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Music to
love by
like music. I like sex. I love
combining the two, and I
like to think I know what I'm
doing - at least
with the music
part. But play-
ing bedroom DJ
is a lot different
from spinning
at a frat party
or hosting a
radio show on
WCBN-FM, so I LLOYD H.
conducted some CARGO
very scientific-
"research" with my girlfriend, fol-
lowed by asking her roommates
some very personal questions.
What I found out may titillate
you, may shock you and just might
come in handy the next time the
lights are dimmed and you're hur-
riedly trying to find something
to throw on before you lose the
mood.
Before I get to that, I want to
get one thing cleared up. Some I
talked to claimed they didn't like
music during sex. This is ridicu-
lous, and we're going to ignore
that entire line of thinking. I'll
chalk that one up to unfortunate
experiences and questionable
taste.
'Let's Get It On'
is obvious -
but it works.
1
Of course sex is better with
music. All of your senses are
heightened by arousal - you
don't have to take it from me,
because I'm sure some doc-
tor somewhere on the Internet
agrees with me.
And if you find music "distract-
ing," then you're beyond my help.
So what's the best music to
muffle moans? It depends. What
it doesn't depend on, though, is
the kind of music you like. Throw
it out the window. While you're
at it, forget what kind of music
your partner likes. Doesn't matter.
You're goingto have to trust me
on this one.
Keeping that in mind, the big-
gest thing I need to emphasize
is the indisputable rule that goes
like this: R&B is the sexiest music
in the world. This is not up for
debate. I don't think it's any huge
revelation to all you lovers out
there, but sometimes the obvious
isn't as obvious as I assume. Fur-
thermore, the more over the top
the singer is the better.
You might think Barry White
is for old people, Luther Vandross
is cheesy or, God forbid, Al Green
is too predictable, but you'd be
wrong.
Put on some Al Green, prefer-
ably on vinyl (flipping the record
every 20 minutes will make it last
longer!), andI absolutely, posi-
tively guarantee it won't be the
last lovemaking session you and
your partner share to his sweet
soul songs.
Sure, everyone in your house
will know what's happening
behind your door, but that's kind
of sexy, too, right?
Subtlety should not be a
concern. The songs should be
straight-up dirty. Marvin Gaye's
"You Sure Love to Ball" or, more
famously, "Let's Get It On" might
sound cheesy when you're driv-

ing around in your car, but when
you're between the sheets and the
music is pumping, those lyrics
go from laughable to lascivious
pretty damn quick.
But you don't always have to
listen to sex jams. My girlfriend
would like to point out that it's
OK to show a more sensitive side
once in a while, which is why
I would recommend cuing up
Jens Lekman or a Wes Anderson
soundtrack before R. Kelly on
your playlists. Indie rock is dicey,
though, and the over-the-top rule
does not apply: raunchy lyrics
sung by a skinny dude with moppy
hair and tight jeans just sound
silly.
Instrumental music can also
be used quite effectively. While
normally I love it, stay away from
jazz or classical music in sweaty
situations. Miles Davis made some
damn sexy music, but that kind of
weaponry ought to only be used
by professionals.
Pick something else with a
time signature you can groove to
and that has a steadily building
intensity.
King Curtis or Godspeed You
Black Emperor! are but two of
your many erotic options. A
word to the wise: stay away from
European dance music unless it's
Justice.
Oh, and absolutely no hip hop
or reggae under any circumstanc-
es unless both of you are really,
really stoned.
Keep in mind, I'm talking about
fucking, not the bizarre ritual of
getting someone into your bed in
the first place. For that, you're on
your own.
This column originally
ran on Nov. 7, 2007.

ROLLIN' AND SCRATCHIN'
The ultimate how-to guide for aspiring disc jockeys

By TED CULLINANE
Daily Arts Writer
Jan. 23, 2008 - De La Soul had it
right in1989.
As a fresh-faced Posdnous casu-
ally sang on the group's debut
album, "Everybody wants to be
a DJ / Everybody wants to be an
emcee." While the queue of aspir-
ing super-producers may outnum-
ber prospective DJs, the allure of
becoming the next Jazzy Jeff is still'
as strong as ever.
And as legacy starlets like Paris
Hilton and Kelly Osbourne now get
booked to spin high-profile gigs,
it's become necessary to separate
the real.DJs from a growing crowd
of impostors. So before you make
the leap from music connoisseur to
professional disc jockey, take these
steps into consideration.
LOOKING FOR THE BEAT
Being a music lover is a prereq-
uisite for becoming a DJ, but you
need something more than just an
affinity for your favorite artists.
DJs aren't just enthusiastic fans,
they're esteemed selectors. Don't
let the current state of radio fool
you - a DJis inherently responsible
for seeking out the most compelling
records and "breaking" them to the
public.
Tastemakers such as the BBC's
Gilles Peterson and KCRW's
Garth Trinidad are internationally
revered for their commitment to
compiling soulful tunes.
As you begin the process of
becoming a DJ, think about what
you want to communicate to your
audience and what songs or artists
will help you realize this vision.

