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Monday, March 17, 2414 - 7A

The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom Monday, March 17, 2014 - 7A

Oscars: A You Tube
comment sejfie

DISNEY
"I don't even need speed."
'Speed' needs more

Waugh brings
famous video game
to silver screen
ByMAYANKMATHUR
Daily Arts Writer.
Movies like Scott Waugh's
"Need for Speed" are supposed to
be pretty standard; they usually
come with fast
cars, unrealistic )
but enjoyable
stunts, larger Need for
than life heroes, Speed
annoying antag-
onists, sexy girls Rave 20 and
and good music. Quality 16
Let's call this
the "Fast and Disney
Furious" prec-
edent. It's a rea-
sonable template for a movie about
male machismo that is driven from
behind the wheel through stereo-
typical motives like vengeance. of
course,there's nothingwrongwith
that. You probably know how the
movie is going to play out before
you start watching it - there aren't
going to be any major surprises,
but that's okay - allyou're looking
for is decent entertainment.
Unfortunately, by spectacularly
missing the mark on the aforemen-
tioned criteria, "Need for Speed"
doesn't even come close to being
as enjoyable as it tries to be. It's
not like it attempts to create a new
trend and revamp this particu-
lar subset of the action genre - it
actually tries to replicate aspects
of other successful movies and

fails miserably. How bad can a
movie about fast cars and revenge
get? Watch this one to find out.
Tobey Marshall (Aaron Paul,
"Breaking Bad") is a former race
car driver who works in a garage
that he owns. Marshall is a little
behind on finances, so he partici-
pateswithhisfellowmechanicbros
in nighttime races that take place
in the city to help keep his busi-
ness afloat. One day, before a race,
his longtime rival Dino (Dominic
Cooper, "Dead Man Down") shows
up and offers Marshall the chance
to work on a Shelby Mustang in
exchange for 25 percent of the
car's estimated value of $2 million.
Strapped for cash, Marshall has no
choice but to help his enemy out. In
a very rapid turn of events, a mem-
ber of Marshall's entourage dies
due to Dino's deception and trick-
ery, and Marshall is put behind bars
for involuntary manslaughter due
to the lack of evidence incriminat-
ing Dino - cue feelings of guilt and
anger and the need for revenge.
Two years later, Marshall is
freed and hell-bent on getting
Dino back for his crimes. He must
now journey all the way from New
York to San Francisco in 45 hours
to compete against Dino in De
Leon - a race organized by the
local DJ Monarch, played by a very
annoying Michael Keaton ("Ray-
mond Sellers").
The bulk of the movie is spent
focusing on this little road trip,
and the representation of the ini-
tial conflict and final resolution is
so rapid that you're left wondering
what the big deal was in the first
place. The film is filled with innu-

merable holes, and logic is such a
forgotten concept that the slight-
est evidence of common sense
brings tears of joy. At one point, for
instance, Dino is let off the hook
because of the lack of evidence
against him, despite the fact that
he deliberately crashes into Mar-
shall's buddy's car in the middle of
a bridge on a New York highway.
Apparently no one was around to
see it happen. All Dino had to do
was make the car he drove disap-
pear, and he's effectively made
bystanders on the bridge blind to
whatever happened.
One could forgive the redun-
dancy of the plot if it weren't for
the terrible performances. All the
characters in the movie are annoy-
ing - there's not a single likeable
one. Each comes with their intol-
erable quirks that are so unbear-
able that it was a relief to see one of
them get picked off. The chemistry
between the actors is so poor that
it's awkward to watch. The banter
is just plain weird, the only sounds
of laughter came from the screen
itself. Even the classic redeeming
quality of such a film - the action
set-pieces -are so over the top and
poorly executed. There is simply
no savinggrace.
In short, "Need for Speed" is in
need of a lot of other things, such
as a good script, good performanc-
es and enjoyable action set-pieces
in order to pull it up to the level
of a mediocre popcorn flick. This
movie makes a mockery of itself
through its clumsy handling and
poor execution and is capable of
leaving viewers with the lowest
of expectations disappointed.

