The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com rr

Friday, November 20, 2009 - 5A

50 has guns,
little else

"Wait. So when the world ends, our careers end too?

.Apocalyptically bad

By JEFF SANFORD
Daily Assistant ArtsEditor
in case you don't know by now,
50 Cent is hard. Curtis "Fiddy
Cent" Jackson is the hardest hard-
ass around and
he wants you to
know all about **
how hard he his. 50 Cent
In fact, he's going
to tell you over Before I Self
and over again Destruct
exactly how hard Shady/Aftermath/
he is. He'll tell you Interscope
how many guns
he has ("more
than a gun store"). He'll relate to
you how his trigger finger's feel-'
ing ("itchy itchy itchy itchy"). And
after listening to his newest album,
BeforeISelfDestruct, and the inces-
sant tales of his off-the-Mohs-scale
hardness, you'll find yourself thor-
oughly convinced.
What you probably won't be
convinced of, however, is the con-
dition of 50 Cent's music career.
On his most recent effort, he's so
completely wrapped up in making a
case for his toughness that all other
concerns - like crafting a high-
quality album - fade into oblivion.
Essentially, BeforecISelfDestruct
is a well-polished, 16-track person-
als ad.
Hip hop is full of hyper-boastful
rappers, sure. But Fiddy fails to
match the trademark wit of good
hip-hop braggadocio. Resound-
ingly.unimaginative lines like "I'm
a psycho / A sicko / I'm crazy /I see
I got my knife boy / I kill you / You
make me" ("Pyscho") and "I'm not
tellin' you to shoot somebody / but
if somebody try to shoot you shoot
'em" ("Crime Wave") are typical
and unrelenting.
There's no doubt that 50 can
craft a hook (they're all over Get
Rich or Die Tryin' and, to a much
lesser extent, Curtis), and he shows
little sparks of this talent on this
album. "Death to Enemies" boasts
a vigorous early 2Pac vibe over a
tarry, GZA-inspired beat from Dr.
Dre. Veteran producer Rockwilder
supplies what could be the album's
best beat for "Do You Think About
Me," wherein 10's verses display

rare vulnerability that make the
track idiosyncratic enough to be
compelling.
But for the overwhelming major-
ity of the album, 50 just seems tobe
phoning it in. His flow is lethargic at
best, somnambulant at worst. The
lyrics are consistently groan-wor-
thy ("I shoot a nigga in a heartbeat/
I ain't no chump /Then you can run
Forrest, run retard / when I dump"
is a fine example). Happily, he has
the clout to attract brand-name
producers like Dr. Dre, Tha Bizness
and DJ Khalil, so the beats are con-
sistently top-shelf. But the relative
quality of the production makes it
all the more aftonishing just how
hard 50 Centbungled this record.
Guests do little to salvage Self
Destruct. Eminem's contribution
on "Psycho" is forgettable, as he
regresses back to his ultra-violent,
serial-killer alter ego that appeared
on early Slim Shady albums (on
"Psycho," he confesses: "ButI bare-
ly scratch the surface / like my last
batch of girlfriends / that I buried
in my fuckin' backyard /still trying
to dig their way out").
Ne-Yo and R. Kelly soften 50's
hard edges a bit and submit under-
whelming choruses on "Baby By
Me" and "Could've Been You,"
In case you didn't
know, 50 is hard.
respectively. Both cameos are an
overt stab at radio airplay, but the
tracks are too bland to distinguish
themselves from the rest of the gar-
bage heap that is radio hip hop.
50's constant perpetuating of his
ultra-hard image worked brilliant-
ly for him back in 2003. But now,
sixyears later, his "I've-seen-more-
shit-than-you" persona is extreme-
ly tired. It's fine for 50 to want to
express the fucked-up shit he has
seen and done. But when the album
is simply a vehicle to brag about it,
the results are pretty much value-
less. You think he would've learned
from the aggressive flopping of his
film "Get Rich or Die Tryin'," butI
guess not.

