4 - Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com
4 - Tuesday, April 23, 2013 The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom
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MAGGIE MILLER
E-MAIL MAGGIE AT MAGATHOR@UMICH.EDU
Edited and managed by students at
the University of Michigan since 1890.
420 Maynard St.
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
tothedaily@michigandaily.com
MELANIE KRUVELIS
and ADRIENNE ROBERTS MATT SLOVIN
EDITORIAL PAGE EDITORS MANAGING EDITOR
The 'nevers' and the 'haven'ts'
ANDREW WEINER
EDITOR IN CHIEF
Unsigned editorials reflect the official position of the Daily's editorial board.
All other signed articles and illustrations represent solely the views of their authors.
'12-'13 Edgar Awards
Keeping it baseless and tasteless since 2003 W
Back when J. Edgar Hoover, that infallible defender of
our constitutional rights, was playing dictator and spy-
ing on Americans as head of the FBI, The Michigan
Daily's editorial page handed out the Edgar Awards annually
to individuals and institutions best embodying his many admi-
rable characteristics. Of necessity, we revived the tradition in
recent years.
And so, without further ado and to no of sweatpants, Terrapins.
applause, we present the 10th Annual The Spring Breakers Award goes to the
Edgar Awards. Board of Regents, for ditching their boots.
The I'm Shmacked Award goes to Uni- for bikinis as they jetted off for California in
versity President Mary Sue Coleman, who January, forgoing one of their public meet-
announced on Thursday her plans to retire in ings for "sprang breaaaaaak ... " come early.
Ann Arbor. We'll see you at Skeeps - if they Rumor has it that Regent Laurence Deitch's
don't reject your fake. rendition of Britney Spears's "Every-
The Most Likely to Understand time" was absolutely haunting.
the Theme Semester Award goes a The Denard's Pitch at the Tiger's
to the University's chapter Pi Kappa Game Award goes to the Cent-al
Alpha fraternity's All-American, Student Government's presidential
teabagging-the-flag party invitations, election. Influencing students to vte?
which captured national attention 'I Central Student Judiciary hearings?
and resulted in the fraternity's tem- Way to drop the ball, y'all.
porary suspension. Hey, at least they The First Annual Kondescend-
weren't racist. ing Kerrytowner Award goes to irate
The Nate Silver Award for Most f - Michigan State fans after reports of
Predictable Plot Twist goes to soph- couch burning in Ann Arbor surfaced.
omore guard Trey Burke, who recent- Yeah, we know - you've been torching
ly announced his decision to leave the S sofas way before we ever did and took all
University men's basketball team for the cool out of it.
the NBA. Not sure what was louder: The Justin "Stroke My Ego" Bieber
the campus's collective sigh or ESPN's com- Award goes to none other than the Daily's edi-
munal "duh." torial board for sincerely 'beliebing' campus
The Adolescent Erection Award goes to still gives a hoot about Page Four. But seriously,
the Big 10 - erm,12 - uh,14 - for always get- did you know Anne Frank was a huge fan of
ting bigger when you don't want it to. Be wary the Daily?
EDITORIAL BOARD MEMBERS
Kaan Avdan, Sharik Bashir, Barry Belmont, Eli Cahan, Eric Ferguson, Jesse Klein,
Melanie Kruvelis, Maura Levine, Patrick Maillet, Sam Mancina, Aarica Marsh,.
Megan McDonald, Jasmine McNenny, Harsha Nahata, Adrienne Roberts, Paul Sherman,
Sarah Skaluba, Michael Spaeth, Daniel Wang, Luchen Wang, Derek Wolfe i
JOHN BURKHARDTI
Administrative action required
I
'm scared.
I'm scared of all the things
I never did and never will.
I'm scared that
I didn't spend
enough time
in the Arb and
sad that I never
learned to long-
board. I wish I
had hooked up
with a few more ANDREW
girls and experi-
mented a little ECKHOUS
bit more with
drugs. I never
was the president of a club, and I
never made the front page of The
Michigan Daily. I never played pin-
ball at Pinball Pete's, and I never
ate hippie hash at Fleetwood Diner
after the bars closed. I haven't lived
in Kerrytown or'!a co-op, I never
took a class with Bruce Conforth,
the American Culture Professor
and I definitely did not have sex in
the stacks.
Then, what did I do while I was
in Ann Arbor? How did I spend my
four years here? I think I did more
than drink and eat and procrasti-
nate. I'm fairly positive something
worthwhile happened here, but at
this moment in my life - two weeks
. to graduation - I can't help but fix-
ate on the nevers and the nots.
I never went to an away foot-
ball game. I never told Denard or
DeShawn or Manny.or Darius that
they kicked ass, and I never talked
shit to opposing fans on game day.
I never partied at the Metal Frat or
SAE, and North Campus is a foreign
country to me.
