The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com Monday, September 26, 2011-- 7A The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom Monday, September 26, 2011 - 7A TV/NEW MEDIA COLUMN How not to crash apilot EXHIBIT EXTRAS Colossal collections At the start of "Pulp Fic- tion," as Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) and Vincent (John Travolta) engage in an extended dialogue about "le Big Macs" and foot massages en route to their early morning hit job, Jules perfectly summarizes the television development KAVI process: SHEKHAR "Well, the PANDEY way they make shows is, they make one show. That show's called a pilot. Then they show that show to the people who make shows, and on the strength of that one show they decide if they're going to make more shows. Some pilots get picked and become television programs. Some don't, become nothing. She starred in one of the ones that became nothing." The "she" in question is Mrs. Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman), wife of the pair's boss, who par- ticipated in the failed pilot "Fox Force Five." Assuredly, the pilot sounded terrible, but what if it wasn't? What if it was absolute dynamite, the seed of an Emmy dynasty? Does anyone really know besides the creative staff, a few executives and a handful of test audiences? The answer was "no" in 1994 and 17 years later, it's still a resounding "no." A group of suits still decides which pilots are picked up based on God-knows- what (possible explanations: personal preferences, extrapola- tion of test data, CEO shtupping the lead actress). The media landscape has evolved astonish- ingly in the last two decades, but the simple process of choosing which pilots get picked up has not. And that's bad for every- body. Here's my proposal: Post the pilots online - be it Hulu, You- Tube or the networks' own web- sites - and let the public sample the fare, allowing viewers the FILM REVIEW i powers of rating and comment- ing. Networks can gauge the popular reaction to their shows, identifying the surefire success- es, the dead-on-arrival disasters and the ones nobody gives two shits about. By dodging potential turkeys, networks would avoid the costs of picking the stink- ers up to series, buying titanic Times Square billboards to mar- ket them and using up prime real estate on their schedules. Take the case of "Lone Star," the FOX show all the critics were drooling over last fall. Despite the rabid acclaim and a plum post-"House" timeslot on Monday nights, it premiered to a paltry 4.1 million viewers. After dropping to an audience of just 3.2 million for its second episode, the show was promptly canceled, leaving who-knows-how-much in sunk marketing and produc- tion costs alongside the oppor- tunity cost of picking up "Lone Star" over all the other pilots that could have been successful in its place. If the pilot had been placed online in advance, maybe FOX would have noticed that nobody gives two shits about a network show about a con man living two separate lives. But wait! There's more - this game plan would also generate free publicity for the networks, getting viewers jazzed for future episodes and spreading the word to their social networks months in advance. Add to that the feeling of attachment and satisfaction from seeing a show you championed making it asa series, shepherding a pilot out of the Valley of Darkness and into the fall schedule. Speculations as to why net- works would be resistant to this idea are sparse. The main possibility is that networks want to preserve the element of surprise, ensuring that viewers turn up in big numbers during premiere weeks to please the, advertisers. But as an executive or an ad man, I'd rather leave viewers unsurprised for the first episode than wake up the next morning and learn my series just tanked in the ratings. If movies are 100-meter dashes, then TV shows are marathons, and it's more important to have gas in the tank throughout than blow it all on a quick start. (Anyone remember "FlashFor- ward"? Anyone?) Thefutoncritic.com has a list of all the pilots that failed to get picked up this season, including the FOX comic book adapta- tion "Locke & Key" (which screened at Comic-Con to rave reviews), NBC's magical-crime- fighting "17th Precinct" (to fill that "Harry Potter" hole in our hearts), FOX's Ethan Hawke- starring action thriller "Exit Strategy" (to fill that "24" hole in our hearts) and NBC's "Won- der Woman." There is a "Won- der Woman" pilot, produced by David E. Kelley ("Boston Legal") and starring Adrianne Palicki ("Friday Night Lights"), and the public doesn't have access to it - a crime against humanity if I've ever seen one. Ezekiel 25:17 - "And thou shalt put thy pilots on Hulu." The point is, hundreds of creative minds were hard at work producing all those pilots and the fruits of their labor will never see the light of day. So networks, please put your pilots online. If anything, doit for the directors, actors, writers, set-constructors and key grips. And do it for Mia Wallace, who wouldn't have ended up as the wife of a gangster and a cocaine addict had "Fox Force Five" been picked up. OK, she prob- ably would have. Now excuse me while I assemble my team to per- form a bit of the old Inception on some television executives. Pandey is casting for "Fox Force Five." To supply headshots, e-mail him at kspandey@umich.edu. Exhibits are just the start for 'U' museum holdings By LUCY PERKINS Daily Arts Writer "You'll see on my left that there are falcon and hawk