Friday, February 15, 2013 - 5
The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.cam
"Back that thang up ... but watch out for ride-ons."
The five steps of
coping with Bluth
By ELLIOT ALPERN
Senior Arts Editor
Look, I know that the chances
are, if you've decided to read this
article, you're ready to curse my
name. I get it. "Arrested Develop-
ment," the cult phenomenon and
six-time Emmy winner, is almost
universally accepted as a TV clas-
sic. Even IGN called it the "fun-
niest show of all time." Nobody
Except ... well, me.
I'm not here to throw low blows
at a series commonly understood
as one of the best of the decade.
And I certainly don't think that
I'mthe sane one percent in a world
swept away by the Bluths and co.
I mean, the cast alone - a pre-
fame Michael Cera and an in-his-
prime Jason Bateman, along with
David Cross, Jeffrey Tambor, Will
Arnett, etc. - is enough to make it
To be fair, I don't really hate
"Arrested."If friends are watching,
I'll watch with them, often chuck-
ling at some of the same scenes.
But, even with Netflix's archive
of "Arrested Development" at my
disposal, I've never, not once, felt
an urge to watch another episode.
And that's after watching more
than a season and a half.
I have no idea why the show
never appealed to me, when my
friends have very correctly point-
ed out that my other favorite com-
edies ("Workaholics," "Archer,"
"It's Always Sunny") often go
hand-in-hand with fans of the
resurrected classic. But, for what-
ever reason, I've never felt a con-
nection to any of the characters
- not Tobias, Michael or George
Michael, consistent hooks with
other "AD" watchers.
And let me tell you, it hasn't
ion. Early on in my relationship,
my girlfriend casually mentioned
that she didn't think she could
ever date someone who didn't like
"Arrested Development." Suffice it
to say, I held my tongue.
But after close to a year and
a half, I couldn't quite keep the
secret, and we've had an unspo-
ken "don't bring it up" agreement
regarding the show ever since.
There's nothing we can do to rem-
edy the situation - it's her favorite
show, and when I'm silent during
the "funniest" moments, tension
tends to arise.
In fact, even mentioning the
thought of writing this article
turned into a minor skirmish -
not an article that bashed the
show, but simply an article admit-
tingI didn't like it. "Arrested" fans
can't comprehend how it doesn't
appeal, just like Ican't understand
how"Workaholics" or "It's Always
Sunny" don't appeal to larger audi-
ences. We're all fan-boys of our
The argument is always eerily
similar to the Five Stages of Grief,
as represented by the mini-argu-
mentwith my girlfriend.
"Yeah, but how many episodes
have you even watched?"
Admittedly, not as many epi-
sodes as any other person I've spo-
ken with on the subject. But, after
a season and a half of no appeal, I
think it's safe to say that I'm not a
"You didn't want to like it before
you even watched it! You're such a
It's the exact opposite. I genu-
inely want to like this show - I
but in e
like it. A
as I grov
ant to be the loner at the
who doesn't laugh when
ve even tried to convince
hat I enjoyed it a fewtimes,
ach case, the conviction
, I'm sure if you watch
season, you'll start to like
u replace "season" with
that's my own post-"AD"
And, unfortunately, the
m is to no avail.
, I guess you'll just never
end we'll never be able to
above all else, is what I
hope to change. Maybe
w older, some aspect will
to a more mature part
and I'll suddenly binge
each season. But, for
re's no end in sight.
Dandruff free, bitches.
Where are you, Nicole?