'2012' is so annoyingly
bad it will make you wish
* the world was ending
By NICK COSTON
Daily Arts Writer
It's hard not to think about what a physi-
cal copy of the "2012" script
looked like at its first pitch
meeting. It was probably a
stack of inky cocktail nap- 2
kins covered in pepperoni 2012
and Twizzlers that landed At Qualityl6
with a thud on the desk of and Showcase
startled producer Mark Gor- Columbia/Sony
don. Writer-director Roland
Emmerich, at the time, was
likely across the office with a potted fern doing
the Stanky Legg.
"What is this?" Gordon might have asked,
wary of the thick pile of napkins bubbling with
cheese on top of his credenza.
"That," Emmerich could have replied with
a crazy smile, "is the most awesomely terrible
movie ever written."
And that's precisely what "2012" is. It's
awful. It's almost three hours of CGI, a
screaming John Cusack ("1408") and hilari-
ously decayed bits and pieces of the disaster
film genre. It should have been titled "Obvious

Explosions." But if the audience can switch
off its brain, suspend its immense disbelief
and relish the lunacy of Cusack's aimless flail-
ing, viewers will find that "2012" is a moronic
guilty pleasure - a triple-bacon mushroom-
swiss burger of celluloid.
The plot of "2012" is just a series of giant
explosions. Though the film employs an
ensemble cast of highly respected actors,
Cusack's drooling, unintelligible performance
as failed novelist Jackson Curtis blows his
companions out of the water for all the wrong
reasons, with Cusack occasionally screaming
in pseudo-English throughout the film.
In the "2012," Emmerich, the director,
decides to kill the president by smashing the
U.S.S. John F. Kennedy, a ship stationed in
Philadelphia, into the north lawn of the White
,House as it rides a giant tsunami wave. It
becomes immediately clear once again that the
film is not remotely capable of subtlety.
By the film's repetitive, destructive second
hour, viewers may wonder if "2012" is actu-
ally a darkly brilliant glimpse into the tortured
mind of Cusack's character, who imagines the
world around him crumbling as he sees his
own professional aspirations dissipate.
The film also features Chiwetel Ejiofor
("American Gangster"), who plays a young
geologist explaining how giant volcanoes are
going to destroy Las Vegas. His straight-faced
performance, however, is so self-serious it's
almost annoying. Ordinarily an audience,

should be grateful when an actor delivers a
sincere dramatic performance. But Ejiofor
is so oblivious to the ridiculousness around
him that one can't help but wish he would
start picking his nose on screen. Fortunately,
Woody Harrelson ("Zombieland") picks up
the slack as a crazy-but-not-really conspiracy
theorist who subsists on a strict diet of giant
pickles and Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Even in the face of the trashy fun, there are
genuinely frustrating aspects of "2012." At two
hours and 40 minutes, the film is unbelievably
long. The world's most famous landmarks can
only digitally crumble to bits so many times
before the audience gets bored. More pressing-
ly, this film has already been made dozens of
times, a few of those times by Emmerich him-
self. "2012" borrows heavily from its director's
earlier films "Independence Day" and "The
Day After Tomorrow."
The film might make for a fun drinking
game upon its DVD or made-for-TV release,
with the events in the movie being so incred-
ibly predictable. In the theater, however, it's
reasonable to expect more from a $260-mil-
lion film.
As a work of cinema, "2012" deserves no
stars. It's a horrible film with horrible acting
and horrible editing. But as an experience,
as a ride, as a freakish and brainless parade
of explosions, it earns five Mountain Dews,
ten bags of beef jerky and three lower-back
tattoos.

Charles Darwin dreams of the future

By MOLLY MCGUIRE
Daily Arts Writer
2009 is an important year for
Darwin enthusiasts and natural
history scholars. It marks Charles
Darwin's
200th birth-
day and the Darwin's
150th anni- Dreams: The
versary of the Stn&* for
publication
of his most EXistence
influential At the Exhibit
work, "On Museumof
the Origin Musu oy
of Species." Natural History
Although his Nov. 20to Noo.
birthday was
in February, Call 734-764-0480
the bicenten- lot eservations.
nial festivities
are still going.
strong. Australia is issuing a com-
memorative coin depicting Dar-
win, and natural history museums
all across the globe are holding
special events honoring the "father
of evolution."
As part of the celebration at the
University, a cast of students and
faculty are performing an origi-
nal play, "Darwin's Dreams: The
Struggle for Existence," at the
Exhibit Museum of Natural His-
tory tonight, Saturday and Sunday.
Written by Residential College
Assistant Professor and paleon-
tologist Catherine Badgley and
directed by RC lecturer Kate
Mendeloff, "Darwin's Dreams"
explores two weeks in Darwin's
life as he puts the finishing touches
on "Species." These two weeks are
well-documented and grounded
in history, but Badgley uses the
naturalist's dreams as a device to
explore the future implications of
his work. Darwin spends his days
penning passages for "Species,"