mum- mies," said Sebastian Encina, Collections Manager of the Kelsey Museum of Archeology, on a tour of the collections room. "We have other mummies too - two humans as well as a cat and a bird that are both on display." These mummies make up a miniscule fraction of the Kelsey's collection, which rolls in at around 110,000 pieces - just enough to fill the Big House. And that's just one of a total of seven on-campus muse- ums - the University is home to Museums of Natural History, Anthropology, Paleontology, Zoology, Dentistry and Art. "Our collections focus on classical art and archeology which is, broadly speaking, Roman, Greek, Egyptian, Medi- terranean and Near Eastern," Encina said. "They came from mostly excavated sites, primar- ily from Egypt." According to Encina, at any given time only some 2,000 pieces are on display, equating to less than two percent of Kelsey's entire collection. It sounds small, but it's an impressive amount considering how large the entire collection is. Across State Street at the Uni- versity of Michigan Museum of Art, one can find similar statis- tics. According to Orian Neumann, Chief Registrar of Collections and Exhibitions at UMMA, the art collection has a total of more than 19,000 works - and it's still growing. "But, we can only display 2,000 pieces of our collection," Neumann said. Ruth Slavin, the education and curatorial Deputy Director of UMMA, spoke to the broad- ness of UMMA's collection. "We have an extensive collec- tion of Korean pottery and Asian paintings and art," she said. "It's really a large scope of everything from areas all over the world." According to Slavin, UMMA is one of the leading university museums in the country, even though the University's collec- tion is smaller than Harvard's or Yale's. Slavin explained that one of the ways UMMA has increased the amount of work it can have on display is through "open stor- age," a term coined by many mod- FILE PHOTO/Daily Visitors to UMMA can see only 2,000 pieces from a collectionof over 19,000. ern museums. This refers to the use of tables that display several pieces on top of each, but also have drawers that can be pulled out to see other related works. "Where once there were five works of art, there's now 50," Neumann said. "Instead of put- ting things extremely selectively in a case or on a wall, we have a dense display that allows you to see more." Unfortunately, even through the use of innovative displays, UMMA can only have just over 10 percent of its burgeoning col- lection on exhibition. So where does everything not on display go? At both the Kelsey Museum and UMMA, recent museum expansions now provide new storage facilities that house everything not a part of a cur- rent exhibit. Encina continued the tour of the underground collec- tions room, located beneath the Upjohn Wing, which was completed in 2008. The walls are lined by rows of 80 airtight metal cabinets that stretch well beyond one's head. Each cabinet in the climate- controlled storage facility has big, round silver handles and can only be unlocked with one of Encina's many color-coded keys. Opening a cabinet at the end of the first aisle, Encina pulled out a drawer to reveal ancient Islamic vessels with small holes at the mouth that served as a water filter. At the end of the second aisle, Encina pressed several beeping buttons and arrows on a key- pad. Reminiscent of the moving staircases in Hogwarts, rows of cabinets suddenly began gliding away from one another, creat- ing an aisle where cabinets were crammed together just moments before. According to Slavin, mod- ern storage technology like this exists at UMMA as well, and is vital to the accessibility of col- lections. "We're part of a major research university, and accessi- bility to our collections has great benefit to teaching," Slavin said. Although it seems exhibits hardly scratch the surface of the multitudes these museums have to offer, there are ways to see more than what's behind the glass displays. Because of the storage system that UMMA has acquired, pro- fessors and scholars are able to request viewings of specific art- works that previously would be more difficult to retrieve. According to Neumann, pro- fessors will often request visits to UMMA with their classes to have a more hands-on experi- ence with objects from the time periods they're learning about. With the Museum's expansion, these groups can now study pieces from UMMA's collection in one of two private classrooms, making for an exciting learning experience. "You get to be very up close with them," Neumann said. "Students don't believe it's the real thing." The focus of education plays a key role in the mission of both the Kelsey Museum and UMMA. Though the majority of their col- lections are hidden at the end of hallways behind cabinet doors, they're never lost. I Nothing but abs in Abduction By JOE DIMUZIO DailyArts Writer Within 10 minutes of the open- ing credits of "Abduction," Taylor Lautner's shirt is off. For the mov- ie's next hour and a half of gunfire, explo- sions and chase Abduction sequences, he may as well AtQuality16 have gone nude. and Rave Because "Abduction" is Lionsgate nothing more than the ensemble sound of cash registers collectively ringing. It's a sexless and criminally dull attempt to prove that a Tiger (Wolf?) Beat idol can carry a movie, bust the proverbial blocks and score John Singleton some brownie points with his daughter. Billed as an action thrill- er, "Abduction" is basically a tweenage riff on the "Bourne" series, without