The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom
Tuesday, A pril 16, 2013 - 7
Five stages of
'Scary Movie' grief
The weirdest concert
I've ever been to.
Latest franchise
parody butchers
comedy
By AKSHAY SETH
Daily Arts Writer
Movies, like any other form of
art, are made to get a reaction out
of an audience. Sometimes, they
make you cry.
Sometimes, F
they make you
laugh. The best SCary
ones inspire MOVie 5
you. In that
sense, "Scary At Quality 16
Movie 5" (yes, and Rave
therv are five
now) succeeds.
The moment
I walked out of the theater, I was
struck with inspiration - at first,
inspiration to plead with the elder-
ly lady sitting behind the box office
for my seven dollars; slowly after,
inspiration to just give up and cry
about how Hollywood was forever
doomed if people) continued to
watch this film.
All a bit melodramatic, but I
don't care. This is a depressingly
terrible movie and so, this review
will be structured like the five
stages of grief: me losing my shit
and eventually coming to terms
with the fact that the world is not
a nice place.
Denial
The movie starts off on a cheap
note: Lindsay Lohan ("Machete")
in the process of making a sex tape
with Charley Sheen (TV's "Two
and a Half Men"). Come on, guys
- these are the same people whose
faces have been plastered across
the front pages of any worthwhile
tabloid at least once in the past two
years. We get it. They do idiotic
things to get attention. You don't
have to sink to their level. There's
nothing wrong with trying to use
them as a hook to engage view-
ers, but putting them in such an
expectable situation just makes
the whole affair seem boring and
therefore easy.
But movies have started on a
sourer note and gotten better. Fond
memories of the original "Scary
Movie" still flutter around inside
my head. The rest of the film can't
possibly be this dull, right? The fact
that no real plot exists could actu-
ally be a good thing - by relying
on half-assed parodies of narra-
At least someone's excited about this movie ...
tives we're already familiar with,
whoever made this film (Malcolm
D. Lee, "Undercover Brother")
could essentially be sparing us
from whatever he would've come
up with.
Anger
It's too bad the jokes never real-
ly amount to being anything other
than crude, outdated references
to defecation, sex and altogether
awkward subject ~ matter that
seem to have been chosen to elicit
more "WTF"s than laughs. An
example would be a strange spoof
of a "Black Swan" scene involving
a pregnant ballerina giving birth
in the middle of a dance routine
(what the actual fuck?).
There's no point delving into
the insignificant storyline, involv-
ing two beleaguered parents who
adopt the three orphaned demon-
children left behind by Sheen. It's
all just a setup for inane movie ref-
erences starting off at "Parano'r-
mal Activity" and falling as far as
"Inception," obviously the scariest
movie ever made.
What allowed the original to
be relatively successful were the
coherent jibes it took at a relatively
small number of films that were
pertinent at the time. Alluding to
random flicks that don't even fall
within the horror genre just makes
the final product feel scattered. If
the jokes were there to add some
sense of cohesion, it wouldn't have
been as frustrating. But alas, you'd
probably laugh harder at a funeral.
Bargaining
Halfway through the 86-minute
feature, I began to realize this film
wouldn't get any better. But there
had to be something redeeming
it. What about the fact that they
make fun of movies that came out
literally last week? That must mean
the writers (David Zucker and
Pat Proft, "Scary Movie 4") were
on top of their game, coming up
with these hilarious jokes at the
absolute last minute to ensure they
make the movie as topical as possi-
ble. Am I right? No. It's no surprise
the humor feels rushed, jerked
through the production process to
make sure something was on the
page when the actors showed up.
Depression
The saddest part is knowing that
the writers of this movie, well at
least Zucker, has some worthwhile
movies under his belt, namely "Air-
plane!," the first real successful
comedy 'spoof ever released. The
reason that film worked so well is
it had a clearly detached feel from
the subject matter it examined - it
stood on its own and commented
on the things happening around it
and, in doing so, was able to draw
a relatable connection with audi-
ences.
