The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com

Wednesday December 3, 2008 -5A

A music lover's checklist

Worst Abraham Lincoln costume ever.

Every music fan has a list of
things they hold dear to
their
hearts that
few other
music fans .
can say
they've done.
Maybe you
grabbed an
inflatable MAT
Superman EMERY
from a Sufjan
Stevens concert. Maybe you slept
with Lily Allen (If you did, I'm
sorry). Maybe you passed out in
a CBGB bathroom stall and now
have 17 diseases you didn't know
existed. Either way, they're great
musical feats to have accom-
plished.
For me, bucket lists just never
get old, and there doesn't seem to
be a really good music-oriented list
out there thatdoesn't involve just
going to the Rock and Roll Hall of
Fame or visiting the birthplace of
Bono. Here's an abbreviated list of
the best things I think every music
fan should do before they die.
Some of them are more legal than
others, so partake atyour own
risk, but I'll buy a beer for anyone
who actually punches Ryan Adams
in the face.
Punch Ryan Adams in the
face: Speaking of which, I really
have no other way to putthis
nicely: Ryan Adams needs some-
one to punch him in the face. I've
never seen him live, but from
numerous friends' accounts, he's
a complete ass. Between spout-
ing cryptic words while holdinga
bottle of vodka to being blinded by
stage lights and leaving a set after
two tracks, Adams has pissed off
too many people. So if you see him
live, and hate it, punch him in the
face. I'm pretty sure he deserves it
at this point.
See The Flaming Lips live:
I'm not even that big of a fan of
The Lips, buttheir concerts aren't
even so much concerts as they are
theater productions laced with
LSD and confetti tubes. Sure, The
Lips still play music,but there's

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ing awesome about Wayne Madonna and Elvis Costello. If
rolling over a crowd in a you pay $300 for a concert, you'll
amster ball or Santas danc- like it.
he stage next to naked Make a pilgrimage: Interested
. Though the chance of in the blues? Absorb yourself in the
tion from glitter and fake 12-bar blues style, find the most
s high, the lights and colors obscure Robert Johnson tracks
east make it a fun way to and thentake a week and go to
Screw Radiohead - The the best dive bars and landmarks
g Lips are the actyou of the blues in Mississippi. Do
see before death. the same for country and head to
karaoke at New York by Nashville or stay closerto home
ork's Indie Rock Karaoke: and spend a week embracing all
e not familiar with Indie that is Motown. But for the real
araoke, shame on you. It's experience, go far away and find
much the greatest thing pieces of your favorite music that
opular indie rock acts - last you never knew existed. If you're
was The Thermals and this a huge Cobain fan, spend a few
s Ted Leo - act as a back- weeks inthe Northwest. Embrace
d for karaoke, and not just music's roots and you'll probably
up's own songs, but rather be surprised atcwhat you find.
r karaoke tracks. From Road trip to a smallmusic
ave the Queen" to Journey festival: Sure, people love Bonna-
really any song goes here. roo. Even Ican admit it would
g Built to Spill's "Big Dip- probably be a lot of fun, outside
ith Hutch and Kathy is just of the deluge of tie-dye and bong
salesmen in every othertent on
the damn farm. But there's some-
thing redeeming about a smaller
e best ways to music festival that pulls in the
proper crowds and only has one or
ck out before twobig, headlining acts. For the
most part, the people who attend
yOU kick it. are people you'll want to have a
beer with and won't try to slap
you around for not liking Kings of
Leon.
nn amazing for words. Even Attend Glastonbury: For as
nly get one song, how many much fun as a small festival is,
can saytheytackled "You don't fool yourself: The Glaston-
Got Me" with Ted Leo slay- bury Festival of Contemporary
rds? Just plain awesome. Performing Arts in England is the
a legend in concert: king of all kings. Name a band in
ylan can no longer sing. the world, and they will be playing
re's no reason you still at Glastonbury. Featuring Jay-Z,
n't catch him in person if the White Stripes, The Who, Iggy,
the chance. Sure, tickets Pete Doherty and hundreds others
obably cost $200 and you in just the pastfew years, you have
kely won't be able to tell to go to this festival if you can even
kin' on Heaven's Door" from consider yourself a festival-goer.
n Jane Approximately," but And it always rains - Woodstock-
ally cares? You will have sort-of-mudfest-torrential-down-
founding figure of not just pour-type rain virtually every
nd folk, but of all music. Or year. Get muddy and gethappy.

Another circus' act

Spea
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More
Britney
lege. H

.rs makes a clown no exception. This time around,
Britney claims she's cleaned up
,rself on new disc her drug and alcohol problems,
and decided to be a good mother.
By DAVID RIVA Circus finds a way to disprove the
Daily Arts Writer alleged rehabilitation.
Britney's first claim is dispelled
ey Spears is one of the in "Blur" as she feebly utters,
olarizing figures in the "Can't remember what I did last
f pop culture. Love her or night ... Hope I didn't but I think
er, ignoring the "princess I might've ... everything is still a
is an blur / What's your name, man?"
ible feat, Meanwhile, the love she feels for
rehash- *kher child is called into question on
r much- "My Baby," a snail-like ballad that
ized life Britney is severely out of place on a record
would be Spears full of up-tempo dance songs. But
aborious more importantly, it feels com-
unneces- Circus pletely insincere. An uneasy Brit-
Disney, live ney asks "How did I get through
tabloids / All of my days / Without you?"
ble news and proves her creaky vocals can
Is have done a sufficient be just as awkward as her lyrics.
communicating the ulti- Upon viewing the video for
oodgi rl-gone-wrong nior- d lie-first single, "Womariier,"
the idea that Britney could have
brity culture usually pro- made herself over in other ways
mous people the chance to - like wearing less risque cloth-
themselves through the ing - proves to be wishful think-
inment medium that gave ing as well. The video displays
elebrity status in the first a completely naked Ms. Spears
In Britney's case, it would trying to show that men are self-
ve to assume her public ish pigs and women will forever
has been derived primar- be their subordinates. Her solu-
n her music, but music has tion to this problem was to write
provided her an opportu- an illogical attack in song form.
counter (or supplement) She appears writhing and help-
age. less (and sweating and sexy) as a
e often than not, however, nice visual accompaniment. It's a
has abused that privi- prime example of the redemption
ler latest album Circus is process gone wrong.

The (lack of) clothing and pro-
vocative dancing that Britney so
naturally displays confirm the
suspicion that Britney never real-
ly cared about reinventing herself
in a positive light. She just wants
to be the center of attention - the
ringleader of her own circus, so to
speak.
This concept is the central
theme of Circus. On the album's
title track, Britney informs,
"There's only two types of people
in the world / The ones that enter-
tain / And the ones that observe,"
and then dubs herself "the ring-
leader." Within the context of the
song, she is simply leading a nev-
er-ending dance party. By now,
however, Britney is so transpar-
ent that even she must know she's
not fooling anyone. She's really
the ringleader of millions of peo-
ple who are inescapably obsessed
with the dramatic roller coaster of
her life.
Throughout her career, Britney
has played the roles of trapeze
artist and acrobat, and she's cer-
tainly played with fire. Instead
of creating a positive image for
herself, Britney continually goes
through the same motions that
are expected of her.
Someone should do Ms. Spears
a favor and tell her the charade is
over and the silly metaphors are
wearing thin. Unfortunate-ly,
the circus of Britney's life doesn't
appear to be slowing down any
time soon.

n isn't yourthing, check
y of the other overpriced
s still touring today - list
ited to just Brian Wilson,

Emery got punched in the fake
by Ryan Adams. Console him at
emery@michigandaily.com.


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