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2B Wednesday, March 28, 2012 The Statement
THE JUNK DRAWER

Wednesday, March 28, 2012 // The Statement 37

from last week: gchat
How often do you Gchat?

random student interview
by laura argintar/ illustrations by jeff zuschlag

I'm always online
31%
Once in a while
23%

Everyday
/31%
Never
23%

Welcome to the Random Stu-
dent Interview,where people
can kind of be downers.
Hey, what's up? How is your
Super Tuesday?
Um, I don't think that makes
sense.
Well, it's Tuesday. And it's
super.
I'm pretty sure it happened like
a month ago. But when it did, I

Soundspretty delicious. Are
you enjoying this nice weather?
Well, it sucks because I'm
swamped with way too much
class. In every single one I've tried
to get my professor to teach it
outside, but that's never going to
happen. When there are nice days,
we should have things like snow
days and cancel class. I'd rather sit
in class during a snowstorm than
have to be inside on a great day.
OK, that's fair. But what would
you have done if you didn't have
so much class?
Well, I think it's really funny when
you see people throwing Frisbees

a path where I feel like I'm in the
movie "Signs" and I chill there for
a while.
Would you ever
start an "Arb
Lovers" group
on campus?
That makes me
sound like a tree-
hugger.
(Laughs) Yeah, I guess you're
right.
Also, I don't want people stomp-
ing around my special places, you
know?

didn't really care about it. in the Diag. It looks so college and I get that. I like to go to weird
I like to make fun of them. Like, places on campus and be alone
Yeah, I'm not one for politics "Dude, get another original activ- also. But it's weird how I only go
either. ity." when it's nice out.
Clearly, I can tell because you have
no idea what Super Tuesday is.
OK, I'll take the jab. Anything
bothering you today?
My lecture hall smells like pickles.
It was really hot at the bar last
night and I was trying to get down
on it. And you're currently in the
way of me going to the bathroom.
Oh, that's it? Well, who wants to sit alone out-
I'm hungover. All I want is Zinger- I'd personally go to the Arb and go side when it's cold?
man's. for a hike or something. Or some-
times I like to just sit on my steps You have a point there. OK,
All Iever want is Zingerman's. and play good music and see who don't want to interrupt your
What sandwich do you get? stops by. Or, you know, walk to bathroom break any longer,
I get some kind of fancy Rueben Zingerman's. although I think you've suf-
with that bombtastic Russian. It ficiently killed enough lecture
practically melts in your mouth. That sounds like the perfect time. I'm surprised you haven't
They have to hook me up with an day. I'd love a good walk in the just left.
old pickle. None of that cucumber Arb. No, I can't just get up and leave.
crap, or else. I lived in Markley freshman That would be rude. You've got to
year, so I've always had a weird return sometime.
connection to it. We used to go
there to shadily drink and not get Hm, twisted logic.
caught. Now I just go to walk and
be alone or to enjoy a nice day. - Cory is a Public Policy sopho-
It's really the best place. There's more.

TEDX
From Page 5B
Is TED elitist?
In spite of its popularity, there have been
questions of whether TED - the parent con-
ference of TEDx - is an elitist event.
The TED conferences require that indi-
viduals submit an- application in order to
determine whether the participant will be
"a strong contributor to the TED community
and/or the ideas discussed at TED and/or the
projects."
And if accepted, participants must pay
a steep price to attend the conference.
Prices for access to an event range from
$995 - the base price for access to a live
webstream of the talks to one computer -
to $7,500 - the price to attend the actual
event.
These costs and the fact that the events
happen in areas far from the University -
such as California and Scotland - prohibit
the average student from affording a live
webstream, let alone attending an event.
The TED website acknowledges the
assumption that the conference might be
CSG
From Page 6B
walk over to Mason Hall.
"There was a box of free t-shirts outside
on the third floor, and about half the crew
just grabbed one and changed because we
were all so hot and sweaty," Fisher said. "It
was funny - by the end of the night about
half the room was in the same t-shirt."
2 a.m.
The trial resumes, with Andrews offering
testimony and Bowen and his counsel esca-
lating their aggression toward him. Mays
recalls feeling secure that the trial would end
within an hour or two.
"We got into the LSA-SG and I was assum-
ing, 'OK, they're going to wrap this up, clos-
ing arguments and stuff, and then we'll be
out of here by the end of the hour,' " Mays
said. "I was certain about it."
3:30 a.m.
An hour and a half later, the UEC recess-
es to private deliberations. The time com-
pounds the onlookers' exhaustion.
After the UEC members excuse them-
selves, people begin sleeping - on couches,
on the floor and on the tables. Someone
orders a pizza, and the room empties the box
within a half-hour.
In the midst of sleeping bodies strewn on
the floor, futile attempts at late-night study-
ing and tired musings on the elections, the
word "clusterfuck" is added to the lexicon to
describe the night.
LSA junior Sean Walser, the MForward
chairman, was one of the interested parties
attending the proceedings.
"I heard (clusterfuck) a lot of times ...
Nobody really knew what was going on,"

