2B - Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Michigan Daily - michiganclaily.com

2B - Thursday, September 26, 2013 The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom

Roasting East Quad

baked.buzzed.bored.
in this new series, three daily arts writers
in varying states of mind visit the same
place and write about their experiences.
this week's destination:

'm so sick of hearing about
East Quad.
Yeah, the rooms are
much cushier now than they
were when
I stayed in
them during
orientation.
The Java ' 
Blue Caf6 is
a posh place \
to dump
my Dining
Dollars (also NATE
known as WOOD
"Monopoly
Money")
and the renovated community
spaces do have vastly improved
seating and lighting. But the
dining hall? Way overrated.
Before I start taking my
jabs, though, let me give credit
where credit is due: The team
of architects and interior
designers that drafted the
project and saw it to completion
really did exercise impressive
creativity. The whole station-
style/micro-restaurant layout
- while not as innovative as
the University bills it - is
a pretty cool way to dine; it
takes out the whole middle-
school-cafeteria vibe and
replaces it with the illusion that
you're being offered a more-
satisfying variety of options.
The integrated collection of
booths, differently sized tables,
bar stools, countertops and
more secluded areas to eat
comprisingthe dining hall's
seating is fun and modern. The
detail invested in mixing up
wall coverings is unsurpassed.
Tiles of all shapes and sizes,
slate boards, the whole palate of
neutral paints, bigger-than-life
photographs, artistic signs with
modern fonts, hard woods and
a smattering of windows are all
packed into this small space.
The lighting is dim, and the
energy is subdued.
The food, however, is nothing
to brag about.
Let me begin by addressing

the issu
(I belie-
efficien
ridiculo
than to
the topi
of East
Farn
the fact
apostro
and ins
to refle'
"Ameri
Pizz
Sign
can all'
("Asian
24 C
Vegetar
long an
the nan
cheeky,
the nam
It's the
Chur
admit tl
cute.
Fina
"Desser
And'
"Everyt
Fit Und
Categor
Sta
The;
Table is
only in:
cooking
chicken
sandwi
mass-p
seasone
to vent:
against
employ
me only
against
give me
noise.
The f
worth e

:e of the stations' names showing off my chopsticks skills
ve it will prove more ... but never otherwise.
t to simply laugh at their Because I like meaty food
usness from the onset ('MURICA!), I tend to steer
repeatedly circle back to clear of 24 Carrots. It does make
it throughout my "roast" me angry, though, that this
Quad to follow). station is not more prominent in
ners Table: Let's ignore the dining hall that is supposed
that there should be an to cater heavily to vegetarians
phe in here somewhere and vegans. There are times I
tead re-name the station eat in East Quad when the only
ct what it really serves: vegan-approved entree is soup
can Food." and 24 Carrots is pushing out
iti: Wow, how clever. nothing but tempeh and rice.
ature: Nice try. We Foolishness.
read between the lines But the issue to which I take
Food"). the most personal offense is
arrots: "Calling All East Quad's pizza. With a name
ians!" IfI have to think like Pizziti, I'm expecting some
d hard to figure out why good pie: hand-tossed crusts,
ne "24 Carrots" is so superior baking and flavorful
then either I'm stupid or ingredients at the minimum (a
ne is. I'll give you a hint: la North Quad). But instead,
latter. the crust is thick and chewy,
rch Street Deli: OK, I the toppings generic and the
hat's actually kind of baking excessive. Burnt green-
pepper wheat pizza, anybody?
le: Also known as Didn't think so.
rt." As a final thought, permit me
lastly, Wild Fire: to chortle at the unfortunate
thing Else that Doesn't gelato gaff in East Quad.
er One of Our Other During Welcome Week,
ries." ostentatious gloating by the
residence hall's staff and
students of some hallowed
y away from gelato shop to come was
rampant. I have since heard
the pizza. unconfirmed rumors that,
upon first plugging them in,
the gelato machines broke
instantaneously. Haha, karma.
food offered at Farmers So, let's recap. The ambiance
s what I grew up eating, of East Quad's dining hall
ferior to my mom's is fantastic, a real treat to
g. Lasagna, baked experience. The food, by any
, red potatoes, barbecue stretch of the imagination, is
ches and the like are not. If you want good pizza,
roduced and under- go to North Quad. If you want
ed. I would also like burritos, go to West Quad. If
my personal vendetta you want lots of options, go to
the Farmers Table Bursley. And if you want to eat
ee who refused to serve mediocre food on fancy chairs
y potatoes, citing it as while staring at interesting
the rules to not also walls, go to East Quad.

0


"Face/Off"
Papa Blunt is such a G tho. I show up out of nowhere and he just hands me
this massive joint that he's been rolling for like five days. I look at it for like
five straight minutes without moving. Ijust stare. Oh, I forgot: Morgana's here
too and he's ALREADY being such a fucking downer. I look into his eyes and
I don't see that wildness that lets him land perfect no-scope LoL binds. The
little dude's so sober, he makes my stats professor look like fuckin' Bill Nye.
The little dude's so sober, he makes Mormon people look like Kanye groupies.
That's pretty sober. Anyways, Panda and Anna and Noodle are here too and
that beautiful blunt isn't goingto puff itself. It'd be pretty dOp3 if it did tho. I
take 500 divided by100 massive hits and I'm outtie. We roll on over to State to
pray to Nicolas Cage, and SURPRISE SURPRISE: Morgana ditches the fuck
out of us. So do Anna and Papa Blunt, but Scza Scza shows up out of nowhere
and we're GFFs (Greatest Friends Forever) so IDGAF.
Guys. Seriously: Why doesn't everyone watch this movie every day for a
week every year? There are all these deep themes about identity and life and
insanity. Ican't take it all at the same time so I start losing it. I don't even know
how to handle the fact that Nicolas Cage AND John Travolta are in this movie.
Oh wait, yes I do: There's no scene of them dancingtogether so that calms me
down a little bit but I'm still pretty hype. Panda jacks my entire Fireball and
PTFO (passes the fuck out). He asks me for my arm and I give in cuz we're
GFFs. I snap pics because we're GFFs. Nicolas Cage is screaming the entire
time. Why is this so funny? The movie ends and I think I've died but I'm still
alive. But is my mind?.
- DAILYARTS WRITER

