6 - Friday, March 11, 2011 The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com 6 - Friday, March 11, 2011 The Michigan Daily - michigandalycom A Cage's latest movie from 3-D hell 'Drive Angry' is a and earned another nomination sucks. Blame for that lies at the trashy and charmingly over- of these, it takes old plot poi for "Adaptation." feet of writer-director Patrick the-top, it could've been a Rob- and spins them as new inform typical Nicholas Today, however, he's a punch- Lussier ("My Bloody Valentine") ert Rodriguez-style exploitation tion. We see Milton escapi line associated with hack work and co-screenwriter Todd Farm- film, full of sex, explosions and from Hell in the film's openi Cage crapfest like "The Wicker Man." We may er ("The Messengers"), whose car chases. Instead, it's a hor- minutes, but halfway throui ints a- ing ing gh, Wha Nicolas coming incomp Francis Coppol Godfatl for th need ing), a theren been r involve due to spite o films h an imp tions. H golden mance never know where it all went By DAVID TAO wrong - it could've been the DailyFilm Editor dozens of properties he fore- closed on, his tax problems t seems like forever ago, or the fact that he loves drop- Cage was an up-and- ping money he doesn't have on star. Sure, his uncle is the things he can't afford. Still, to arable audiences, the fact remains that Ford * Cage's latest films are phoned-in a ("The paycheck jobs, which he takes to her," Dre keep the IRS happy and himself ose that out of prison. "Drive Angry 3D" remind- AIl 3D is the latest stopgap between him nd yes, At Quality16 and the slammer, and it certainly say have and Rave fits the profile. Utterly devoid of nepotism originality, plausibility and tech- d - but Summit nical competence, the movie is (or in quite possibly a career low for if) Cage's presence, his Cage, which, considering his ave clawed their way to recent filmography, is an accom- ressive 24 Oscar nomina- plishment in and of itself. le won one of those naked Then again, while it's Cage's statues for his perfor- fault that the movie exists, it's in "Leaving Las Vegas" not really his fault that the movie screenplay seems like the work of a disturbed middle school stu- dent. Cage's character, dubbed Mil- ton in a lazy reference to "Para- dise Lost," escapes from Hell with a muscle car and a trunk full of guns. He plans on rescu- ing an infant from the clutches of a Satanic cult led by Jonah King (Billy Burke, "Twilight"), but first, he gets drunk, shoots some cops and bangs a cocktail wait- ress, while Piper, another sexy waitress (Amber Heard, "Never Back Down") - who Milton res- cues from an abusive domestic relationship - listens in. Mean- while, the Accountant (William Fichtner, "Black Hawk Down"), Hell's snarky bounty hunter, stays hot on Milton's trail. Actually, the premise sounds entertaining - unabashedly rendously shot mess of a movie, lacking any trace of cinemat- ic vision. The line delivery is corny and unconvincing, grating against the ear. The car chases hinted at by the title are simply wide shots of cars moving - no cuts, no style, no anger. And with the exception of the occasional piece of debris hurled toward the audience in slo-mo, the 3-D is nowhere to be seen. Submerged for the movie's gruelingly long 104 minute run- time in this septic tank of medi- ocrity, audiences' minds will wander toward the script, which can't stand up to the scrutiny. The Satanic story isn't just fan- tastically stupid, it's full of holes, which it tries to plug, unsuccess- fully, by throwing surprise twist after unbelievable surprise twist at the audience. When it runs out this is suddenly something new for the audience to gawk at. The film's one bright spot is Fichtner's disappointingly short turn as the Accountant. He fits the mold of carefree badass much more comfortably than Cage. Impeccably dressed in a suit and tie, he slams knives through skulls with an emo- tionless halfsmile, tortures the mortally wounded in a steady deadpan and, in one of the mov- ie's funniest scenes, crashes a tanker full of hydrogen fuel into a police barricade while hum- ming "That's the Way (I Like It)" by KC and the Sunshine Band. Sadly, his appearances are too few and far between to counter- act the tepid nature of the rest of the movie, or the downward gravitational pull of Cage's sink- ing career. HALL PASS From Page 5 perfectly nails his role as the token uncool father, as his mechanical delivery borders .on unnerving. Simply put, the actor is at his best when exuding the self-assured- I'm-probably-stoned gait that scored in "Zoolander" and "The Royal Tenenbasums." Fortunately, Sudeikis provides adequate comic relief as the clueless sidekick, believably manifesting the borderline bitter, average man's man title bequeathed to Paul Rudd of late. Never mind that the titu- lar "hall pass" desecrates and trivializes the complexities of human relationships - as a gross-out flick, the expecta- tion for emotional depth might be misplaced. Even so, there are fleeting serious moments and moral epiphanies, but these are such afterthoughts that they become largely unconvincing. 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