0 The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com

Thursday, December 4, 2008 - 3B

The worst sex of2008

'Open your thighs,' he urged as
he parted the folds of her vulva.
'You are so moist down there.'
He stroked and probed her with
two fingers as she felt her blood
waken. He raised himself to his
knees and bent to roll his tongue
around her weeping orifice. He was
bringing her toa pitch of ecstasy
when she heard Madame Veuve,
on the landing, put down the sup-
per tray. Whiffs of onion soup
strayed over them as he engulfed
her. 'Don't stop,'she clamoured; she
was nearly there, it was in the bag.
"Triptych of a Young Wolf" by
Ann Allestree
The Literary Review's
annual Bad Sex in Fiction
Award
is possibly the
only literary
competition
in which a
first-time nov-
elist like Iain
Hollingshead,
with his 2006 KIMBERLY
debut "Twen- CHOU
tysomething,"
could edge out Thomas Pynchon.
Each year, the British review
culls a long list of offensive pas-
sages from the year's published
novels. They're offensive not in
the sense of breaking societal
norms - though there is some
of that - but guilty of being just
bad, bad writing. Judges have
the arduous task of reading and
re-reading the selections to deter-
mine the cream of the crop (no
pun intended), then choosing a
winner. (I imagine it's similar
to the duty of the Cosmopolitan
editor who gets to excerpt beach-
and-beauty-salon novels for the
magazine's "Red Hot Reads"
feature.) Sometimes the honor is
awarded posthumously, as with
Norman Mailer's 2007 prize for
a particularly uncomfortable
passage in his Hitler novel, "The

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n the Forest." Wolfe and Mailer. The 2005 class
actual sex isn't always bad; of nominees alone included John
these scenes are descrip- Updike (who received a lifetime
the author's idea of) sheer achievement award for four con-
lling, toe-curling ecstasy. secutive nominations), Salman
writing that's cringe- Rushdie, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
g. Common to most of and Paul Theroux - not to men-
terary culprits are extend- tion a book co-authored by Mar-
aphors, especially animal lon Brando.
ors (the most recent The Literary Review isn't
Rachel Johnson's "Shire rewarding bad writing. Instead,
ncluded at least three bes- with tongue forcefully in cheek, it
rences), and word choice encourages bad writers - or good
kes the act seem nothing writers who write bad sex scenes
inical. Fantasies of burst- - to step up their game.
millions of tiny particles In an interview with this year's
'gasm are popular too. winner, Johnson (sister of London
you think these authors Mayor Boris Johnson) actually
om experience?" asked a praised the award for discourag-
who first introduced me ing authors from using "awful
ward series via links to phrases."
ardian's annual reportage "The truth is that anyone who
wards event. (The quick- writes sex scenes has (the award)
to find these awkwardly at the back of their mind," she
y bits is to visit guardian. said. "It makes you even more
book section or literaryre- self-conscious when you're lubri-
.uk.) cating your book with sex."
you think they narrate the But what separates good sex in
wanted to know, while fiction from bad, or good from bad
through past shortlists metaphor for that matter? Let us
overs moaned and groaned compare Johnson's passage with
h Mao Tse-tung's teach- Phillip Roth's from his new novel
d lobsters experienced "Indignation" - both involve a cat
at a milk bowl. First, Johnson's:
"Almost screaming after five
agonizingly pleasurable minutes,
Sometimes I make a grab, to put him, now
angrily slapping against both
ting dirty has our bellies, inside, but he holds
both by arms down, and puts his
ts rewards. tongue to my core, like a cat lap-
ping up a dish of cream so as not
to miss a single drop."
Dear god. I think I'm blushing
pecial romance. Art imitat- just copying and pasting.
maybe. But in "Indignation," Roth
mount of experience, (who's guilty of at least one or
or authorial, isn't what two "What was he thinking?
ines what will result in an He's fucking what, and how?"
illy flabbergasting read. moments) manages to make a pas-
le the nominated passages sage sensual - sexy without being
ome from newly or less overdone - despite strong poten-
ed authors, past winners tial for it to jump over the fence.
literary lions such as Tom See CHOU, Page 4B

Danny Boyle on the set of his new film, "Slumdog Millionaire."