but atnight his dreams foreshadow
the repercussions of the words he's
writing.
"Dreams provide special oppor-
tunities in dramatic productions.
I use them as a creative vehicle,"
Badgley said.
"What would it be like if all of
us could see, a hundred years from
now, what was going to become of
the things that were most precious
to us? Would we like what we saw,
would we be horrified or would it
be something else?"
Through his dreams, Darwin
takes a glimpse at historical events
that have yet to transpire. Remi-
niscent of "A Christmas Carol," the
play depicts three visions, one for
each act. The first act focuses on
a religious conflict, highlighting
Darwin's unease about the tension
between his ideas and society's
need for god. The dream sequence
contains a debate between Bishop
Samuel Wilberforce, a harsh critic
of Darwin's ideas, and Darwin's
greatest advocate, Thomas Huxley.
Memoirs, letters and published
papers comprise much of the dia-
logue of the play. Characters often
speak words written by the actual
historical figures they are repre-
senting, creating a sense of histori-
cal realism.
The second act explores the way
Darwin's work came to be mis-
handled and exploited. Focusing
on the most grotesque misuse of
Darwin's concepts, the second act's
visiontakes place in 1935, depicting
Nazis justifying their actions with
Darwin's words.
Finally, the third act meta-the-
atrically makes use of the museum
setting, taking place in 2009 in a
museum exhibit about Darwin.
Depicting both the negative uses
and positive ramifications of Dar-
win's work, the dream sequences

eventually allow Darwin to finish works for the actors and hold the
the book that would become so interest of the audience. So that's
influential. where Kate and the students in the
First taught in 2006 and revived class were tremendously impor-
this fall, the RC course "Darwin tant."
in Performance" is an interdisci- Turning the Exhibit Museum
plinary course in which students of Natural History into a the-
learn about Darwin's life and work atrical playground appealed to
as well as theater production ele- Mendeloff, who works with spa-
ments such as script writing and tially aware, environmental the-
character development. In the ater when directing plays. Each
class, the paleontologist and the- act takes place in different areas of
ater director team worked togeth- the ipuseum, making full use of the
er with students to develop the space. The audience moves with
script of "Struggle for Existence." the characters, following them to
Badgley had the idea for the play' different parts of the museum, tak-
more than 10 years ago, but the ing an active participatory role and
play continued to develop with blurring the lines between stage
and spectator.
"One of the things that is impor-
Darwin: sm arter tant in my directing style of doing
these environmental performanc-
than Scrooge. es is to try and create as much real-
ity as possible so that you really
believe that you're there with the
help from Mendeloff and RC stu- characters," Mendeloff said.
dents. Students were able to help "It's sort of like, the action is
with the tinkering of the script as happening all around you and
they were learning about evolution you're part of it. There's no artifi-
and Victorian society. cial divide between the stage and
Professors and students used looking at actors and really feeling
their different strengths and inter- like you have kind of a window in
ests to pool their resources in this on historical reality."
process of putting a play together. As a part of LSA's "Meaning-
Badgley used her historical and ful Objects: Museums in the
scientific background to create the Academy"-themed semester,
script, and Mendeloff and drama "Darwin's Dreams" aims to bring
students helped make it actable together all different kinds of
and playable in terms of theater. people to experience the Exhibit
"I'm a paleontologist. I study Museum and take part in the Dar-
the history of life - I study the fos- win bicentennial.
sil record of mammals. And while "Hopefully it will get some peo-
I have been a fan of the theater ple in the museum who have not
ever since I was in high school, I seen it yet and also get some muse-
had never written a play before," um people to see a play," Mendeloff
Badgley said. said.
"I really didn't have experience Admission is free for students,
with what it takes to take an inter- but reservations are required and
esting idea, even a dramatic idea, can be obtained by calling 734-
and turn it into something that 764-0480.

You make SO hard.

TIRED OF YOUR FRIENDS
NOT HAVING HEARD OF
THE PLAY YOU WANT TO
GO TO WITH THEM?
WRITE FOR DAILY FINE
ARTS AND INFORM
THE PEOPLE!
E-mail join.arts@umich.edu to find
out more about applying.

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