I have a habit of speaking in
superlatives when I shouldn't, but
I can say, unequivocally, that the
hardest part of graduating for me
is understanding that the end is not
the end. No matter how many times seur of whiskey, both cheap and
I reassure myself that the end of expensive. I realized that I could
college is not the end of life - enjoy- be charming, and I realized that I
able life, at least - my mind keeps could be an ass.
wanderingback to that image in my To say that these four years
head. The one where my35-year-old have been "the best years of my
self sits withering away lifelessly in life" would be a tragic understate-
a cubicle, imprisoned by tidal waves ment. They were more than "the
of progress reports and hordes of best." They were the years full of
Bill Lumbergh look-alikes, wonder- triumphs and frustrations. Years
ing where it all went wrong. where I was told I was a terrible
I never went to UMix drunk,. kisser, and eventually worked my
high or sober. I never devoured bar- way up to halfway decent. The
becue at Satchel's. I never donated years where I learned to do my own
blood for Blood Battle, never relay- laundry, and the years where I had
ed for life and never danced at a love/hate relationship with the
" Dance Marathon. dining halls. I've made friends, I've
I envy my classmates who don't lost friends and I've concluded that
feel this way, the that's OK. I began
kids who aren't chiseling away at
marooned in a the marble of my
sea of uncertainty Now that I'm life four years ago,
without a paddle. a i ngIc ' and while I'm still
The insufferable graduting, I a work in progress,
overachievers who help but think about I'm much more
snagged that con- sure of who I am
sulting gig at IBM what I didn't do. and who I'm not.
or the fellowship I came into col-
in Namibia. The lege with dreams
ones who my par- of "van Wilder"
ents tell me about, not knowing that parties, and I leave with an appre-
each sentence tightens the vice grip ciation for introspection. I thought
of anxiety already surrounding my I would run college - a silly notion
delicate ego. in retrospect - but found out that
I never painted The Rock. setting expectations will usually
But I'm tired of my self-pity. leave you disappointed.
The end of school means the end I drove Santa Claus to the gas
of training wheels. I may not have station when his car broke down.
accomplished all I wanted to here, I lived in Madrid for a semester. I
but there is life after the University. burned bridges, I ate a lot of Jimmy
I'll miss living in decrepit student John's and I made the best friends I
housing with all of my degenerate ever could have asked for.
friends, but our inevitable diaspora Are there things I would change?
will give me places to visit.I may Probably. But I can't, so I'm just
not be walking out of Ann Arbor trying to look forward and live
with a 4.0, but I've learned a lot. without regrets.
I snuck into the Big House.
Twice. I learned how to make righ- - Andrew Eckhous can be
teous tacos. I became a connois- reached at aeckhous@umich.edu.
Walk it out
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nn Arbor is
for walking
best to take
Each year, approximately 65,000 students
graduate from American high schools and
find themselves prohibited from pursuing
further educational opportunities because
of their undocumented immigration status.
These students came as minors to this coun-
try as a result of decisions made by their
guardians, and the United States has been
the primary country they have called home.
While many undocumented students gradu-
ate near the top of their high-school classes,
many more are simply good students seeking
an opportunity to enter into the employment
sector and contribute to civic, community
and family life.
As a member of the School of Education
faculty, I am struck by the unique circum-
stances surrounding these students. The law
requires that they be educated through high
school, citing it as a public benefit. Other laws
(and often institutional policies), forbid them
from receiving education beyond high school
in public institutions, arguing their opportu-
nity would somehow threaten public security
or economic and cultural interests.
The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the right
of undocumented students to receive free
public k-12 education in 1982, but it didn't
address access to postsecondary education.
Writing for the majority in the Plyler v. Doe
decision, Justice William Brennan stated,
"Paradoxically, by depriving the children
of any disfavored group of an education, we
foreclose the means by which that group
might raise the level of esteem in which it is
held by the majority. But more directly, 'edu-
cation prepares individuals to be self-reliant
and self-sufficient participants in society.' "
Edutation, Brennan contended, presents the
most promising path to avoid the "specter of
a permanent caste of undocumented resident
aliens, encouraged by some to remain here
as a source of cheap labor, but nevertheless
denied the benefits that our society makes
available to citizens and lawful residents."
The existence of such a shadowed popula-
tion doesn't befit a country committed to the
principles of equality under the law any more
than the denial of educational opportunity
befits our nation's great public universities, of
which ours is certainly one. Public opinions
and politics shift, but we know two facts will
hold true: First, the changing demographics
of our nation and those within our own state
demand the attention of policymakers and
institutional leaders on this issue. Second,
polls and politicians won't admit students or
provide them the financial aid many need to
enroll - institutions will.