DANNY BOYLE
From Page lB
It's a wild film and fits his oeuvre,
complete with all the necessary
darker amenities. It just happens
to be a Dickensian saga that other
people might love, too.
Despite the hype, Boyle has
always been a modest, hard-
working, independent filmmak-
er. He doesn't want to make huge
movies, and he admired the Indi-
an work ethic on his film.
"I made a big film, 'The Beach,'
and I didn't really enjoy it, and it
helped me on this film," Boyle
said. "We took an army of peo-
ple ... and you are like an invad-
ing army ... and I knew this was
the wrong way to make this film
("Slumdog"), so, I took 10 people,
and the rest a Bollywood crew,
and that's the way to make these
kinds of films."
With last week's attacks on
Mumbai still fresh, it might be
difficult to distinguish the city
from the news, but it's a liv-
ing, breathing epicenter. Boyle
admired the atmosphere in
Mumbai, which didn't hurt his
creative gaze with "Slumdog." A
noted stylist for his work, Boyle
got the chance to be both a tour-
ist and a local. The people and

places were key to his direction, ing like that about 'Trainspot-
and in person, his excitement's ting,' ... and I'd never thought we
contagious. got even a quarter of it."
"Their energy, the places are And despite a shoestring bud-
extraordinary," Boyle said. "You get, a foreign country and a rela-
know, they're not like what you tively obscure premise, Boyle
think ... they're incredibly, yes, has delivered a wholly unique
they're dirty because there's not and ecstatic little film. At once
sewers and not enough running "Rocky," "City of God" and the
best game show you've ever seen,
"Slumdog" transcends its roots
and becomes a brilliant surprise.
'T ranspotting' Brilliant in its simplicity; surpris-
ing in that it was made by a man
director could known for zombies and heroin
for the last decade.
be up for "We wanted to make a
dynamic film, that, kind of like
an Oscar treasured these people, and
he's (Jamal) a representative of
them," Boyle said. "And he out-
smarts every fucker in India.
water and their electricity's sto- Gangsters, game show hosts,
len, but they're incredibly indus- police, the lot of them. He fucks
trious places with very dignified them all. And that's what I love
people trying to lead their lives about it."
the best they can." Hopefully audiences will love
This admiring gaze guided the something about this film when
shoot. it opens at the Michigan Theater
"The effect of the city on you is Dec. 12. This exciting optimism
phenomenal ... it's like New York could be just the kind of thing we
in the '80s, when I first went need right now, and Boyle maybe
there. It's a city that just slaps the man to share it with us. Any-
you in the face and says you'll body that's happy during a cold
never be the same again," Boyle and nasty Michigan winter must
said. "You never feel you've done be doing something right.
enough ... and I remember feel-

Do you have Trichotillomania?
Would you like to participate in a research study?
The University of Michigan, Department of Psychiatry is looking for volunteers with
Trichotillomania (compulsive hair-pulling) for a study testing a device designed to
monitor hair-pulling and assist persons in their efforts to reduce hair-plucking.
Must be at least 18 and not older than 65.
Volunteers must be able to read/write English.
Compensation will be $40 for initial interview and $40 for lab observation.
To learn more, please contact Jacqueline at 734-936-8646 or jflovell@umich.edu
Approved by University of Michigan, IRBMED Archive Number: 2005-0164

Vintage hol iday TV
'still sings for viewers

By CAROLYN KLARECKI
For theDaily
The annual December televi-
sion trend has begun. Year after
year, we can count on the major
networks to fulfill our desire for
holiday cheer with their festive
programming, but the majority
of these programs are monoto-
nous and mediocre, especially
made-for-TV movies revolving
around typical holiday themes
like family and selflessness. It's
not that these themes aren't
enjoyable, but the movies play
so incessantly that by the time
Christmas comes, we're grateful
for this odd genre of television to
go into hibernation for another 11
months. Despite the yearly rep-
etition, there are a few holiday
* specials that make this month
of programming worth noticing.
And you can thank Rankin/Bass
for that.
Rankin/Bass is a Canadian
production company that cre-
Keeping classic
Christmas TV
shows alive.
ated many holiday specials in the
'60s. Many of us have grown up
watching their classics, includ-
ing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer," "The Year Without
a Santa Claus" and "The Lit-
tle Drummer Boy." With their
catchy musical numbers and
whimsical stop-motion anima-
tion, these programs are an
important part of our Christmas
memories. They're more than
just December annoyances. They
have evolved into a tradition cel-
ebrating both seasonal festivities
and innocent childhood.

The Rankin/Bass holiday spe-
cials generally follow a few odd-
ball characters who encounter a
series of bizarre circumstances
and have to save Christmas.
They've used this premise to
explain the origins of Santa
Claus and other Christmas cus-
toms in "The First Christmas,"
and they expand upon the lyrics

of a legendary song in "Rudolph
the Red-Nosed Reindeer." Given
their beauty and tradition, you'd
think these classic episodes
would survive as a part of Christ-
mas tradition.
Unfortunately, this is not the
case. For the past several years,
studios have been trying to profit
See RANKIN/BASS, Page 4B

"A CONTENDER IN THE OSCAR RACE!" "4 OUT OF 4 STARS.
- Rolling Stone - USA Today
sllnog mllonaire
"A MOVIE TO CELEBRATE." "A PHENOMENON...MIRACULOUS."
- Time - Chicago sun-Times
OPENS FRIDAY, DECEMBER 12
p-i,'-D OKU

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