was supposed to write
about the Oscars last
week. I was supposed to
be outraged - no,pissed - about
the fact that most Academy
voters, reflective of a notable
majority in
Hollywood,
are typi-
cally white
males. So
supposedly,
it shouldn't
really come
as a sur- AKSHAY
prise why SETH
it's taken so
long for a
movie like "12 Years a Slave"
to get made, and then go on
to receive the type of atten-
tion it's finally getting. I was
supposed to run through the
streets of Ann Arbor, tossing
my groundbreaking words into
the outstretched ears of the
people who would then join
me, forming our parade - a
parade that would expand into
the outstretched arms of L.A.
But then, I thought about
Ellen'sselfie.Ithought about life.
And I realized that these
thousand-something words
I'm about to write, like any
other column published under
my name, are just the Micro-
soft Word version of a self-
ie I take every other week.
Ellen's selfie broke ground
(and Twitter) because it wasn't
just about her. It featured Hol-
lywood's best and brightest
awkwardly trying to squeeze
into an arbitrary frame as they
peered at a smartphone cam-
era lens, resulting in a collage-
format tribute to the most
beat-down aspects of celebrity
culture known to man. So for
this column aka my response
selfie, I'm going to set my own
frame, and into that frame, I'll
shepherd in the most bankable,
honest collage-representation
of us, the common people.
I'm going to talk about
YouTube comments. You-
Tube comments respond-
ing to trailers for some of
the Best Picture candidates.
Her
kutkuknight: Why dont they
make more of this inovative stuff
in stories?Im tired ofthe same old
romances, this is something new
and refreshing, i already think i
will cry when i see the movie ;_;
Kutkuk, I agree that this was
one of the most innovative mov-
ies released in recent years. If
I had to be honest, though, I
wasn't expecting any less from
Spike Jonze, who, over the last
decade, has established himself
as one of the most progressive,
thoughtful writer-directors
working in Hollywood. Need
proof? The obvious example
is "Being John Malkovich," a
1999 classic about a master pup-
peteer who discovers a super-
natural mind-control portal
into the head of the eponymous
actor. Another thing to note
about "Her," of course, is that
Jonze wrote it without help
from Charlie Kaufman, his
usual screenplay partner, and
it's his first solo-writing credit.
I hope you don't cry when you
see the film, but if you really
are touched by it, I recommend
watching "Lars and the Real

Girl" afterward, a film about a
socially awkward weirdo who
falls in love with an inanimate

sex-doll (redundancy much?). to be able to distance ourselves
It's not a perfect companion- from the subject matter at hand
piece to "Her," but if viewed in in order to realize how unreal-
tandem, the two films become istic it would've been if Bullock
a heart-warming testament spent the entire film talking
to the merits of opening one- to herself. Worse, still, would
self up to human interaction. have been extended use of nar-
13Spartan666: when i first ration. Think about it - a Bull-
saw the trailer i was like,..... ock voice-over featuring "OH
man falls in love with Al, and SHIT IT'S COMING RIGHT
they go on an adventure. kinda AT ME" during the film's
sounds like halo don't you think? most heart-stopping scenes
That Beyoncd song is real- would have been re-dic-u-lous.
ly trippy, isn't it, Spartan. Rick Ramirez: Directed by a
Mexican! Suck it.
American Hustle Nailed it.

