Chobani, which sponsors tweets,
and Lowes, which sponsors sc e
updates from around the country.
On top of that, there's the Athletic
Department's $84 million, 12-year
partnership with IMG - the
owner of the University's media
rights - that contractually allows
for advertisements, Lochm .6
See EVOLUTION, Page 8B

COVER BY RUBY WALLAU