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JIM TheStaemnt / Wdnsda, Dcber-.8, 20
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the
statement
Magazine Editor:
Trevor Calero
Editor in Chief:
Jacob Smilovitz
Managing Editor:
Matt Aaronson
Deputy Editor:
Jenna Skoller
Designers:
Sara Boboltz
Corey DeFever
Photo Editor:
Jed Moch
Copy Editors:
Erin Flannery
Danqing Tang
The Statement is The Michigan
Daily's news magazine, distributed
every Wednesday during the
academic year
THEJUNKDRAWER
random student interview by will grundler
Welcome to the Random
Student Interview, a
briefQ&Asessionabout
the true path to salvation in an age
of blasphemy and nihilism. Today,
however, with the year drawing to
a close, we will continue the long-
held Daily tradition of polling mul-
tiple students about their favorite
article of the semester.
What was your favorite Daily arti-
cle of the semester?
Excuse me?
There havebeen a lot, so it's under-
standable if you can't pick -
I don't read the Daily.
You know, the Daily called out
Andrew Shirvell before Anderson
Cooper.
Who's that?
What was your favorite Daily arti-
cle of the semester?
Um ... sorry, I don't read it.
But where do you get your news
about campus, or Michigan
sports?
Michigan sports aren't newsworthy
right now, man.
(Shaking head) Yeah, what is these
days, what with the decline of
journalistic integrity.
A lot of stuff .is newsworthy, I just
don't read the Daily when I want
news.
You look like a Yahoo! kind of guy.
Uh, sure.
What was your favorite Daily arti-
cle of the semester?
(On phone) What?
What did you like best about The
Michigan Daily this fall?
(Walks away)
(Aggressively) Oh, OK! What's
more important?
What was your favorite Daily arti-
cle of the semester?
Oh ... let's see ... sports...
That was a good article.
(Laughs) No. Oh!It was the one about
Denard Robinson.
Yes! Finally. That was a good one,
wasn't it?
I loved it.
Do you think he'll make the NBA,
though?
You mean the NFL?
You're talking about Denard Rob-
inson the basketball player, right?
Do you know anything about Michi-
gan sports?
Usually I write opinion articles.
I'm sure they'd let me write for
sports, though.
Yeah ... I don't know about that.
What was your favorite Daily arti-
cle of the semester?
What's the Daily?
The Michigan Daily ... the top pub-
lication on campus ... do you enjoy
being facetious?
What's facetious?
So what Daily article did you like
the best this fall?
Sorry, I don't -
You don't read the Daily?
(Laughs) No.
You don't read anything, do you?
(Stops laughing) No.
Maybe you should.
No, I don't not read anything.
Maybe you shouldn't use double
negatives.
Could you please share your favor-
ite Daily article of the semester?
I don't think I've read the Daily since
freshman year.
Well how do you keep informed
about the University?
I like the Every Three Weekly.
Oh boy, here we go. Just what's
so great about the Every Three
Weekly?
Uh, it's funny.
The Daily is funny!
The Daily is not funny.
Look, if I wanted to read the Every
Three Weekly I'd just read The
Onion.
Well, if I wanted to read the Daily
...actually, I don't think I'd ever want
to read the Daily.
Good one.
Excuse me, you read the Daily,
right?
Sorry.
Jesus.
What was your favorite Daily arti-
cle of the semester?
Oh ... well, I like the crime notes. Or I
do the crossword sometimes.
But what about the hard-hitting
journalism, or the compelling fea-
ture stories?
(Laughs) I kinda skip those.
So you enjoy crime and meaning-
less puzzles. Nice.
Well, the crime notes are funny.
Violence and theft are humorous?
The headlines are.
How repugnant.
Excuse me?
I said "How redundant."
That doesn't make sense.
Since you just get the police
reports e-mailed to you anyway.
Um ...
Hi, can you tell me what you liked
best about The Michigan Daily this
semester? Any favorite articles?
Videos? Special investigations?
Nope.
No? Are you sure?
No.
No you're not sure or no you didn't
like any?
I don't read the Daily. I read The
Michigan Review.
Oh for the love of - OK. It was nice
talking to you. I'm done.
ay AH AH! H MYWE SHALL BE
EHEEEEFINISHED SOON,
</UG./ I MY FRIEND.
' f YES. WE
MUST
FOCUS
I ON-
I GUESS BEATING YOU LAST YEAR JUST WASN'T ENOUGH
HEAR
l I THAT?
jfi i. FROM
ABOVE. ,
' IS
OH, SHIT THAT WAS NEARLY AT A LOSS, ALEX'S DOCTORS
A/EFCE RESORT TO MORE UNORTHODOX METHODS.
STOP DREAMING, DUDE!
YOU SHOULD THERE'S SOMETHING YOU
KNOW, TATE! SHOULD BE WATCHING!
.SO I'M LIKE,
WE SHOULD TAKE SOME
COMFORT IN KNOWING THAT
IT'S INEVITABLY RETURNING
e BUCK YOU! TO A STATE THAT SUCKS.
, AND BUCK QUITE.
a YOU TOO! J
l 0
FUCKEYE! r
fl j1/1///4DMUN
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.' 1
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