JENNsquarepants: wth
worst trailer ever i know
nothing of this movie
It's interesting you bring up
this point, Jenn, because so
many of the trailers for other
best picture nominees this
year have received criticism
for giving away too much plot
in order to hook audiences.
Personally, I think it's disap-
pointing that the film industry,
as a whole, has started to move
away from visceral, instinc-
tual trailers that don't divulge
too much story for the movies
they're supposed to be adver-
tising. Don't you think there's
a magical anticipation in walk-
ing into the theater, eyes twin-
kling, waiting to be surprised by
a film? Having a predetermined
idea of what cinema is supposed
to be about detracts from the
viewing experience because one
of the most important aspects
of film, just like any other art
form, is the initial, intuitive
reaction that comes moments
after looking at the screen.
In any case, the issue with
"American Hustle," is that the
plot is simply too dense, too
confusing to pack into two min-
utes convincingly. So yeah, you
don't walk away knowing too
much about the film, but the fun
is in the hairstyles, the music,
the grooviness of the '70s.
Sharp: When I see "Ameri-
can" in the title I just leave.
I'm sad you feel this way,
Sharp. Though I can kind of see
where you're coming from -
America isn't exactly killin' it
in terms of public opinion right
now - I still think you should
give this film a fair shot before
jumping to conclusions. In all
honesty, the idea of "American-
ness" isn't even a driving or
recurring motif in the film. It's
more about the whole notion
of fooling/conning ourselves
into the perception of success,
and at the end of the day, that
can be a pretty global theme. I
guess what I'm trying to say is
you can't always judge a book
by its cover. This movie would
be equally worthwhile if it
were called "Pakistani Hus-
tle" or "Norwegian Hustle" or,
dare I say, "Canadian Hustle."
Gravity
Mindshi fter: so this trailer is
about Sandra orgasmic sounds?
I know you're trying to be
funny, Mindshi, but this is the
kind of talk that really gives
YouTube a bad name. No, San-
dra Bullock didn't pull off a Cate
Blanchette-esque performance
in this movie. No, Sandra Bull-
ock shouldn'thave won an Oscar
for "The Blind Side." And yes,
most of the script direction for
"Gravity" was just various iter-
ations of "[groan loudly here]."
But at the same time, we have

The Wolf ofWall Street
Ace H681: A very mislead-
ing trailer this shoud be an
x-rated it's a piece of shit full
of sex drugs and blasphemy
A lot of people were angered
by how far Martin Scorsese went
in his raw, unrestrained depic-
tion of the excesses of Wall Street.
I wasn't one of those people,
and the reason why is simple:
The goal of this film was never
to glorify Jordan Belfort's waste-
ful addiction to drugs and money.
Rather, Scorsese tried to expose
the evils of unnecessary extrava-
gance by forcing his audience to
see just how warped our percep-
tion of reality can become with
enough overindulgence.'For evi-
dence, look no further than the
film's' heart-wrenching climax,
whereBelfort physically assaults
his wife under the influence of
cocaine and unwilling to face the
inevitability of going to prison.
Nanda Rizky Nurhuda: But
still, no oscarfor leo. He deserve it!
Alright, alright, alright. You're
right, you're right, you're right.
Maybe next year? Maybe next
year? Maybe next year? Probably
not, probably not, probably not.
12 Years a Slave
Paris Arnett: I dare a white
man to come up to me now I
have no more patient for them
I think a lot of people walked
away from this film feeling
angry at white people - in
some weird cases, other white
people. I'm not here to say
white people haven't benefited
at the hands of an establish-
ment shaped by systemic rac-
ism, but the thing to take from
this movie is the importance
of us, as a nation, being able
to face history without let-
ting it leak into the present.
Try not to get mad at the
white people. They feel really
guilty. Instead, save your rage.
Get mad at the white people who
won't go see the film because
"it's really uncomfortable."
Brad Patin: I don't feel
guilty about slavery. I don't
remember owning any slaves
It would be really weird if you
did own slaves and just forgot,
but that's not the point I'm try-
ing to make here. No, you didn't
own any slaves in this lifetime,
but, Patin, you have to acknowl-
edge the fact that you've bene-
fited from the slave trade simply
by being white. Most African
Americans have ancestors that
were, at some point in history,
sold into slavery. You can't say
that about most Caucasians,
and based just on that truth, it's
pretty obvious why you have to
concede an imbalance exists.
No one cares if you feel guilty.
Just don't be idiotic enough to
forget slavery did, in fact, ben-
efit you in some indirect ways.

