JIM The Statement // Wednesday, October 20;2010

Wednesday, October 20, 2010 // The Statement 7C

the
statement
Magazine Editor:
Trevor Calero
Editorin Chief:
Jacob Smilovitz
Managing Editor.
Matt Aaronson
Deputy Editor.
Jenna Skoller
Designers:
Sara Boboltz
Corey DeFever
Photo Editor:
Jed Moch
Copy Editors:
Erin Flannery
Danqing Tang
The Statement is The Michigan
Daily's news magazine. distributed every
Wednesday daring the academic year.

THEJUNKDRAWER
random student interview by will grundler

Welcome to the Random
Student Interview,
brief Q&A session in
which truth and beauty can be
found in the strangest of places.
Please state your name and class
standing for the record.
I'm Emily and I'm a sophomore.
Would you rather be stalked by a
T-rex or avelociraptor?
Oh, velociraptor.
Are you sure? The T-rex is actually
a scavenger.
But velociraptors can fly, right?
Those are birds. Moving on. Please
rank the following in terms of
importance to you, with one being
the least important and 10 being
the -
Ten? Oh my god.
One to five?
Yeah.

School, prayer, South America.
I'm going to give prayer number one.
I'm a very spiritual person. School's
a close second, so I'm going to have
to give that number two, and South
America -
Why is South America last?
To be honest I'm kind of apathetic
about it. I don't really know much
about it.
Don't you know the capital?
No. Wait, South America the conti-
nent?
Yes. I think it has a capital.
It does? Interesting.
Two trains are heading toward
each other - do you want a piece of
paper? This is kind of a math prob-
lem.
Oh, I'll try to do it in my head.
What major are y^u?
Neuroscience.

You might be able to get this then.
Two trains are heading toward
each other. One leaves Boston at 3
p.m. traveling at 70 mph while the
other leaves Philadelphia at 3:30
p.m. traveling at 50 mph. What
color are the Boston train conduc-
tor's eyes?
Green and hazel. My eyes are green
and hazel.
But you're not driving the train.
I thought I was the conductor!
I didn't say that. What's E.T. short
for?
Extra-terrestrial.
No, he's got little stumps for legs.
If a real-life sorting hat existed,
what social stereotype do you
think you would get sorted into?
Do you have examples?
Oh, sure. So say Hermione were to
go to the hat - instead of saying,


"Gryffindor!" the hat would say,
"Loser!" Something like that.
So like loser or nerd or jock. Okay, I'm
definitely not a jock. In high school
I did pom. I don't know if you know
what that is...I would say I'm a nerd,
but I'm still kind of friendly.
We're getting a little off track. In
what situation is it acceptable to
lie under oath?
If you're in a courtroom? I don't think
it's acceptable at all.
What if you were to get in trouble,
though, if you told the truth?
What kind of trouble?
Oh, fines.
I would have a guilty conscience.
Let's say life imprisonment.
Hm...if I couldn't get caught I would
tell a little white lie, or a fib, just to
twist the truth.
Understandable. If a spirit came
to you from the great beyond and
said, "Everything will be okay.
Don't worry. Existence is per-
manent," would you still do your
homework?
Yes.
What if the opposite was true?
Yes. I'd like to make the most of my
life here. I feel like our generation is
going to live until at least the early
nineties, don't you think?
I don't know. You're the neuro-
scientist. I guess what I'm try-
ing to say is, do we have anything
besides each other, and alcohol, to
keep us going?
I think it's important to believe that
there's some sort of higher power
governing something that's looking
out for us.
Words to live by. Lastly, what's
the most annoying thing about
small children?
I hate kids. Oh my god. I could go on
for hours.
Dolit.
Oh, they're just so stupid.
And needy.
And needy, like, clingy.
They can't even go to the bath-
room by themselves.
I know. It's very annoying. I know we
were all there at some point but -
There's really no excuse for it.
I agree.

THEN... WELLIHAHAHA
rMYENTIRE
SO...WEAK... MADE OF
* CAN'T MOVE
...TLE.... KRYPTONITE!
BROTHER...*
WE DERIVED
IT BY BURNING
COUCHES!/
7r

THANK YOU, SUPERDENARDMAN
IT APPEARS THE EVIL EMPEROR
IS WITHIN TRANSMISSION RANGE
SHALL WE NOTIFY THE f
DEFENSIVE SQUADRON?
" T YES. HOPEULLY
. - '- THEY WILL SHOW UP
f Jf THIS TIME l

PREPARE YOURSELF,
YOUNG TATEWALKER.
THE EMPEROR HAS
BEEN AROUND FOR
ALL OF ETERNITY

I ALMOST
BEAT THAT
S BORN
DAMN BIRD OT
\ \
YOU
TRIED
YOUR
.- /BEST

MAY THE
FORCIER
BE WITH
ME. WITH
US ALL.

COME IN
EMPEROR
PATERNOTINE.
CAN YOU WHERE
HEAR US? \M
WHAT?
"PREPARE
SFOR DEFEAT.
r t t, PR EPAR E
f ° t FOR DEFEAT!
<77
U \inn
++ IJ ~

WANT MORE OF THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERDENARDMAN
AND YOUNG TATE WALKER?
Let us know at calero@michigandaily.com

- Emily is an LSA sophomore.