THE BREAKS
When legendary hip-hop pro-
ducer DJ Premier rants about the
ranks of the "microwave popcorn-
ass DJs," he's referring to DJs who
(among other transgressions) lack
an appreciation for vinyl. With the
advent of MP3-to-vinyl technol-
ogy and CD turntables, the need for
buildinga record collection is often
considered a thing of the past. But
the importance of having a varied
collection cannot be overstated.
Becoming familiar with the
nuances of your records is integral
to your development as a DJ. Know-
ing that Earth Wind and Fire's
That's the Way ofthe World contains
a funk classic ("Shining Star"), a
timeless ballad ("Reasons") and a
frenetic b-boy jam ("Africano") is
something bestlearned by spinning
a copy of the LP. Regular visits to
used record stores and flea markets
provide an affordable way to build
your collection.
In addition to your own pur-
chases, keep your eye out for the big
scores that dould potentially double
or triple the size of your collection.
Whether it's your uncle's pristine
jazz collection that sits untouched
in his basement or a neighbor's
Prince collection on its way to the
dumpster,there are always dormant
stacks of vinyl bound for obscurity.
EQUIPMENT
As an aspiring DJ; it's imperative
you recognize the importance of
Technics 1200s. The SL-1200's pat-
ented motor technology has made it
the industry standard among DJs in
need of a durable turntable.
Compared to scratching and

mixing on a cheap belt-driven table,
using a 1200 is akin to dribbling a
Spaulding after practicing with a
tennis ball.
MIXING
Once you have a stash of vinyl
and a functional setup (two turn-
tables, a pair of reliable needles, a
mixer and a pair of headphones),
the first step is to learn how to mix.
To ready your ears, start listen-
ing to songs in terms of bars. Most
songs you'll mix are based on loops
of two or four bars in 4/4 time. This
meansthe kick drum generally falls
on the first and third beats, and the
snares on the second and fourth.
To get started, pick two songs
with similar tempos. DJs often
determine a song's BPM (beats per
minute) ahead of time to stream-
line this process.
For example, you don't want to
mix "Scenario" by A Tribe Called If you follow the
Quest (102 BPM) with Wu-Tang
Clan's "C.R.E.A.M." (90 'BPM.) same record.
But flip over the 12-inch single for
"C.R.E.A.M." and you'll find the SCI
radio, street, instrumental and a
capella versions of the fast-paced The aptly t
"Da Mystery of Chessboxin'." the first scrat
With the instrumental for "Sce- should learn.
nario" playing on one turntable, It consists
grab the kick, or "one" beat, of the cific sound o
"Chessboxin' " instrumental and the infamous
release it on the "one" of "Sce- battle record:
nario." After some trial and error, scratchable sc
you'll realize "Chessboxin'"is fast- back and fort
er than "Scenario." While it soun
Using the turntable's pitch trick to execut
adjustment, decrease the speed of too much pre
"Chessboxin' " until it plays at the Once your fin
same tempo as "Scenario." tive touch, yot
If this process proves too con- your hand sp
fusing, try, it with doubles of the the vinyl with

se tips, you'll find your musical talent isn't limited to drunken karaoke.
THE WORLD IS YOURS

RATCHING
itled "baby scratch" is
:h technique that aDJ
of isolating a spe-
in a record (pick up
s Super Duck Breaks
for a wide selection of
ounds) and moving it
th against the needle.
ids simple at first, the
ting it well is notto put
essure on the record.
gers develop a sensi-
u'll be ableto increase
peed and manipulate
greater ease.

The key to becoming a success-
ful DJ is to practice every day,
preferably for hours at a time. A
common thread in interviews with
accomplished DJs is the allusion to
marathon practice sessions during
their formative years. As with other
instruments, the turntables and
mixer require a relentless dedica-
tion and ahoning of one's craft.
Once you feel confident you've
mastered the fundamentals, there
are countless ways to showcase
your skills. Whether it's spinning
at a club or making your own mix-
tapes, DJ-ing is the ideal vehicle for
you to communicate your musical
vision to a far-reaching audience.

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