"Scary Movie 5," feeds off its
allusions like a parasite, never
able to find an identity of its own.
It's a sad way to watch a movie
stumble into irrelevance and
push away viewers, but that's
exactly what happens in this
case. It leaves one wondering
how anyone in Hollywood could
possibly have thought tying
together unrelated sections of
"Planet of the Apes" and "Mama"
can ever work.
Acceptance
Sadly, in a sense, it did. "Scary
Movie 5" finished second at box
office this past weekend, raking
in over $15 million, and leaving
me wondering whether angry
articles in the University paper
will ever convince studio heads
that making shitty films isn't fair
to moviegoers. The short answer
is they won't. But, you know
what? Tenacity is underrated.
Whatever I was
expecting from see-
ing Kendrick Lamar
and Steve Aoki on April 12, it
was nothing - nothing- like I
could have
imagined. I
don't think
that's an
unfair claim.
I've been to
enough con-
certs in my .l
life to say, ELLIOT
definitively, ALPERN
that Friday
was one of
the weirdest experiences I've
had at a music performance.
Let me back up. A few weeks
ago, a friend of mine told me that
Kendrick Lamar was coming to
Rochester Hills with Steve Aoki.
We bought tickets for the lawn
seats, and I was particularly
excited to see one of my more
recent favorite artists.
Fast-forward to the concert
on Friday night, which listed a 7
p.m. start time. A three-direction
quagmire of traffic (aided only by
a concert worker - not a police
officer) slowed our arrival, until
we finally arrived around 7:20.
An opener I had never heard of,
one of those "up-and-coming
local rappers," was pumping out
a few random songs as the lawn
packed together.
A pretty normal experience,
so far - at least, until Kendrick
Lamar walked on stage without
announcement or theatrics. The
change from opener to Kendrick
(who I'd assumed would be the
main attraction, with Aoki as
the opener) was so swift and
unrecognizable that a couple girls
behind us complained about his
music, unaware. "When's Ken-
drick getting on?" one asked, as
Kendrick himself rapped into the
microphone.
. The air of confusion persisted
for a few tracks, and the strange
mix of energy from the crowd
seemingly affected my favorite
rapper, to the point of being.
unexcited. "Put your hands up!"
Kendrick would exclaim a few
times before songs - but between
dropped words and shortened
verses, he seemed both peeved
and apathetic about his opening
set. After 40 minutes, he walked
off the
word, a
perfors
But:
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After w
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cake in
drops o
stage without another inflatable boat which was surfed
apparently the end to his by crowd members over the audi-
mance. ence. That's one weak sorority
don't worry - the weird- girl away from a broken face and
as only just beginning. a lawsuit.
vitnessingstreams of The most annoying part of the
pouring unimpeded into experience, however, had noth-
ts below, my friends and ing to do with the show itself. As
ed to follow suit, eventu- Aoki pumped his house music,
ding up 20 or so rows a fan clearly left over from the
he dance pit. And it was Kendrick show slowly gravitated
moment that I realized to my left. He was huge - 6 ft at
erely clashing mixture of least - and he was on a mess of
in the crowd. Hardcore drugs. Greenjacket, as I took to
s were clearly present, calling him, first appeared angry
even though Aoki's music and flipped off Aoki (I assumed
I better suited for the kids because he wanted Kendrick),
waitingto rave. The result only to start dancing wildly - and
almost-confused energy moving directly infront ofmy seat.
ing under the roof - who Inthe same row.
is concert even intended I was honestlythankful for the
he first place? end of the performance, and it was
Steve Aoki clearly took the when Aoki left that the sepgra-
the strangest aspect of the tion of crowd members was most
- and he did so literally. If obvious. "Kendrick! Kendrick!"
has managed to dance in shouted the lawn seats, before the
for an Aoki concert, they pit started an "Aoki!" chantcthat
ly know the EDM mix- eventually won out. Aoki returned
ignature move: throwing a to the stage for a last song, and
to the audience as his song then it was over.
n its own. Yet the strangeness of the eve-
ning had not ended. Returningto
our car, a friend went to relieve
himself in the woods onthe edge
y of the parking lot, onlyto return
es, too little a minute later. "There's an empty
car with its lights on over there,"
Kendrick. he said, before telling us about
hearing people shouting farther
off in the distance.