By GREGORY HICKS
Daily Arts Writer
Nicole Scherzinger. If this
name doesn't call up any familiar-
ity, that's only expected, given the
generous (and dynamic) number
of Pussycat Doll members. It's no
secret, however, that Scherzinger
is essentially the only musical
contribution to the best-selling
What's missing from a Wright
State University musical theatre
major with a minor in dance, a
lead singer for a best-selling group
and an exquisite appearance that
turns heads worldwide? A solo
career fits snugly into this unfin-
ished puzzle, and not the pseudo-
solo career of a Pussycat Dolls
Her Name Is Nicole
Interestingly enough, will.i.am
wanted the Hawaiian pop per-
former as the female member of
the Black Eyed Peas, but record-
ing contracts hampered this
contingency, and BEP settled on
Scherzinger's musical objec-
tive didn't include being lost in
an ensemble, so the singer com-
menced scheming a solo career
almost immediately after joining
PCD. Only a year after the release
of the Dolls's debut album, PCD,
Scherzinger finished many of the
tracks for her own debut record
Her Name Is Nicole, an abbrevi-
ated version of the original title
Nobody Knows Who I Am So Here
Scherzinger's second indepen-
dent single, "Baby Love," became
an international top-20 hit, but a
predicament arose. "Baby Love"
(and every other song prepared
for Her Name Is Nicole) was
essentially a Pussycat Dolls track
released under a new name. In
fact, when the ill-fated solo art-
ist scrapped this debut album, a
majority of its material appeared
on Doll Domination, the sopho-
more album and follow-up to the
Dolls's reassembly with Nicole. reographed theatrical number,
A second platinum-selling PCD portraying Scherzinger as an
album would not stammer their undercover crime fighter.' The
leader's pursuit of musical inde- valiant multimedia debut landed
pendence, however. Scherzinger "Poison" at a No. 3 spot in the UK
needed to stop chasing her tail if and a No.1 spot in Scotland.
she wanted to disassociate herself Killer Love arrived, confirming
from the sensual, beat-focused that the UK, Scotland and Austra-
style of the Pussycat Dolls. lia were Nicole's biggest fans. The
In 2009, Nicole Scherzinger emotionally paradoxical album
prepared for a180 on her career - had a universal attention grab-
to go where no Doll had ever gone ber, however - "Don't Hold Your
before. Regrettably for us, Ameri- Breath."
cans would exclusively miss out This catchy mid-tempo dance
on this international platinum- track went No.1tin three different
status, post-burlesque music from countries, top-20 in eight coun-
Scherzinger. tries and top-40 in four others.
You get the picture. Killer Love
KillerLove was gaining momentum after its
debut. I trust that the message
When I initially glanced at made its way tothe other Pussycat
a statement from RedOne that Dolls - "If you think (she's) com-
announced his alliance with ing back, don't hold your breath."
Scherzinger on over half her debut Meanwhile, in the United
album, I grieved at the death of so States, Americans were sitting
much potential. The expectation on their hands, waiting for a
of collaborating with RedOne is new Pussycat Dolls album. What
The Fame Monster, but the reality gives, Nicole? Any tracks from
is more like Pink Friday: Roman the record had yet to be released
Reloaded. In the United States, leaving the
All certainty pointed to a original PCD fans oblivious and
career poisoned for the sake of a excluded.
basic hit, but without warning, a Scherzinger decided to get the
lead single sprouted in the i.K. ball rolling with U.S. promotion
After one listen, "I got poison on by including us in the release of
my mind." the album's third single, "Right
There," a mesmerizingly bizarre
track - way too bizarre for a post-
Pussycat debut in America. "Me
Scherzinger like the way that you hold my
deseves ame. body," would've been appropri-
*sate diction for someone a bit more
... foreign. And that, my friends,
is why Scherzinger annihilated
Rather than dive into a sea of Killer Love's American release
electronica and drown in a mess of - all because of one Ester Dean-
21st-century timbre, Scherzinger written flop.
grabbed the bull by the horns and Killer Love's American aban-
began her command of dance pop. donment makes Scherzinger's
A mighty sound requires a mighty achievements bittersweet, given
presence, and the trained dancer- the lack of promotional inter-
opera singer wasn't about to let est shown for her home country.
the track drag her around, in the A tracklist of hits - including
stddio or on camera. "Power's Out" and "Heartbeat,"
Following the release, a music the two duets between Sting and
video premiered, capitalizing on Enrique Iglesias, respectively -
Scherzinger's performance his- will upsettingly fly over the heads
tory with a substantially cho- of millions of fans.
"All right, everything will be
OK. We're just not going to talk
And we're back to square one.
Except, really, the fifth stage
usually turns out to be a fal-
lacy. The acceptance is typically
temporary and, then, after a few
"Hey, you should try watching
'Arrested Development' again!
