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Sorry for excluding you

will never be able to show my
kids my seventh grade year-
book. The photos of each of my
classmates are either crossed out or
circled, bearing my judgment. I'd
like to think that my markings were
grounded in careful thought, but I
know it was an arbitrary process.
It's been eight years since I was in

seventh grade, and I am just coming
to terms with the shameful fact that
I was the archetypal middle school
Queen Bee.
My parents worked together as
labor lawyers my whole life, and
I inherited their knack for group
organizing. I managed to reconfig-
ure their Teamster's mentality to fit

within the confines of Ms. Graham's
homeroom. I formed my first clique
of three girls in first grade. We
called ourselves "The Cool Girls,"
as if a self-revering title squashed
doubts that we were anything but.
This tactic worked, and eager moth-
ers assumed the secretarial role,
setting up play dates and sleepovers

I

that just might get their
place in the "right" crow
Parents organized
teams and soccer tea
of school that further e
who made the cut and w
out. I was always picke(
cer proved that I wasn't
insecurities - I was ju:
masking them. I was the
I absolutely hated
it. Every time a goal
was scored on me
I cried. My solu-
tion to this problem
was outright refus-
ing to play goalie at
the expense of the
team winning any
games. Soon after,,
the team disband-
ed, but I was able to
maintain a tight hold<
school social circles fro
Surroundingmyselfv
of girls who all looked,(
talked like me was m
plan for coasting thro
school with few mom'
nerability. However,
who I believed to be lu
to ride on my coat tail
numberswas anillusion
singled out and abando
easily and often.
I was first made a'
meanness in fourth g
my mom overheard a c
I had on the phone, t
things she could and co
she wanted to be my fr
I hung up the phone, m
waiting at the door, d
understand how I act
and explain to me thatr
was ruthless. I was e
Rather than heed he
turned itaround, enra
invaded my privacy by
my conversation.
At the end of high s
going to the same s
kindergarten, I had
my resource of friend

daughter a ready to leave my Queen Bee per-
d. sona behind, so before even start-
basketball ing school, I decided against joining
ms outside a sorority. There was no way I could
mphasized entrench myself once again in what
'ho was left might be a limiting group culture.
d first. Soc- For most, the Greek system's selec-
immune to tiveness is probably a small part of
st better at the culture. For me, rejecting rush-
e goalie and ees might awaken an old blood lust
for social exclu-
sion.
Coming to But coming
from Washing-
terms with a ton, D.C. without
a-sorority in mind
mean-girl meant for the first
time I had to deal
past with the unease
of knowing close
to no one and
actually having to
over grade- be proactive in my friend making.
m them on. Finally, I was eager to meet people
withagroup differentfrommyself.It tookalmost
dressed and all of freshman year to make some
y insurance good friends, but I feel that I chose
ugh middle wisely. And a whole two years later,
ents of vul- I haven't gotten sick of them.
for those When I tell my college friends
cky enough about my mean-girl past, they're
ls, safety in surprised. I've become much more
nforthem. I easygoing and no longer need to
'ned friends have complete control over my
social circumstances.
ware of my This isn't to say that I've been
rade, when fully cleansed of my middle school
onversation tendencies either. The Queen Bee
elling a girl may still exist. Nevertheless, I do
uld not do if think that I learned that it's wrong
iend. When to indulge her.
ay mom was Now that I've surfaced as a more
Desperate to thoughtful person, my parents can
ed this way joke about how brutal I was. To my
my behavior parents' infinite relief, it was nei-
mbarrassed. ther their nature nor their nurture
r advice, I that caused me to act how I did.
ged that she All I can hope is that the day will
listening to never come when I pull up in the
carpool line at my daughter's school
chool, after only to find my successor to my for-
chool since mer throne.

Grand Opening Celebration
Thursday Sept. 25th 5-8pm
4 Eleven Lofts Leasing Center & Model
400 E. Washington (@ Division).

exhausted
s. I was also

-Annie Bernstein is an LSA junior.

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