There's no recreating 'Vermeer'

By ZAK WITUS
For the Daily
For non-painters and non-art
historians like me, the title of this
documentary, "Tim's Vermeer,"
is at first a total
mystery. WhatA
is a "vermeer,"
what is a "Tim" Tim's
and what does Vermeer
it mean that a
Tim possesses Michigan
a vermeer? Art Theater
people, on the
other hand, will Sony Pictures
recognize the
name Vermeer as that of Johannes
Vermeer, the 17th century Dutch
painter famous for painting pho-
to-realistically hundreds of years
before the invention of the cam-
era. But the secret that art igno-
ramuses and experts alike won't
know - unless they've seen the
film of course - is that the titular
Tim has recreated Vermeer's "The
Music Lesson." And the product is
pretty incredible, considering that
it's almost indistinguishable from
the original and that Tim has
zero painting experience.
The mystery of Tim's journey
is the incredible realism of
Vermeer's painting: How the
fuck did he paint so life-like?
That's the question artists
and art historians have been
asking for centuries. Initially, I
confess, I wasn't very interested
in this question because I'm
mostly paint-ignorant and
have little appreciation for
painting techniques. But, as
the film progressed and I saw
the extraordinary lengths Tim
went to in order to recreate
"The Music Lesson" (e.g. flights
to Europe to meet with artists
and Vermeer experts; taking
hundreds, maybe thousands of
hours off work; learning Dutch;
learning to make paint from
pigments and oil; recreating a
life-size set of Vermeer's subject
scene, spending roughly half-a-

SONY PICTUREs

year painting, etc.), the grandeur
of Tim's project captivated me.
The film's buzz is in Tim's
practicality: He really did all the
crazy shit we're seeing him do in
order to create a Vermeer with
zero painting experience. By far
his most remarkable achieve-
ment is his discovery of how
Vermeer painted so photo-real-
istically. Well, maybe it's a dis-
covery. No one can be sure how
Vermeer did what he did, but Tim
and the artists he meets with on
camera seem convinced that
Tim had found Vermeer's secret.
I won't reveal Tim (and maybe
Vermeer's) method here, but suf-
fice it to say that Tim's harnessed
his skills as an inventor and tech
guy to substitute for his total lack
of painting experience.
So, although Tim's demon-
strated pragmatism generates
the film's biggest buzz, the film
also poses and responds to some
interesting philosophical ques-
tions: What is an artist? What is
an inventor? And, most impor-
tantly, can a person be both
simultaneously? Though the
viewer is free to answer for him-
self or herself, the filmmakers
directly argue that yes, a person
can be an artist and an inventor
simultaneously. There's no doubt
Tim invents his way around for-
mally learning how to paint. But

the filmmakers say that doesn't
disqualify him as an artist. Art
and technology have always
been deeply interconnected,
they argue, and, furthermore,
Vermeer probably used a similar
technology-based paintingmeth-
od - if not the same method. So,
following this line of thought, if
we would disqualify Tim as an
artist because he is also a tech-
nologist, then we would also be
disqualifying Vermeer as an art-
ist as well. No one inthe art com-
munity would want to end the
argument with that conclusion,
so they will no doubt have some
objections.
Painters, you will probably
enjoy this film even more that I
did - like the group of people,
apparently painters, who sat in
front of me in the theatre and
laughed at inside painterly jokes
that I didn'tget. Creative drudges
like me, you will probably enjoy
this film too. If you do not experi-
ence perpetual astonishment and
awe with Tim's project - if not
in its artistry, then in its technol-
ogy - I would question whether
or not you are a sentient human
being at all. Only a totally cal-
lous, aesthetically dim-witted
Neanderthal could not find at
least something beautiful and
lovely in Tim's project and, by
proxy, "Tim's Vermeer."

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