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JM Th Saemn / ededa, etebr 9. 21

statement
MagazineEditor:
Trevor Calero
Editor in Chief:
Jacob Smilovitz
Managing Editor:
Matt Aaronson
Deputy Editor:
Jenna Skoller
Designers:
Sara Boboltz
Corey DeFever
Photo Editor:
Jed Moch
Copy Editors:
Erin Flannery
Danqing Tang
Cover Photo:
Jed Moch
The Statement is The Michigan
Daily's news magazine, distributed
every Wednesday during the
academic year. To contact The
Statement e-mail calero@michi-
gandaily com
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BEER?
Enter it into The
Statement's second
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COM FOR MORE
INFORMATION.

THEJUNKDRAWER
random student interview by will grundler

P leasestateyourname and class
standing for the record.
Melanie, and I'm a graduate stu-
dent in the School of Public Health.
Wow, you're our first graduate stu-
dent for Random Student Interview!
Really?
So, in what situation would you kick
a puppy?
Um, never.
What if you were both deserted on
an island, and you caught the puppy
eating your coconuts, and you had
told it a million times NOT to eat
your coconuts? Would you kick it
then?
Probably not.
You would probably just eat the
puppy, since you're on a deserted
island, right?
I guess...I hadn't thought of that.
Moving on, please name four types

of igneous rocks and how they form.
Woah!
I've got a geoscience exam tomor-
row, so...
Um...
In my planner there are instruc-
tions for the Heimlich maneuver.
If you were choking, and someone
retrieved their planner to help you
out, do you think your last thoughts
wouldbe, "Oh my god, I'mgonna die
at the hands of this idiot" or, "Oh my
god, I think I have French home-
work due tomorrow"?
Oh my gosh, I'm gonna die.
What do you think we should do
about the sungoing red giant?
Red giant? I don't think I knew about
that.
Oh, OK. In five billion years, it's
going to expand and engulf the
earth. Do you think we should do

anything for humanity?
I think something should be done.
I don't have the answer, but I think
something should be done. I'm sure
there's research goingon.
Do you think, as Americans, we're
healthy? Or do we need some work?
I think, looking around, it seems pretty
healthy.
You're eating Pizza Hut at the Union,
so what are your thoughts on that?
I just needed an outlet from eating
healthy food because I've been eating
really healthy lately, and I just needed,
to give into temptation once.
If an alien visited you and said, "You
are utterly insignificant, a speck on
the earth which is itself only a speck
on the universe," what would you
do?
I'd say, "Who cares? I don't know you!"
You wouldn't shoot him or hold him

captive?
Nope, he has his own opinion. Or she
has her ownopinion.
Is it ever acceptable to sell a Michi-
gan v. Michigan State ticket for, like,
$200, or do you think I should bump
it down to $100?
How much is it usually sold for?
The face value is $27.50.
Oh. Michigan State? That's, like, a big
rival, right? I don't really know.
It's kind of a big rivalry.
Sell it for $200.
OK, thanks a lot. This should appear
in "The Statement" tomorrow.
Oh, so where do I geta newspaper?
Usually they're just littered on the
ground.
Really? That's sad. I'm sorry.
- Melanie is a graduate student
in the School of Public Health.

--I I

EHICS
Funding Opportunities for Student
Organizations
The Center welcomes proposals for innovative projects that promote
learning and public discourse on ethics in public life. Examples of
projects and activities that will be considered include but are not limited
to: special events, symposia, workshops, film series, and publications.
The Center reviews proposals on a rolling basis and is currently
accepting applications. Grants will generally be in the range of $500to
$7,000.
Applications for program funding are currently being accepted.
Applications are considered on a rolling basis.
Further information and an application form are available at
www.ethicsum"ich"edu"fundine.

Information Session
Michigan League, Kaamazoo
7 October 20101: 7:00 p.m.
Application Deadline
25 October 2010
Interview Dates
16-17 November 2010
Toacpy okes cam u orrnom voe
Cronnector and the CL Web sic
SfSar.r.S. ccm

UNIERSITY OF MICHIGAN