A small group of student and administrative
leaders has carefully considered the potential
of the University providing in-state residency
tuition benefits to undocumented students,
and the Board of Regents is currently providing
this group's recomtsendations equally care-
ful consideration. To rank among the leading
public institutions of higher education on this
issue, however, the University must take its
place among peer institutions as one that rec-
ognizes this as an issue of equity and opportu-
nity - and consistent with our core values. We
live, work and learn in a different state policy
environment than our colleagues in California,
Texas, Maryland, Illinois and other states who
have moved to welcome immigrant and undoc-
umented students. Our fundamental values of
academic freedom, educational opportunity
and service to the public good, however, are the
same. The University must not only hold true
to those values, but demonstrate them through
a larger, more public discussion that begins
with recognizing the existence of undocu-
mented students, understanding their unique
life histories apart from the attributed politi-
cal rhetoric and assuring them opportunity to
pursue the educational experiences that will
enable them tomake their full contributions to
our state and nation.
The U.S. Congress is poised to debate a bill
that will provide a path to citizenship for many
of the students who have been described as
"undocumented," a term that will soon pass
into history as being more foreign and indiffer-
ent than the young people it has categorized.
We're a community that's capable of examining
assumptions, interrogatingideas and managing
the implications derived from what we learn.
our students are already leading the move-
ment for tuition equality at the University. Tl*
time has surely come for faculty, staff and othe.
leaders of our university to engage this issue
in a public way that exemplifies our roles and
responsibilities as educators and citizens.
John Burkhardt is a School
of Education professor.
of that - or at
least I thought
I did. I walk to
class; I walk to
buy groceries;
I walk to the
library; I walk
just to walk; I
walk because I
never learned
to drive. But I
soon realized I
a city made looking down to text I could avoid
. And I try my awkward eye-contact with well-
full advantage meaning men's Glee Club members
handing out fliers in the Diag - I'm
slammed with work and so sorry I
can't make it to your show!
And while contemplating why
Ann Arbor - despite the statistics,
well-paved sidewalks and lovely
landscaping - doesn't feel like this
great walking city, I realized: I was
ZOE the problem.
STAHL All this texting and listening
to my iPod were undermining the
benefits of this walkable town.
didn't feel as expected. Everyone
else continued to listen to music
and to text. And I soon realized,
with our ear buds in and our fingers
typing, it isn't just safety that we
lose, but also human interaction.
You rob yourself of keen, unique
observations and memories: You
don't overhear a construction work-
er tell his co-workers that "When
you go out to breakfast with the
boss, you just don't order the steak
and eggs. It's etiquette, man." You
don't see the dog that looks exactly
like her owner either.
wasn't walking right. -
According to the Michigan Eco-
nomic Council, Ann Arbor is the
most pedestrian friendly city in the
state. Even more, Walk Friendly
Communities, a national program
committed to promoting walkable
cities in the United States, has des-
ignated Ann Arbor as a Gold-Level
community - for its commitment
to crossing amenities and traffic-
calming programs, as well as a host
of other initiatives.
And though we may not think
much of it, we're lucky. With such
a walkable city, Ann Arborites
reap significant economic, health
and environmental benefits. More
walking means less money spent on
gas and more foot traffic for local
businesses. More walking means
less driving and, therefore, cleaner
air. More walking means increased
physical activity and all the accom-
panying benefits: healthier hearts,
stronger bones and clearer minds.
It sounds great and all, but as
I walked to class, listening to my
iPod and responding to the occa-
sional text, it didn't feel so great.
Sure, I felt supernaturally calm as
I listened to Simon and Garfunkel.
And I can't complain that while
To echo
thoughtful moms
everywhere, it just
wasn't safe. With
my headphones
in, I couldn't hear
the cars approach-
ing as I crossed
Hill Street:
When I looked
down to text, I
wasn't only dis-
tracted, but I also mi
and was nearly hit.
City, the texting-v
epidemic has becon
spread and danger
Department of T
has started stencilin
the crosswalks of he
tions in hopes of r
distracted gazes.
So, I decided to qu
key. I wouldn't lister
text. I decided to walk
held high and eyes
I started to notice th
know that there's an
to Dennison? Or that,
relief on the water fou
on the corner of Sta
North University Ave.
Despite my best e
Even more, you
miss out on poten-
tially meaningful
Ear buds social interactions:
It means not stop-
undermine the ping to say "hi" to
benefits of this Fhe kid who lived
down the hall from
walkable town. you freshmen year.
It means not tak-
ing the time to chat
with your friend
ssed the light and then deciding to go to Domi-
In New York nick's forthe rest of the afternoon.
while-walking These interactions - this spon-
me so wide- taneity - are valuable to anyone in
ous that the any city, but even more to University
ransportation students who live on and around a
g "Look!" on campus that can feel overwhelming
ctic intersec- and vast.
rerouting the So, let's all take out our ear buds
and put those phones away, too.
it - cold tur- Because as the great urban thinker
n to music or and writer Jane Jacobs once said,
:withmyhead "Lowly, unpurposeful and random
forward. And as they may appear, sidewalk con-
ings. Did you tacts are the small change from
anchor next ' which a city's wealth of public life
there is a bas- may grow." On that note, I'll see you
ntain thatsits at Dominick's later?
te Street and
nue?
fforts, it still
Zoe Stahl can be reached
at zoestahl@umich.edu.
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