elitist, noting that while "it certainly attracts
people who are regarded as elite in their
area of expertise ... the word 'elitist' implies
exclusionary" - not an adjective it associates
itself with.
The concept of nationwide TEDx confer-
ences was initially conceived as a way to
defray the costs of attendance. Attendees
can expect to spend about $10 for admis-
sion.
But this year presents the first year TEDx-
UofM has required from its prospective
participants a full application to attend the
conference, with questions ranging from
"what do you want to transform?" to "tell
us a story that lets us know what makes you
you."
For the event organizers, however, the
application was just a way of filtering in the
"right" kind of audience member. .
"To sum it all up, it's someone who cares
about what they're doing," Mason said.
"There is no one skill, no one project that
we're looking for. It's the idea that whatever
does interest them, they're going at it full
force."
Klaben added said that attendees need to
be "passionate about something," and they
are looking for "a really diverse group of
Walser said. "It was mass chaos."
4:30 a.m.
Food is passed around. First Swedish
Fish, then Doritos. "Call Me Maybe" plays
in the background. The theme song of "The
West Wing" starts before someone plugs
their headphones into their laptop.
5 a.m.
The UEC is still in deliberations, and
Mays and the rest of the room find their
patience disappearing.
"It just went on for so long that people
started getting cranky," Mays said. "People
were like, 'I have an exam at 10. Why don't
you just tell us the election results?' Peo-
ple were getting frustrated. I was getting
frustrated because I was thinking, 'They
could've done this tomorrow or something
like that. They could've done that later on."'
6:35 a.m.
"They're coming!" someone shouts. "... in
15 minutes."
6:50 a.nl.
Mays and Hashwi announce the UEC
has ended its deliberations. Within seconds,
Mays recalls, the room wakes up.
6:51 a.m.
The commission marches in - bloodshot
eyes, somber faces.
Borock starts to speak. He begins by tell-
ing Parikh the court is "not very happy with
your actions."
Soon after, the court unanimously votes
that Parikh had committed a "major violation"
of CSG code when he authorized Andrews to
send out e-mails to the School of Social Work.
In a 5-1 decision, the court rules that the

people, of students, community members, great, too," he wrote in an e-mail inter-
faculty, alumni." view. "While I didn't leave (TEDxUofM)
with a life-changing epiphany, I did come
Reactions into (in)action, away with a newfound respect for innova-
tors."
The primary goal of TED - particularly Koziara is expecting a similar experience
tomorrow's TEDxUofM - is to turn thoughts this year.
into tangible actions. In a 2009 New York Times article, former
"For a whole day you learn from expe- The Medium blogger Virginia Heffernan
riences from others and ask the ques- addressed the difficulties of turning that
tion, 'What's the story you're building?' " intangible "inspiration" gained from TED
Zuburchen said. talks into actual things to do.
He emphasized the importance for stu- "The necessary fiction at TED is that mat-
dents to take days off from conventional ters of substance policy, practice, code -
education to learn in different ways saying, will emerge from the talks," she wrote. "But
"It may not be the TEDx day for everybody, it's unlikely that a plan to disarm Iran or
but these days have to be on every student's treat autism will surface; there's too much
calendar." razzle-dazzle for brass tacks. What's really
"Go volunteer ... go build a house for some- on display is much more right brain, and
body," Zuburchen said. "But do something that's what I've come to be addicted to: the
that's out of the classroom together with oth- exposure to vigorous minds whirring as they
ers that has true meaning and really chal- work hard."
lenges you. That's what TEDxUofM can be for The conference organizers hope tomor-
many." row is just the beginning of a much longer
At least that's the goal. But Business soph- process of uniting people around the Univer-
omore Chip Koziara admitted in an e-mail sity and Ann Arbor community to put their
that it wasn't so straightforward. ideas into action. But fostering that transi-
"I went to TED in hopes of finding inspi- tion from "inform" to "transform" is the next
-ration to do something innovative and big challenge.
punishment would be two demerits per said. They are not being disqualified.
e-mail - 1,068 demerits in all. But 10 and a half hours after the polls
Five demerits disqualify an individual closed, the election results are still
candidate from running in an election. unknown.
7:10 a.m. 10:30 a.m.
Borock mentions that the UEC could also Borock sends out an e-mail to the CSG
assess different numbers of demerits based presidential candidates announcing Parikh
on extenuating situations, such as "mitigat- and Hashwi's victory by a margin of 146
ing factors, extreme circumstances, or a lack votes. Business junior Shreya Singh of you-
of intent." MICH comes in second.
The participants in the room await the The commission, unknowingly, has decid-
decision with bated breath. ed the CSG presidency by a 3-2 margin.
More than 8,000 students voted for CSG
7:11 a.m. president, but only one vote decides the final
In a 3-2 vote, the commission awards verdict.
Parikh four demerits due to "mitigating fac- Parikh and Hashwi slump back in their
tors." chairs and look to the ceiling. Parikh said
Borock says that the UEC finds Parikh's he feared that everything - the campaign-
actions to be in a sliver between the rules told ing, the speaking, and this "movement which
to him the rules written in the code. was returning the student government to the
"We found a violation ... just on that border," students" - could disappear.
he says. "It felt terrifying that all of that could be
washed away with the vote of one human
7:12 a.m. being, one election commissioner," Parikh
Parikh and Hashwi slowly digest what is said. "We're both extremely relieved."

Topics
The Myth and Reality of Androgen Abuse
Richard Auchus, UM Department of Internal Medicine
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Anabolic-Androgenic Steroid Use
Thomas Hildebrandt, Mount Sinai School of Medicine

Steroids: They're not just for athletes anymore
Ruth Wood, University of Southern California
Kids, Drugs and Sports
Linn Goldberg, Oregon Health and Science University
Moderator - Kirk Brower, UM Department of Psychiatry

THE statement

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