What. The. Fuck.
ittedly, it's actually kind A different friend and I left to
razy, funny showmanship alert security, onlyto witness a
uld make Aoki a great pack of six concert-goers return
an. When the second cake from the venue to that car, and
at least still thought, "Hey, drive away. Apparently the car
ng a pastry encore. Pretty hadn't been empty after all, as a
ntil the third cake. And man opened the driver's side door
rth cake. In all, I counted to talk with the others - and the
ed cakes. At one pointnear yelling had stopped; probably just
, a stage assistant was liter- a few drunk fans walking home.
nging the circular desserts But why would they walk through
a time, with which Aoki the forest? And why was this car
dance and gyrate down the parked away from the others?
of the stage. I didn't want any answers. We
recipe was the same every drove away from that place, with
oint at an audience mem- the feeling that we weren't quite
he pit. Wait for the drop sure what had just occurred for
. Launch cake into face of the entire evening. But hey - at
weaked-out dancer. Jump least I got to see some cake tossed
it limbs to the beat, point around.
cal
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ecstasy
And
d like he's dancing his soul
vel in post-cake-throwing
.
that's not to mention the
Alpern is cake-dancing
alone. To free him, e-mail
ealpern@umich.edu.
The Flaming Lips provoke
Indi e group loses buzz
By ERIKA HARWOOD
Daily Arts Writer
Four years have passed since the
Yeah Yeah Yeahs blessed us with
the release of their last album, It's
Blitz!, which
easily climbed +
its way to the
top of numer- Mosquito
ous best-of lists
in 2009. Yet the Yeah Yeah
world could Yeahs
only handle so Interscope
many remixes
of "Heads Will
Roll" before it began to crave new
music from the group.
Hoping for a change in sound,
the group snatched up producers
such as TV on the Radio's Dave
Sitek and LCD Soundstystem's
James Murphy on it's latest effort,
Mosquito. The result is a scattered
album with tracks containing
everything from a gospel choir to
hints of reggae and a sample taken
from the subway (like the train,
not the fast food sandwich place -
though maybe the band could file
that idea away for the next album).
Despite all of the obvious efforts
to cultivate a new style, the group
comes up short of reaching its goal,
as Mosquito still clearly resembles
a Yeah Yeah Yeahs album (albeit a
lackluster one). Certain tracks such
as "Slave" and "Despair" serve as
unintentional filler tracks with
uninspired sounds - making a
number of songs go almost unno-
ticed on the album.
Thoughthegrouppullsinavari-
ety of new elements for the album,
they don't draw in listeners as the
band probably anticipated. Sure,
INTERSCoPE
The beard is too epic for this f rame.
everyone loves a good backing While the lyrics are lackluster, O's
gospel choir like the one the band classic persona shines through,
brought in for the album's lead sin- givingthe song its appeal.
gle, "Sacrilege," but the experimen- And of course, this review
tal and organic elements like the would be nothing withoutmention
noise of a subway car on "Subway" ofrapperDr. Octagon'sappearance
or the birds on "Wedding Song" on the James Murphy-produced
don't provide as much allure as they "Buried Alive." The collaboration
probably hoped, instead serving as of one of hip hop's most abstract
simple background sounds. figures with the Yeah Yeahs heahs
provides the' most ,obscure and
enthralling part of the album.
Itching for Octagon's hip-hop contribution
gives life and character to the track
better. and will easily garnerthe attention
of an unfazed listener.