a thistle or thorn in the formula. Lautner ("The Twilight Saga: Eclipse") plays a high schooler (with a lot of indi- gestion and squinting) who finds out that his folks, Maria Bello ("Beautiful Boy") and Jason Isaacs ("Harry Potter" series) aren't actually his folks and that a gang of anonymous Slavic ter- rorists (Liam Neeson-standard action villains), led by a disen- gaged Michael Nyqvist ("The Girl Who Played With Fire") want him dead. With obligatory "hottie" Lily Collins ("Priest") in tow, he runs, jumps, drives and slides around Pittsburgh on-the-run, under CIA surveil- lance (of course), with an elderly Sigourney Weaver ("Paul") and Alfred Molina ("The Sorcerer's Apprentice") putting on their serious faces for all the exposi- tion,happily cashing in. At this point, it's safe to con- clude Singleton's career (and "Boyz 'N The Hood") is a fluke. A mellow 'Submarine' Taylor Lautner is bothered. Directing without a single hint human Shiba Inu - cute, but of interest, "Abduction" can't far too harmless to be treated muster anything above basic with anything more than a pat cable. It's relentless softcore, on the head and some baby talk. without a single laugh, charm or Taylor hasn't got the charisma moment of suspense. Visually, to carry a picture like this. He's it's cold, the action's perfunctory admirably doing all his own stunts here (are we impressed by that anymore?), barking seri- Team Jacob ously when the script calls for it and clearly giving it his all. But forfeits. even Team Jacob would call out "Abduction" for a put-down. Not because of its bite, but out of mercy. and the chase sequences cull up In this country's crotch- as much thrill as the penny horse fear, Taylor's one of too many at Meijer. Shawn Christensen's young adults we'll ogle for half (newcomer to Hollywood and a decade and discard when the lead singer of Stelastarr) script new model comes along. He'll is edgeless and loaded with its languish on primetime and we'll share of laughably inept lines, see "Abduction" included in a cumbersome exposition and plot double-DVD pack in our Wal- holes. Mart future, finding ourselves At the eye of this shitstorm hard-pressed to confess that our is Lautner, whose bid for Tom metabolism's slowed and real- Cruise-dom can't even merit izing, for a moment, that maybe a Keanu. He doesn't have the we are all to blame for this $35 humor to be, either. Taylor's a million mistake. By SEAN CZARNECKI Daily Arts Writer Under the influence of any director and not first-timer Rich- ard Ayoade, "Submarine" could have regressed into a conceited * piece of machin- ery. Thankfully, Submarine what is deliv- ered is a soulful At the work, whose Michigan substance is The Weinstein empowered by Company its style. Ayoade confi- dently leads his audience forward through this coming-of-age tale about a Welsh teenager named Oliver Tate, played by an excellent Craig Roberts ("Young Dracula"). As a boy caught in between social alienation and an emotionless marriage, Roberts is able to con- vey the heaviness of a tired soul and the naive romanticism of a teenager. He is full of confusion and angst, looking only to sub- merge himself in the scene - like a "submarine." This submarine metaphor can be found throughout the entire film, embodying his helplessness and pain, and itelevates the entire story. Like a submarine, Oliver is unseen. He observes and com- mentates,providingasardonically humorous voice amid his parents' crumbling marriage that proves to be immediate and insightful. But these innermost thoughts are impossible to express because he is a timid, awkward boy. He lives in a world that is underwater, bur- ied beneath his fear and his inabil- ity to properly communicate. Created by a director bent on style and laughs, "Submarine" could have deteriorated into a raunchy mess made simply of characters and easy punchlines. Ayoade wisely avoids this pitfall. Without grandiose voice-overs from Hollywood names, but with a witty script, talented leads and energetic style, Ayoade sinks the audience to the depths of Oliver, presenting a film told squarely from the point of view of his complex but ultimately likeable personality. Ayoade's camera urgently moves and swoops through each frame that mimics Oliver's anxi- ety and anger, and respectfully stops to freeze tender moments without any of the titillation many films refuse to pass over. Title screens are ushered in alongside mockingly dramatic music. Oliver's narration is pres- ent throughout the film, but it is hardly intruding. These ele- ments work with each other in a cohesive manner and do not at all compete with one another. They offer humanity, allowing "Submarine" to succeed as both a fresh, dark drama and a roman- tic comedy. It's an immersive tale with each of its scenes colored with techniques that never strike the viewer as pretentious or indulgent. This is merely a vision of a very real reality, whose fea- tures are enhanced solely for the purpose of bringing the charac- ters directly to the audience. Film floats on acting and camera work. "Submarine" delivers truths of childhood and adolescence that very few could deny mat- ter or exist. While this film is only an adaptation of a novel by Jon Dunthorne and not truly Ayoade's original creation, his ability to present the charac- ters within the frame of the sil- ver screen is nothing short of impressive. One could think of it as a skillful balance between realism and surrealism, or com- edyversus drama - or maybe it's just great storytelling.