a

0

chicken. Bump that
food at Signature is
ating when I feel like

Wood is definitely not at
East Quad. If you are, e-mail
nisaacw@umich.edu.

I'm just a meek old simple soul. All I want is a box of Cheez-Its, a sofa
and endless re-runs of "Avatar." No bullshit. Those are my ambitions.
Somehow, I've been duped. I'm staring dumb-faced at somebody else's
dumb face. He's got the look of a coffee shop hipster. He gets me my
ticket and the Fireball we took pulls from (so much shame) hits right
then. Now, I know I'm good and drunk: I give the pinch-face a tip. "You
tipped him?" Panda looks displeased. He's wearing one of those fuzzy
sweaters you throw on kids at Christmastime like a Hallmark movie. I
can't tell if he's flexing or if the sweater's two sizes too small.
"I guess so."
"Fuck that. Not about that life, man," Panda says. "I'm all about those
boats, hoes and clothes."
(If you look very closely, you'll see a drunk.)
Me, Chocolate Shayk, Panda and Noodle head inside.
We shout shit at the screen like everybody else and kick back with
our feet on the backs of the row ahead of us. Nick Cage is garbed in
priest clothes and he's grabbing butts and dancing, everybody in the
theater hooting and hollering, and I look over and Panda - Panda's
sleeping.
He's wrapped Chocolate Shayk's arm behind his head and he's
napping like a precious, goddamn child. It makes me wanna give him a
binky and buy him a cone of ice-cream when he wakes up.
Shayk leans over pointing a finger at the phone and Itake the picture.
Panda is displeased. He wakes up and mutters a threat.
"We can get you a glass of warm milk if you want."
He opens an eye. "Fuck you. Buy me Milk Duds, bitch."
-SEAN CZARNECKI
I'm pretty bored. Chocolate Shayke and Scza Scza have come out
in full force and are fighting over who loves each other more. They're
GFFs (girlfriends forever) so what could you really expect. Panda and
Papa Blunt are discussing the pros and cons of their khaki pants while
Morgana and I are shivering from the cold. Noodle is carrying the
fifth of fireball in the open. On State St. This is going to go terribly
wrong.
"OK LET'S GET NYPD," says Chocolate Shayke for the eighth
time in two minutes. Panda has to stop for some Reese's Pieces and is
handing them out. He soon realizes he won't have enough to last him
the entire movie.
Shayke and Noodle have finally gone to get pizza and Scza Scza is
making friends with the woman at State Theatre.
Soon, it's just me, Morgana and Papa B. We make the snap decision
to bust out. After driving Morgana to his North Campus living, Papa B
and Ieat some NYPD and run into everyone from Daily Arts and their
dog. It was fate, can't fight that.
- ANNA SADOVSKAYA


Having hungup the ci
crusader's cowl, Christis
has focused his effortstl
yearonnot
one buttwo A
Oscar-caliber
films:David Out0
O'Russell's Furna
"American
Hustle" and Relativit
themore
under-the-
radar "Out ofthe Furnac
former looks great, but tl
looks downright intrigui
The trailer for "Out of th
Furnace" shows Bale as1
collar worker Russeltin a
Rust Belt town (hence th
with his brother, enlistec
Rodney, playedby Casey
Rodney soon gets caught
the workings of ruthless
leader Curtis, playedby'
Harrelson, and goes mis
And then Pearl Jam's
"Release" kicks in: Eddie


Five years ago, the
combination of Katy Perry-
at thatpoint abuddingpop
superstar-
and JuicyJ,a A
member of the
then-fading Dark Hose
legendary rap
crew Three Katy Perry
6 Mafiawas ft.JuicyJ
as hilarious
as it was Capitol
unimaginable.
Recently,
however, things have changed.
Perry has ascended to the top
of pop music, while Juicy Jhas
reinvented himselfwith an
explosion of a solo career with
the help of Wiz Khalifa.
Perry's most recent offering
from her upcoming third
album,PRISM, "Dark Horse"
features Juicy J and succeedsas
an unexpected and bold foray
by Perry into a genre that will
soon become familiar to the
American public: trap. Produced

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6

by Dr. Luke and Max Martin-
frequent Perry collaborators and
the biggest hit-makers ofthe past
five years- "Dark Horse"is a
slow-burning,sultry escapade,
culminatingin a dirty, bass-
shaking,trap-heavy dropthat is
sure to make its rounds at clubs
for months to come.
Juicy, for his part, does an
admirable job. His usually
vulgar lyrics are toned down

significantly, but hestill manages
to include a reference to Jeffrey
Dahmer eating hearts. He and
Perry have surprisingly good
chemistry; Perry has a knack
for collaborating with rappers,
and though "Dark Horse" won't
impact the charts like "Roar,"
it's an encouraging sign that
PRISM will pack more than a
few surprises.
-JACKSON HOWARD