I bet you'll like it if you give it
Maybe, and maybe one day,
we won't go through the five
stages again. But, for now, I'm
going to try and stay publicly
mum on the issue. That, and tell
my girlfriend that I scrapped
this article in favor of an "Archer"
HOW MANY EGGS
Yo La Tengo proves it is among the best
HOW MANY EGGS
DO YOU EAT?
By RAY MALO greatness, we're late. It's idiotic;
Daily Arts Writer I mean, I live right around the
corner. Blame the Blind Pig, the
I'm about to make a claim that innumerable times I've arrived
will likely lead most of you to well after doors open to learn
seek future counsel on musical that the opening act will begin in
inquiries elsewhere. Here goes an hour. When the house lights
nothing: The best rock 'n' roll come on, two lovely songs,after
band in existence is comprised we've arrived, our neighbors in
of an unassuming middle-aged -the aisle look genuinely upset
couple and their Big & Tall friend, that we caught only the tail end
James. They call themselves Yo of "the quiet set."
La Tengo, and last Friday night "What'd we miss?" I ask them.
at the Michigan Theater, they One of them, clearly a fan, begins
altered my entire worldview. to list the individual songs.
I'm going to stop myself right Impressive, but not helpful. I'm
there. Let's take a step back- after an abstraction now. It's not
wards. How can such a statement as if I'm going to pretend I caught
be warranted? Obviously Coldplay the set. I try a different approach.
or U2 or the E Street Band or god- "So how are you feeling right
damn Mumford t Sons is a better now?" He doesn't hesitate. "Mag-
band than Yo La Tengo, right? In ical." So, there you have it. Whis-
the sense that I mean "best," hell per-quiet at times, the front half
no. What are their big songs even? of Yo La Tengo's performance:
Irrelevant (Answer: All of them, magic.
and yet, none of them). Yo La Synths, organs, guitar pedals
Tengo is simply the best at being and a beat-up Fender Jazzmaster
a band. After a quarter-century appear on stage. The audience
together, they exude a level of leaks palpable enthusiasm. Here
collective comfort, evolutionary comes the loud set! I'm relieved
spirit and detailed musicianship that we haven't missed a single
that far exceeds that of any of spastic, drony, meandering note
their contemporaries. from Ira Kaplan's guitar. This
Anx- is what I had in mind anyway -
ious as we First seen on the live renderings of the Velvet
are to wit- -the filter Underground's longest-tenured
ness this disciples. Our neighbor can't
but to a
in for. '
to see r
e's said "Ira Kaplan guitar ter what this night, and this band,
at" at least five times. looks like. I'm nine years old, flip-
ny first Yo La Tengo show, ping over my handlebars. Jodie
n extent, I know what I'm Foster's lunatic fan shoots Presi-
The coolest kids I grew up dent Reagan. Glaciers crash into
New Jersey were quick the Arctic. Sixteen-hundred feet
ight through mainstream dangle from the monkey bars.
's corny bullshit. For the We all release in unison. Eight-
g indie kids, Hoboken's Yo thousand fingers 'intermittently
go are hometown heroes. tremble and clench in this Ameri-
al" and "I Can Hear the can theater.
Beating as One" have pro- We stand up and cheer. The
:he soundtrack for many loud set has ended, the most riv-
to a show at Maxwell's eting hour of music you can ever
ially the band's home expect to hear. Improvisational,
The crowd gets their 'encore,
then another. Six more songs in
total, including two stunning
bviously Kinks covers, back-to-back.
etter than Kaplan is polite but firm after
the last song of the evening.
Coldplay Thank you, but it's time to get
these old butts in bed.
and U2. We throw on our jackets and
fall in line. Yo La Tengo has
exhausted our physical resourc-
es. My friend, Thabiso, air drum-
ugh clearly I'm able to ming one particular riff (as he
more objective observa- will all weekend), looks like he's
out the second set (seeing just sparred 12 rounds. When we
now inside the building) get outside, we begin to talk and
few songs, I understand we realize what's just happened.
.1 only want to describe - The original version of this
ght in abstract terms. I'm article was published online on
ng. I forget if my eyes are The Filter, the Daily Arts blog, on
or closed. It doesn't mat- Feb. 11.
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