2B - Thursday, January 13, 2011 The Michigan Daily- michigandaily.com 2B - Thursday, January 13, 2011 The Michigan Daily - michigandailycom .FOOD WARS Each week, one Ann Arbor staple menu item becomes a battlefield as Daily Arts editors butt heads over which restaurant makes it best. Where should you go for your burger, fro-yo or garden omlette? Daily Arts will fight for the truth. Dear Jersey Shore, Thank God. Sincerely, Miami Dear Water, Why are you our theme semester? Is life not worth living anymore? Sincerely, LSA Dear Bachelor, Don't pick her. Trust me, human-vampire relationships are not all they're cracked up to be. 0 TIANCHU 613 East William St. In a nearly empty restaurant on a snowy, winter's day, one foodie orders Bi Bim Bop to stave off the frigid cold. Served in a siz- zling pan, the steaming dish - chock-full of salty veggies, lean beef and hearty rice, - does the trick to bring warmth back into the atmosphere. But even the glippy-gloopy eggs that sit atop the mass of deliciousness can't save this entree from the most impos- sible-to-use chopsticks in the world. KANG'S 1327South University Ave. Don't let the mundane decor turn you away - the food is the only thing that mat- ters. And Kang's knocks its Bi Bim Bop all the waytoPyongyang. The delicious assort- mentof finely-cutvegetables is so crisp and juicy, you'd think they have a garden in the back. Conveniently for the weak of heart, the dish fallsunder the "NoSpice" category. But for those looking to kick it up a notch, there's spicy sauce on the side. ROD'S DINER 812 South State St. More famous for its un-turn-down-able colliders, Rod's Diner does hold its own when it comes to Bi Bim Bop. The restau- rant has a homemade vibe - dinerscan hear the fried egg crackling asthey wait for their meals. And when the food does arrive, it's delicious, if a little bare-bones. The dining hall trays are a nice throwback to freshman year, and the vegetables are clearly fresh, though a bit too oily. Slimy ... but satisfying. MARU 414 East William St. There's something to be said about Maru's innovation when it comes to Bi Bim Bop - it's one of the few restaurants that adds a little panache to its standard Korean fare, providing freshly-cut cabbage, nori and carrots among the typical sprouts, rice and fried egg. But unfortunately, the execution was only half there - the meal was rather bland without the aid oftheaping spoonfuls of hot sauce. Sincerely, Edward " Broadway bloopers: Last Sunday's homage to bad theater in review. * Weird sighting: Celebrity skater Johnny Weir will sign copies of his memoir this Monday. - Golden hopes: Daily Arts Editors pick their Golden Globe will-wins and should-wins. And the winner is: Kang's TRAILER REVIEW The indestructible Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp, "The Tourist") is back in all of his swashbuck- ling glory in "On Stranger Tides," the PatesOfthe fourth install- ment of the Caribbean: "Pirates of the On Stranger Caribbean" O tagr series. But rKIS whether or not the box office Disney will finally do him in remains to be seen. Havingshed his annoyingly sensitive sidekick Will Turner (Orlando Bloom, "New York, I Love You"), perhaps Depp will finally have full reign of the screen. He'll certainly need it as he takes on all those mermaids and zombies, Blackbeard and even a feisty Penelope Cruz ("Vicky Cristina Barcelona"). Hey, at least it's not more vam- pires and werewolves. Captain Jack appears to have sold outto some pompous fool ina pow- Sometimes it's hard to tell whether Kanye is pulling our col- lective leg or not. He collaborates with Jay-Z on his new latest single "H.A.M.," but the track is pure Kanye - Kanye West that is, it's the d Jay work of a slight- ly unhinged 'HAM." creative genius. It's apocalyptic and stylish, complete with slick electronic beats and an orchestral grandness. Although both rap- pers aggressively spit about how they're about to go "hard asa muthafucker," it also features the vocal stylings of an eerie cham- ber singer. Is the diabolical pair trying to be satirical? Both superstars' rhymes are the typical cocksure fare, with Jay-Z reminding any doubtful listeners just how "hard" he is. "I play chicken with a Mack truck/Y'all muthafuckers woul- da been moved." After a satisfying beat in the beginning, the track 0 dered wig and is now on a quest for the fountain of youth - locat- ed somewhere in what looks like Sandals, Jamaica. But that raises a question. People love Depp's character for being an outlaw and he's the appeal of the whole movie. Dis- ney knows the name "Pirates of the Caribbean" will draw people in. Of course they've packed the previews with sexy mermaids and glamor shots of the rogu- ish, swaggering Sparrow. But who knows if the actual movie will be worthy of the rest of the franchise. -EMILYBOUDREAU starts to trail offtwhen everything drops, save the angelic female vocalist serenading us, before a blood pressure-raising ending. It's solid and inventive, which might be attributable to the young but talented 19-year-old producer Lex Luger assisting on the track. Ultimately, "H.AM.," (despite the laughable acronym) offers upa delectable morsel from the upcoming album, Watch The Throne, on which Jay-Z and Kanye are-collaborating. Iftthis ridiculously epic track is any inti- cation, the album is bound to be explosive. -CASSIE BALFOUR 0 EPISODE REVIEW VIRAL VIDEO REVIEW 0 When watching Jim Carrey host "SNL," it might come as a surprise to know that this was only his second gig at Studio 8H. Carrey fit in amazing y SNL the cast, keep- Season 36 ing the show away from its "Jim Carrey/ usual pitfall - The Black Keys" trying to make mediocre hosts NBC funny and writ- ing shoddy material whenthey fail. Instead, Carrey was featured in many sketches and committed completely each time. He didn't holdback in his re-imagined por- trayal of Mila Kunis's Lily from "Black Swan," showcasing his awkward and hilarious dancing. Musical guests The Black Keys gave a solid, smooth perfor- mance, but they weren't featured in any sketches and definitely didn't have the incredible perfor- mance of Kanye. It's always nice to see the musical guest doa little Some of us are just born to dance. And some of us, like "Got to Dance" contestant Happiness, are born to flop around the stage energyscat "GotToDanm: number. More Happnml" Ever since the http://skyl.sky.com/got- epic Susan to-dance-more-happiness Boyle viral vid, we've been cautious to judgea talent-show contestant. Looks can sometimes be very, very mis- leading, as evidenced by Boyle's simultaneous weirdness and COURTESY OF N Bc unbelievable talent. Unfortunately, Happiness John Boehner was a highlight. makes it pretty clear - within Similarly, the cold open featuring eight seconds - that she has Fred Armisen's Mayor Bloomberg no talent whatsoever. The two- responding to New York City's minute clip features our hapless recent snowstorms was topical dancer constantly karate-chop- and spot-on, once again proving ping the air while throwing her- that "SNL" shines when it focuses self to the ground and jumping on politics and current events. back up again to run around the -CAROLYNKLARECKI stage in an impassioned frenzy. more, but The Black Keys can sing live and that's all anyone can hope for. On "Weekend Update," Andy Samberg and Taran Killam's bird- slash-fish romance was bizarre, boring and ran too long, but an interview with Kristen Wiig's Nancy Pelosi and Jason Sudeikis's She's calls it "freestyle." Happiness's spastic perfor- mance is interspersed with the hilarious reactions of the judges and the show's host. Abandon- ing any effort at commentary or impassive expressions, they burst out into uncontrollable laughter. Unlike Happiness's uncontrol- lable energy and enthusiasm, viewer interestin thisviral vid wanes about midway through the clip. The star is now red-faced and messy-haired, still karate-chop- ping and flopping with a passion. But we've seen itall. Happiness can't offer us anything more. -LEAHBURGIN