Is Mosquito the follow up to It's
Blitz! everyone's been dreaming
So Mosquito has its flaws, but of for the past four years? Unfor-
the Yeah Yeah Yeahs still prove tunately, not quite. But the Yeah
incapable of making a bad album. Yeah Yeahs clearly put in a solid
Lackluster? Maybe. Bad? Never. effort to take risks and try some-
The title track, "Mosquito," rocks thing new, and, accordingto moms
as hard as we've come to expect everywhere, that alone is worth
from the group with Karen D something. Maybe in the next four
belting the lyrics, "I'll suck your years, they'll figure out what that
blood!" in true Karen D fashion. something is.
By ANDREW ECKHOUS
Daily Arts Writer
It's 2150, and Earth is a smol-
dering ball of noxious fumes. The
sun terrorizes the planet daily, and
those surface
dwellers strong
enough to sur-
vive the poison- The Terror
ous atmosphere
have gone The Flaming
underground. Lips
You and your Warner Bros
shelter-mates
decide to record
an album documenting life in this
hellish world. You want to capture
the loneliness, anguish and fear
that populate this post-apocalyptic
nightmare so that you can send it
back to your ancestors as a warn-
ing of what's to come.
Cut back to 2013, and Earth has
received thatforeboding broadcast
from the future with The Terror,
the Flaming Lips's thirteenth stu-
dio album and the group's return
to making wildly experimental
music. Like "indie," "experimen-
tal" has no specific meaning, but if
one had to guess what an "experi-
mental" album would sound like,
The Terror would make the list.
There are none of the signa-
ture "triumphantly weird" Flam-
ing Lips songs on this album, so
if you're jonesing for a retread of
"She Don't Use Jelly" or "Do You
Realize??", don't listen. Instead,
The Terror contains 55 minutes of
fear and hopelessness through a
vortex of droning synths, space-
age reverb and disillusioned lyrics.
The group recorded the album
in the wake of two emotionally
taxing events - the dissolution of
lead singer Wayne Coyne's 25-year
relationship and another band
member's relapse into drug use -
so the barren, emotionally numb
atmosl
The a
manic
thing
a man
record
compo
The
to be
down
Pink R
tains a
requir
mind.i
and th
blance
are ex
beeps,
phere seems appropriate. nates with its sadness and radiates
lbum hits nihilistic highs, shell-shocked creativity.
depressive lows and every- The Terror flips the eternal opti-
else you might expect from mism of the Flaming Lips upside
with nothing left except a down. While Coyne normally
ing studio and a four-house delights and energizes his follow-
und in Oklahoma. erswith crazy onstage and offstage
re is nothing here meant antics, he holds his crushed heart
blasted with your windows for all to see this time around. The
- a la Yoshimi Battles the Terror is a story of brutal love, the
obots - as each track con- untold half ofloive story orthodoxy.
landscape of emotion that Though this work should becon-
es patience and an open sumed as a full album, that's not to
Certain tracks lack rhythm, say that each track isn't enjoyable.
e ones that have some sem- The opener, ."Look ... The Sun Is
of a traditional structure Rising," rocks with abrasive gui-
panded to eerie frontiers of tars and well-placed feedback as
and bloops. Coyne's voice, dripping with pro-
duction effects, sounds lost and
scared. "You Are Alone" would be a
Fifty-five perfect addition to any lonely astro-
naut's iPod, and "Turning Violent"
m inutes of encapsulates how Coyne's sadness
can turn into misplaced anger if
heer Terror. he's notcareful.
The Terror really does feel ter-
rifying, as it contains festering
hopelessness and a look into a
difficult to evaluate The Ter- demolished man's mind. The atmo-
rough a conventional lens. sphere simultaneously depresses
usic bleeds melancholy, and and excites, showing that unendur-
ng titles and lyrics follow a able pain can make for brilliant art.
oming unhinged. The album Wishing this type of pain on any-
n't be listened to unless body is cruel, but if the Flaming
willingto throw out precon- Lips continue making music like
ns of what the Flaming Lips this, then can't we just enjoy the
osed to be. The music fasci- silver lining?
Penguins mate for life.
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